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Posted

Hi,

 

I feel like I'm going crazy as I don't have anyone to properly talk to. I don't know anyone around here.

 

My ex and I split up in February. And he's been in constant touch with me since then. Texting, ringing. But all the time telling me that he doesn't think we can work out yet. But might do in the future.

 

In the mean time I had a miscarriage, I told him eventually and it's like he didn't even care. I begged him to come with me to appointments (I wasn't that far gone anyways) but he made excuses, telling me he had to work late. He lives around the corner from me and he didn't even pop in. Anyways, he is still in touch with me all day every single day. The other day I hit my breaking point and told his friends and family about it in rage. I don't know what came over me. But I just needed to get it out. I feel like he's making me crazy.

 

He'll say all the right things, tell me how sorry he is and that he's sorry he's f**ked it all up but hasn't actually shown me anything.

 

Please will someone give me advice? Deep down I know what I have to do. But we lived together and planned a future together. He doesn't care much about me obviously?

 

Any advice would be appreciated!

Posted (edited)

It's time for you to face reality. This man isn't ready for any committed relationship. Now that either means one or both of two things. Either he's incapable of that kind of responsibility or he would gladly take on that responsibility if you were, say, a Victoria's Secret angel, or both.

 

You cannot plan your life around what he might be in the future. What he is now is not good enough.

 

Here's how you stop him from draining your emotionally. You be responsible for yourself and block him from your phone, your texts, and all your social media and stop allowing him to be less than what you need and still get his shallow needs filled with you. You have to look out for your own needs. Find someone who can be a whole person for you. Good luck. Move on.

 

Oh, and what on earth are you doing not using birth control when you have no means to care for a child and no one who wants to share that responsibility with you? Getting accidentally pregnant with no plan is very irresponsible. Get on pills and go date other people.

Edited by preraph
  • Like 1
Posted

The guy has dumped you and yet you tolerate him invading your life now? That is not remotely a good idea. He has no right at all to be in your life any more. Why are you allowing him to contact you? You can tell him you no longer wish to stay in touch because you are now both separated, then don't give him chance to argue, just ignore his calls and texts. Some would say block him, but that's up to you of course. I sense you are unlikely to do this if you've been allowing him contact like this.

 

The guy clearly depends on you and is clinging on despite offering you nothing. You deserve a loving relationship with a guy, not someone repeatedly telling you why he broke up with you and that it cannot work. You need to respect yourself and your own feelings. Act on your feelings - if he's hurting you with what he says, put the phone down. Every time you feel an unpleasant, scared or hurtful feeling, cut him off - protect yourself from this verbal and emotional pain. He'll soon learn you won't tolerate any negativity or will put up with him wasting your time. He's doing it because he knows you'll let him.

 

OK, so he dumped you but maybe you still want to retain some contact? I don't know. If you don't want contact, cut him off and block him. If you do want to retain a connection, apply a penalty to contact time. He has dumped you so he gets 90% contact time deducted and can only contact you occasionally. I wouldn't allow him to talk on the phone, let him text or email. Make it clear to him that he has been relegated. If you don't, he'll take you for granted and continue hurting you. Suddenly having to work hard to be nice to you to regain the pleasure of talking to you, might wake him up a bit and give him the jolt he needs.

  • Like 1
Posted

This is classic "breadcrumbs". He doesn't want you, but wants you to be plan C if plan A and B don't pan out. Do yourself a favor and rip off the band-aid and realize you are worth so much more than crumbs.

 

My boyfriend's ex-wife did this for a long time - she cheated on and dumped him but still called and e-mailed just to screw with his mind, or when she needed an ego boost, or needed cash, or my favorite of all, "someone to talk to about her problems". This is not someone who is at all good for you or healthy.

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