mr_dave Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) So I've been exclusively dating a lady for the past three months or so. She's intelligent, well educated, funny, has a similar outlook on life to myself, and is the sexiest woman I've ever met, I would spend all day caressing her if I could. We go on a variety of dates, to restaurants, the cinema, on days out to the coast and local attractions, I unflinchingly pay for the vast majority of it but don't mind at all as I enjoy them a lot, she's great company. The problem is that she doesn't seem all that attracted to me. In that 3 month period I have stayed over at hers maybe six times, and half of those have resulted in sex, all initiated by myself. She's not very giving in bed either, not reciprocating oral, kissing or touching me much at all. I still really enjoy it though, I can't convey in words how sexy I find her. If I never slept with anyone else again I wouldn't care, her slim, extremely top heavy figure is unicorn like in its rarity. She's a dream. I compliment her often, tell her how beautiful she is and reassure her when she puts herself down saying she needs to lose weight. I have received zero compliments of any description so far. I always initiate text contact, every two to three days asking how she is. She never does the same. Yeah I'm no model - average looking I guess, but I keep myself in good shape.. http://dc652.4shared.com/download/tmebv_TOba/untitled2.jpg?lgfp=3000 I visited her last night and she was busy at home working, marking papers...fair enough (she's a teacher) She is under a lot of work related stress having a huge workload to get through in the evenings and most weekends. We went to see a film and got back to hers at 12:30ish. She put on some Game of Thrones for a while and then said she was going to bed, and that I could stay down and carry on watching it. I obviously went upstairs with her but she got into bed in her PJs, rolled over and went to sleep. Fair enough, I thought, maybe in the morning? The morning comes around, we're both awake and she gets up early and decides to carry on marking (even though she had a minimal amount left to do) - leaving me in bed despite knowing she's not going to see me for three weeks as I am going away. I would have loved to have made love to her, but she was just so closed off, initiating wouldn't have seemed right, there was no foundation to escalate from. I went back to sleep for a bit, and when she later popped her head round the door I was asked to strip the bedding because she was doing her laundry.... So when I left for home I was pretty depressed. I've been single for two years prior to this. An intelligent, nice, funny woman appears and seems to like my company, only the third woman ever to do so in my ten years of being an adult. I know for a fact that I'll never be as sexually attracted to anyone as much again. Yet her reluctance to initiate anything physical with me makes me feel unwanted, defective and ugly, a feeling I have been very accustomed to over the years, having been cheated on, ignored and rejected by women in the real world and online. I've been asking myself some questions because all this makes me full of doubt. I think to myself, would she have left Channing Tatum in bed in the morning to go and do her laundry? Is she just very stressed/tired, and doesn't feel like sex, with anyone? Am I rubbish in bed and she doesn't enjoy it? Is she not attracted to me? Should I call it quits with her and head back out into the wilderness, or give the situation a chance to improve? My colleague teased me when I confided in him, saying I was a friend with benefits - but without the benefits! It's not like I will just go straight out and find another high quality woman, there aren't that many around who have my desired attributes (intelligent, conservative, no children/tattoos/promiscuous past etc) and who would give me the time of day, so the alternative to seeing her will be a long period of solitude. Should I talk to her about this? Thoughts anyone? Edited June 14, 2015 by mr_dave
misspond Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Should I talk to her about this? Yep, try that. It would be a start to solving this wouldn't it? 1
Author mr_dave Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Yep, try that. It would be a start to solving this wouldn't it? Thanks I guess, but if I were to express my concerns wouldn't the insecurity I'm expressing negatively affect her attraction towards me? Then if she does become more forthcoming it might just be because I've asked her to.. 1
PogoStick Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I have several concerns for you. You're hung up on both of your physical attractiveness. If I never slept with anyone else again I wouldn't care, her slim, extremely top heavy figure is unicorn like in its rarity. She's a dream. But then I always initiate text contact, every two to three days asking how she is. She never does the same... Yet her reluctance to initiate anything physical with me makes me feel unwanted, defective and ugly, Why would you want that to be the last person you ever sleep with? Just because she is "hot"? Apparently because: I know for a fact that I'll never be as sexually attracted to anyone as much again. That's a horrible mental frame to adopt. So this is THE hottest girl in history? No where does intellectual or emotional compatibility enter into the picture. And again, your only value is your physical attractiveness: I think to myself, would she have left Channing Tatum in bed in the morning to go and do her laundry? You have a fine body and it's clearly an attempt to compensate for your personality. Yes you should talk to her. That you even question this is another poor sign. However, even more pressing is to start putting as much effort into your psychological state as you do with your body. 5
Author mr_dave Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. I have several concerns for you. You're hung up on both of your physical attractiveness. I think I might have laboured the point somewhat re-reading my original post, I guess I wanted to express that I'm more physically attracted to her than anyone I've met but unfortunately it doesn't seem to be mutual. I'm not solely concerned with physical attractiveness however, if she weren't intelligent and funny I wouldn't be interested. That's a horrible mental frame to adopt. So this is THE hottest girl in history? That I have ever met and has given me the slightest chance...yeah I guess so. The intellectual compatibility is there, emotionally... well it's too early to say yet, I don't think there are deep feelings on either side. You have a fine body and it's clearly an attempt to compensate for your personality. That's the thing though, I don't think my personality is particularly deficient. I treat her respectfully, make her laugh and pay a genuine interest in her. Although she earns more than I do I'm generous and pay for everything. I have a variety of interests and try and make the most of my free time without her. I don't try to control her - I encourage her to see her friends and make the best of herself - be it through her career or hobbies. Yes you should talk to her. That you even question this is another poor sign. However, even more pressing is to start putting as much effort into your psychological state as you do with your body. I don't put that much effort into my physique, I only go to the gym a couple of times a week now and play soccer twice weekly. People at my work say how nice/friendly/good to talk to I am (colleagues, customers) not to me directly, but I hear it third hand. With women though that seems to count for absolutely nothing. The Channing Tatum remark (he's her celebrity crush).. well it's true isn't it? If you were in bed with someone you really fancied and you weren't going to see them for a prolonged period, wouldn't you want to at least kiss them? I inferred from that that she doesn't really fancy me.
