irresolute Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 No contact 12 weeks now. Strict no contact (blocked everywhere, iPhone, what's sap, Facebook, one dating site) I'm feeling really sad and I miss him. I want to see a picture of him. I'm about to google his nick name. I have a strong urge to do this. I decided to post here instead, and write here what I'm feeling, in hopes this urges will go away. Our last conversation , back in April, he said he wasn't in love with me. There was no indication he wanted to pursue any relationship with me at that moment. Moreover, he encouraged me to see other men, to date other men. On top of all this, I have a strong feeling he was seeing other women besides me. That night I blocked him and tried to move on. I was doing moderately ok but two weeks ago I started to cry again everyday and to have this strange feeling ill never be over him, that he'll be my shadow forever, a dark spot in my heart. Then I thought, if I'm not going to forget about him, why don't I see his pictures online?
ravfour4 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) Don't do it. If you wanted to get additional closure you needed to ask him about it during or soon after the break up. If you see a pic now, you'll likely be reminded of the good times and potentially want to reach out to him. If you really just want to see a pic of him and not what he's up to on Facebook or any other social media, don't you have a pic of him on your phone or your own Facebook? Just look there instead. reading your post just made me think of taking a look at a pic of my ex on my fb and I did, made me uncomfortable - so don't do it haha. She did kind of look like some random person though, finally taking her off the pedestal Edited June 14, 2015 by ravfour4 2
Author irresolute Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Oh wow I'm sorry my post reminded you to look for her online. I'm not gonna look. He doesn't deserve my time. Crap I wish I could get over him for once and for all
ravfour4 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Haha it's no big deal, I saw her in person a couple days ago and it was nice to see her as a random woman and not the girl I loved. It's tough, hang in there and try to remind yourself that as hard as it is to realize, you control your happiness. Look at where you are, what you're doing etc. and pay attention to your surroundings. Live in the moment. The moment is good. 1
erklat Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 You really like picking scabs, girl ? Return your Johnny statuses to your sig. Especially that one where it said you contacted him and threw away all your dignity. Men in general like self reliant women that they can respect. I couldn't respect you if you were in panic mode for this long. 2
dyna85 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) Don't do it. If there is anything I have learned from this experience it's to accept your feelings and push through the compulsion to 'do something about it.' I've had a rough few wks at the SIX MONTH NC mark. Pretty sure this can be attributed to having 'looked him up.' Very bad move on my part. Anyway, this resulted in me having severe pangs of dismay and feeling this need to contact him. I decided come hell or high water I would push through this intense pain, and as of yesterday, see myself finally turning the corner. You will find peace in strength & perseverance. NOT in going backwards. 12 wks NC is NOTHING. I swear to God. It's nothing. I wish I didn't beat myself up so bad for being so upset at the 3 month mark. I wish I knew that it was just all part of process, and very necessary, to still be so completely low and to feel hopeless. The more you carry on with strict NC in place, the more quickly you will advance in your healing. Keep going, for YOURSELF. From what I have read of your backstory, this guy is a LOSER. You don't need validation from him. This is a lesson to love and value yourself. Only once you acknowledge this and stop clinging to this idiot, will you pave the way to a more fulfilled future. It's okay to still be dwelling in that place of misery, but you don't need to take action that will set you back in your healing. The urges are going to come and go. It's how you handle them when they're 'in your face' that sets the pace for your healing. The fork in the road will be before you many times in life. Make the best choice for yourself, for your health and well being, and show yourself you RESPECT & LOVE YOURSELF. Be grateful for what you DO have in life. The universe will reward you for being good to yourself and for being thankful for the many things you do have that make life great. Edited June 14, 2015 by dyna85 2
Author irresolute Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 You really like picking scabs, girl ? Return your Johnny statuses to your sig. Especially that one where it said you contacted him and threw away all your dignity. Men in general like self reliant women that they can respect. I couldn't respect you if you were in panic mode for this long. I didn't do it. Wow my heart just raced when I saw his name written here. You know, I never pronounced his name or seen any of his pictures or unblock him in a 12 week period. I'm not in panic mode, but thank you for your message. Good luck
