school teasing need advice

[NTB]

i don't really know if this belongs here cause i'm not a parent but i figure i need advice from parents or i guess anyone that can help.

 

here goes i have a wonderful, athletic, smart (like honor roll smart), beautiful little niece she is 11 yrs old going on 12 and the thing is she is very sports minded the kid loves to play sports and i guess that could be my fault and that of her brothers. she has always hung out with us when we go to the park and our friends and we like to play ball and she has always wanted to play with us and we would never say no to her but we also would teach her to play rough, aggressive so to say if that makes sense. so she is all about playing sports i mean she plays everything you name it she'll play it and hanging out with us she has also picked up on some not so lady like habits.

she had told me this once before and i told her to just ignore them i figured she could let it roll of her back and it wouldn't bother her as much but i guess i was wrong cause once again she has confided in me and from what i see only me that she is being teased on at school by the boys in her class, she use to play soccer with these kids (and not to brag but she was very very good i mean if i was 11 i wouldn't want to play against her) so i thought maybe they were just sore that she had beaten them.

in any case they are picking on her calling her names, making comments and i guess just making her life hell and being her uncle of course first thing that comes to mind is to bash skulls but i know i can't do that so really i don't know how to approach this or what to tell her all i could do was hug her and tell her it would all be okay which sucks cause i don't like just sitting by and let my niece get hurt......i asked her if she wanted me to go to school or talk to her teacher or anything and all she would say was no cause if they find out she tells they have told her it will get worse. now i don't want to be violent but i feel like telling her to knock one of these kids out....anyway i think i am getting worked up here........

 

so what should i do should i tell my brother and sister in law? she has only told me about this and i don't want her to think she can't come talk to me about stuff i figure she needs someone to talk to

 

so what should i tell her i don't think a hug and me telling her it will all work out is good enough........

any advice would be cool

[Lil Honey]

NTB:

 

First, I want to say that I am extremely happy that she has a wonderful uncle that looks after her and even better . . . that she loves and trusts enough to confide in. Isn't that just great? Can you imagine the kids that don't have that?

 

Second, you have a tough issue on your hands. I think that, since she has come to YOU with the information, you need to keep in with you and do your best to rectify the situation before getting others involved. I think that she may have told you, because if she DID tell her parents, they would go to school and make it worse - like she said.

 

I'm not sure it makes a difference to me, but what are they teasing her about? Some kids get teased about being smart (believe it or not). Since she's a girl and plays sports, is it about her . . . um . . . "development"? Maybe if you could fill us in on the topic of their teasing, someone could come up with something to say or do for her.

 

I'm wondering if you could talk to her teachers and sit in on a couple of her classes without any of the kids knowing that you are related. That would allow you to see the interaction.

 

If she is telling you, then it's bothering her. I know that's an understatement, but it also highlights the fact that something needs to be done. I only wish I had more ideas.

 

Maybe you could call the school without identifying yourself and ask what their procedures are for dealing with this situation. That way, YOU could determine the level of the facilities' involvement and if you want to go that route.

 

Do the same kids tease any of her friends? Are their other parents (with kids in the same situaton) out there that could form some sort of parental watch in school to see what's going on?

[Chris777]

Yes It would help to have a bit more info on what they are teasing her about.

 

Kids in general are getting more agressive, and less respectful to adults and teachers in general, not just each other alone.

 

A few years back I actually had problems with a boy in my daughters class picking on me!

 

And I was just dumbfounded at what to do, as I obviously could not just step on him like a bug.

 

But it got to the point that he almost knocked a lunch tray out of my hands at lunch and I had to yell at him before he stopped.

 

And I hated doing it, but I Really dont like having to step in and correct someone elses child for behavior that should be taough to kids in general.

 

I have also noticed that the kids in her current class say things to the teacher that If they were in school when i was They would end up at the principals office at the very least, and the teacher must apparently get it so much that it has been reduced to the common.

 

Talk to your niece and try and find out anything else you can from her, and offer to help if she has any ideas of how you can.

[Lil Honey]

Originally posted by Lil Honey

 

That way, YOU could determine the level of the facilities' involvement and if you want to go that route.

 

Not to change the subject, but I DO know the difference between facilities and faculties. * embarrassing grin*

 

 

I have to agree, Chris, that a lot of kid these days are simply out of control. The teacher can't say or do much about it without fear of retaliation . . . and all this baloney starts in the home . . .

