Author DexterLS Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Alright guys, I had the talk with her today. I told her exactly what I told her last time: that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her. She didn't take it very well and start crying. At one point, she even said: "I hope all your partners cheat on you, you bastard". So, she didn't understand and now I am initiating NC. Also blocked her everywhere. Let's see how this goes. Thanks again. 6
autumnnight Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Alright guys, I had the talk with her today. I told her exactly what I told her last time: that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her. She didn't take it very well and start crying. At one point, she even said: "I hope all your partners cheat on you, you bastard". So, she didn't understand and now I am initiating NC. Also blocked her everywhere. Let's see how this goes. Thanks again. This is the reverse of the nice guy syndrome. She was sweet until you said no. Then the claws came out. You did the right thing. 2
Fleur de cactus Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 You are playing a big role in encouraging her stalking behavior. Helping with apps is an excuse. If you do not like what she does, and if you warned her already that you are not interested and she violated the boundaries, why don't you block her number? Why in the world you say that she always calls you crying? And you stayed on the phone and listened? And you expected her to change when she knows each time she calls you are there for her? Maybe just hearing you voice is enough for her, and you are encouraging it! Another thing: Apps stuff is an excuse. Stalkers are manipulative, they do what is possible to see you, talk to you, be close to you. I was involved in a relationship with a narcissist man who was stalking me after I ended the relationship. He followed me at the grocery store, he even stopped his car once in the middle of the street when he saw my car coming so that I could slow down. He had evil patience, he would wait all day. Anyway one day he wounded himself and sent me a picture of his wound. I was terrified and I encouraged him to seek medical attention. Finally I agreed to see him but his story about how he was wounded and where, had gaps and did not make a sense. He is a sick man, he only was manipulating me. I blocked him from every contact. So calling you for help may be manipulation. she can sabotage some programs just to see you. Block her, you cannot get rid of stalkers by being nice. 1
Fleur de cactus Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Alright guys, I had the talk with her today. I told her exactly what I told her last time: that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her. She didn't take it very well and start crying. At one point, she even said: "I hope all your partners cheat on you, you bastard". So, she didn't understand and now I am initiating NC. Also blocked her everywhere. Let's see how this goes. Thanks again. Good job!, sorry I just posted something before reading this. You are handling the problem properly so let us hope that she moves on and you can do the same. All the best.
Gloria25 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Alright guys, I had the talk with her today. I told her exactly what I told her last time: that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her. She didn't take it very well and start crying. At one point, she even said: "I hope all your partners cheat on you, you bastard". So, she didn't understand and now I am initiating NC. Also blocked her everywhere. Let's see how this goes. Thanks again. Well, from this point on, if she tries again, send her the certified/registered letter (with return receipt) or FedEx with only her signature required. Make sure you list everything she does in the letter so you have documented proof in case a restraining order is required. Just curious though, did you clarify to her that you responding to her (manipulations) about help with apps and what-not were done just out of you being friendly and not out of romantic interest? I mean, her anger could have come from her thinking your responses to her request for "help" meant you still had some feelings for her and now you just pull the rug from under her. I mean, some people are not "obsessed stalkers"...they sometimes mistake signals of someone being friendly as interest. Also, her using the app and ask for help might not be a manipulation - per se - but simply an attempt to continue contact with you in hopes you'd give her a chance. I mean, think about it...if a person is interested, they're gonna try to find ways to chat you up and stuff - doesn't mean they have some elaborate evil plan to stalk and/or harass you. Maybe I'm speaking from personal experience here...hurts when you "think/thought" you saw signs some dude was attracted/interested and you attempt to follow through with it - only to realize you misinterpret(ed) what he says/does and he and other people try to label you as the bad-gal. I've turned down many of people in my lifetime, but when I look back on some of those situations, I think the way I handled it sorta irked them and/or I was doing things that made them "think" I was attracted/interested when I in nooooo way was.
