Linlin Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Today is one of those I hate my life days. I guess I really can't complain because I have guys that I date, but I really would like one of them to step up and be a little more serious. What can I do to help this happen? I think I am too available to them. Should I be more standoffish and unavailable? One is a security guard at the casino and the one is a pro golfer. They are fun guys and more like FWB. I can cope and deal with this. We have fun when we are together and that is about it. However, pro golfer, calls or texts me every single day sometimes, several times, just to see what I am doing. Pro golfer #2, yes 2 golf pros, could have the potential for something but I have met him at the wrong time. He is just separating from his wife and it is too soon for him to date. If this were 6 months from now he would be totally dateable. Now saying that, I have gone out with him in a group of people, never alone and we do have a riot together but he needs to deal with his stuff. Sometimes he calls me and then sometimes I don't hear from him for a few days. Maybe I should cut ties with him for now. Now the one I really like is a customs broker. We had one date in early Feb. It was an 18 hour date that turned into a ONS. We talked for 2 weeks following and then he told me that he needed to talk to me and that he an his ex girlfriend were going to try to sort things out. He contacted me the end of March and in April and told me that working it out lasted 2 weeks. He wanted more, she wanted less. He asked me if I would be willing to go out with him again. We went out on last Wed and had a great time. Another 12 hour date. He told me the sex could wait this time if I wanted. We talk by email everyday. Talked on the phone Monday night for 1 hour. He is very busy at work and personally and so am I. I asked him if he wanted to do something Friday and said he had 2 other commitments but we will go out again soon. Then he emailed me again later in the day to chat. What do you think is going on with this guy? Should I play a little hard to get or what. I don't want to marry him tomorrow but he has the potential to date seriously. We were set up by friends and on paper are a great match and obvioulsy have not problem filling up the time together. He even says that the time just flies by. Maybe I am just PMSing and whining and feeling sorry for myself.
coaster Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Not that I know very much about dating (see thread: the age old "why didn't he call me" question) but it seems like he does like you and maybe he just wants slow down a little. I'm not really into playing games or anything so I don't think you should be stand-offish. I think you should do what feels right. Certainly don't go overboard, but I think following his lead might help. Good luck!
Author Linlin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 I hate games to but should I always wait for him to contact me first or what?
blind_otter Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 patience is a virtue, linlin. men like to chase things.
alphamale Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin Maybe I am just PMSing Yes, LINLIN, I think that is the problem here.
purple21 Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 well it sounds like he likes you BO is right - even thought it may be hard - just play it cool and see what happens - I'm learning to do this myself lol.
Author Linlin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 F*ck'n hate the chase. Pony up already!! LOL What do you think B_O? Does the last one sound like he has an interest? Should I let him take control for awhile or let him think that he has control?
blind_otter Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 A wise person recently told me that if he wants you he'll come to you. Let him come to you. So. Do that.
Author Linlin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Yes, LINLIN, I think that is the problem here. What is your honest opinion Alpha?
alphamale Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin What is your honest opinion Alpha? 1. play hard to get but don't be totally unavailable 2. imply that you are being courted by other men (but don't dwell on it) 3. ask the friends who set u up about the deal on this dude 4. dress sexy and look fine 5. flirt, flirt, flirt 6. don't give him any more nookie until he comes clean
EC Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 1. play hard to get but don't be totally unavailable 2. imply that you are being courted by other men (but don't dwell on it) 3. ask the friends who set u up about the deal on this dude 4. dress sexy and look fine 5. flirt, flirt, flirt 6. don't give him any more nookie until he comes clean 1. Check 2. Check 3. Check 4. Check 5. Check 6. Aweee c'mon...
Author Linlin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 1. I need to work on 2. I am but I haven't said anything about it to him and they really aren't serious 3. They can't believe that he hasn't stepped up even his male best friend. Like I said before, on paper we are a great match. That is why they set us up in the first place. 4. I do this 5. I do this 6. Can't I? Just a little bit?
Author Linlin Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Customs broker boy just emailed me. I have decided although it will be hard, only to email him back when he contacts me. It was just general chit chat and he suggested some songs that he liked that I could download into my new MP3 player and that he would keep an eye out for me and try to find me some hunky guys to do some renos on my house ( a joke from him). I replied nice and politely. Told him thanks for the suggestions and asked for some more music to download. Told him that a male friend of mine always teases me about my taste in music (ie there are other guys sniffing around). Told him he could play with it next time I see him. Gave him my description of the hunky guy needed to do the work. Of course it basically matches what he looks like. Any other suggestions kids?
