boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 See my prior post (it's in the General Relationship forum) for the history, it's a little long. Anyway, I KNOW I did the right thing, I KNOW I deserve better. While that gives me a little bit of peace, this guy was my first real love. The only one I never wanted to give up on. I'm upset that he was so confused between me and his ex. Since I walked away, she was the automatic default option. Had the roles been reversed I think I would've felt a bit insulted, but I think she is relieved. She left him 5-6 times, lied countless times, is an alcoholic, and he himself has told me (when he wasn't in contact with her) that due to his "Rose-colored glasses" he didn't see all of the red flags in the very beginning of their first relationship. I'm finding myself thinking a lot about whether or not their current endeavor will work out. I don't think he ever allowed himself to get over her completely, and it just baffles the crap out of me that I walked away and handed him to her on a silver platter. Don't get me wrong, like I said I KNOW there should've been no decision-making involved, if he couldn't pick me or her then he couldn't have really loved either of us, and I have to keep telling myself this. In our conversation today, when I made the move to walk away, he kept saying to "never say never" and that because he screwed her over the last time they were together the part of him that wanted her felt like he owed it to himself and to her to see if she had really changed. And if it all falls apart that maybe he'll be able to finally move on and be ready to give me what I deserve. I told him there would be no next chance, but I am terrified that one day a letter will show up at my house. He did that last time (I'd been no contact for months and felt pretty good) but I got sucked back in. This is the first time I've removed myself from the equation, and again I know he's not exactly Prince Charming. A lot just bothers me and I don't know how to deal with it. Shouldn't I be hating him right now and not worrying whether or not their endeavor will work out? How do I stop thinking about this stuff?
AJH1982 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) That`s the problem, you dont stop thinking about all the stuff that comes with a breakup, theres no on/off switch! I think you did the right think by removing yourself. If he cant make a decision it`s better this way. Only time will help you, and dont let yourself get sucked in again. Wish you well Edited June 15, 2015 by AJH1982
elaine567 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 See my prior post (it's in the General Relationship forum) for the history, it's a little long. Anyway, I KNOW I did the right thing, I KNOW I deserve better. While that gives me a little bit of peace, this guy was my first real love. The only one I never wanted to give up on. I'm upset that he was so confused between me and his ex. Since I walked away, she was the automatic default option. Had the roles been reversed I think I would've felt a bit insulted, but I think she is relieved. She left him 5-6 times, lied countless times, is an alcoholic, and he himself has told me (when he wasn't in contact with her) that due to his "Rose-colored glasses" he didn't see all of the red flags in the very beginning of their first relationship. I'm finding myself thinking a lot about whether or not their current endeavor will work out. I don't think he ever allowed himself to get over her completely, and it just baffles the crap out of me that I walked away and handed him to her on a silver platter. Don't get me wrong, like I said I KNOW there should've been no decision-making involved, if he couldn't pick me or her then he couldn't have really loved either of us, and I have to keep telling myself this. In our conversation today, when I made the move to walk away, he kept saying to "never say never" and that because he screwed her over the last time they were together the part of him that wanted her felt like he owed it to himself and to her to see if she had really changed. And if it all falls apart that maybe he'll be able to finally move on and be ready to give me what I deserve. I told him there would be no next chance, but I am terrified that one day a letter will show up at my house. He did that last time (I'd been no contact for months and felt pretty good) but I got sucked back in. This is the first time I've removed myself from the equation, and again I know he's not exactly Prince Charming. A lot just bothers me and I don't know how to deal with it. Shouldn't I be hating him right now and not worrying whether or not their endeavor will work out? How do I stop thinking about this stuff? You started a relationship with a man who had not got over his ex and she had not got over him either. You were slap bang in the middle of a love affair that should never have included you. You were the rebound, someone he ran to, when his relationship went sour, but his heart I guess was never with you completely, you filled in the gaps when she was absent. He probably made you feel amazing, but that was because you were the substitute, his "other half" replacement. He filled the huge hole in his life with you. It was all so cosy and comfortable because it was not a "new" relationship, he merely put you in her place. She and he have unfinished business, I would just leave them to it. I do not see that any good will come of this for you, if you stick around.
