2 months today...it gets better

[GreenWellington]

Today marks the 2 month milestone since the break up...the past 60 days have been a blur in some ways. Finding myself again, coping, and dealing with the roller coaster of emotions. It wasn't easy and still isn't..but it's without a doubt easier than it was 2 months ago. I feel like I reached a milestone yesterday, a new level of acceptance and healing. I feel more indifference towards my ex and the initial break up haze of depression and anxiety is starting to clear up.

 

This is to give some of you out there hope..I always find it encouraging to see others going through the same situation (with many different factors of course). It does get better, but it's a really slow process so things don't seem to improve, but they are every day without you knowing. You'll have days where you're bathing in acceptance and optimism for what the future holds, and other days will be dark and depressing..but they'll come less often until one day you'll realize that you haven't thought about your ex at all..first for a few hours, then half a day, and then an entire day.

 

I'm still not there yet, 2 months out isn't long. But the pain is much less than it used to, and I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You were whole and one before you met the person you were with and you will be again. You just have to make the right decisions for yourself, and that means respecting yourself. This in turn means focusing on your good habits and maintaining NC like it's a religion. Stick to it period.

 

Like many of you here have said, no contact is definitely the greatest factor in getting better and healing. Detoxing yourself from the person helps you see things clearer and more objectively. I've been on NC for about a month and a half now, and it has been by far the best tool for healing.

 

To all of you out there that are having a bad day, or think that things will be like this for a long time, it won't. Trust in life and trust that people and events are put on your path for a reason, and your old relationship will only be a stepping stone to something or someone better. The good days will start outnumbering the bad ones and the ache in your chest will disappear. Stay strong everyone and trust everyone here when they say it does get better, because, well, it DOES! Stay positive and strong.

[philsach890]

Today marks the 2 month milestone since the break up...the past 60 days have been a blur in some ways. Finding myself again, coping, and dealing with the roller coaster of emotions. It wasn't easy and still isn't..but it's without a doubt easier than it was 2 months ago. I feel like I reached a milestone yesterday, a new level of acceptance and healing. I feel more indifference towards my ex and the initial break up haze of depression and anxiety is starting to clear up.

 

This is to give some of you out there hope..I always find it encouraging to see others going through the same situation (with many different factors of course). It does get better, but it's a really slow process so things don't seem to improve, but they are every day without you knowing. You'll have days where you're bathing in acceptance and optimism for what the future holds, and other days will be dark and depressing..but they'll come less often until one day you'll realize that you haven't thought about your ex at all..first for a few hours, then half a day, and then an entire day.

 

I'm still not there yet, 2 months out isn't long. But the pain is much less than it used to, and I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You were whole and one before you met the person you were with and you will be again. You just have to make the right decisions for yourself, and that means respecting yourself. This in turn means focusing on your good habits and maintaining NC like it's a religion. Stick to it period.

 

Like many of you here have said, no contact is definitely the greatest factor in getting better and healing. Detoxing yourself from the person helps you see things clearer and more objectively. I've been on NC for about a month and a half now, and it has been by far the best tool for healing.

 

To all of you out there that are having a bad day, or think that things will be like this for a long time, it won't. Trust in life and trust that people and events are put on your path for a reason, and your old relationship will only be a stepping stone to something or someone better. The good days will start outnumbering the bad ones and the ache in your chest will disappear. Stay strong everyone and trust everyone here when they say it does get better, because, well, it DOES! Stay positive and strong.

 

This whole post made my day Im entering the 8th week post BU + NC and there have been an incredible amount of ups and downs. The last couple of days have been incredibly difficult for me and i really needed to read something like this. Slowly starting to see value in myself and as each day goes by i try to respect and love myself more and more.

 

Thankyou for such an uplifting post, stay strong i feel the pain and am going through the struggles and hurt like everyone else.

[imbax]

Today marks the 2 month milestone since the break up...the past 60 days have been a blur in some ways. Finding myself again, coping, and dealing with the roller coaster of emotions. It wasn't easy and still isn't..but it's without a doubt easier than it was 2 months ago. I feel like I reached a milestone yesterday, a new level of acceptance and healing. I feel more indifference towards my ex and the initial break up haze of depression and anxiety is starting to clear up.

