Redhead14 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 No, it's not the only choice. If you feel you can simply be friends and be arm's length, then do that and continue the friendship. I wouldn't recommend it though because you are more emotionally invested in him. "I am not going to sit around and be his best female friend while I have the feelings I have. That is not fair to me and will only rip my heart up." 1
Gary S Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 The only way to reject nicely and not get rejected back is to make it their own idea, get them to reject you. So tell him you met somebody else and you want to see where it goes. Or tell him all the bad stuff about you... like your contagious disease and that you are a hit woman for the mafia!
Author hunnybun90 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I don't know that I believe he's not interested, bc he was showing the traits of someone who's been spurned - which means he has a dog in the hunt. Do you believe he's really not interested? I don't know what to think at this point. I am beyond confused. He was acting soooo into me and everything. Things changed after he attempted to kiss me and said he was being a bad friend to me. Maybe it is all just games. I get what he is saying now but that's not what he was saying or doing just a week and half ago.
Gary S Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Is he interested? Well, he told her twice he was not seeking/not ready for a relationship. At best, he has some interest, but not enough for a worthwhile relationship. 1
Author hunnybun90 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 The only way to reject nicely and not get rejected back is to make it their own idea, get them to reject you. So tell him you met somebody else and you want to see where it goes. Or tell him all the bad stuff about you... like your contagious disease and that you are a hit woman for the mafia! I'm just going to tell him it will hurt me to just be friends and that I will try dating someone exclusively. I will also decline his offer to continue to hang out.
Author hunnybun90 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I don't know that I believe he's not interested, bc he was showing the traits of someone who's been spurned - which means he has a dog in the hunt. Do you believe he's really not interested? And what does that last part mean about the dog in the hunt? Sorry that flew over my head
Redhead14 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I don't know what to think at this point. I am beyond confused. He was acting soooo into me and everything. Things changed after he attempted to kiss me and said he was being a bad friend to me. Maybe it is all just games. I get what he is saying now but that's not what he was saying or doing just a week and half ago. and said he was being a bad friend to me. He's attracted to you sexually and knows you don't want the same thing he does. He will likely try again to be sexual with you and he knows it. He probably hopes somewhere in the back of his mind at least, you'll just give in and push aside what you really want and "break down" and have sex with him. His position hasn't changed from a week and a half ago. He told you early on he didn't want a relationship. That doesn't mean he doesn't want sex with you. Don't put yourself in that position. Tell him you're not going to maintain the friendship and wish him well. 1
jen1447 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 And what does that last part mean about the dog in the hunt? Sorry that flew over my head "Dog in the hunt" means he has a vested interest, he's not impartial. The question is what was his interest exactly, and if he's a longterm friend (is he? I forgot) and romance started filling the air, I doubt it's that he suddenly just wanted to bang you out of the blue. Longterm fosters bonds, not really lust. 1
Author hunnybun90 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 "Dog in the hunt" means he has a vested interest, he's not impartial. The question is what was his interest exactly, and if he's a longterm friend (is he? I forgot) and romance started filling the air, I doubt it's that he suddenly just wanted to bang you out of the blue. Longterm fosters bonds, not really lust. No it's not out the blue. He says he is very attracted to me, he talks to me everyday, confides in me, asked my opinion on stuff. Last year he told me he was falling for me but a lot happened and here we are now. The funny thing is I haven't said I wanted a relationship at all. I don't know where he is getting that. I have brought up other date and he always overly questions me and then acts funny. I would say it's jealously but if he only likes me as a friend he can't possibly be jealous Yes we have been friends for 5 years.