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 It sounds like you made the right call. I've always been shocked how often someone starts a new relationship when they are NO where over there last. Then the opportunity presents its self to reconcile with the previous ex and they leave their current relationship and go back to the last. However, what everyone needs to understand is that SUCCESSFUL reconciliations rarely last any length of time. After the initial excitement of getting back together dies down, all the same issues that caused the first (or many) breakups reappear which results in it ending again. Those kinds of relationships are toxic. I have experience with them as most do. It's easier to try and make these toxic relationships work than it is to navigate thru the pain, sorrow and sometimes loneliness of letting the toxic relationship die, once and for all. Dating and starting new relationships is always a gamble and risk. Most if not everyone is at some stage of getting over their last relationship. We all risk being a rebound no matter how much the other person say "they are over them".
Methodical Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I'm finding myself thinking a lot about whether or not their current endeavor will work out. I don't think he ever allowed himself to get over her completely, and it just baffles the crap out of me that I walked away and handed him to her on a silver platter. Don't get me wrong, like I said I KNOW there should've been no decision-making involved, if he couldn't pick me or her then he couldn't have really loved either of us, and I have to keep telling myself this. In our conversation today, when I made the move to walk away, he kept saying to "never say never" and that because he screwed her over the last time they were together the part of him that wanted her felt like he owed it to himself and to her to see if she had really changed. And if it all falls apart that maybe he'll be able to finally move on and be ready to give me what I deserve. I told him there would be no next chance, but I am terrified that one day a letter will show up at my house. He did that last time (I'd been no contact for months and felt pretty good) but I got sucked back in. This is the first time I've removed myself from the equation, and again I know he's not exactly Prince Charming. A lot just bothers me and I don't know how to deal with it. Shouldn't I be hating him right now and not worrying whether or not their endeavor will work out? How do I stop thinking about this stuff? He had the audacity to tell you indirectly that he may or may not be calling on you again bc you've fell for his bull$hit in the past. I haven't read your whole story, but from what you say here, he gets off on stringing women along. To truly move on, you need to close the door, lock it and throw away the key. You deserve better so why focus any attention on whether or not their endeavor works? Keeping tabs on their situation is like sitting on the back burner and will hamper you from moving on. Time will help you heal.
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 You started a relationship with a man who had not got over his ex and she had not got over him either. You were slap bang in the middle of a love affair that should never have included you. You were the rebound, someone he ran to, when his relationship went sour, but his heart I guess was never with you completely, you filled in the gaps when she was absent. He probably made you feel amazing, but that was because you were the substitute, his "other half" replacement. He filled the huge hole in his life with you. It was all so cosy and comfortable because it was not a "new" relationship, he merely put you in her place. She and he have unfinished business, I would just leave them to it. I do not see that any good will come of this for you, if you stick around. I totally see what you're saying. He definitely shouldn't have ever started anything with me if he wasn't over his ex period. He may have kept me around as some kind of "place-saver" but I don't believe that I was a rebound. He dated many girls after their first break up before I ever came along. He has said that exact phrase you used, that he was having a hard time choosing between us because she and him had "unfinished business" whereas I am "the most amazing person to ever come into his life" but he didn't feel he could return all of my feelings unless he was completely over her. He never made any decisions, I chose to walk away because I think he would've prolonged choosing indefinitely. He gets her by default, but that doesn't make me feel any better.
