spriggan2 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Hello A while ago I made a post on here about a girl I met and went crazy over. I discussed how the situation was particularly agonizing because I'm in my late twenties and have crippling social anxiety and have no friends. Her company was such a shock to the system that I was having trouble coping. Fortunately I managed to keep this under control and allowed things to progress. About 1.5 months has passed and we've been hanging out ever since. I'd say we've been on like eight dates, typically on weekends. We've done low key concerts, dinner, church, a (crap) movie, bookstores. We'll be going to the opera soon. On top of that we have texted a ton (which is a blast because I'm relaxed and fun via text). We've shared jokes and interests, flirted a little. We've talked about personal fears and family. I think she genuinely enjoys my company despite my incredibly awkward shyness, and Im getting gradually more open with her. There's nothing in the world I want more than to start a romantic relationship. But there are issues.. First of all our careers. She is essentially a superstar with an ivy league engineering degree and she's been working high up in a top company for years. She's loaded, and a bit posh. I am currently in grad school while working two modest jobs (44 hrs a week) that cover my expenses. I dont own a car and have to take the bus everywhere. We have similar academic focused, middle class family backgrounds, but I as an individual am nowhere near her progress, though I have decent prospects. Second. Dating experience. She has dated different guys in her time. I've dated no one, and it shows. We've been on several outings but I've never been bold enough to make any moves. We give goodbye hugs, I've sent her some flattering texts, but I've never even complimented her appearance despite the fact that I think she is looks like a goddess. I wouldn't be surprised if she thought I was asexual. I can only imagine the horrible awkwardness that our first physical experiences would be if we were to ever go there. I feel like she shouldn't be put through that. Third. She will be moving in approximately two months to go to an ivy league business school. So if we were to date, it will be a long distance thing, and I dont know if she wants to be tied down while she's in a new city meeting new people who are actually on her professional level. So I dont know what to do. On the one hand I feel like this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'm not going to meet many girls. To my credit...we share many, many common interests and it's unlikely she'll meet a ton of people who will be as in touch with her as I am. Additionally, I find her very interesting. She's extremely talkative and in my days of anxiety I've learned to listen more than talk. So I actually love her rambling without drawing much focus on me, and I think she finds this natural for her too. Also we have the same minority ethnic background, so there is a strong cultural connection. I'll also throw in that Im a nice guy, fit, decent looking and well groomed, I've got some musical and literary talent and I can sort of dress the part. On the other hand. I feel like a fool for even considering asking her. I still cannot say for sure exactly how she feels about me. She sent me a text the other day teasing me for being bad at flirting, so I thought maybe that was a sign that she was interested, but there just seems to be too much preventing me from being worthy of her. Sometimes I think she sees me as more of a project, someone to fix, but also someone to keep her company for the summer before she moves on to bigger and better things. I have this self improvement plan I've been working on for a while, but I figure I need a lot more time to develop into someone who can communicate freely, who has career stability, and who is ready to begin a serious relationship. So I wanted to get your opinion. Is it wise to ask this girl if she wants to start a romantic relationship? Or should I just let her go soon and try to cope with the loss in a few months? If it's the latter...may I just say I will be in terrible agony, for quite a while. Dread. Thanks.
mystikmind2005 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Time to take a leap of faith my friend. Firstly you need to have a little faith in yourself, you need to leave the self doubt behind. It is not about living in denial and pretending your wonderful, no, it is about trying to nurture a good attitude that will dramatically improve your chances with her. Secondly, you need to have a little faith in her and believe she values your relationship and she thinks that it is worth fighting for. It will cost you nothing to believe this, but it will help you ALLOT. It is far better to allow yourself to be surprised if the relationship fails than to live in fear of it happening.
PogoStick Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Honestly, if she's moving away then you two will probably not work. Also, By the way you describe yourself, I would assume she just sees you as a friend. Still, I think it would be good for you to open up. You need the experience. You don't have to tell her EVERYTHING, that you've never dated, etc. But you can tell her that you're shy and "less" experienced. Tell her your attraction and how you feel about her. Just understand she may not feel the same, but it will be healthy for you to put it out there for a girl.
Author spriggan2 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Posted June 20, 2015 Thank you very much for the replies. We talked, largely via text, and it turns out she definitely did want to start a relationship, and she was a little peeved I had waited so long to tell her how much I liked her. So far she seems to be handling this much better than I am. But we have this weird thing where we discuss deep feelings via texts and when we see each other we only talk about light, fun stuff. Do you think I should change this? Should I make an effort for us to speak more about our relationship face to face? I think I will.
mystikmind2005 Posted June 20, 2015 Posted June 20, 2015 glad to hear things are improving Sometimes it is hard to talk about deep stuff in person, I'm still trying to figure that one out myself? lol But one thing i have noticed, once i get started, then its all good, but oh boy, that getting started bit is hard.
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