jen1447 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 There's no way I could know for sure obvs but to me that says 'longtime friend who always had a thing for you.' 1
Author hunnybun90 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) There's no way I could know for sure obvs but to me that says 'longtime friend who always had a thing for you.' Should I just end the friendship completely? i know what he said in the beginning about not wanting anything serious but he didn't say it to me, he said in reference to other girls he was dating and didn't like. It's hard not to feel like this is all because I rejected him when he attempted to kiss me. It's hard to tell but if we go by the timeline that's what it looks like. Also the weekend before he tried to kiss me, we hung at his house and he cuddled me all night. He wanted me to stay the night, said I could sleep upstairs and he would sleep downstairs but I declined and went home. He texts me everyday to see how I am even when he is super busy he makes time for me. He never ignores me and always keeps a convo going with me. He drives far distances just to see me. He acts protective of me. I just don't get it. His actions say he likes me and always have but his words are different. I think I will try NC Edited June 15, 2015 by hunnybun90
jen1447 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I guess you have to follow your instincts, but I'm not a blanket NC fan. At the least I think you owe him your friendship if you've been friends all this time, but if I were you I'd sit him down and get some real answers out of him. Not everyone's able to be that direct and forceful I know, but maybe just do a final 'clear the air' thing, where you tell him after this you won't bring it up again. If he still tells you he's not interested when it's on the line like that, then yeah I guess he really isn't. Would be weird tho. 1
Author hunnybun90 Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 So I told my guy friend how I felt and I decided we can't hang out anymore because of my feelings. At first he responded back that he understood and I had to do what's best for me. Then he started texting me that I will ruin our friendship if I stop talking to him. He told me to just be friends, that's it's easy. Funny how he never found it easy to just be my friend in the past. Now he is upset with me for wanting to end our friendship. Surely he understands that I can't get over him, like I tell him I want, while he is still trying to be my BFF? I actually don't have a problem keeping an arms length distance physically. I can be in his presence and show no signs of wanting. He is the one who always crosses lines touching and holding me. He actually is the one who gets mad when I don't hug him like he wants me to (more intimate) and won't let me go until I hug him how he wants. I keep reading that guys do not go through all this just to hang onto a friendship with a girl who isn't and won't give it up. He knows this for the past 5 years so what are his real intentions? Does he have sneaky motives under the disguise as "friend" I need to worry about? Oh and I forgot to mention after he tried to kiss me, the following day I didn't text him at all and then when we talked the next day, I could tell he was irritated with me for pulling back. A part of me thinks he is doing and saying all this because I rejected his kiss. If anything his actions showed he wanted more, not mine. So where is he getting this relationship business from because I have said nothing about that? I have to wonder if he is projecting his feelings onto me...he did this last year too.
Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 So I told my guy friend how I felt and I decided we can't hang out anymore because of my feelings. At first he responded back that he understood and I had to do what's best for me. Then he started texting me that I will ruin our friendship if I stop talking to him. He told me to just be friends, that's it's easy. Funny how he never found it easy to just be my friend in the past. Now he is upset with me for wanting to end our friendship. Surely he understands that I can't get over him, like I tell him I want, while he is still trying to be my BFF? I actually don't have a problem keeping an arms length distance physically. I can be in his presence and show no signs of wanting. He is the one who always crosses lines touching and holding me. He actually is the one who gets mad when I don't hug him like he wants me to (more intimate) and won't let me go until I hug him how he wants. I keep reading that guys do not go through all this just to hang onto a friendship with a girl who isn't and won't give it up. He knows this for the past 5 years so what are his real intentions? Does he have sneaky motives under the disguise as "friend" I need to worry about? Oh and I forgot to mention after he tried to kiss me, the following day I didn't text him at all and then when we talked the next day, I could tell he was irritated with me for pulling back. A part of me thinks he is doing and saying all this because I rejected his kiss. If anything his actions showed he wanted more, not mine. So where is he getting this relationship business from because I have said nothing about that? I have to wonder if he is projecting his feelings onto me...he did this last year too. Then end it because it's best for BOTH of you. You may end up doing this little dance forever with him. If he's not in touch enough with his emotions and actually wants more with you but can't tap into them, there's no point. His words and actions are not in synch. And, really, your's aren't either. Not only that, you've told us you do want more with him and he senses it, yet you pull back. Again, both of you are hot and cold.
caringsister Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Sounds like he wants fwb. He wants to be friends, kiss and be touchy feely, but clearly states he doesn't want a relationship. You guys are definitely not on the same page. If you do decide you can have a friendship with him I would definitely cut out the "fooling around" stuff. Keep it strictly platonic.
toscaroscura Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 He sounds immature and selfish. He doesn't want to give up your love and attention. NC is for YOUR mental health. It's not because you hate him. It's not revenge. It's so you can heal, and if he cared AT ALL about you as a REAL friend, he would give you the space you need. Last year a friend of mine started getting feelings for me. I didn't feel the same way, and told him. He pulled way back. We worked together and I remained friendly to him, but I did not go out of my way to hang out with him. I also did NOT barrage him with messages about "our friendship" and demand that he fill his headspace with me at all times! Because while I did not feel romantic about him, he is still my friend and I care. Because I gave him space, today we are back to being great buddies. He got over me and is dating other girls. But we wouldn't be friends today if I'd put my own EGO above his happiness.
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