Didn'tknow Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Background : together for 3 years, broken up for nearly 6 months. She's 19. I recently learned that my ex has started taking ecstasy pills and she's also moving in with people that take drugs often. These people are such a bad influence and it worries me a lot. She was never like this in the relationship and was very against drugs. I know everyone will say "it's not your problem, you shouldn't care" but I can't just turn off my feelings and not care. I'm so worried about her and I'm not sure what to do and yes I'm in no contact.
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 You said it already. She's NOT your burden and you can't control her decisions or actions. You need to focus on you and moving on w/your life. If you REALLY feel like you MUST do something? Let her parents know what's going on (if they don't know already). Just be careful in how they are made aware. If they know this information is coming from her ex who she dumped, they may not take it seriously.
hunk Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 She's 19, it's going to happen. She's just experimenting. Don't worry about it, I doubt she's going to form an addiction to the odd disco biscuit. She's not going to become a heroin addict. It ISN'T any of your business. Realistically there is absolutely nothing you can do. She's just living her life. You can be concerned, but all you can do is keep it to yourself. What are you going to do? Call her up and tell her "hey i'm concerned you're taking pills and having fun? (translation = hey look i'm still here please notice me don't forget about me)". Focus on yourself. This is extremely pointless worrying.
Author Didn'tknow Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 You said it already. She's NOT your burden and you can't control her decisions or actions. You need to focus on you and moving on w/your life. If you REALLY feel like you MUST do something? Let her parents know what's going on (if they don't know already). Just be careful in how they are made aware. If they know this information is coming from her ex who she dumped, they may not take it seriously. I know it's not my burden but I can't stop worrying about her. I am focusing on myself but I can't make the worry go away. That is definitely an option but I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do. Thanks for the advice
Author Didn'tknow Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 She's 19, it's going to happen. She's just experimenting. Don't worry about it, I doubt she's going to form an addiction to the odd disco biscuit. She's not going to become a heroin addict. It ISN'T any of your business. Realistically there is absolutely nothing you can do. She's just living her life. You can be concerned, but all you can do is keep it to yourself. What are you going to do? Call her up and tell her "hey i'm concerned you're taking pills and having fun? (translation = hey look i'm still here please notice me don't forget about me)". Focus on yourself. This is extremely pointless worrying. Thanks, this helped a bit. I never felt the need to experiment or anything so the idea is foreign to me. My thought process is "e is not safe, that's why it's illegal." I would never say anything to her about it and I know I can't do anything either. I'm just very worried about her, I'm quite an anxious person so it's difficult to stop it.
JewelD Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Do you think she's worried about you? Probably not. She's an adult, let her make whatever stupid decisions she's going to make. If you're NC, how did you discover this information?
Author Didn'tknow Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 Do you think she's worried about you? Probably not. She's an adult, let her make whatever stupid decisions she's going to make. If you're NC, how did you discover this information? Why would she be worried about me? If I was doing something dangerous then yes she would be. A mutual friend spoke of it.
JewelD Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Why would she be worried about me? If I was doing something dangerous then yes she would be. A mutual friend spoke of it. I mean worried about you in general. Has she contacted you? The fact that you learned about it from someone else and not her says something. Sorry to be blunt, but you're broken up. You're not her boyfriend or her parent. It's not your job to protect her, especially if she doesn't want it. And btw, it's probably a good idea to ask any mutual friends not to bring her up around you, otherwise, you're basically getting facebook updates on her life and that will make it even harder for you to move on. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 You're expending a lot of energy worrying about someone that's in your past and told you she doesn't want you in her life. YES, it's a good trait that you're worried about someone you use to be in a relationship but, Jewel nailed it. Why not spend this time, energy and worry on finding someone new, that doesn't want to do drugs and want you in her life? As Hunk said, she's a kid. Kids' experiment. They sometimes do things like this and need and want to experience many things in life. This includes dating many people as well. 1
Author Didn'tknow Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 You're expending a lot of energy worrying about someone that's in your past and told you she doesn't want you in her life. YES, it's a good trait that you're worried about someone you use to be in a relationship but, Jewel nailed it. Why not spend this time, energy and worry on finding someone new, that doesn't want to do drugs and want you in her life? As Hunk said, she's a kid. Kids' experiment. They sometimes do things like this and need and want to experience many things in life. This includes dating many people as well. Yes I shouldn't be spending energy worrying about it at all but I guess that's just my personality. I have new hobbies, new friends and I've met new people so I am trying. If you care about someone I don't think there is a way to just stop. Worrying about her is very frustrating when I know I shouldn't be. Thanks for the advice. Do most people experiment around this age?
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Yes I shouldn't be spending energy worrying about it at all but I guess that's just my personality. I have new hobbies, new friends and I've met new people so I am trying. If you care about someone I don't think there is a way to just stop. Worrying about her is very frustrating when I know I shouldn't be. Thanks for the advice. Do most people experiment around this age? Yes, and some never stop experimenting till they are in their 30's-40's.. Hey, we all get it. It's hard to turn off your feelings for someone you once loved or cared about. But.. it's much easier to do that when you make it clear to everyone that knows you both that you don't want to hear about her anymore and insure you're not social media stalking or having any contact. I've heard this through out my life and found it to be true. You never really get over your last ex until your crazy about your next love. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay busy and date when you can. Just think, your next love is out there waiting to meet you.
Author Didn'tknow Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 Yes, and some never stop experimenting till they are in their 30's-40's.. Hey, we all get it. It's hard to turn off your feelings for someone you once loved or cared about. But.. it's much easier to do that when you make it clear to everyone that knows you both that you don't want to hear about her anymore and insure you're not social media stalking or having any contact. I've heard this through out my life and found it to be true. You never really get over your last ex until your crazy about your next love. Keep doing what you're doing. Stay busy and date when you can. Just think, your next love is out there waiting to meet you. That seems like a lot of time experimenting, none of my close friends have done that so I don't have any experience with it. I generally don't have any contact, I think my friend thought she was doing the right thing in telling me because she knows I care about her but yes I should probably ask her not to mention her anymore. Dating is off the table for awhile I think. I actually just ran into my ex about an hour ago, just my luck.
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