TrevorDia Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 So last night about 3am I get this message on Whatsapp from a number not in my phone book, but the profile picture I recognise very clearly. It's my ex. She says "I mriss you" "Hug" "Sorryyyyyyyyyy" in 3 messages in a row. So, I react in possibly one of the worst ways and throw my phone at the wall. Somehow that was my gut reaction. I have a bit of a habit of destroying technology when I see things I don't want to see... Today I haven't been able to think of anything but her, I've been out and doing things - went to the gym, got a few drinks, saw an old friend, went for a walk, but every part of me wants to send her a message for closure. The last message I sent her before I went NC was way too nice, I told her why I was going NC, I said "I'll always love you" and she said "I'll always love you too", and then that was it. It's almost 8 weeks NC and she does this out of the blue. So I did one of the other "worst things you can do" and checked her Facebook. It still says she's in a relationship, but she's changed her profile pic to just her today. I want to make it clear that I am 100% sure I'm not going to go start things up with her again. I've made too much progress these last 8 weeks to throw it all away for her. But I know myself, and I know I'm going to end up doing just that - I'll end up messaging her, forgiving her and letting her get right back under my skin. She has thrown me into a complete tailspin and I'm not quite sure what the next move is. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Block her from everything. If something gets through, delete it unread. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrevorDia Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 Block her from everything. If something gets through, delete it unread. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. I appreciate what you're saying - I do. It's all nice in theory and I've read it on here a hundred times, but sometimes it's just impractical. Like, I opened it because it popped up as a notification and it's been so long I didn't expect it to be her. I didn't recognise the number and it's not the number she had when I knew her. I can't block numbers I don't know she has. Quite a lot of my friends know her as she becomes somewhat of a "celebrity" in her own little area, so every so often there'll be a video of her pops up on Facebook. What am I going to do? Block all my friends who know who she is? Or maybe I'm expected to post on Facebook "Hey, can everyone stop posting about my ex, I don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying"? Also, I don't have "little birds". Mainly because I'm not in the 3rd grade. All the things you posted are pretty long-term solutions. And in a week or two, I'll have forgotten about this incident. But right now it's at the forefront of my mind, and even though I know I shouldn't message her, I'm really having an "internal struggle" trying to convince myself not to message her. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Do whatever you like, but don't try to kid yourself and others that you are doing NC, when you are not. You are not. Take care, Satu. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dyna85 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Hi Trevor, First off, I could see someone throwing their phone in that scenario. Hope you didn't break it though. Second, you mention her FB says she's still in a relationship. If she is in a relationship with someone else, that is reason enough to not respond. I think you need to just float through these emotions. It's completely understandable that these messages are going to stir up some intense feelings within you, so no need to fight that. The feelings are only natural, given circumstances. Any time an ex resurfaces out of the blue when you're healing, it's going to throw you for a loop. Best thing is to just accept your emotions as you go through the healing process, rather than fight them and/or try to make things better with the person who dumped us. She made her choice, so let her live with it, and let her sleep on it. A 3 a.m. text is a weak attempt to get your attention and solicit a response. Don't take the bait. Her texts are the equivalent of what most people here refer to as 'breadcrumbs.' You want the full loaf, no? You do deserve that, ya know. Accept and let go. I know it's hard. You can do this though. She's thinking of you at least. That would make me feel good if I were you. However, you deserve more than that. Also, your last msg prior to going NC sounds really good and was not too nice. It's perfect and dignified. It's up to you as to what to do, but I can see why people would recommend the ignore approach in this instance. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TrevorDia Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 Do whatever you like, but don't try to kid yourself and others that you are doing NC, when you are not. You are not. Take care, Satu. Well that seemed a little on the salty side. If I've rubbed you up the wrong way Satu, I apologise. I understand that I've now broken NC. As soon as I looked her up on FB I knew the NC had restarted, but the progress I made has not. I don't think I'm trying to kid anyone, but thanks for your assertion. I've blocked that number, I've deactivated Facebook again (I really only reactivated it to look at her profile today, I'll admit that). I guess what I was really looking for was some advice on how people manage to avoid the temptation when the ex (clearly) drunk messages you. I know the answer is "don't message her", I was just looking for advice on dealing with the temptation. Please, don't let my situation concern you past your initial advice, Satu. I'm not in a place to ask for advice beyond the stock advice, I was just being hopeful. I'll take subsequent advice on board though. I'll "do whatever want" and "try not to kid" anyone about breaking NC. Thank you, and best wishes to yourself Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 You know she did that? Because you've ignored her and she's heard nothing from you. Dumpers ego's like to know that the dumped are still mooning over them and they are still wanted by them. They hate to be ignored. You want the ultimate revenge? Move on past her and find someone else who wants you in their life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 By the way she texted you, and the time, are you sure she wasn't drinking? Those texts look like drunk texts to me. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Agree with the above. Based on the time, I'd say they were more than likely drunk texts, therefore you absolutely never respond to those. Just try to tell yourself they were just dumb, meaningless, drunk texts and give this a little time. The more time passes, then you loose the urge. Take it one day at a time and talk yourself out of it. I was able to do that a few times with my ex. By the 4th or 5th day or so, I had no inclination to reply in any way. I knew the best response was no response. It always sends the strongest message. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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