Hopeful714 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 So, a few neighbors in my community got together last night and I was talking to a guy who is somewhat new to the community but that I have never really spoken to much before. I sensed he was somewhat curious about me. When the gathering broke up, he invited me over for homemade pizza and beer. I went. We were asking the usual get to know each other questions and joking around and I'd say we had fun. I actually was finding him hot. After the pizza, he sat on the couch and asked if I wanted to watch a movie. Knowing exactly where this was headed, I said "naw, I'm getting tired so I'm gonna head home." As I was leaving he said something to the effect of "your a tough one" to which I replied "I'll see ya round the neighborhood" and he said "yes you will". And I left. Now, if this guy was respectfully interested, shouldn't he have the balls to properly ask me out on a date? Last thing I want, or need is for someone to think I'm gonna just hang around their place and eventually he's gonna get lucky. What should happen now? And is this even a good thing to be involved in since we live in the same community?
alphamale Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 lets say you dated for a couple of years then broke up. it would be hard to avoid spying on him or her. word (both good and bad) would get to you. you may run into each other at community events. one of you may have to move. you never know what will happen.
darkmoon Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 you're a tough one? sounds like he is a romeo, to tease like that, be friendly, but no sex until he makes you feel important, not just a joke 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 That throwaway comment, to me would have been insulting. What it seemed to say (in my perception) was: "Boy, I invite you round for a pizza and a beer, then suggest a nice movie, but you still refuse to give it up and get frisky. What does a guy have to do round here to get laid?!" He hardly knows you, but seemed to be under the impression that you were an easy, willing (and desperate?) lay... And he thinks if he continues persisting, ....and he said "yes you will". He will get lucky....? Ugh.... He might look hot but his manners are shot.... 5
mrs rubble Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 My workmate had a 3 year relationship with her neighbour. Things got nasty when they split up and she's just sold her house. 1
Author Hopeful714 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Actually, I think it was just a guy being a guy. Seeing with what he can get away with....and if he's spoken to a anyone around here and the guys around here talk...he'd know I ain't easy, desperate or willing. As a matter of fact he just strolled by...and stopped to see how I was feeling from the beers (I really don't drink too much usually but was having fun.) He seemed pretty nice.
Author Hopeful714 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 There's actually been a few people that met, dated then got married and moved from here....but yea....I definitely think this is a tread carefully situation.
Art_Critic Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I knew someone who dated her neighbor, they got married and kept both houses and rented one..it only lasted about 2 years so when they divorced they went back to being neighbors and it practically killed her when he started dating again as he had a hot tub on his back porch and she would watch him with binoculars at night when he was boinking other women.. He did finally get re-married to someone he was dating and she had to sell her house as it was making her go crazy... so.. Yes.. dating your neighbor is just a dumb idea. 2
smackie9 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Tip: when a guy invites you to hang out at his place alone 99% of the time he is looking to get you in the sack or at least get a hand job. Neighbor or not, his parting comment is a red flag. He wanted to cut out the formality of taking you out on a couple of dates, and took a chance to get some. So your gut is right, there is a reason why he never bothered to formally ask you out. BTW as a safety tip. You could have put yourself in a compromising situation going to this guy's place....a guy you have just met. Most women who get raped are from men they know, like on dates. Then it's his word against yours. All his lawyer has to say, you accepted his invitation, you had wine, etc. 2
TheBathWater Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I think it's a recipe for disaster. I wouldn't do it, unless your the detached type and just looking for a fling. Even then, flirting with disaster. 2
Author Hopeful714 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 Well now he called on the phone to see if I wanted to come for the nba finals game. Got my number from the community directory. Asked if it was ok that he called. Was nice. So this sucks. Finally 3 years past my break up and here's finally someone who has shown interest in me and I think he's hot and now I have to say no because he's one of my neighbors? I swear I am doomed to be alone and celebate for ever. Waaaaaaaahhh. No, I'm not going. But I wanted to.