elaine567 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I totally see what you're saying. He definitely shouldn't have ever started anything with me if he wasn't over his ex period. He may have kept me around as some kind of "place-saver" but I don't believe that I was a rebound. He dated many girls after their first break up before I ever came along. He has said that exact phrase you used, that he was having a hard time choosing between us because she and him had "unfinished business" whereas I am "the most amazing person to ever come into his life" but he didn't feel he could return all of my feelings unless he was completely over her. He never made any decisions, I chose to walk away because I think he would've prolonged choosing indefinitely. He gets her by default, but that doesn't make me feel any better. YOU were the rebound because he had unfinished business with her and had not got over her, when he was with you. It doesn't matter how many other girls he had, they were rebounds too. He is STILL not over her. IF you were "the most amazing person to ever come into his life", he would be choosing you, he would be returning your feelings, as it is he didn't, and couldn't, he hemmed and hawed as he is not over his ex and he just didn't have the courage to tell you to your face.. She doesn't get him by default, she gets him because his heart is still with her.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I know it is a confusing and bewildering time for you, but remember, if he comes running back to you, with the letter (you know, like the one he wrote last time, which worked for him because as you put it, you got sucked back in) you need to stop before you open it, and ask yourself whether getting back on the merry-go-round is really the best idea when it just makes you travel-sick....? Resolve to NOT get sucked back in. If he brings you a letter, you have to be strong and tear it up in front of him. If he posts you a letter, then, unopened, you send it back. If you just once glance at the contents, you risk perdition. "Words words, words, words, words!" Don't put up with verbal garbage. He has to be completely clear of her, before he connects with you again. She has to be history. Dead in the water. Gone. Done with, dusted and finished. And then he's got a lot of work to do. That's if you're still available, which I sincerely hope you won't be. 1
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 It sounds like you made the right call. I've always been shocked how often someone starts a new relationship when they are NO where over there last. Then the opportunity presents its self to reconcile with the previous ex and they leave their current relationship and go back to the last. However, what everyone needs to understand is that SUCCESSFUL reconciliations rarely last any length of time. After the initial excitement of getting back together dies down, all the same issues that caused the first (or many) breakups reappear which results in it ending again. Those kinds of relationships are toxic. I have experience with them as most do. It's easier to try and make these toxic relationships work than it is to navigate thru the pain, sorrow and sometimes loneliness of letting the toxic relationship die, once and for all. Dating and starting new relationships is always a gamble and risk. Most if not everyone is at some stage of getting over their last relationship. We all risk being a rebound no matter how much the other person say "they are over them". I appreciate your response. He himself has said that he knows that him and the other girl's on-off relationship is toxic. He said it's like a drug. When he's away from it he's fine and can start moving on, but she always pops back up after some point in time and then he always gets sucked back in. He's also admitted that things with me are an "unknown" whereas things with her he can expect. He said he has a gut feeling that she can't mean what she says and stick by him, but that he's been through that before (5 times) so it won't hurt anymore than those times. I find a tiny bit of comfort in you saying that pretty much all relationships like that always start out great, but sooner or later all the former problems resurface. They always have before in his situation with her, no one has gotten any help for their issues and they are both 33, so chances of change are slim. I have told him that she will likely be on her best behavior for months in order to get him back fully, but that most likely their former problems will resurface and she will leave yet again. He has never left her. I guess what hurts most is that he has sat there and said multiple times that he KNOWS I'm the one he should be with, but he can't match my feelings 100% since he is not over her completely (and is likely going to get sucked all the way back in since I left). It also is a struggle for me because part of me feels like I gave up on him and I've always told myself I'd never give up on love. But on the other hand, since he's not over her, it would've either turned into him working on things with me and the same issues arising months down the road or he would've picked her and broke my heart again. So I walked. I want him to be happy, really I do, but I don't see him being happy forever with her.
