A_Lost_Cause Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 So, I recently had a fantastic first date the other evening, with someone I met on another site. It was an interesting situation because she is a bit older than me, and also native to panama. Absolutely beautiful woman. It was a pretty simple date, I picked here up and we went for a drink and some food. Despite actually having very little in common, we had a very simple but pleasant evening of talking and laughing, and telling each other stories about our lives and what not. When we were finished, I took her back to drop her off at her vehicle where she met me, and leaned in for a quick good night kiss. What started as a good night kiss ended up as a 2 hour plus make-out session and her on top of me with her shirt off. It was awesome, and probably the last thing I expected from her since on the surface she is very prim and proper. Now, we do have tentative plans to meet again. She said she was busy the weekend because she had a graduation party to go to, and Sunday I have duty (military), so we decided most likely monday. Since that first date, I kind of have a whole lot of irrational emotions running through my head now. Normally when I'm dating someone, when it gets to the heavy physical stage, I start asking about exclusivity. But in this situation, it has only been one date. I know it is completely irrational, and she has every right to keep using online dating, but I keep having this jealous feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see her log on. She told me I'm only the second guy she has met since she's even met from online, but I keep having the thought of her seeing other men along with me. I had a bad experience once before, where I was dating someone from online, and slept with her around the 1 month mark. When I brought up exclusivity with her, she said I wasn't the only guy she was seeing, and that since I'd eventually be leaving with the military she'd rather put her eggs in his basket rather than mine, which hit me pretty hard. So, I did something kind of messed up, just to see how she'd respond. My inuition was telling me she wasn't what I thought she was. I created a fake online profile with pictures of a super attractive guy. I made him a tall, charming, smart law student with an edge. I messaged her with "John" and proceeded to talk to her. She responded, and she was reluctant at first, but I pushed and flirted, and told her I wanted to meet her on Monday, the day she said she'd meet the real me. She ended up agreeing. When the real me inquired about the situation, she lied and told me she had a job interview. John continued to flirt with her to see what else he could do. Slowly, John turned on the sexuality, and started asking her questions. The John admitted he didn't want anything serious with her, because he's leaving. John then started saying really dirty things to here. When she had sex last, etc. John told her he could fix her dry spell. She was hesitant at first, but then she agreed it could be fun, and that John could teach her some things. So, she cancelled on me, to meet John for casual sex. I know what I am doing is messed up, but at the same time I'm also glad I did. I'm surprised she is this dumb to not figure it out.
Jessie1231 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Well when John cancels on her and suddenly she's available are you going to turn her down? 1
smackie9 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Dude you are the one who is the idiot. You just ruined your chances for something to turn into something. In no way is she or any other women obligated to you to only be with you after one date. She really liked you BUT she only met you once. Any woman, or man will drop someone if they get a better offer. You proved nothing by what you did. It doesn't make her untrustworthy, she was just being human. She doesn't owe you an honest explanation, no one would. You two are not exclusive, she has every right to date whomever she wants. You have trust issues....this will be the demise of you ever finding yourself a gf, let alone keep one. 12
preraph Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Good luck finding a man or woman who won't trade in a person they have only known for one date on a dream date who might turn out to be their dream come true. Of course, if she was smart, she'd have made him wait, but it's online dating. No one is smart. 1
smackie9 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Having to "test" someone screeeeeeeeeeams insecurity. Catfishing is for losers. 5
Author A_Lost_Cause Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 The funny thing is, my alter ego John was just me with my filter turned off and not caring so much. John didn't give a crap. Also, as far as looks go I don't think John was that much far ahead of me. The real me is pretty attractive too, just not a 6'2' law student. I know it was messed up thing to do. I did get some answers. I've had successful relationships before. I'm in the military though... knowing these things before I deploy makes a big difference. I already have to worry about getting shot at, I don't need a cheating girlfriend to take my mind off my job and get me killed.