 

This is to give some of you out there hope..I always find it encouraging to see others going through the same situation (with many different factors of course). It does get better, but it's a really slow process so things don't seem to improve, but they are every day without you knowing. You'll have days where you're bathing in acceptance and optimism for what the future holds, and other days will be dark and depressing..but they'll come less often until one day you'll realize that you haven't thought about your ex at all..first for a few hours, then half a day, and then an entire day.

 

I'm still not there yet, 2 months out isn't long. But the pain is much less than it used to, and I can start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You were whole and one before you met the person you were with and you will be again. You just have to make the right decisions for yourself, and that means respecting yourself. This in turn means focusing on your good habits and maintaining NC like it's a religion. Stick to it period.

 

Like many of you here have said, no contact is definitely the greatest factor in getting better and healing. Detoxing yourself from the person helps you see things clearer and more objectively. I've been on NC for about a month and a half now, and it has been by far the best tool for healing.

 

To all of you out there that are having a bad day, or think that things will be like this for a long time, it won't. Trust in life and trust that people and events are put on your path for a reason, and your old relationship will only be a stepping stone to something or someone better. The good days will start outnumbering the bad ones and the ache in your chest will disappear. Stay strong everyone and trust everyone here when they say it does get better, because, well, it DOES! Stay positive and strong.

 

Thank you so much for this uplifting inspirational post. I am going into my 9th week post break up but unfortunately unlike you, I have broken NC at 1 week and 6 weeks in. I dearly regret this decision as it has set me back heaps especially with friends unknowingly feeding me information that I do not want to hear about her. If they do it again I will have to tell them not to talk to me about her.

 

The last 2-3 weeks have been hard, I cried almost every day. Today was only a little bit of crying. I came to realise that no one can shortchange the things and respect I had for my ex-girlfriend. No matter what she says to people, no matter what people say about me, I know that I was one of the best boyfriends a girl can have and no one can take that from me. I know that someone out there is watching over me, and right now, this is just a test to make me stronger. After this, the right person will come into my life, and things will fall into place better than they did before. The next girl will deserve my love and everything I put in for her rather than spitting on it and kicking me to the curb.

[candie13]

Hey, OP, looking forward to those ex-free days inside my head. You're doing marvelously well - it is, indeed, my theory that 60 days of NC can put a person back on their feet and destroy that spell that made them so deeply attached to the ex.

 

it's week 5 today since the break up and week 4 and a half since I've started full NC (I was in contact with one of his friends to sort out the keys and belongings he had at my place). I cannot wait to get over week 5 and 6. Those are the most dreaded ones. Overall, huge signs of improvement. I don't know on top of my head which day since NC is - or since the break up. I start to slowly detach. We don't live in the same city, but I have quite a few friends and work colleagues in his and i've avoided to see them ever since. Life goes on, I have a conference and a dinner there, but with a bit of luck, we won't be crossing paths.

 

Week 5, can you please come and go quickly? One fantastic thing about time: it passes by !

[aloneinaz]

Great post OP.

 

 

It's certainly a theme that after 6-8 weeks of NC that most people feel much better and come to accept the relationship is over and can start to see daylight again.

 

 

It was for me as well. By 6 weeks since break up and NC, I felt good enough to dip my toes back into the dating pool again. I accepted the relationship was over. I KNEW I'd never go back to her again. Did I still hurt a bit? Sure. Was I resolute that the relationship was toxic? Yup. Did I want to moon over someone who didn't want me in their life? HELL NO.

 

 

A few month after the breakup, I had many dates under my belt. I dated a couple of them off/on for several weeks then I met my now 22 month GF that I live with.

 

 

To many here that are still in the recovery phase, it does get better. The key is stay NC. What else helped me was to wipe the ex out of my life. I deleted most of pictures of us. Some were moved to memory sticks. My phone was wiped clean of text and pics. Basically, I had no means to look at old pics, emails, texts, etc.. The items that where kept were put in an attic. I'm sure they will be thrown away next time I go up there.