MissBee Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 So, a few neighbors in my community got together last night and I was talking to a guy who is somewhat new to the community but that I have never really spoken to much before. I sensed he was somewhat curious about me. When the gathering broke up, he invited me over for homemade pizza and beer. I went. We were asking the usual get to know each other questions and joking around and I'd say we had fun. I actually was finding him hot. After the pizza, he sat on the couch and asked if I wanted to watch a movie. Knowing exactly where this was headed, I said "naw, I'm getting tired so I'm gonna head home." As I was leaving he said something to the effect of "your a tough one" to which I replied "I'll see ya round the neighborhood" and he said "yes you will". And I left. Now, if this guy was respectfully interested, shouldn't he have the balls to properly ask me out on a date? Last thing I want, or need is for someone to think I'm gonna just hang around their place and eventually he's gonna get lucky. What should happen now? And is this even a good thing to be involved in since we live in the same community? I don't think living in the same neighborhood matters. It's not quite the same as moving in the same social circle or work place or something. I don't know about where you live, but where I live, the neighbors do their own thing and if I dated someone who lived in my neighborhood it wouldn't really matter. If we break up it might be awkward if I had to pass his house often or if he lives right next door, but otherwise I've never heard of not dating someone because they live in your neighborhood. That aside, I think this guy is looking to get laid and isn't interested in taking you on dates necessarily. His "you're a tough one" comment would have rubbed me the wrong way, implying that his cue to get in your pants was swiftly figured out and now he has to make more effort. He knows where you live after all, so if he's interested in something legit he'll follow up with a date. If he follows up with "Come over and watch a movie..." I'd pass on it, unless you wanna just hook up. Or you could also invite him out to something outside of either of your homes or neighborhood and see what he says.
Author Hopeful714 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 Over the pizza and beer event he seemed as though he was looking for a relationship. He has spent years alone after a short term failed marriage to spend time with and help raise his only child who is now close to hs graduation. He said he married too early, sounds like it was bad, he doesn't talk to the ex. Doesn't want to be alone anymore, said it was unhealthy. I don't think the tough one comment was entirely related to him bedding me. I think he realized I have many walls up. Rightfully so, since my last rs, and because I think I did pretty good with all I learned here... by asking all the right questions but doing it in a fun friendly matter, as I gathered information. I'm sure he has no idea I found him hot, or that I'd even consider being interested for that matter. I've never seen him with girls around...then again I never paid that much interest until now. He did mention he dated/went out with some girls and I am betting it was short term quick lays. I get this feeling because I heard him joking earlier in the evening telling one of the guys that a girl texted him... asking if she could see him last night? Lol! If anything. He was ok and I made a new friend in my community. I bet this isn't over and he will be persistent in chatting with me.....but I'm not gonna do anything stupid. He also says he judges on actions...not words...so ok, let's see if he measures up to his own standards. 2
Author Hopeful714 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Ugh....this is getting weird. So, after my last post, Monday comes rolling around and in the evening I hear my cell phone ringing..i missed the call..and don't recognize the number. My voice mail isn't working right now so nobody can leave a message. Anyhow out of curiosity I do reverse look up and see that the number is from a town that my NEIGHBOR guy lived in prior to moving here. I'm thinking hmmm. So he now looked up my cell and home phone through the neighborhood directory he has access to because he holds the maintenance contract in my community. Ok whatever. Today I get home, do my thing and eat and shower then I see him jogging by my place. (I am big into fitness and jog our neighborhood also. I'm like omg ...really? Then I hear (ill call her Lori) my friend and neighbor of 20 yrs calling me so I go outside and it's her and the guy. Lori is all smiles and giggly because I know she finds this guy attractive and enjoys talking with him. We all make neighborhood small talk for a few. Then the guy says he was out jogging and doing pushups. Then Lori proceeds to tell me how she called this guy to go over to her mother's (across town) to fix something today and he drove over and did! Then says "see how reliable he is? And she starts bring up things about my pizza with this guy sat night and talking about that night like she was part of it. Back to Sunday when she and him called me outside she was asking me things like did I think his place was nice etc. Right in front of him....we all had a conversation about my time I spent with this guy. I'm kinda pissed right now. W t f is going on here and don't anyone realize that being called through my Windows when I'm in my bathrobe, and today in my house clothes right out of the shower may be a bit intrusive? This is bizarre. Plus I know Lori is telling this guy all about me without my permission. I can't tell her to shut up because I know she will relay all that too. Now what do I do? I didn't even do anything wrong and look at all this already!
HereNorThere Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Well, it looks like you got your answer. Trust me, you don't want to date your neighbors or co-workers. Sadly, I've been caught up in both situations and let me tell you, it never ends well. Would you want your ex living next to you and flirting with your neighbor? Would you like them to show up announced when you're pooping with the door open? You want to watch your ex have different women over after you guys break-up? You want to feel him judging every person you date? Just don't do it unless you have an exit strategy. I learned this lesson so you don't have to. However, I knew it was a bad idea when I did it and I still did it, but Ive learned to strengthen my boundaries with things like that. There are literally billions of people in this world, so don't approach dating from the theory of scarcity. No matter how you look, your age, personality type, etc, you don't have to worry about running out of potential suitors. You obviously know how to use the Internet, so I'd say you have near infinite amount of single guys and cat pictures at you fingertips, 24/7.
