Waiting 2 years minimum to act on a crush

[Timberland8]

That's my new self imposed policy. I have been crushing on a coworker for 10 months. I am going to wait another year. If the feelings are still strong or worse have progressed then I will do something about it. If the feelings go away then I will know this crush was just a phase and it was just as well to not ask for a date.

 

Asking out my crush is a last resort. Why did I set 2 years as the policy? Because when I was in high school I had a crush on a girl for 2 years before I asked her out. Turns out the feeling was mutual and we became boyfriend and girlfriend. The relationship lasted 1 year. Compared to majority of couples in high school our relationship lasted a long time. 1 year is a long time when it was common for couples at that age to break up after a few months.

 

Ideally I am waiting for God to do something. I already prayed and told The Lord I will not open up any doors of my own. If we ever get to be together it is only going to be because He opened the door. But majority of members don't believe in anything supernatural so they won't understand where I'm coming from when I say this. Out of their ignorance of spiritual matters they will call me crazy and recommend professional help.

 

Funny that they would recommend I seek counseling from doctors who think like they do- who are also ignorant and skeptical of the supernatural. It is understandable that until a person experiences something in their life that they can't find a natural explanation for they won't believe and they will consider folks like me crazy.

[Timberland8]

By the way Mark Twain said we are all ignorant but just in different areas. Being an expert on the science of romantic attraction or being an expert on cars or the legal system or on nutrition doesn't mean you are an expert on spiritual matters.

[Gloria25]

SI'm confused here...

 

Are you waiting the 2 years cuz you want your feelings to go away for her and/or you think that you really don't have deeper feelings for her and you need 2 years to see if it was a deeper feeling or just a "crush"...

 

Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but it doesn't work like that. Actually my fav podcaster was talking about this - which is how people move too fast in a RL and call it "love" when all it was an attraction/hornies/desperation/loneliness/etc.

 

Look, this is how it goes...

 

When someone catches our eye (attraction) - yes, we feel elated/excited and we start putting all of our hopes/dreams onto that person...but, we need to take the time to actually get to know them (ie dating w/o jumping into sex, shacking up, etc) for like 1 1/2 to 2 years to see if it's more than just hornies, a crush, feeeelings/emotions.

 

Problem is, some people go fast-forward with that initial attraction...and w/o getting to know that person, they're having sex, shacking up and investing so much time/emotion and really don't get to know that person.

 

You can't compare a high school dating situation to you dating as an adult. Young people's brains literally are still forming into their early 20's. Actually, the brain does "mature" with more experience gained. Also, teenagers have all those bodily changes and raging hormones and IMO, they should NOT be dating cuz they are not emotionally stable. Friends with people of the opposite sex in a group setting? Cool... Dating one-on-one? No...

So, I don't see your point here...if you don't engage her and get to know her, in 2 years she's gonna move on to someone cuz you showed no interest in her romantically. And quite frankly, if after 2 years w/o dating her you still have "emotion/attraction/or I don't know what you have for her" I must ask what it is based on? Cuz you don't know her from Adam, you - after two years - are still gonna be at the same place as if you just met her - which is you are attracted and placed all your hopes/dreams onto her before even getting to know her.

 

So, your 2 year policy doesn't make sense to me - unless you are putting a time in place to ask her out in hopes your attraction towards her goes away.

[Gloria25]

BTW, when it comes to the supernatural...regardless of what religion you are and/or scriptures you read, they all have a part that pretty much says 'God doesn't help those who don't help themselves'

 

In other words, God will open a path and even help you on a task/journey/etc - but God doesn't work with unmotivated slackers...God is waiting for YOU to do something and then He will aid you. You, have to move the first stone, then God steps in.

 

But, I'm wasting my time here...

 

All you have is excuses on top of excuses for simply going out for coffee with a woman...that's why people recommend you seek counseling. Don't believe LS is going to be able to help you. A good counselor can pull info out of you and hopefully work through your defenses to get to the root as to why you are afraid of women and real intimacy (well, certain women).

Edited June 15, 2015 by Gloria25

[Gloria25]

Another reason why actually talking to her/engaging her is better than sitting around for 2 years in hopes you are no longer attracted towards her?

 

Cuz, by talking the time to actually get to know her - you might get the break you need to stop having feelings for her. In having that coffee with her, you might have a convo with her and realize she's an idiot...You may find out she has bad teeth, body odor, etc. Cuz, like my fav podcaster said, we "idolize" someone when we first meet them cuz we haven't taken the time to really get to know them and our pull towards them is not "love" it's emotional high - the "honeymoon" phase if you will.

 

I mean, you even said it yourself...You took 2 years to finally start dating a chick and it only lasted a year. So, you waited 2 years for what? When you two finally started dating and learned about each other, in a year no matter how much a crush you had, reality set in. So again, how did waiting 2 years to finally date her benefit you?

[Torii]

I agree with Gloria.

 

Waiting for 2 years to ask out this woman and to verify your feelings would be a complete waste of time. Just because you waited 2 years in high school, doesn't mean you should do that now. You're older, you've matured so much since high school ; hormones aren't all over the place and you're no longer being naive about your attractions by thinking relationships will last forever if you wait it out.

 

IMO, you should act on your attractions and He will do the rest for you - if you are meant to be together. God does not help those that do not help themselves, which means you need to initiate contact and connect with this woman you find attractive right now. He will do what he can, but wants you to figure out which path you want to take. God supports you, and wants you to do what you will to be happy before He decides what has to be done.

 

Attraction takes months and years to develop. I understand that you want to wait it out to see if your feelings are real, but you don't need to wait for 2 years to really know if they are. Simply looking at this woman and being around her should be all the verification you need to move forward and date each other. Attraction gets more intense and intense as we learn about each other - and I think this plays a huge part in His eternal plan.

[Gloria25]

Attraction gets more intense and intense as we learn about each other - and I think this plays a huge part in His eternal plan.

 

Agreed....

 

Attraction (the "crush" in his case) develops into something more meaningful and not based on hornies, emotions, lust, desperation (the "honeymoon" phase) if we take the proper time and steps to get to know someone...Also, the attraction may not develop into something meaningful cuz as we are getting to know them and are moving past the hornies, emotions, lust, desperation - we realize they aren't a match for us.

 

And yes, I agree that the fact that he won't make any attempts to get to know her is part of his torment. He sits there and stares, and obsesses, and what-not when he might be getting all worked up over nothing. Shoot, even on the first coffee date he may realize she ain't all that and he can stop obsessing over her and move on. Also, for her I'm sure it will be a relief for her too, cuz I'm sure she's sitting there picking up signs that he tries to hide that show he's interested, and she's frustrated wondering what to do. Cuz, I'm sure she's willing to date other, but probably is worried he might take it the wrong way (ie a sign she really wasn't into him) if she moves on - which is just ridiculous, cuz how does he expect a woman to sit around 2 years waiting on him to ask her out on a date? Geee, she must have a really boring and/or lonely existence if she's gonna put her life on hold for two years for some guy who can't even ask her out for a coffee