[Merin]

Hmm.. My Daughter is only 7.. but when she had a problem with a little ****er in her class she pointed him out to me.. I walked over and said "You want a piece of me little man?!" JK JK JK (But OMG I wanted to!)

 

 

Seriously it's hard if one of your Kids (or a kid ya love) is having kids pick on them or make them feel bad... I would start with talking to her parents about this.. I know she doesn't want you to but they are her parents AND make it clear to them she didn't want them to know so they didn't hear it from you... *wink wink*

 

Parents need to find out from her teacher what in the hell is going on and find solutions...

[quankanne]

first off, just a big pat on the back for loving this child so much you're looking out for her – half of her problem is solved just by knowing she's got you to share her problems with.

 

now, is her school a larger one that has a counsellor on campus? You may want to contact that person or even a school administrator (principal/vice principal/director of discipline) about adopting an anti-bullying curriculum so that the kids can find better ways to express themselves before the teasing problem becomes a bullying problem.

 

another possibility is be with them while they interact, then set the tone; if these are guys teasing a girl, you could say something like, "that was so funny! but you know what guys, when you say/do things -- even in a teasing manner -- she's gonna remember that in a few years when you decide you want to hang out with her. And she's gonna want to either puke in your face or be really ugly to you just because she can, all because you teased/bullied her in the past. You really don't screw yourself over later by being a blockhead now." You can remind them that a "real man" treats others with respect even when he's tempted to make fun of someone.

 

if all else fails, use the guilt card. You'll have to be creative, but it works.

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

Many schools have a "no bullying" policy or so they say because too many (and one is too many) suicides happen. I live in a small town, and recently a 12 yr old took his own life because he was bullied.

 

Your niece is crying out. I think you SHOULD talk to her parents and ask them to talk to HER. If her school has a policy, they will have to take care of it and ensure that no retaliation takes place. If it does then the authorities should be involved to deal specifically with the offenders. She should not be afraid of retaliation. It's the same as the abused child being afraid to "tell".

 

I'm always hinting at my kids in subtle ways to find out what other kids say or do. Like asking who they played with, and then a few days later bringing up some familiar names to see their reaction, and asked who played with whom, and if any kids looked like they needed help and stuff like that.

[NTB]

well they tease from everything i guess she says they call her a tom boy and they call her a geek cause she is on the honor roll and she i guess has developed some i guess not exactly how i wanna see my niece but yeah she has told me that some of the boys make comments to her about her rear. but when she is with her friends they call her a lesbian and like i said she hangs out with me and my nephew so she kinda talks like a sailor sometimes.

 

i don't know what else to tell her i mean i tell to just let it go but your right i guess it does bother her if not she wouldn't have told me, man i wish i was like 12 again this would be so much easier

 

i am suppose to pick her up after school told maybe i can strike some fear into these boys we shall see if not i think i am going to teach her how to kick a$$

[Lil Honey]

NTB:

 

A good share of the problem is your niece's self-esteem and confidence. Unfortunately, it's a vicious cycle. The other kids tease her and she is influenced by it, then they tease her and then she is influenced by it. They are whittling away at her. Do you know why? Probably because they are jealous.

 

I've seen a jump in young people striving to be LESS than who they are or who they could be. It seems to me that the more whiney, flamboyant, destructive, immoral, sloppy, bizzare and outwardly-in-need-of-attention a person is, the more others look at them and talk about them. Then others see it as a way of getting noticed and think it's a good idea. There is no intelligence or talent there, just a lot of noise-making . . .

 

You need to reinforce to your niece that she is the way she is supposed to be. It is HER life, not the other kids' life. She will not see nor care about these kids when she leaves school so there is no point in putting stock in what they say. She is her own person.

 

BTW, her friends are NOT her friends if they call her names. When my kids were growing up, I did the whole parent talk thing with them . . . several times . . . even when they didn't want to. LOL I would tell them that anyone who tried to get them to drink and drive, take drugs, smoke or have sex were NOT there true friends, because true friends would only want the best for them. Needless to say, they weren't the most "popular" kids in school and they didn't have a LOT of friends. BUT, the friends that they DO have are quality kids . . .

 

Sometimes a person has to stand their ground and stand for what they feel is right - even if that means standing alone. The thing is . . . she isn't alone . . . she has you.