Jessie1231 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 The funny thing is, my alter ego John was just me with my filter turned off and not caring so much. John didn't give a crap. Also, as far as looks go I don't think John was that much far ahead of me. The real me is pretty attractive too, just not a 6'2' law student. I know it was messed up thing to do. I did get some answers. I've had successful relationships before. I'm in the military though... knowing these things before I deploy makes a big difference. I already have to worry about getting shot at, I don't need a cheating girlfriend to take my mind off my job and get me killed. She wasn't your girlfriend and she didn't cheat. You only proved that she was keeping her options doing, as she very well should be after one date. 11
fred123 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 So, I recently had a fantastic first date the other evening, with someone I met on another site. It was an interesting situation because she is a bit older than me, and also native to panama. Absolutely beautiful woman. It was a pretty simple date, I picked here up and we went for a drink and some food. Despite actually having very little in common, we had a very simple but pleasant evening of talking and laughing, and telling each other stories about our lives and what not. When we were finished, I took her back to drop her off at her vehicle where she met me, and leaned in for a quick good night kiss. What started as a good night kiss ended up as a 2 hour plus make-out session and her on top of me with her shirt off. It was awesome, and probably the last thing I expected from her since on the surface she is very prim and proper. Now, we do have tentative plans to meet again. She said she was busy the weekend because she had a graduation party to go to, and Sunday I have duty (military), so we decided most likely monday. Since that first date, I kind of have a whole lot of irrational emotions running through my head now. Normally when I'm dating someone, when it gets to the heavy physical stage, I start asking about exclusivity. But in this situation, it has only been one date. I know it is completely irrational, and she has every right to keep using online dating, but I keep having this jealous feeling in the pit of my stomach when I see her log on. She told me I'm only the second guy she has met since she's even met from online, but I keep having the thought of her seeing other men along with me. I had a bad experience once before, where I was dating someone from online, and slept with her around the 1 month mark. When I brought up exclusivity with her, she said I wasn't the only guy she was seeing, and that since I'd eventually be leaving with the military she'd rather put her eggs in his basket rather than mine, which hit me pretty hard. So, I did something kind of messed up, just to see how she'd respond. My inuition was telling me she wasn't what I thought she was. I created a fake online profile with pictures of a super attractive guy. I made him a tall, charming, smart law student with an edge. I messaged her with "John" and proceeded to talk to her. She responded, and she was reluctant at first, but I pushed and flirted, and told her I wanted to meet her on Monday, the day she said she'd meet the real me. She ended up agreeing. When the real me inquired about the situation, she lied and told me she had a job interview. John continued to flirt with her to see what else he could do. Slowly, John turned on the sexuality, and started asking her questions. The John admitted he didn't want anything serious with her, because he's leaving. John then started saying really dirty things to here. When she had sex last, etc. John told her he could fix her dry spell. She was hesitant at first, but then she agreed it could be fun, and that John could teach her some things. So, she cancelled on me, to meet John for casual sex. I know what I am doing is messed up, but at the same time I'm also glad I did. I'm surprised she is this dumb to not figure it out. What you did was wrong OP. But your test has highlighted that being sexual online actually works with girls. *******s and jerks get the guy. Why did she not get turned off when John startes to talk sexual? In fact when i like a girl the last thing i do is what John did and turn and talk sexual of fear of losing the girl and making her think i just want sex. Most girls on here say not to do that amd it turns them off
Methodical Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Yet another case of 'she lied' but I'm so honest and perfect bc creating a FAKE profile and PRETENDING to be someone else is perfectly innocent. Geez... 2
ExpatInItaly Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) Yet another case of 'she lied' but I'm so honest and perfect bc creating a FAKE profile and PRETENDING to be someone else is perfectly innocent. Geez... This exactly. OP, you have to see the irony and hypocrisy here. She was doing nothing wrong by talking to other men. She didn't cheat. She's not your girlfriend. I think you shouldn't be dating right now if you're this insecure from the beginning. Creating alter egos instead of having an open conversation indicates you have a lot of growing up to do, especially after one date. You said you got answers - to what, exactly? She's a single woman who can do what she pleases? She doesn't owe you an explanation. So a more exciting offer came along and she went with it, but gave you an excuse. What precisely did you expect? That she would say "hey, this better-looking guy offered some fun and I'd prefer to see him than you?" You've just shot yourself in the foot. She didn't owe you anything after one date. Sorry, but this makes you look a bit nuts. Edited June 15, 2015 by ExpatInItaly 4
Cinnimon Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Wow, this just screams insecure and desprate. I bet it won't take a fake profile for her to figure this out about you. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Sorry, but I'd be embarrassed to admit that you did that. You had to "test" someone after one date? DDDuuuuuddddddeeeee..... REALLY?!?!?! 2
SycamoreCircle Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Forget her dalliance with "John." You had this woman topless and making out with you for two hours on the first date. I always say, the sooner they'll jump into bed with me, the sooner they'll jump into bed with someone else. There's nothing wrong with people who are looking for casual sex, but if you're looking for something more committed and serious and it sounds like you are, then you had your answer at the end of the first date. Likewise, as a man who wants something serious I would never advance in that direction on a first date. By doing so, I set myself up as not being serious. Start to rely on common sense and intuition to tell you something about a person and check these tricks at the door. 3
preraph Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Yeah, I'm sure you wouldn't have cancelled her date if a Victoria's Secret model asked you out. 8
mystikmind2005 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 hmmm seems like the type of woman his heart desires might just be found at some ultra conservative church? Just a suggestion? 1