PogoStick Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I'm not trying to be mean. I agree with your Tatum point. Yes, if a woman is into you I would expect she'd make the most of your time together. To my point about your mindset: Who cares if she is hot? There are a million hot girls out there. If you're physically and mentally attractive they will want you too, so focus your efforts on attractive girls who will treat you the way you desire. 1
MonorailCat Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I don't know about you OP, but I would take an affectionate and sensual average looking women over an uninterested, unaffectionate model with a low sex drive any day of the week. The extreme focus on your and her physical attractiveness in your posts and your whole behavior (past and present) screams of confidence issues. Believe me, the best body in the world is nearly useless in inciting attraction if the girl realizes that you have no confidence in yourself. She knows she has you on her leash. Any man with confidence would have run for the hills if they had only sex a handful of times in 3 months. And you said the sex was not even good. Why are you doing that to yourself? The beginning of a relationship should be hot and heavy. If my girlfriend rather marks papers than be intimate with me before I am going away for three weeks ... I would be out of that relationship in an instant. 1
KatZee Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Doesn't sound like she's too into it, TBH. Honestly, when I'm attracted to a guy, I want to sleep with him always. The last thing on my mind is grading papers, doing laundry, or just saying no. Who cares if she's "so hot" ?? I'm really confused why you're placing so much emphasis on her external body. She's hot, that's great. What's she doing with her hotness besides ignoring you and making you feel worthless? Everyone's interpretation of "attraction" is subjective. I've definitely been attracted to men who were not conventionally hot in "society standards" but to me, I just couldn't get enough. Just because this woman isn't into it, doesn't mean you're ugly, or worthless to women. You are just not with the right one. 1
dangerbang Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Sounds like a woman I went out with for a while. Sex seemed like a chore. I got so frustrated that I wasn't getting anything back from her and she wasn't very affectionate. We broke up eventually. The fact was that she just wasn't really into me that way, and I was in denial about it. It sounds to me like you're in a similar situation unfortunately my friend. Take her down off that pedestal too, she's only human, so what if she's "hot". 1
Author mr_dave Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Well I got my answer, she has just dumped me by text for not putting enough effort in. I don't feel bad about it at all to be fair, thanks for your input!
Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 So I've been exclusively dating a lady for the past three months or so. She's intelligent, well educated, funny, has a similar outlook on life to myself, and is the sexiest woman I've ever met, I would spend all day caressing her if I could. We go on a variety of dates, to restaurants, the cinema, on days out to the coast and local attractions, I unflinchingly pay for the vast majority of it but don't mind at all as I enjoy them a lot, she's great company. The problem is that she doesn't seem all that attracted to me. In that 3 month period I have stayed over at hers maybe six times, and half of those have resulted in sex, all initiated by myself. She's not very giving in bed either, not reciprocating oral, kissing or touching me much at all. I still really enjoy it though, I can't convey in words how sexy I find her. If I never slept with anyone else again I wouldn't care, her slim, extremely top heavy figure is unicorn like in its rarity. She's a dream. I compliment her often, tell her how beautiful she is and reassure her when she puts herself down saying she needs to lose weight. I have received zero compliments of any description so far. I always initiate text contact, every two to three days asking how she is. She never does the same. Yeah I'm no model - average looking I guess, but I keep myself in good shape.. http://dc652.4shared.com/download/tmebv_TOba/untitled2.jpg?lgfp=3000 I visited her last night and she was busy at home working, marking papers...fair enough (she's a teacher) She is under a lot of work related stress having a huge workload to get through in the evenings and most weekends. We went to see a film and got back to hers at 12:30ish. She put on some Game of Thrones for a while and then said she was going to bed, and that I could stay down and carry on watching it. I obviously went upstairs with her but she got into bed in her PJs, rolled over and went to sleep. Fair enough, I thought, maybe in the morning? The morning comes around, we're both awake and she gets up early and decides to carry on marking (even though she had a minimal amount left to do) - leaving me in bed despite knowing she's not going to see me for three weeks as I am going away. I would have loved to have made love to her, but she was just so closed off, initiating wouldn't have seemed right, there was no foundation to escalate from. I went back to sleep for a bit, and when she later popped her head round the door I was asked to strip the bedding because she was doing her laundry.... So when I left for home I was pretty depressed. I've been single for two years prior to this. An intelligent, nice, funny woman appears and seems to like my company, only the third woman ever to do so in my ten years of being an adult. I know for a fact that I'll never be as sexually attracted to anyone as much again. Yet her reluctance to initiate anything physical with me makes me feel unwanted, defective and ugly, a feeling I have been very accustomed to over the years, having been cheated on, ignored and rejected by women in the real world and online. I've been asking myself some questions because all this makes me full of doubt. I think to myself, would she have left Channing Tatum in bed in the morning to go and do her laundry? Is she just very stressed/tired, and doesn't feel like sex, with anyone? Am I rubbish in bed and she doesn't enjoy it? Is she not attracted to me? Should I call it quits with her and head back out into the wilderness, or give the situation a chance to improve? My colleague teased me when I confided in him, saying I was a friend with benefits - but without the benefits! It's not like I will just go straight out and find another high quality woman, there aren't that many around who have my desired attributes (intelligent, conservative, no children/tattoos/promiscuous past etc) and who would give me the time of day, so the alternative to seeing her will be a long period of solitude. Should I talk to her about this? Thoughts anyone? If a woman or a man isn't making their partner feel loved in all aspects of the relationship, it's not a real relationship. Do you know anything about her childhood history? Does she have a good relationship with her parents? Is there any history of abuse? What is her view on sex? I think you should open a casual conversation with her. Say something like "I enjoy the time we spend together and respect the relationship we have thus far. I am very much attracted to you physically and enjoy that experience with you but we don't seem to be on the same page in that regard". And, then let her talk.
katiegrl Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 If a woman or a man isn't making their partner feel loved in all aspects of the relationship, it's not a real relationship. Do you know anything about her childhood history? Does she have a good relationship with her parents? Is there any history of abuse? What is her view on sex? I think you should open a casual conversation with her. Say something like "I enjoy the time we spend together and respect the relationship we have thus far. I am very much attracted to you physically and enjoy that experience with you but we don't seem to be on the same page in that regard". And, then let her talk. Too late now...keep reading, she already dumped him. Not surprised. Agree with Gary! 100% When a woman is into you and attracted to you, she wants to have sex with you..... Glad you're okay Mr. Dave....Lesson learned. 1
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Looks are not the end all be all for women, or being treated good, it's all about your essence, how you carry yourself, your confidence, having substance.....women want and need EMOTIONAL stimulation....we want to feel special, feel you are passionate about us, make us feel sexy, have a shared connection. I've dated attractive guys that just didn't do it for me....nice body sure it's a step in the right direction, but you can't keep me intellectually stimulated with wit and compatibility...you are a flop. I would rather have a guy that is less attractive with a great personality any day. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Well I got my answer, she has just dumped me by text for not putting enough effort in. I don't feel bad about it at all to be fair, thanks for your input! Really? She dumped YOU for not putting in enough effort! Geez. And, she did it by text. You dodged a real bullet here. She's the type of woman that makes me feel really bad for men and gives women a "bad rep". I'm so sorry . . . no not really. I'm actually happy for you. What are you doing tomorrow, Mr. Dave? I'd date you if I could 1
Author mr_dave Posted June 16, 2015 Author Posted June 16, 2015 Thanks for your replies everyone, I appreciate them! Really? She dumped YOU for not putting in enough effort! Geez. And, she did it by text. You dodged a real bullet here. She's the type of woman that makes me feel really bad for men and gives women a "bad rep". I'm so sorry . . . no not really. I'm actually happy for you. What are you doing tomorrow, Mr. Dave? I'd date you if I could Aww thanks Redhead! Hehe, well actually I'm heading to Sicily tomorrow on holiday for a couple of weeks, how does that sound to you? 1
jay1983 Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 Great attitude Dave! Sorry this didn't work out for you. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Thanks for your replies everyone, I appreciate them! Aww thanks Redhead! Hehe, well actually I'm heading to Sicily tomorrow on holiday for a couple of weeks, how does that sound to you? I'd like that. But we should hold off on traveling together until we know we are compatible in terms of intimacy, LOL. I bet we are. In fact, you might come back here to post about how you can't keep up with me . . . All kidding aside, have a great trip. It's very good timing too. You can leave this behind and focus on you now. 1
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