Author Linlin Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 This doesn't seem to be getting any better and I don't know what to do. He shared some personal info about himself and past relationships and I decided I would share back. He asked me why I wasn't sleeping at nights and I told him basically, 1. I have to get my parents moved out (they are living with me till their house is built - 15 days but who is counting, 2. My ex has to accept that I am divorcing him next month (he knows about this because we have talked about it) and 3. Right now I miss having some one to share with (stuff we have talked about before). I also empathatically stressed that I wasn't assuming that he was automatically going to be that person to fill this void. I told him that what ever will be will be and people trying to force us together (friends set us up) won't change may happen naturally. I made sure that I said that my missing having someone to share with has NO implications on him to set up or otherwise. It just kind of echoed some of the feelings that he had shared with me. Now he has gone stone cold on the emails. We email each other everyday about what is going on in our lives, sometimes more than once. I havent' heard from him since Thursday. I sent an email this morning asking him if he was OK and to talk to me but he hasn't responded. What do you think is going on? Why do you think he isn't responding? Is it what I said or could he be still dealing with the split from his ex-girlfriend 8 weeks ago? Should I just leave him alone and wait for him to contact me? I feel bad since I really thought this guy had some really long term potential over the other guys that I am dating. Beacuse of our conversations, I started to invest a bit emotionally into this guy and it is really bothering me. Any suggestions????? Please!!!
Mz. Pixie Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I would wait a bit to see if he contacts you. Perhaps he freaked out a bit? Perhaps he's just busy. At any rate, I usually let the guy do the pursuing. I'm in a committed relationship with my BF but I still let him to the bulk of the calling. I call if I need to tell him something etc but I let him call me on his schedule. He calls me several times a day so it seems to be fine for us.
Author Linlin Posted May 5, 2005 Author Posted May 5, 2005 OK Guys, What is going on here? Get home from shopping tonight. There is an email from customs broker boy. Asking how I am doing? How did my Dr. apptment go on Thursday. When am I going to have my surgery? He says he hopes I have a good evening and he will talk to me later. There was no mention of the email I sent to him about how I was feeling lately or the one asking him what the hell was going on when I hadn't heard from him in 5 days. Remember we talk or email everyday, sometimes several times a day. Do you think he is still interested? Is he just being polite? SHould I email back? What should I do?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin OK Guys, What is going on here? Get home from shopping tonight. There is an email from customs broker boy. Asking how I am doing? How did my Dr. apptment go on Thursday. When am I going to have my surgery? He says he hopes I have a good evening and he will talk to me later. There was no mention of the email I sent to him about how I was feeling lately or the one asking him what the hell was going on when I hadn't heard from him in 5 days. Remember we talk or email everyday, sometimes several times a day. Do you think he is still interested? Is he just being polite? SHould I email back? What should I do? Fishing for information, it sounds like...
Mz. Pixie Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I think he didn't know what to say so decided to ignore the other e mail. I think he still likes you, but he's treading carefully here. See, you're not contacting him, so he's curious as to what's up?
alphamale Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin Do you think he is still interested? Is he just being polite? SHould I email back? What should I do? LINLIN, please chill out and relax here. You are over-analyzing and it is not helping. Time will tell all....take some deep breaths. What will happen will happen, u have little control over the outcome.
Author Linlin Posted May 5, 2005 Author Posted May 5, 2005 Do I answer him? I know Alpha. I am not very good at not being in control. I always said I should be a guy. I am going to keep defering to you guys for now. For some reason, I can't figure this one out. I don't have this problem with other guys I date/ have dated.
Author Linlin Posted May 5, 2005 Author Posted May 5, 2005 Why, won't that seem as rude or game playing?
Mz. Pixie Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 I think you should at least answer him. Keep it short and sweet. You sound just like me- I hate feeling out of control!
purple21 Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 It sounds to me like he wants things to continue as is - especially avoiding that other email and your past conversation - well that sort of thing happened to me recently. Yeah I hate not being in control or knowing what the hell is going on - but again you can't force feelings out of someone either - things just gotta happen as Alpha says - I'm trying to work on that myself. It's a new thing for me to deal with as well since my ex. I agree with Mz. Pixie - I would respond but short and sweet - he probably knows you are interested and let him pursue at this point - that is the way you would want it anyways. Since he just broke up with someone 8 weeks ago - he might be taking things slow for now and not wanting to jump into anything. It's hard to say - could be many things. Or maybe the guys are right saying not to respond - whatever you are comfortable with. Maybe try it if you can and see what happens. I find that hard though when you are also friends. Keep us updated.
alphamale Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Originally posted by purple21 I agree with Mz. Pixie - I would respond but short and sweet - I wouldn't.
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