[imbax]

Great post OP.

 

 

It's certainly a theme that after 6-8 weeks of NC that most people feel much better and come to accept the relationship is over and can start to see daylight again.

 

 

It was for me as well. By 6 weeks since break up and NC, I felt good enough to dip my toes back into the dating pool again. I accepted the relationship was over. I KNEW I'd never go back to her again. Did I still hurt a bit? Sure. Was I resolute that the relationship was toxic? Yup. Did I want to moon over someone who didn't want me in their life? HELL NO.

 

 

A few month after the breakup, I had many dates under my belt. I dated a couple of them off/on for several weeks then I met my now 22 month GF that I live with.

 

 

To many here that are still in the recovery phase, it does get better. The key is stay NC. What else helped me was to wipe the ex out of my life. I deleted most of pictures of us. Some were moved to memory sticks. My phone was wiped clean of text and pics. Basically, I had no means to look at old pics, emails, texts, etc.. The items that where kept were put in an attic. I'm sure they will be thrown away next time I go up there.

 

Am I not getting better after 9 weeks because I broke no contact 2-3 times? I can't stop thinking about her, is there something wrong with me? I keep trying to hide my sadness with fake smiles and fake happiness, but deep inside I know there's something missing

[candie13]

Am I not getting better after 9 weeks because I broke no contact 2-3 times? I can't stop thinking about her, is there something wrong with me? I keep trying to hide my sadness with fake smiles and fake happiness, but deep inside I know there's something missing

 

 

You didn't work the hardest part: accepting it's over. Breaking NC does this to you, it's almost as if you have to start all over again. You didn't give up hope . You didn't even start mourning. The only way of getting rid of the pain is to go through it. Embrace it.... No other way, mate !

[GreenWellington]

Am I not getting better after 9 weeks because I broke no contact 2-3 times? I can't stop thinking about her, is there something wrong with me? I keep trying to hide my sadness with fake smiles and fake happiness, but deep inside I know there's something missing

 

I think it's normal to still think about her, I still have days where I have obsessive thought patterns, but I treat them as just that and I organize my thoughts in a way where I cut it out before it snowballs out of control.

 

I definitely think that breaking NC stagnates and slows down progress. I know for a fact that if I was to get into contact in any way with my ex, even just looking at her instagram account or an old picture of us, I would cause myself a HUGE setback.

 

No contact has been strict on my end and that means nothing to do with the ex at all. Not even looking at pictures, reminders, stalking social media, NOTHING. I've cut the person completely out of my life. Just looking at a picture would cause a relapse for me no doubt.

 

It's hard. I feel like I'm in drug withdrawal some days and I'm so tempted to see what she's up to. But I tell myself would it be worth it? Would I sleep better at night? Heck no. It would do nothing but harm. So as hard as it is, respect yourself OP, love yourself and know that you'd only be causing yourself harm. Focus on YOU. You're the most important person in the world at this point and no one else.

[Yummm]

Great post and great points buddy. You've taken the words out my mouth with regards to re-thinking during the urges to break NC: 'What will I achieve? Will this hurt me? YES, so why do I want to do it???'

 

I think i'm progressing slowly, but what I find so hard is to completely cut her out of my life. I don't stalk, I don't ask mutual friends, I let the thoughts dwell in the BACK of my mind instead of the front, but I see her EVERYDAY.

 

I make my way to work a little earlier than her timings, yet I still bump into her. I take lunchbreak later, I still bump into her. It's pathetic, I live in a massive city but the fact that she works 2 minutes from me means I see her everyday.

 

If you've read my thread and story (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated), you can see that i've made progress, today I saw her at lunch and was the first time that my heart DIDN'T sink, although I felt a little sad and posted here afterwards, it's a big achievement for me!

 

I'm 5.5 weeks post BU and 1.5 weeks of strict NC (since I finally deleted & blocked her from Facebook) and I really hope that i'm making genuine progress and continuously bumping into her isn't stalling my healing and breaking NC

Edited June 16, 2015 by Yummm

[GreenWellington]

Congrats Yummm!

