SycamoreCircle Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Maybe I'm rephrasing a very common question on LoveShack, but I feel it has become the Sphinx's Riddle for myself: How, after suffering an unexpected, hurtful and painful loss of a loved one, a loss whose respect and value can never be redeemed, do you rebuild your ability to love and trust someone, to offer your intimate self to another person? I'm over a year NC, and I still feel an uneasiness about meeting people online. I just think I'm emotionally unprepared to expose myself to someone in a strictly romantic light. It's better for me, I feel, to just go about life meeting and talking to new people. No expectations or purpose. And if something were to happen romantically with a woman, I feel it would have to happen over a very long stretch of time and very gradually. Is that unrealistic? 1
Satu Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 It sounds like you're not ready yet, but that time will come. It took me longer. Be patient with yourself. 2
fireflywy Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Maybe I'm rephrasing a very common question on LoveShack, but I feel it has become the Sphinx's Riddle for myself: How, after suffering an unexpected, hurtful and painful loss of a loved one, a loss whose respect and value can never be redeemed, do you rebuild your ability to love and trust someone, to offer your intimate self to another person? I'm over a year NC, and I still feel an uneasiness about meeting people online. I just think I'm emotionally unprepared to expose myself to someone in a strictly romantic light. It's better for me, I feel, to just go about life meeting and talking to new people. No expectations or purpose. And if something were to happen romantically with a woman, I feel it would have to happen over a very long stretch of time and very gradually. Is that unrealistic? First, and I really believe this, quit looking online. In the last 5 months, I have taken myself completely out of the dating equation and just chilled at various places such as bookstores or even walks around the park. I haven't been purposely looking but I've actually struck up a few conversations quite by accident by simply saying something. I had never done this before amd I've been shocked by the response. I, like you, am also not ready to date again but doing this less pressure casual contact has been great in revealing to me that there is plenty of potential out there and that that potential will have much more synchronicity and pleasure then the simple yes/no visual meat market of OLD. 1
Author SycamoreCircle Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Was it that you just found yourself unable to commiserate with the old pain, and strangely invigorated to a new prospect? I feel like my ex, with her exit, tried to damage something fundamental to me. A life spirit. A life flow. It seems very evil to me. Borne out her own inadequacy and insecurity.
fireflywy Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Was it that you just found yourself unable to commiserate with the old pain, and strangely invigorated to a new prospect? I feel like my ex, with her exit, tried to damage something fundamental to me. A life spirit. A life flow. It seems very evil to me. Borne out her own inadequacy and insecurity. No, my pain is still very much here. Even though she didn't treat me right, she has a new guy and I admit, even through all of that, that I wanted her back. The other night I went out and talked to a girl and we ended up out for FOUR hours. She is everything my ex wasn't and even knowing that, I'm still not ready to date again (been 5 months). The idea of new prospects don't really invigorate me, but the idea of knowing that they are out there all around me, removes so much pressure and worry if and when I do throw myself out there. I also just don't like OLD. Its a visual meat market where you are swiped and clicked through based on how you look or how much you appear to earn/lifestyle. Its much more magical to have that chance encounter, that pleasant laugh or smile, and that experience, either sink or swim, that you carry with you. Happiness is about little experiences, and swioing through people just doesn't seem to be much of an experience and seems stressful as hell. In the end, you're also 37 right? Just take things in small doses. You'll know when the magic hits you amd when you're ready. 1
fireflywy Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 And maybe she did damage something and maybe in her leaving many things dried up. (I know i died). However, the riverbed is still there and it will be filled again eventually. 1
Recommended Posts