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 YOU were the rebound because he had unfinished business with her and had not got over her, when he was with you. It doesn't matter how many other girls he had, they were rebounds too. He is STILL not over her. IF you were "the most amazing person to ever come into his life", he would be choosing you, he would be returning your feelings, as it is he didn't, and couldn't, he hemmed and hawed as he is not over his ex and he just didn't have the courage to tell you to your face.. She doesn't get him by default, she gets him because his heart is still with her. He had the courage to tell me to my face before, so why couldn't he do it this time? He never chose anyone. Everytime I talked to him he would say when he talked to me he felt as if I was the right choice and every time he talked to her he felt as if she was. I felt like he was not going to choose. And even if he chose me, did I want to risk this same thing happening months from now. If she truly had his heart, I feel he would've picked her before I had the chance to walk away. The same goes for me though, if I had his heart, he should've been able to pick me. I tend to feel like she is the "safety net" because he knows she will probably hurt him again whereas being with me would be full of "unknowns", and I think if he TRULY loved either of us, all of this would've never happened.
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I know it is a confusing and bewildering time for you, but remember, if he comes running back to you, with the letter (you know, like the one he wrote last time, which worked for him because as you put it, you got sucked back in) you need to stop before you open it, and ask yourself whether getting back on the merry-go-round is really the best idea when it just makes you travel-sick....? Resolve to NOT get sucked back in. If he brings you a letter, you have to be strong and tear it up in front of him. If he posts you a letter, then, unopened, you send it back. If you just once glance at the contents, you risk perdition. "Words words, words, words, words!" Don't put up with verbal garbage. He has to be completely clear of her, before he connects with you again. She has to be history. Dead in the water. Gone. Done with, dusted and finished. And then he's got a lot of work to do. That's if you're still available, which I sincerely hope you won't be. Thank you for the response. It helps to talk about all of this. When we were talking yesterday (our final convo), he said that if he ever did come back around that it would not be right after a break up with her. That if he got in touch with me I would know that he was fully done and over her or else he'd never come around to risk hurting me again. I told him exactly what you said, that I would be thinking of all this yo-yo-ing that happened this time and would have to be strong enough to shut it down. He tried to make me promise that if he comes around again that I would only shut him down if I was with someone else or didn't love him anymore. I said I couldn't promise that. I would like to think that if he ever came around again that I would be completely over him and wouldn't entertain the idea of anything with him ever again. I'm disappointed, I wish he had been able to make a choice, I wish he hadn't gotten involved with me while he had unresolved feelings for her, and at the same time I know walking away was the best option for ME in this current moment. I want he and her to fail so badly so I can be right and possibly turn him down if he ever came back. But at the same time, I want him to be happy and don't want him to get hurt AGAIN. I'm a mess of emotions today.
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I appreciate your response. He himself has said that he knows that him and the other girl's on-off relationship is toxic. He said it's like a drug. When he's away from it he's fine and can start moving on, but she always pops back up after some point in time and then he always gets sucked back in. He's also admitted that things with me are an "unknown" whereas things with her he can expect. He said he has a gut feeling that she can't mean what she says and stick by him, but that he's been through that before (5 times) so it won't hurt anymore than those times. I find a tiny bit of comfort in you saying that pretty much all relationships like that always start out great, but sooner or later all the former problems resurface. They always have before in his situation with her, no one has gotten any help for their issues and they are both 33, so chances of change are slim. I have told him that she will likely be on her best behavior for months in order to get him back fully, but that most likely their former problems will resurface and she will leave yet again. He has never left her. I guess what hurts most is that he has sat there and said multiple times that he KNOWS I'm the one he should be with, but he can't match my feelings 100% since he is not over her completely (and is likely going to get sucked all the way back in since I left). It also is a struggle for me because part of me feels like I gave up on him and I've always told myself I'd never give up on love. But on the other hand, since he's not over her, it would've either turned into him working on things with me and the same issues arising months down the road or he would've picked her and broke my heart again. So I walked. I want him to be happy, really I do, but I don't see him being happy forever with her. I wonder if this girl he keeps going back to has Borderline Personality Disorder? My last ex did IMO. It was the same story. Frequent break ups by her then her reappearing weeks or a month later. This went on too long and the last time she ended us, I was done. Looking back now, it was a classic toxic relationship. BPD women are like drugs. When they are on "their best behavior", they are intoxicating! Getting away from them or folks like them is like kicking a cocaine habit. This last ex I'm speaking of came back after 5.5 months. She was begging and pleading for another try. Said all the right things, promised to change, etc. I have to tell you that it wasn't easy to NOT go back. I thankfully had a new GF that I really had fallen for. Even still, it was hard. She tried for several months, sending emails that I ignored. This site has ssoo many stories of people being in happy, healthy relationships and leaving them to go back to toxic people. It just makes me wonder WTH is wrong with us that we need to have that chaos in our lives. Back to the reconciliations wearing off. His reconciliations with her have failed how many times? 4-5? Um, yea.. this one won't work either. Even after only 1 break up, most reconciliations don't work out. In your case, I hope you can heal from it and vanish from this guys life. His behavior and roller coaster ride from hell with his ex is going to go on for a long time. If he ever breaks away from her, he's going to need a couple of years of NC w/her to put her fully in the rear view mirror.