aloneinaz Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Alright guys, I had the talk with her today. I told her exactly what I told her last time: that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her. She didn't take it very well and start crying. At one point, she even said: "I hope all your partners cheat on you, you bastard". So, she didn't understand and now I am initiating NC. Also blocked her everywhere. Let's see how this goes. Thanks again. I see a pan on your stove with boiling water soon... Keep an eye on your pets... 2
Author DexterLS Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Well, from this point on, if she tries again, send her the certified/registered letter (with return receipt) or FedEx with only her signature required. Make sure you list everything she does in the letter so you have documented proof in case a restraining order is required. Just curious though, did you clarify to her that you responding to her (manipulations) about help with apps and what-not were done just out of you being friendly and not out of romantic interest? I mean, her anger could have come from her thinking your responses to her request for "help" meant you still had some feelings for her and now you just pull the rug from under her. I mean, some people are not "obsessed stalkers"...they sometimes mistake signals of someone being friendly as interest. Also, her using the app and ask for help might not be a manipulation - per se - but simply an attempt to continue contact with you in hopes you'd give her a chance. I mean, think about it...if a person is interested, they're gonna try to find ways to chat you up and stuff - doesn't mean they have some elaborate evil plan to stalk and/or harass you. Maybe I'm speaking from personal experience here...hurts when you "think/thought" you saw signs some dude was attracted/interested and you attempt to follow through with it - only to realize you misinterpret(ed) what he says/does and he and other people try to label you as the bad-gal. I've turned down many of people in my lifetime, but when I look back on some of those situations, I think the way I handled it sorta irked them and/or I was doing things that made them "think" I was attracted/interested when I in nooooo way was. This girl has been following me to the supermarket when I was romantically involved in a LTR. She writes messages for me on the bus-top and does things to get my attention any other persons wouldn't. I still believe she has some issues to deal with and I did the first step to help her with that.
Gloria25 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 This girl has been following me to the supermarket when I was romantically involved in a LTR. She writes messages for me on the bus-top and does things to get my attention any other persons wouldn't. I still believe she has some issues to deal with and I did the first step to help her with that. Ok, whatever... If it where me, I wouldn't have given my tel and/or answer calls from some guy/gal was following me around in a supermarket and other weird stuff. I was watching ID last night and had to change the channel out of frustration. This chick had to take her kids and leave her alcoholic, abusive husband and her common sense told her that to go buy herself to pick up her goods and dude ended up locking her in the home and beating the crap out of her. Lesson learned...stay away from Krazy. 1
StanMusial Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I'm surprised your ex didn't put the kibosh on it. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Dexter The words "stalker" and "gently" do not go in the same sentence. I have one and have to wrk with him. This is what I do to stop the rape threats and the 2am phone calls... Delete, block, what ever it takes. Log every time you go to the store and she follows you. Log every call, message etc. Do not at any point answer any message, call etc. Ignore her completely. She does not exist at all. If she says hello, do not even acknowledge her presence at all. Give your log to the police. Talk to everyone and let them know what she is doing. Do not feel foolish and do not keep this a secret. Tell everyone every time she calls, follows you, sends a text etc. Be loud about the fact that she is stalking you, it is unwelcome and you want her to stop. Be loud and vocal about the reson why you are completely ignoring her is because she has pushed it too far and any and all contact from her is unwelcome. Eventually it quietens down. they start up again every now and then to test the waters, but keep ignoring them and each and every time be vocal about them starting up again and how you want it to stop... Do not ever speak to this girl again. If you do and if you are kind to her you will find your pets in a pot roast... 2
bluegreen Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Or yourself with knife around your neck. Do not underestimate mentally ill person and how far they would go 3
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Alright guys, I had the talk with her today. I told her exactly what I told her last time: that I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with her. She didn't take it very well and start crying. At one point, she even said: "I hope all your partners cheat on you, you bastard". So, she didn't understand and now I am initiating NC. Also blocked her everywhere. Let's see how this goes. Thanks again. That love she so felt for you? Not so healthy. It obviously wasn't genuine or any kind of friendship! If it was, she would say (the bolded ever!) She led herself on, probably fantasized about you and in her head felt you two were in a relationship! It's good that it's over, especially for her. Just hope she heals well and leaves you alone. 1
Fleur de cactus Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I think others said it already, I want to repeat it, stalking is a mental illness. Not matter how you explain that you are not interested, stalker do not get it. It is a dangerous game too, it could turn badly. In some states stalking is a crime. Please be careful. 1
preraph Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 Please believe me when I tell you that you can't be gentle with stalkers. Anything short of "I never want you to contact me again" is taken as you are involved with her. You need to block her. You need to stop telling her you're friends. You need to tell her you will never be interested in her and that you want no further contact. If she continues, you will need to collect communications (including yours telling her no more contact, so do it in text) and file a complaint. Block her and do not ever say one more word to her. Ever. Block her, change your phone number, get her off all your social media and any close friends of hers too so she can't spy on you that way. Let your friends and family know never to ever talk to her about you or give her any info about you. Stalking expert Gavin de Becker wrote, "People who can't say no attract people who won't let go." Say no. Say it once in writing and stop all contact and communication, then report anything else she does to the police. If you find her driving by or spying on you, report it. 2
Author DexterLS Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 Hey guys, A little update. I went to the supermarket after work today to get some things. As I was getting down my car, there she was coming right at me. I got a new haircut, following my bad breakup and I am trying something new. She literally screamed: "You suck as much as your haircut, **** you. I don't need you." - and left. I just walked straight and didn't even look at her but man, my heart skipped a beat when I saw her lol. 1
bluegreen Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 And you co wider that funny ? She could have had knife or gun what then Are you sure you are not actually liking attention. Cause until U get cops on her ass that's what she is thinking Mater of day or week and I will get him.
