Author Thermals Posted June 29, 2015 Author Posted June 29, 2015 (edited) Deleted Message. Deleted Message. Edited June 29, 2015 by Thermals
Versacehottie Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 Can you please explain what you mean by that? well you describe all the things she does for you that get you momentarily to come around to being attracted to her. But it is fleeting. You show up at her house lackluster and are not too enthused to see her or contact her. You are ambivalent. No doubt she must feel that in some way or it show in your actions. You describe all the things she does for you, AS IF you should be grateful and appreciative of these things and it for a short while pulls you closer. BUT if you really appreciated her, you would be telling us more about "her" as a person herself (not just in your orbit) and what you do for her and your relationship together, though I think you said you laugh together--which basically sounds like she alleviates boredom in your life. You did say you've missed her since you've broken up, but--and don't take this the wrong way--but when I read between the lines, I feel like it's all about you. She's feels like she's barely a supporting character. Sorry, that's just the way I felt when I read your story. Maybe it's because the physical attraction is a huge stumbling block for you. I get that totally. And it's a fair thing. Or maybe you are just overthinking it so much. But at a certain point, in order to keep going out with her, you would think she has influenced you with her persona. I didn't really hear that which is why I question if missing her is about her or is it about you? At some point if she deserves to be an equal/significant person in this story or it won't have a good ending. Sorry if I am reading too much into it, just trying to help you get to the heart of the matter. My personal belief is that most people don't do things unless they get something out of it. So when you are half-in, half-out, what are you getting out of it? I think it's the adoration. But when you are giving less than your best, do you really think she is not noticing? It's so....dismissive. I hope I'm wrong.
Grumpybutfun Posted June 29, 2015 Posted June 29, 2015 What you describe here seems more to do with you and not with her. This woman was a very special, kind person by your own description who made you feel happy for a few moments and you decided that because you visually weren't stimulated 100% of the time, you would toss her away. The problem seems to be that you are unhappy with yourself. You lack the joie de vivre that sustains people to find the goodness and beauty in others based on something more meaningful than a pretty face. I don't know what your depression issues consists of, but maybe it is time to figure out what is lacking within you, what self images make you feel in need of something more when you have something very positive in front of you. You aren't a kid anymore but a grown man who needs to think about life as more than just an amusing play that you can draw the curtain on when it isn't sufficiently amusing. If you truly want to find joy, then find out what is blocking that idea from taking hold in your head. Maybe see a life coach or a spiritual mentor. Maybe she would have turned out to be nothing more than a happy memory of a lovely love affair, but maybe she would have became something more if you had gotten out of your own way in the search for happiness. Just something to think about. Good luck, Grumps 1
Author Thermals Posted July 3, 2015 Author Posted July 3, 2015 (edited) No one looks 100% in every situation. Sure it's not a fear of things moving fast, even talk of kids that has you hot and cold? You're looking at a potentially long term mature relationship, a major life choise. Fear can manifest in many ways. You should talk with her, not us her. The positives you described could lead to future regret if don't. Twice, once in the first week of dating and again on the 4th week she said to me that she gets attached very easily. And to be honest, I get attached very easily and quickly, too. Given this information, I felt that the clock was ticking for me to make up my mind. I had to either commit or leave. With the physical attraction element acting as a stumbling block, I realized that I had to make up my mind quickly, that there was no room for ambiguity. So I preferred to err on the side of caution and spare us both the longer grieving time and heartbreak associated with being together over a longer period of several months or years. In all honesty, I wish there was less pressure and wish that I could -- and we could -- get to know each other more/longer. Edited July 3, 2015 by Thermals
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