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I wonder if this girl he keeps going back to has Borderline Personality Disorder? My last ex did IMO. It was the same story. Frequent break ups by her then her reappearing weeks or a month later. This went on too long and the last time she ended us, I was done. Looking back now, it was a classic toxic relationship. BPD women are like drugs. When they are on "their best behavior", they are intoxicating! Getting away from them or folks like them is like kicking a cocaine habit. This last ex I'm speaking of came back after 5.5 months. She was begging and pleading for another try. Said all the right things, promised to change, etc. I have to tell you that it wasn't easy to NOT go back. I thankfully had a new GF that I really had fallen for. Even still, it was hard. She tried for several months, sending emails that I ignored. This site has ssoo many stories of people being in happy, healthy relationships and leaving them to go back to toxic people. It just makes me wonder WTH is wrong with us that we need to have that chaos in our lives. Back to the reconciliations wearing off. His reconciliations with her have failed how many times? 4-5? Um, yea.. this one won't work either. Even after only 1 break up, most reconciliations don't work out. In your case, I hope you can heal from it and vanish from this guys life. His behavior and roller coaster ride from hell with his ex is going to go on for a long time. If he ever breaks away from her, he's going to need a couple of years of NC w/her to put her fully in the rear view mirror. I have no idea if she has BPD or not, but seeing how she and I actually talked for three months after the last breakup, I know that she isn't exactly a normal nice person. She enjoys being a "maneater" and is queen of saying whatever she needs to to "suck you in". After the last break up (where we both left him), she would act like a true friend but she would also insert lies about our ex that at the time I believed to be true, and looking back I think she essentially said whatever she needed to to ensure that I'd never go back to him. Ironically, I genuinely thought she and I were forming a friendship over mutual hatred for our ex, but when my ex sent an apology letter and had his friend text me asking if I'd answer my ex's call to talk, I talked to him and HE was adamant that she was NOT my friend and could prove that she had told many lies. So I dropped her, and she assumed I had started talking to the ex again but never knew for sure up until a week or two ago. All the sudden she wants him back and wants to work on things and is so sorry for everything she's done and is ready to try again. And of course he got confused and I felt like leaving was my only option. She has left him 5 times. Three times for another guy (the same guy all three times). He is now married. Once because she wasn't ready for commitment, and once because she and I both left since he was lying to us both and pitting against each other. She is a self-professed commitment phobe and has alcohol issues that she's never resolved. I am hoping that this time won't work out too so I can have my "haha!" moment by rejecting him if he ever tries to come around, but that may never happen.