Author irresolute Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Don't do it. If there is anything I have learned from this experience it's to accept your feelings and push through the compulsion to 'do something about it.' I've had a rough few wks at the SIX MONTH NC mark. Pretty sure this can be attributed to having 'looked him up.' Very bad move on my part. Anyway, this resulted in me having severe pangs of dismay and feeling this need to contact him. I decided come hell or high water I would push through this intense pain, and as of yesterday, see myself finally turning the corner. You will find peace in strength & perseverance. NOT in going backwards. 12 wks NC is NOTHING. I swear to God. It's nothing. I wish I didn't beat myself up so bad for being so upset at the 3 month mark. I wish I knew that it was just all part of process, and very necessary, to still be so completely low and to feel hopeless. The more you carry on with strict NC in place, the more quickly you will advance in your healing. Keep going, for YOURSELF. From what I have read of your backstory, this guy is a LOSER. You don't need validation from him. This is a lesson to love and value yourself. Only once you acknowledge this and stop clinging to this idiot, will you pave the way to a more fulfilled future. It's okay to still be dwelling in that place of misery, but you don't need to take action that will set you back in your healing. The urges are going to come and go. It's how you handle them when they're 'in your face' that sets the pace for your healing. The fork in the road will be before you many times in life. Make the best choice for yourself, for your health and well being, and show yourself you RESPECT & LOVE YOURSELF. Be grateful for what you DO have in life. The universe will reward you for being good to yourself and for being thankful for the many things you do have that make life great. Thanks. I'm really beating up myself at 12 week no contact mark. Gezz thanks for your words, I appreciate them. I slept briefly between 4 and 5 am and could go back to sleep but my brain couldn't stop thinking about at the deceiving etc. I was a puppet, blind puppet. I just cannot think of anything nice about him at this point. He used me, oh he did. I'm still mad at myself for being so weak. My only source of satisfaction is he is blocked and even in the case he will try to contact me, I won't be able to see it. Such a player, I'm still so angry.
Haydn Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Try to put your kids first. You mentioned them in another thread. Don`t go down this road again.
Brax Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Please don't do it and stay strong. You'll regret it just like I did yesterday. Although my circumstances were different than yours. I took a look of her Facebook profile and all these past memories came rushing in. I missed her again, met her, then talked to her and later proceeded to do a 180 sudden change in my life to impress her only to have my feelings sh*t upon. Although it ended better this time around, I reopened old wounds and felt hurt again. Try to stop holding on to your anger, it'll just prolong the length of the healing process. Forgive him and move on and I'm sure you will get better.
Author irresolute Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Please don't do it and stay strong. You'll regret it just like I did yesterday. Although my circumstances were different than yours. I took a look of her Facebook profile and all these past memories came rushing in. I missed her again, met her, then talked to her and later proceeded to do a 180 sudden change in my life to impress her only to have my feelings sh*t upon. Although it ended better this time around, I reopened old wounds and felt hurt again. Try to stop holding on to your anger, it'll just prolong the length of the healing process. Forgive him and move on and I'm sure you will get better. I'm sorry you had a setback. I didn't look for him online. I'm having this angry thoughts about him, thinking he used me as he pleased, I was so infatuated I couldn't see. Truth is he didn't care. Not once he cared for me even though he proclaimed I was the last person he'd ever wanted to hurt. Aww, it makes me want to vomit. I can't forgive for now. If you know how to forgive a predator, just let me know.
Brax Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 No matter what he did to you, forgiving is about letting him go, forgetting the past and moving on. You're doing this for you and you only. Holding on to your anger is akin to holding on to the relationship, let it go!. You can't change what he did but you can be damn sure to learn from this experience and avoid future relationships like this.