joseb Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 The funny thing is, my alter ego John was just me with my filter turned off and not caring so much. John didn't give a crap. Also, as far as looks go I don't think John was that much far ahead of me. The real me is pretty attractive too, just not a 6'2' law student. I know it was messed up thing to do. I did get some answers. I've had successful relationships before. I'm in the military though... knowing these things before I deploy makes a big difference. I already have to worry about getting shot at, I don't need a cheating girlfriend to take my mind off my job and get me killed. Well maybe there is a lesson in there for you - maybe you shouldn't get so invested in someone after one date. I bet John wouldn't. I don't think what you did got you any real answers about her though. As someone else posted, a Victoria secrets model who is also smart and well educated hits on you, are you honestly going to say no? 1
kenmore Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Playing the Devils advocate here for a minute, I do see what John's alter ego is saying here. While I don't for a minute think it was a mature move, the point is not that she would date someone else which we all assume she or anybody would, but that she broke their date and lied about it. Sure, she's not going to tell the truth and say someone better came along, but if they had a date set up she should have kept it and put John off. Maybe until Tuesday? Who knows when, but I feel that even if someone thinks they have a better deal going, they shouldn't blow off the first one. If she had done that, I'd say she was completely in the right; but canceling a date just because someone better came along was wrong. Now John will cancel and she loses out on a date tomorrow too. And if John just dies in a horrible car crash, lost_cause is still "around" if he wants to be. Just sayin! Ken 4
ascendotum Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) The funny thing is, my alter ego John was just me with my filter turned off and not caring so much. John didn't give a crap. Also, as far as looks go I don't think John was that much far ahead of me. The real me is pretty attractive too, just not a 6'2' law student. I know it was messed up thing to do. I did get some answers. I've had successful relationships before. I'm in the military though... knowing these things before I deploy makes a big difference. I already have to worry about getting shot at, I don't need a cheating girlfriend to take my mind off my job and get me killed. If you are based in panama and will be deployed elsewhere for a while but will then come back and if you dated this girl and wanted her to stay on as a LDR gf for a while but be faithful for you until you come back to reunite then I can somewhat understand your ploy. It would make me distrustful of her if she was in a LDR. Prim and proper but dtf for a tall good looking lawyer she hasn't met yet. At the same time she has no obligation to you apart from meeting you for your date on Monday. You are getting carried away with wanting her to be exclusively yours way too fast. I thought it was lousy that she blew you off for him, when she could still have kept your date and just booked a date for him on another night later in the week. She bumped you aside for John pretty quick, so I guess you have a better grasp now of her feelings/nature. Edited June 15, 2015 by ascendotum
ascendotum Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 There's a word for this...called entrapment. Some women do this too. they have a 2nd fake profile to test a guy out or have one of their friends contact a guy they have recently been dating and see if see if they can fish for something to incriminate him/set him up that he is still on the lookout for new nookie
jen1447 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Playing the Devils advocate here for a minute, I do see what John's alter ego is saying here. While I don't for a minute think it was a mature move, the point is not that she would date someone else which we all assume she or anybody would, but that she broke their date and lied about it. Sure, she's not going to tell the truth and say someone better came along, but if they had a date set up she should have kept it and put John off. Maybe until Tuesday? Who knows when, but I feel that even if someone thinks they have a better deal going, they shouldn't blow off the first one. If she had done that, I'd say she was completely in the right; but canceling a date just because someone better came along was wrong. Now John will cancel and she loses out on a date tomorrow too. And if John just dies in a horrible car crash, lost_cause is still "around" if he wants to be. Just sayin! Ken If you go around believing in purity and virtue and total honesty from all people everywhere right off the bat, you're gonna be sorely disappointed most of the time. That's just the world we live in. OP's bscly saying "a person I don't know lied. The gall!" Really? I'd be more surprised if they didn't lie. I actually get a creeper vibe off the OP. Yuck. 1
martaldn Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 why you dont go and meet her as "John"? In for a penny, in for a pound! 3
toscaroscura Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Playing the Devils advocate here for a minute, I do see what John's alter ego is saying here. While I don't for a minute think it was a mature move, the point is not that she would date someone else which we all assume she or anybody would, but that she broke their date and lied about it. Sure, she's not going to tell the truth and say someone better came along, but if they had a date set up she should have kept it and put John off. Maybe until Tuesday? Who knows when, but I feel that even if someone thinks they have a better deal going, they shouldn't blow off the first one. If she had done that, I'd say she was completely in the right; but canceling a date just because someone better came along was wrong. Now John will cancel and she loses out on a date tomorrow too. And if John just dies in a horrible car crash, lost_cause is still "around" if he wants to be. Just sayin! Ken I do agree with this. When I dated, I refused to be a flake and always kept the dates I had (because I hate flakes and don't want to be part of the problem). If I had a pre-arranged date with the OP, and "John" came along, I'd tell him that I'm sorry, I have plans Wednesday night, but let's do the next night. Even though John is the "better" prospect. If John is like, "well screw you, it's Wednesday or nothing!" then it really wasn't meant to be. The broken date and lie would be the red flag for me (although I would never catfish like this! I mean seriously, ain't nobody got time for that!). It's not that he OWES me anything. It's just, I'd rather date someone who keeps their plans and follows through. 4
joseb Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 " She responded, and she was reluctant at first, but I pushed and flirted, and told her I wanted to meet her on Monday, the day she said she'd meet the real me. She ended up agreeing. " It sounds to me that she was at least initially trying to keep to the date but her arm was twisted. 1
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