aboucher21 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I know it is tough to seemingly be someone's second choice. You have to use that and try to move on. He was your first real relationship and partner and she was his. It's a tough journey forgetting that first person and you just got caught in something you shouldn't have. Believe me, you will be much better off and happier with someone who has his heart on you and only you 1
Ariess10 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I don't get how all these pretty ladies on here , get all bent out of shape with these guys that treat them like *****.. Guess them guys don't see what they have
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I have no idea if she has BPD or not, but seeing how she and I actually talked for three months after the last breakup, I know that she isn't exactly a normal nice person. She enjoys being a "maneater" and is queen of saying whatever she needs to to "suck you in". After the last break up (where we both left him), she would act like a true friend but she would also insert lies about our ex that at the time I believed to be true, and looking back I think she essentially said whatever she needed to to ensure that I'd never go back to him. Ironically, I genuinely thought she and I were forming a friendship over mutual hatred for our ex, but when my ex sent an apology letter and had his friend text me asking if I'd answer my ex's call to talk, I talked to him and HE was adamant that she was NOT my friend and could prove that she had told many lies. So I dropped her, and she assumed I had started talking to the ex again but never knew for sure up until a week or two ago. All the sudden she wants him back and wants to work on things and is so sorry for everything she's done and is ready to try again. And of course he got confused and I felt like leaving was my only option. She has left him 5 times. Three times for another guy (the same guy all three times). He is now married. Once because she wasn't ready for commitment, and once because she and I both left since he was lying to us both and pitting against each other. She is a self-professed commitment phobe and has alcohol issues that she's never resolved. I am hoping that this time won't work out too so I can have my "haha!" moment by rejecting him if he ever tries to come around, but that may never happen. You simply need to extricate yourself from this entire situation. It's not healthy for you nor will it ever be. I loved my crazy ex. REALLY loved her and yet I knew my mental health and happiness was WAY more important to me then her BS. People like my ex, your ex, his ex are not going to change so that only leaves us to find people that are healthy and happy. I know it hurts but staying in all that drama isn't good for you. Honestly, your best option is to vanish from this guy. Block him on everything so he can't reach you again. Then, take time to heal from it cause you will. That's what I did. I vanished, blocked and healed. She only got thru via email and I didn't expect that nor did I expect to hear from her again. My point is that going NC, blocking her everywhere and vanishing from her life was for ME to heal and move on. I couldn't of done it had I not stuck to those things. 2 years later and I'm in a loving, healthy relationship. It will happen to you as well.
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I know it is tough to seemingly be someone's second choice. You have to use that and try to move on. He was your first real relationship and partner and she was his. It's a tough journey forgetting that first person and you just got caught in something you shouldn't have. Believe me, you will be much better off and happier with someone who has his heart on you and only you Thank you! It is very hard to seemingly be the second choice, or at best the co-choice. I agree that I definitely got caught in something I shouldn't have. If I had known any of this was in store from Day 1 I would've never talked to him! He's the first guy I've ever truly loved and not wanted to give up on, so it's going to be hard getting over this but I try to remind myself that people have gone through worse and everything worked out for them. A lot even met people that solidified why their previous relationship had to end, I hope I'm one of those people. 1
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I don't get how all these pretty ladies on here , get all bent out of shape with these guys that treat them like *****.. Guess them guys don't see what they have Thank you for this! That was nice of you. I don't get it either. Never before in my life have I put up with so much bs from someone. He couldn't have truly seen what he had or he wouldn't be letting me walk away.
