foolinlove79 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 So i want to know what people think about having common interests and looking for a specific sort of person? To me you need to take an interest and support the op in the things they like. But to not love the same things to me is a bit of a big ask. I mean you take two people from different backgrounds and of course they are going to be different and interested in different things. Isnt that part of what makes it interesting? And even if you do like the same things it doesnt mean there wont be issues in other areas. My ex wants someone who is artistic. I am serious!!! I mean writing that here sounds ridiculous to me. But seriously it's something he would love in a partner. I just find it superficial...
mammasita Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I don't think that sounds all that crazy. Artsy fartsy people tend to flock together. Was that the reason you broke up? Common interests generally bring people together, of course....but to dismiss someone simply because they don't like something that you do is ridiculous IMO.
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 To me artistic is more then a skill set -- the ability to paint, make music etc. It's a lifestyle & a mindset, sort of free spirited & unconventional. For an artistic person to try to make a life with somebody more conservative will cause problems. For example I love my SIL & BIL to pieces but DH & I do not understand them at all & roll our eyes at most of their choices. There are ways to tweak common interests too. One of my EXs loved to fish. I didn't care for it & I despise fish as a food; even the smell often makes me gag. Anyway, I would go fishing with him because I enjoyed laying in the sun & reading, which I could do just as well while he was fishing as opposed to on a more crowded beach where he couldn't fish. 2
Keenly Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Being artistic is not a superficial quality. A superficial quality would be wealthy blondes with big booBS. Being artistic is actually way deeper. You are creative, can adapt to changes, and can use various mediums as a former of expression and passion. None of these are superficial qualities. I don't believe That having common interests is completely necessary for a relationship, but so.many people think that their partner must like the same things as them that they leave without ever testing the waters, so to speak.
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I don't think that sounds all that crazy. Artsy fartsy people tend to flock together. Was that the reason you broke up? Common interests generally bring people together, of course....but to dismiss someone simply because they don't like something that you do is ridiculous IMO. I think we just hit a bit of a rough patch and it was a better choice for him to leave rather then work on it...or even talk about it for that matter. We have been on and off for years and to me it seems like at the start he is crazy about me and then after a while we do the day to day and he just gets bored. Its almost like if we arent in the crazy about you time that happens at the start of an rs he sees the rs differently and just decides its not for him. I mean im just guessing. he has said before he doesnt really understand it himself. But i do know he has said to others he would love an artistic girlfriend. Which i have never been so i think thats why it annoys me because he knows what i am like and always has. An artistic i am not
JewelD Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I think sometimes people use that as a way to break up with people or a way to convince themselves that the lack of common interests is the problem instead of something else. My x used to say "we're too different, you like books, I like video games and watching sports". Now that was superficial. But looking back, I was more of a creative, intelligent person interested in education while he was interested in making a crap ton of money and having a ton of material items because that was how he was raised. You don't have to like the same activities, but you should have similar ideals and values. But Idk about this 'artsy' thing. As a creative writer, I honestly would rather be alone than date another artist. They're generally pretty nuts. I like people who are different from me. I think your ex is just being oddly specific searching for reasons he doesn't want to be with you. Opposites attract, so there's a good chance at some point he might end up with a non-artsy person and be happy with them. 1
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 To me artistic is more then a skill set -- the ability to paint, make music etc. It's a lifestyle & a mindset, sort of free spirited & unconventional. For an artistic person to try to make a life with somebody more conservative will cause problems. For example I love my SIL & BIL to pieces but DH & I do not understand them at all & roll our eyes at most of their choices. There are ways to tweak common interests too. One of my EXs loved to fish. I didn't care for it & I despise fish as a food; even the smell often makes me gag. Anyway, I would go fishing with him because I enjoyed laying in the sun & reading, which I could do just as well while he was fishing as opposed to on a more crowded beach where he couldn't fish. Im not critcising being artistic. Im annoyed because when we got together he knew i wasnt. So for that to be such an issue after years annoys me. Its almost like he was expecting me to change who i am. I have interests he didnt love. I didnt expect him to love them. Just support me and respect the differences i guess
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Im not critcising being artistic. Im annoyed because when we got together he knew i wasnt. So for that to be such an issue after years annoys me. Its almost like he was expecting me to change who i am. I have interests he didnt love. I didnt expect him to love them. Just support me and respect the differences i guess I'm sorry he did this to you but the more you write about him the more convinced I become that you are better off apart. 1
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I'm sorry he did this to you but the more you write about him the more convinced I become that you are better off apart. You are probably right
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