 

That's massive progress on your end. I can't imagine having to deal and see my ex everyday, it would be much harder to overcome, so don't be so hard on yourself.

 

The fact that you're progressing at this pace given the circumstances is still excellent, and if anything, it'll make you stronger so when you eventually don't have to see her anymore you're healing might be a smoother journey.

[aloneinaz]

Am I not getting better after 9 weeks because I broke no contact 2-3 times? I can't stop thinking about her, is there something wrong with me? I keep trying to hide my sadness with fake smiles and fake happiness, but deep inside I know there's something missing

 

You've gotten some great answers to this question already. YES.. any contact, stalking, viewing pics, emails, texts, etc. will only cause you to stay stuck. ACCEPT that it's OVER. Why give so much power to someone who doesn't want you?

 

 

My friend, I went HARDCORE NC when my ex ended it the last time. I was F'ing done. She wasn't going to change. We were not compatible. The next two days I "cleansed" my home of her. EVERYTHING that she gave me or reminded me of her went into the trash (nothing of value). Cards, letters, pictures and frames.. EVERYTHING.. I cleaned my phone out. My computer, though I kept a few pics on memory sticks and put in my attic. Nothing else was kept.

 

 

I promised myself she'd NEVER hear from me again and she didn't until my new GF told me to tell her to stop contacting me to get back together 5.5 months later.

 

 

If you're stuck, it's because you haven't found anyone new and are probably lonely, and miss not HER but the companionship that came w/the relationship. There are no rules as to when you can start dating again. I say it all the time. Most people dating are at some stage of getting over their last relationship. I couldn't of moved on if I stayed home, alone and lonely with only my thoughts of the ex spinning in my head. No way. I faked it dating till I could make it. I'm so glad I did..

Edited June 16, 2015 by aloneinaz

[candie13]

Whatever works, But it is not healthy to jump from one RS to the next. Dating around, maybe... Why not. But not taking the time to grieve & make peace with yourself and with the past is dangerous. Fear of being alone and efforts to avoid the pain (linked to the break up) may attract the wrong people. And guess what, u'r vulnerable, still grieving... It's a double edge sword.

 

I made myself go on a date with a guy i knew from the past - week 3 after the break up. I had nightmares three days before, dreaming i was my ex's gf and feeling guilty. I made myself go and guess what, i had a great Time. I was beyond tense, but it went well. Decided it was too soon to date.

 

Did my homework, cried, Talked, laughed and just let time pass. I'm just about to begin week 6 now. I think i'm ready to go meet new people. It's still fresh, in all honesty, if i'm not feeling it, I'll be taking a few more weeks.

 

It's not about staying inside and crying. It's allowing yourself the luxury of time. Doing Stuff you like at your own pace. Reading books about stupid subjects. Watching your favorite series at the television. Seeing your mates and Talking crap and drinking beer and going to sportsbars. Dating puts a certain pressure on people. Meeting someone new implies taking into account the possibility of getting yourself vulnerable in Front of someone new. How can you do that if you haven't stopped crying over your ex ?

 

In the end, Meeting new people does speed up the healing process. Proceed with caution.

[aloneinaz]

Whatever works, But it is not healthy to jump from one RS to the next. Dating around, maybe... Why not. But not taking the time to grieve & make peace with yourself and with the past is dangerous. Fear of being alone and efforts to avoid the pain (linked to the break up) may attract the wrong people. And guess what, u'r vulnerable, still grieving... It's a double edge sword.

 

I made myself go on a date with a guy i knew from the past - week 3 after the break up. I had nightmares three days before, dreaming i was my ex's gf and feeling guilty. I made myself go and guess what, i had a great Time. I was beyond tense, but it went well. Decided it was too soon to date.

 

Did my homework, cried, Talked, laughed and just let time pass. I'm just about to begin week 6 now. I think i'm ready to go meet new people. It's still fresh, in all honesty, if i'm not feeling it, I'll be taking a few more weeks.

