whichwayisup Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I've never loved anyone quite like this. And you won't again cuz every love is different. The next time you'll know when to hold back abit and when to pour it on. It will just happen...The heart will do it...And we all know hearts have a mind of their own.
Fallen_Angel Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I've never loved anyone quite like this. "There's nothing more painful than unrequited love...." or something to that effect. Oh I know what you mean. It's painful to feel love like this; to me it's like shouting into empty space and knowing no one can hear you. I always liked "Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter quite like unrequited love." That Charlie Brown -- he's a smart one.
Mz. Pixie Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 COC- Hopefully this gives you some type of closure. Once you get to the angry stage you may feel a bit better. She certainly sounds like a spoiled little witch who is only interested in her needs. Here's something good to tell her "You- off my planet"
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie COC- Hopefully this gives you some type of closure. This is what irks me: "I am 100% confident it was the right thing to do...." How the ^&*$ can you be 100% sure when you didn't put CLOSE to 100% effort into the relaionship. That's like saying "Well, I am 100% sure I should have won the race only giving it 50% effort...." Give me a BREAK! Once you get to the angry stage you may feel a bit better. I'm angry now. She certainly sounds like a spoiled little witch who is only interested in her needs. When she was lying/cheating on me, that's basically what she said. She was just interested in her needs. Yet, she came running back to me when she wanted REAL sex. Here's something good to tell her "You- off my planet" Well I seriously think she'll regret this decision later on down the road. But selfish people usually get what they deserve and in my opinion, she's VERY selfish.
gersanos Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 CIC - Sorry to hear about your dilemma. It sucks, but you will get through this, and when you do, and do it properly, you will come out of it a much stronger and wiser person. I second so much that was already said on here: take a look at her character. Your character is defined in BOTH, times of crisis, and in times of well-being. Anyone can be pleasant and easy to get along with when times are good, but, just how many people get along when bad times roll around? Life has it's ups and downs. That is what makes life so fascinating. If everything in life was always great, always perfect, then there would be nothing to learn from, and nothing to grow upon. Relationships work the same way. Though they should have more good times then bad, it is defined by working through any hardships together and coming out stronger as a couple. Sadly, that doesn't happen too much, or maybe we just don't hear about it that often. But regarding your ex, let me just ask you 3 questions about her: 1) Did she have integrity? Was she honest? Was she loyal? Did she have, for the most part, have a positive attitude (if times are bad, attitude may get bad, and it's circumstantial, so I label it as for the most part)? 2) Was she a giver or a taker? Relationships are about give and take. Although one is generally either a giver or a taker, you must strike a balance between them. Certain people, both men and women, are takers, and always will be takers. They will use you for all that you're worth for their gain. In the getting to know stages, you can figure this out pretty quickly if you're not too blinded by attraction, and save yourself quite a bit of grief. 3) Was she flexible? Was she unstructured? Was she open to new experiences? Was she flexible with things that you enjoyed doing? With your wants and needs from a person, and from a relationship?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by gersanos 1) Did she have integrity? No 2) Was she a giver? Yes and No 3) Was she flexible? Not really....
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Also, where's that thread on NO CONTACT and why/how to do it?
gersanos Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 How the ^&*$ can you be 100% sure when you didn't put CLOSE to 100% effort into the relaionship. That's like saying "Well, I am 100% sure I should have won the race only giving it 50% effort...." Perhaps that answers the question about give and take? When I dated this one girl a while back, and we hit some rough patches, I talked with her about it and said that we might have to work on it a bit to overcome this. Her response? "Well, I've never worked on it before." A tad bit naive possibly. Or immature? It left me dumbfounded, but, fast forward to after healing from it and I am glad that I am not with her, and either she will grow up one day from the fantasy land she lives in, or she'll meet somebody that is perfectly ok with the way she is (poor chap). She was the second girl that I dated that was an inflexible taker, and hopefully, fingers crossed, I have learned my lesson about this from the second one. The 3 questions I posed are a must to sustain a good relationship with someone. There must be integrity, there must be a balance of give and take, and there must be some flexibility.
debs Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 COC.... I can say from experience the hardest part is saying NO to the now exg/f. You can either be a "victim" or chose to just be "victimized" by this trauma. No contact is taking a definite stand and beginning the journey of letting go! You won't begin to accept or heal until you do so! Please don't fall for that trap "oh you will be my friend because we have history"! Most of us fell one time or another for that BS and all it does is give you false hopes and dead end promises. Been there done that and I have all the IMs to prove it! Your a romantic who loves hard and falls hard, sorry but join the not so exclusive club! None of this will happen over night, you will come to a point where you will welcome the sunshine and the feeling of letting go! It has been near 14 months since my exh left. I am still discovering things about myself I never took notice of before. I still have days when all I want to do is brain the man! I practice NO CONTACT daily! I refuse to answer ANY NO ID or UNKNOWN calls that come through and I refuse to answer my door unless the person who is there can be visually seen through the security window! I refuse to be a victim but yes I was victimized and learned!