Author Hopeful714 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Yea...that is my first thought. However believe it or not I know of several people who got involved with co workers or neighbors and....it worked! Although all common sense is telling me this is bad, I wonder if it is just a cynical attitude. I posed this scenario to a few people at work today and they saw nothing wrong with it. Obviously Lori is already immensely enjoying this new found friendship with the guy, and this guy is enjoying the perks of community "friendly" living (which I know can at times be aggravating.) For the most part....everyone seems all chipper here and most likely is wondering why I'm not joining in on all this fun and going with the flow of it. Are we all just jaded and negative?
Versacehottie Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) Well now he called on the phone to see if I wanted to come for the nba finals game. Got my number from the community directory. Asked if it was ok that he called. Was nice. So this sucks. Finally 3 years past my break up and here's finally someone who has shown interest in me and I think he's hot and now I have to say no because he's one of my neighbors? I swear I am doomed to be alone and celebate for ever. Waaaaaaaahhh. No, I'm not going. But I wanted to. why are you not going??? I know it's too late now because finals are over! You just have to keep things friendly and go really really slow until you are relatively sure that it's worth taking a risk. Go really slow. Have a slow strategy and you can even tell him you want to get to know him well first. And yeah, you need to get lori out of the picture. Don't let others get involved in your relationship stuff. Too complicated and junior high. Edited June 17, 2015 by Versacehottie 1
Jejangles Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 I would not suggest doing anything with neighbours! If you are going to, move super slow and make sure it's dating on the way to a relationship and not a hookup. Trust me, the fall-out from a hook-up is not worth it. I had a very ill advised fling (if you can even call it that) with a guy who lived down the hall from me. He pursued me on and off for months. I finally gave in and "things happened". A week later I ran into him and another fling outside our building. I tried to be mature and deal with things but he avoided me for months until finally he texted to say he was dating someone and sorry. In the meantime I felt awkward every time I walked out my front door in case I ran into him. Soooo not worth it. 1
Author Hopeful714 Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 Case closed. Nothing will happen. Thanks for all the nuggets of misery shared. I am now being subtly stalked. He has been around every day this week when I got home from work. I also sense a temper and that something is definitely not right. Been there done that before...lol. Another one bites the dust and moves to the "crazy" file. 3
gaius Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 My girlfriend got asked out by a few of her neighbors before we started dating and even that's a little weird. I've had to stare down two guys who didn't make the cut the times I've been over there. So I can only imagine the drama that would erupt if there was actually a previous relationship in play. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) I thought that guy handled it well... "You're a tough one" is probably something I would say He knew what it was, she knew what it was, no need to pretend Just laugh it off and move on. That being said I don't think neighbors are off limits or anything really... Not a huge deal. You seemed upset that he liked the other girl though - why is that? Edited June 18, 2015 by barcode88
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Case closed. Nothing will happen. Thanks for all the nuggets of misery shared. I am now being subtly stalked. He has been around every day this week when I got home from work. I also sense a temper and that something is definitely not right. Been there done that before...lol. Another one bites the dust and moves to the "crazy" file. Strike one up for instinct, gut feeling and common sense all combined. You were right to proceed with caution and not get swayed.... Be careful. Let us know if you need a restraining order....!
Author Hopeful714 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) He called me yesterday for a date this Saturday, said he found me "intriguing". I Told him I didn't think dating a neighbor was a very good Idea....He asked why and I told him because in the chance things go sour, it could be a disaster. He replied that he didn't see things that way, but would respect my choices. I ended the call thanking him for the offer and offering the hand of friendship and he seemed ok with that. But then today I get home and there's the vehicle, and him working on a neighbors deck. I actually would have waved, but I think I got the cold shoulder as he turned his back so I went about what I had to do and went inside. Later, as I was going to take out the trash Lori and him were chatting up. Luckily I heard this and changed my direction w/o being seen. Later on still, I hear this dude outside talking really loud, and began to wonder if it was with Lori again...at his place. I really can't say if it was. I'm not upset with the Lori thing but I find it and her actions amusing because she can be quite ignorant, and take any attention tossed her way. She is also a huge busy body. I'm staying away from it...if there are lessons to learn, let her figure it out on her own. It's going to be a hoot if they fu+k. (Evil laugh) Lastly, sad thing is that I see the guy really does have some good qualities. And seems rather intelligent with very good taste. But I sense this temper and issues with control...and that's enough to make me run like he#l. Keep y'all posted. Edited June 19, 2015 by Hopeful714
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 19, 2015 Posted June 19, 2015 I think in his mind (Ego) he's a all-round great dude and a good catch, and he just can't understand why on earth any single, lone (and therefore) obviously sexually-desperate woman could possibly turn him down... I mean, if you're on your own, you haven't been intimate for ages, goodness, you MUST be gagging for it! He's offering himself up on a platter, how on EARTH could you possibly refuse?? I fear for Lori's chastity good character.... I predict that you'll be hearing sordid tales of 'in-between-the-sheets' adventures soon....
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