 

It's not about staying inside and crying. It's allowing yourself the luxury of time. Doing Stuff you like at your own pace. Reading books about stupid subjects. Watching your favorite series at the television. Seeing your mates and Talking crap and drinking beer and going to sportsbars. Dating puts a certain pressure on people. Meeting someone new implies taking into account the possibility of getting yourself vulnerable in Front of someone new. How can you do that if you haven't stopped crying over your ex ?

 

In the end, Meeting new people does speed up the healing process. Proceed with caution.

 

 

I agree that you need time to heal from your past relationship and I agree that time alone is a good thing as well. However, sometimes you just know the relationship is over and any extra time grieving or reflecting on it is not going to help nor be healthy.

 

 

Sometimes, people just get un-lucky and they fall for damaged people. After the initial hurt wears off, they come to that conclusion and it makes moving forward quicker an easy thing to do.

 

 

I would never suggest to anyone to simply jump right into another serious relationship. I will suggest they at least try to slowly casual date again when they are able. It gets them out of their house where they (in many cases) have spent far too much time grieving their last relationship. It helps their self esteem. It lets them know there are other people out there and allows them to smile, laugh and feel good again.

 

 

There's so many people who choose to stay stuck and feel sorry for themselves, month after month after month. I hate seeing people suffer so long for typically ex's who don't warrant it.

 

 

I've seen many, many people who heal and recover from their last relationship after a couple of months. They've all agreed that getting back on the dating horse and moving on with their lives was instrumental in their full recovery.

[candie13]

I've seen many, many people who heal and recover from their last relationship after a couple of months. They've all agreed that getting back on the dating horse and moving on with their lives was instrumental in their full recovery.

 

spoken like a true man. You're right. You are 120% right. The night I broke up with my recent ex, I found out he'd been lying. When we started dating, he said he and his ex had been broken up in June - we started seeing eachother late October. I freaked out and then we started to actually date in December. The night we fought I found out his ex had been going on a world tour in October and he'd been sleeping on the couch for the last 10 days before she left. And he wanted to date me immediately after we had met...

 

I imagine he must have re-actived his OLD account the week I've dumped him. He's a serial monogamist. I still don't know if I was his rebound or whatever - not that it matters.

 

I know you're right. Getting back on the dating horse is the right thing to do... I just feel... I don't know, it's like paying respect to a dead person, one doesn't just start to dance on their grave when the body isn't even cold.

 

You know what they say, one doesn't really know their partner until they divorce them / leave them. Whatta joke I've lived, omg.

[aloneinaz]

spoken like a true man. You're right. You are 120% right. The night I broke up with my recent ex, I found out he'd been lying. When we started dating, he said he and his ex had been broken up in June - we started seeing eachother late October. I freaked out and then we started to actually date in December. The night we fought I found out his ex had been going on a world tour in October and he'd been sleeping on the couch for the last 10 days before she left. And he wanted to date me immediately after we had met....

 

 

No, I get it, really I do. There are many folks that can't STAND to be alone. My Dad was one. My last ex was one. She ended us (cause I couldn't though I knew I should) and was back on the dating sites 6 days later.. YES... 6 days later! She is what many on this site call a "tree swinger".. Jumping from one relationship to the next.

 

 

 

I know you're right. Getting back on the dating horse is the right thing to do... I just feel... I don't know, it's like paying respect to a dead person, one doesn't just start to dance on their grave when the body isn't even cold. .

 

 

Everyone is wired differently, that's for sure. My GF's ex bailed on her and went back to his ex. She was messed up for 6-8 months before she started dating again. She then started dating and met me and we've been happy for almost 2 years now.

 

 

Some times, people check out emotionally from the relationship they were in months before it ended. They didn't love the person anymore and were not happy. When the relationship ends, they feel RELIEVED and don't need to heal or grieve from it. I know I ended a few relationships and felt the same way. I was as kind as I could be as well.

 

 

You know what they say, one doesn't really know their partner until they divorce them / leave them. Whatta joke I've lived, omg.

 

 

Luckily, I've never experienced that. I usually knew the person's true personality, character and integrity after the honeymoon phase ended. Sadly, I didn't always listen to my inner voice that SCREAMED run.. lol