BigB Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I'm angry now. GOOD! does that ache for her feel less intense? If it's replaced with rage your moving forward IMO. be pissed off! NC will be easier if your pissed off! this should be the closure that you needed. this is the stage where I always felt like getting drunk and going to a strip club. still feel like buying her a birthday present? Originally posted by ConfusedInOC 1. She cheated on me and lied about it. 2. She broke up with me twice. 3. She spent 99% of her time at home, away from me and in the books. 4. She didn't give up or risk anything for me. good riddance.
RecordProducer Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Yep. And keep in mind, during this "year" she talks about: 1. She cheated on me and lied about it. 2. She broke up with me twice. 3. She spent 99% of her time at home, away from me and in the books. 4. She didn't give up or risk anything for me. When you want to TRY a relationship, aren't you supposed to really put some effort into it? She thinks hanging out one day every two weeks was "working" on it. I do think she will one day regret the decision. Well she doesn't love and what she wrote to your friend explains everything. Move on!
RecordProducer Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Yep. And keep in mind, during this "year" she talks about: 1. She cheated on me and lied about it. 2. She broke up with me twice. 3. She spent 99% of her time at home, away from me and in the books. 4. She didn't give up or risk anything for me. When you want to TRY a relationship, aren't you supposed to really put some effort into it? She thinks hanging out one day every two weeks was "working" on it. I do think she will one day regret the decision. Well she doesn't love and what she wrote to your friend explains everything. Move on!
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by gersanos How the ^&*$ can you be 100% sure when you didn't put CLOSE to 100% effort into the relaionship. That's like saying "Well, I am 100% sure I should have won the race only giving it 50% effort...." Perhaps that answers the question about give and take? When I dated this one girl a while back, and we hit some rough patches, I talked with her about it and said that we might have to work on it a bit to overcome this. Her response? "Well, I've never worked on it before." A tad bit naive possibly. Or immature? It left me dumbfounded, but, fast forward to after healing from it and I am glad that I am not with her, and either she will grow up one day from the fantasy land she lives in, or she'll meet somebody that is perfectly ok with the way she is (poor chap). She was the second girl that I dated that was an inflexible taker, and hopefully, fingers crossed, I have learned my lesson about this from the second one. The 3 questions I posed are a must to sustain a good relationship with someone. There must be integrity, there must be a balance of give and take, and there must be some flexibility. I definitely agree on your three questions. She's definitely a taker and not much of a giver. Smarter men than I whom date her will realize this quickly. Thanks
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by BigB GOOD! does that ache for her feel less intense? If it's replaced with rage your moving forward IMO. be pissed off! NC will be easier if your pissed off! this should be the closure that you needed. Thanks. this is the stage where I always felt like getting drunk and going to a strip club. Not my style but I get the idea! still feel like buying her a birthday present? Nope, she won't appreciate it. good riddance. Agreed, but so hard to let go.... Hey I have a question. I have her dad's books to send back. Her birthday is on the 6th. Should I wait to time the delivery of the books close to her birthday, address the box to her dad with my return address so that when she sees it, she'll note: a) It isn't addressed to her. b) It doesn't contain a birthday present and c) I am obviously not coming over for her birthday Is that too obvious?
Auz Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Don't stoop to playing mind games like that - I'm sure you arent that kind of person. It'll just drag things out for yourself, and make you hope she may react favourably. I know because I'm going through the exact same situation as you (although mine didnt cheat on me or anything..which makes it harder because I cant get angry at her...she broke up because she didnt want to drag me on longer, if she wasnt sure herself - yeah it sucks, I hate it so much, but there was no bad blood) Auz
debs Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 OCO? Why may I ask would you even entertain the thoughts of a birthday present for the exg/f? I am sorry but straight off the hip and out of my mouth; YOUR opening yourself to rejection and prolonging the agony of letting go! Please let this be just your talking off the top of your head as in your brain expressing ideas but no action will become of it? Sweetie we type our responses to you in hopes you will take notice and draw on our strength. We all know your hurt and right now the only thing you want to do is hurt back. Yes, A very normal human reaction!
BrotherAaron Posted April 29, 2005 Posted April 29, 2005 Stop second guessing this breakup. Her reasons may not be clear, but she's given you yours. Use the s***ty way that things were going as your ammo, and decide that you are better off. It's not too late to change your mind about being dumped - at any point, you can decide that it's what you want afterall, and then go on with your life.
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