mynailpolishchipped Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 This is not a research backed opinion, as most of mine are. How crazy is she? If she is really swimming in the deep end, you have to be careful. Right after my separation, I was drawn into a texting relationship with a man that ended up being frighteningly aggressive with his attentions; he showed up at my house in the early morning hours with a gift of panties and pushed himself in-I had to physically remove him from my house and lock the door. Because I felt the extent of his crazy, I chose to "end it" slowly. I responded to his text less and less, over a week's time, making sure my responses were mundane and unappealing (not rude, just boring) until I became less interesting. I knew that if I just stopped, I would become more of a challenge. Shortly after, I began to date a guy. He too proved himself to be a few fries short of a happy meal (DO NOT DATE RIGHT AFTER SEPARATION...I HAD TO LEARN THE HARD WAY.) I used the same technique. It did not work quite as smoothly this time, probably because our relationship was longer and exclusive, but it still worked.
preraph Posted June 30, 2015 Posted June 30, 2015 A friend of mine had a stalker and there were online mutual friends. This guy knew where she lived and worked. He kept threatening to do things. Law wouldn't do anything. He had a past assault and battery in his file. He was harassing me too for taking her side. I didn't live anywhere near them though. We had a problem with online security because this all revolved around a particular artist's music fan sites. So anything we posted anywhere, they would see it and we had a problem with one person in particular who we found out with befriending her and betraying her, even after he knew she was being stalked, by passing them information. So we used it. We "leaked" to a neutral friend who knew the guy who was betraying by talking about her to them that she and her SO had moved and she'd changed jobs. We knew it would get back to the stalker. That actually worked. He didn't stalk her to check to see if it was true or not. Still had online problems, but the fear factor went down. It won't work to tell her that yourself. You have to wait until you're fairly sure she hasn't been lurking for awhile and then get someone else to pass the info to her. You might add you got a new car and left the old one with your exroommate or whatever. It's a long shot, but under the right circumstances, it can confuse them. If you really want to wreak havoc and think there's any chance that if she knew your new address, she'd move in nearby (say in another city), you could leak a specific address and see if she's move away, which would be, of course, great.
Palmeiras Posted July 1, 2015 Posted July 1, 2015 (edited) Frequent lurker, infrequent poster here. I have to weigh in on this one though. OP, all of the advice you really need is already in this thread. However, I will try to add something useful. People who stalk are seeking escapes from themselves. For whatever reason, they lack something very essential in their confidence makeup, so they tend to develop obsessions and latch on to things that soothe the pain from their overwhelming insecurities. And they almost always do this to people that they can sense are vulnerable to being stalked (i.e., they subconsciously look for those that will tolerate their obsessions to an extent). Women almost certainly get stalked much more often than men because they are viewed as the more vulnerable gender. However, many men get stalked as well, and it happens in part because these men implicitly signal that they can be taken advantage of in this way. Thus, one way to avoid being stalked, no matter who you are, is to find a way to carry an air of menace. This may not be the most convivial approach, but if a person is confident in his/her strong relationships and doesn't give a damn about what anyone else thinks, this is a very effective way to deter unwanted social interactions. With the person in question, it seems as if you are past the point of being able to portray yourself as cold and unwilling to brook this nonsense, so the only recourse you have is to slam the door shut and take the appropriate precautionary measures. Do not feel bad, because what you have to do is the best for the both of you, even if this blossoming bunny boiler is unwilling to realize it. She has major, major issues, and the longer you let this go on, the more likely it is she will drag you into an abyss of despair. Don't let it happen. Being "nice" and even marginally tolerant at this point will only endanger you further. Edited July 1, 2015 by Palmeiras
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