aboucher21 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Thank you! It is very hard to seemingly be the second choice, or at best the co-choice. I agree that I definitely got caught in something I shouldn't have. If I had known any of this was in store from Day 1 I would've never talked to him! He's the first guy I've ever truly loved and not wanted to give up on, so it's going to be hard getting over this but I try to remind myself that people have gone through worse and everything worked out for them. A lot even met people that solidified why their previous relationship had to end, I hope I'm one of those people. I was foolish and was someones rebound as well. We worked together and we had a thing for each other. Problem was she was in a 3 year relationship. When they eventually broke up we began to talk more and got together. For me I was thinking "Finally! Here is my chance." It was naïve of me. A few months later she talked to him and left me high and dry. Looking back I was an idiot and in no way she deserved me. I am sure you will get to this point too. 1
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 You simply need to extricate yourself from this entire situation. It's not healthy for you nor will it ever be. I loved my crazy ex. REALLY loved her and yet I knew my mental health and happiness was WAY more important to me then her BS. People like my ex, your ex, his ex are not going to change so that only leaves us to find people that are healthy and happy. I know it hurts but staying in all that drama isn't good for you. Honestly, your best option is to vanish from this guy. Block him on everything so he can't reach you again. Then, take time to heal from it cause you will. That's what I did. I vanished, blocked and healed. She only got thru via email and I didn't expect that nor did I expect to hear from her again. My point is that going NC, blocking her everywhere and vanishing from her life was for ME to heal and move on. I couldn't of done it had I not stuck to those things. 2 years later and I'm in a loving, healthy relationship. It will happen to you as well. Thank you for your responses! I extricated myself from the situation yesterday, and I know I have to remain NC for my own well being. I had planned on standing by waiting for him to choose until I realized that A. He may never choose, B. He could choose her and hurt me AGAIN, and C. Even if he chose me he still wasn't fully over his ex. So the only logical solution was to walk. To "save myself" if you will and remove his power of having two choices. It made me feel like I was making her the automatic default. The only way he could contact me is by writing a letter or calling from a different number. Right now I'm trying to surround myself with people every waking moment. It helps not to be alone. She will never change with him because he always takes her back, he will never change unless he gets over her, but I CAN get over him. Since it is likely that their reconciliation will not last, I am dreading him resurfacing. I know it would be tough to say no, but I want to get to the point that I don't even care. I would love to meet someone new after time that catches my eye and makes my ex pale in comparison, but right now it seems like his ex is getting all that I ever wanted and it sucks.
Ariess10 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Don't put yourself in a situation where you make someone everything when they make you a option .. Youll get through this and learn from it .. I'm sure he will be crawling back when they don't work out and there's your chance to say get lost and redeem yourself and feel so much better
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I was foolish and was someones rebound as well. We worked together and we had a thing for each other. Problem was she was in a 3 year relationship. When they eventually broke up we began to talk more and got together. For me I was thinking "Finally! Here is my chance." It was naïve of me. A few months later she talked to him and left me high and dry. Looking back I was an idiot and in no way she deserved me. I am sure you will get to this point too. I thought that too (finally! Here's my chance!) Reality is though that until he's over her he's no good for any girl, me or not. Did she ever try to resurface or did she stay with her ex? I'm glad you got over it and can look back and shake your head. I can't wait to get to that point. Right now I'm just hoping for their reconciliation to fail a sixth time and if he comes back I can reject him.
Author boyslie932 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 Don't put yourself in a situation where you make someone everything when they make you a option .. Youll get through this and learn from it .. I'm sure he will be crawling back when they don't work out and there's your chance to say get lost and redeem yourself and feel so much better Agreed. I hope you're right and he comes crawling back so I can reject him. I honestly don't know how she felt okay being an option either with him telling us both he had to choose. It should've been easy to choose, and since it wasn't and I walked away, how does either really "win"? Except me since I removed myself.
Ariess10 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 That relationship will never work , no one wins there and couple months from now you'll meet someone and look back at this and "say what was I thinking" trust me it will get better .. Just stay nc it's the only way to heal and move on to someone that will make you the center of their world , not bounce back and forth
aboucher21 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I thought that too (finally! Here's my chance!) Reality is though that until he's over her he's no good for any girl, me or not. Did she ever try to resurface or did she stay with her ex? I'm glad you got over it and can look back and shake your head. I can't wait to get to that point. Right now I'm just hoping for their reconciliation to fail a sixth time and if he comes back I can reject him. That's true. He needs to get over first. But no she did not resurface and I am glad because it saved a lot of mind games. She avoided me like the plague for months and then one day she texted and apologized and texted me a few days after but I wasn't having it so I don't know what her intentions were. I quickly realized how immature she was. It's a good learning experience though. Take the positives.
Recommended Posts