Jonn60 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Long story .. will try to keep it short. Been with this girl for more than 9 months. Things were going good, but in March we broke up for a month because she had "unresolved feelings". She was the one that called me back, we got back together, even though I was a bit suspicious at first. This wasn't the problem, we had some great great times afterwards, like we were in some honeymoon. But here is where all started to go down ... She is in her final year at college. She was named by her lead teacher to organise the "party" of finishing the college. And after that she had to learn for 10 exams, one exam that is crucial for her entrance in the final exam where she will either get the degree or not. Before naming her to organise that, we were very happy, doing stuff, having fun, you know .. life. But after that, things went doooown. She started to be very nervous, irritated, stressed and couldn't be happy even from little sweet things. She had a lot to do with organization, I tried to help her as much as I could, but she was almost 90% of time very annoyed and stressed out and we were having constant fights over little damn things like: why didn't I put more smilies, why did she preffered to go out with her girlfriend not with me, why she answers me in a short sentence without any "love" in it and stuff like that. Getting used to her being so fluffy and attentive and lovely and a woman by all words ... seeing her so changed in just few days just hit me like a truck. After constant fights, daily fights almost, happiness getting ruined daily and so, she managed to finish with the ending party. Now I thought things will go on a better path, but no. Exams came and she got even more nervous, cold, stressed .. I couldn't have a chat with her about problems in our relationship, or about her attitude towards me because she would start screaming and saying bad words, threating me to block me on facebook, cursing, closing her internet .. things like this. For me everything is very Wow. How much I try to understand her, it is very hard. She keeps telling me that she wants to be chill and have silence so she can focus on her exams, that relationship isn't on her first priority right now, that after the crucial exam, if she will get it, she will be ok, that I should support her by letting her concentrate and not telling her my problems, my feelings, my ideas, or how she acts about the relationship at the moment, that she doesn't want to argue anymore about nothing and just focus on learning, that I "ruin" her mood and life because I constantly nagg that her attitude is not ok towards me and so and so. For me it seems a little bit selfish to just throw the relationship out of the window and just "ignore" it. And seeing her going so cold and harsh on me, makes me start thinking at other things, makes me imagine bad things happening, you understand. And this makes me to rage even harder. I feel like I am being thrown away just because I ask her to be more sweet, calm, to communicate more with me ( she like closes herself and I need to keep asking and asking till I start making her talk ), to be a little bit more lovely and woman. When we go out, more than 1 hour or 2 we don't stay, and most of the time is arguing. Sex life is not anymore because of the constant fighting that just kills the mood. I just want to make her understand that I am by her side and I want to help her and support her, but I want her to make me feel like I am in her life too, not just like a ghost or so. I really care about her and love her. Even though sometimes I just want to leave this relationship and leave with her problems and stress crisis, I remain by her side and try motivate her that everything will be good in final. But all of this wears me down, it makes me very tired, unhappy and fed up with everything, even though I try to resist for the sake of seeing her back to the old her and continue the great relationship we had. Any advices ?
Keenly Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 My advice is to pull back. She wants space? Give it to her. Give her all the space she can handle. If she comes around, good. If she doesn't, you know she never cared for you at all. Sounds like she just keeps you around as boredom side action. Seems to be all about her and when you bring up your needs she just laughs them off and insults you. 2
Author Jonn60 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 My advice is to pull back. She wants space? Give it to her. Give her all the space she can handle. If she comes around, good. If she doesn't, you know she never cared for you at all. Sounds like she just keeps you around as boredom side action. Seems to be all about her and when you bring up your needs she just laughs them off and insults you. Few days ago I told her that I am having enough of all of this and I want to take a break and she made a damn big speech about why I leave her when she needs the most support, that I just want to get on with my life and don't care of her, that she loses control over things in her life and such. She is kinda hard to understand though .. when she is calm and rational human being, she constantly tells me that she doesn't want to lose me, that she loves me, that she knows there are better girls out there that could make me more happy, that she isn't some special girl and is bipolar ( lol ? ), that she knows that she is in big sh** at the moment and feels overwhelmed, that she wants the 2 of us to have a happy life and so. She even planned that the 2 of us, after she finishes with the degree, to go in a vacation in other country ... I just don't know what to believe.
Keenly Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Why is this so hard to understand? It isn't. She is important, you are not. When some one goes through a stressful time, they should absolutely expect the support of their partner. What they can not do though, is begin to neglect their partner and their relationship entirely while still expecting the torrent of support without any reciprocation whatsoever. She is a vampire, sucking the energy out of you and offering up nothing in return but complaints, attempts to invalidate your feelings, and insults and communication avoidance when you attempt to express your feelings. How long did you say this has been going on for? 1
Author Jonn60 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) Why is this so hard to understand? It isn't. She is important, you are not. When some one goes through a stressful time, they should absolutely expect the support of their partner. What they can not do though, is begin to neglect their partner and their relationship entirely while still expecting the torrent of support without any reciprocation whatsoever. She is a vampire, sucking the energy out of you and offering up nothing in return but complaints, attempts to invalidate your feelings, and insults and communication avoidance when you attempt to express your feelings. How long did you say this has been going on for? All of this started in May. At first it wasn't that bad, it was ok, we could live. But for 2 weeks or so its just hell. Constantly fighting and the worse is that most of them start on facebook chat, long texts, time ruined by staying to answer to texts with texts again and so .. You have a valid point. But I sometimes look at my actions when I am alone and see that I could act differently in some moments to avoid the fight. But I am a hot head too and I just can't keep calm anymore because of the constant arguing and jump on conclusions and accusations too .. things that make her boil like a vulcano. She starts to act rude, I start to act rude too and so does a fighting starts. 3 days in a row this week, we acted normal and such, but yesterday night we had a big argue started in my car and then continued ( because I couldn't keep my mouth shut cause my ego was hurt whatsoever ) on facebook. All of this because she was very irritated and tired after yesterday cause she had an exam and a fight with her girlfriend and just wanted to sleep. So she was acting very cold and nervous and this made me mad and I popped up ... Edited June 14, 2015 by Jonn60
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