Author irresolute Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 No matter what he did to you, forgiving is about letting him go, forgetting the past and moving on. You're doing this for you and you only. Holding on to your anger is akin to holding on to the relationship, let it go!. You can't change what he did but you can be damn sure to learn from this experience and avoid future relationships like this. You're right/ sometimes I do forgive him and then I breath freely but then I remember all the s.hit and start feeling ashamed about myself and angry about him. I've started to read a book about letting go from a buddhist perspective, I hope this will help me. Letting go and forgiving is difficult. I find it even more difficult than to stay no contact. thank you for your words!
aloneinaz Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 You're right/ sometimes I do forgive him and then I breath freely but then I remember all the s.hit and start feeling ashamed about myself and angry about him. I've started to read a book about letting go from a buddhist perspective, I hope this will help me. Letting go and forgiving is difficult. I find it even more difficult than to stay no contact. thank you for your words! Here's what worked for me. My last ex and I broke up a couple of times prior to the final time when she ended it. I was FLIPPING DONE! I PRRROOOMMISSED myself she'd NEVER hear from me again. I kept reinforcing it w/myself several times a day. I got MAD and said to myself "you don't want me in your life, you got it!" I vanished from her life. She heard NOTHING from me. It wasn't easy. Feeling rejected is never easy. Staying NC and avoid anything to do with her helped me feel better much quicker. I started dating a couple months later then met my now 22 month GF. My rambling point is, you have to say F-you to people who reject us. They have all the right to do this but we can still choose to be angry about it until we heal. It keeps us strong and allows us to maintain our self respect. My ex was terrible to me the last few months of our relationship. She probably has BPD. She reappeared 5.5 months later asking for another chance and was told hell no. She asked me to forgive her for how horrible she treated me. I did. It would of hurt me more to hold a grudge than to set her free from her guilt. I'd never date her again and know she has issues that caused some of her behavior. Stay NC, date when you can and you'll find someone better.
Author irresolute Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Here's what worked for me. My last ex and I broke up a couple of times prior to the final time when she ended it. I was FLIPPING DONE! I PRRROOOMMISSED myself she'd NEVER hear from me again. I kept reinforcing it w/myself several times a day. I got MAD and said to myself "you don't want me in your life, you got it!" I vanished from her life. She heard NOTHING from me. It wasn't easy. Feeling rejected is never easy. Staying NC and avoid anything to do with her helped me feel better much quicker. I started dating a couple months later then met my now 22 month GF. My rambling point is, you have to say F-you to people who reject us. They have all the right to do this but we can still choose to be angry about it until we heal. It keeps us strong and allows us to maintain our self respect. My ex was terrible to me the last few months of our relationship. She probably has BPD. She reappeared 5.5 months later asking for another chance and was told hell no. She asked me to forgive her for how horrible she treated me. I did. It would of hurt me more to hold a grudge than to set her free from her guilt. I'd never date her again and know she has issues that caused some of her behavior. Stay NC, date when you can and you'll find someone better. Aloneinaz, thank you for your wise words. Congratulations on your healing. I sometimes think if he didn't want me, he could go f. himself, I continue with my life. He doesn't deserve my time nor my feelings. That's most of the time. Other times I simply miss the good times, the closeness we had, and I regret having opened myself that much. I don't think I could ever open myself the way I did with him. Then I feel sad. Like these last weeks. How could she ever contacted you? I blocked him everywhere, there's no way he could ever reach to me.
crazybestie101 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I blocked him everywhere, there's no way he could ever reach to me. Even though you blocked him, if he wants to reach out to you nothing can stop him. i.e he can make new account, he can call you from different number, he can show up at your place. When man wants you he knows how to find you.
Author irresolute Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 I blocked him everywhere, there's no way he could ever reach to me. Even though you blocked him, if he wants to reach out to you nothing can stop him. i.e he can make new account, he can call you from different number, he can show up at your place. When man wants you he knows how to find you. I think that's correct in the case the ex really wants you back. In my particular case, he never wanted me, so it's highly doubtful he'll ever make any effort like creating a fake account etc to contact me. I can be reassured this is not gonna happen.
crazybestie101 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I think that's correct in the case the ex really wants you back. In my particular case, he never wanted me, so it's highly doubtful he'll ever make any effort like creating a fake account etc to contact me. I can be reassured this is not gonna happen. Then, you have your answer. I am not the best person to advice you on this as i still struggle sometimes with my 1.5 years of NC. But i can tell you this :if he doesn't want you, dont waste time waiting around for this dude. I know its easily said then done. But honestly , there is nothing much you can do. When i have my down moments i watch coach Corey Wayne videos on youtube about relationship topic, it helped me get out of down moments, may be it can help you too. Here is link :
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