Articher Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Hey! Just wanted to give an update to my situation and hopefully give a little inspiration to others who are hurting from a break up. Earlier I had posted a thread about a younger guy breaking my heart and disappearing without saying goodbye. My situation was a little unique because we technically were in a "non-relationship" that felt like a relationship. The original thread can be found here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/532535-so-angry-he-didn-t-even-say-goodbye To recap, I was basically an emotional wreck after this guy (guess we could call him "J") basically left the job where we worked together without so much as a goodbye. This after we had become very close by texting, hanging out and having long talks about our personal lives. As of this past weekend I had not seen him in almost 3 weeks and he had not text me in approx. 5 weeks. I was not planning on contacting him. I was crying daily and not really eating or sleeping well. I did not think I would see him or talk to him again since his behavior was that of someone trying to detach. This, of course, did not stop me from hoping to run into him and wondering what it would be like. Well, this past weekend I got to find out. Saturday night I attended a music festival downtown. Thousands of people attend this week-long festival so the odds of running into someone is low. Ten minutes after arriving I see a young guy darting through the crowd towards me. It was "J" looking great with a huge smile on his face. He looked excited to see me and was very talkative. We chatted about his new job, when he was moving into his new house, etc. He mentioned that it seemed like he hadn't seen me in forever even though it had only been a few weeks and then said "You look good" (This is big for "J" cause he hardly ever complimented me). He lingered for a while and eventually ask what I was doing after and then told me the bar he was going to hinting I should come. I said that sounded good and we parted ways. Approx. 20 min later my group ran into his group again. This resulted in more talking and lingering. I noticed that "J" was staring at me a lot, talking about silly topics and acting somewhat nervous. Interestingly I did not have to pretend to play it cool because I was actually cool. I was not nervous which is strange. In the past I was always worried about doing or saying the wrong thing around him. Worried about what he thought of me. It felt strange not to really care. I took pleasure in seeing his nervousness. I guess I realized that the worst he could do was disappear on me again and I already had been through that so there was no need to fear it. It was a totally different reaction than I thought I would experience. Don't get me wrong, I was still highly attracted to "J" and wanted his attention but it just didn't have the same effect or intensity it use to have on me. So we ended up hanging out at a social spot/bar after the festival for approx. 2-3 hours. "J"'s behavior was typical for him. Sometimes he was very attentive, asking me questions, telling me to sit by him, staring at me and hinting about future plans together. Other times he just sat quietly, wandered off for a short time, or tried to act disinterested/cool. Seeing the same old behaviors and wondering what it means reminded me of the frustration I use to feel during the 10 months we were "talking". I remember constantly asking myself what was going on between us and wondering how he really felt about me. This night was just more of the same. I left still wondering what it all meant and realizing it was still just the same old merry-go-round. Right before I left "J" said he felt bad that I always had to limit my drinks (I'm typically the only sober one) so I can drive home. He told me his new place was just blocks from all the bars and that as soon as he got moved in and settled (in the next few weeks) that I should come and drink with them and then crash at his place. That would allow me to drink as much as I wanted without worrying about driving home. I told him that sounded good and that I would see him soon. I then spent the drive home thinking about the night in general. In closing, I don't know if "J" will contact me again or not. In the past he made lots of future plans and then never followed through. Even though I can tell that he is still very attracted to me and he seemed happy to see me, I also know that he made a conscious decision to pull away from me just a few weeks ago. I am still super attracted to "J" too and I worry about finding that kind of chemistry with someone else. I tend to compare other guys I meet to the many good qualities "J" had. However, I do realize that "J" himself would make a terrible boyfriend and any type of a relationship with him would be full of frustration. Do I hope he contacts me? Unfortunately the honest answer is still yes. But the good news is I feel differently about him than I did before... He is no longer my obsession. I know regardless of what happens I will be okay. I feel stronger and know I see things more clearly. I finally realize what things are rather than what I want them to be... and that my friends gives me hope.
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