Superman2024 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Is there a good way to find out someone's dating intent? When I'm doing OLD it's usually in the girl's profile somewhere but not always. I only want to date if it can lead to something serious and eventually marriage, so I'm not looking for someone who wants to date casually or just for fun. Is it best to try and find out in the beginning or just go out with them and see how things naturally develop? 1
TunaCat Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 As a woman, I'd appreciate knowing why someone is dating and what they are hoping to get out of dating as soon as possible. I am very upfront and I say that I'm interested in finding someone to marry. Case closed. That way, if a guy isn't looking for the same thing as I am, then we both know right away and can stop seeing each other. 1
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Is there a good way to find out someone's dating intent? When I'm doing OLD it's usually in the girl's profile somewhere but not always. I only want to date if it can lead to something serious and eventually marriage, so I'm not looking for someone who wants to date casually or just for fun. Is it best to try and find out in the beginning or just go out with them and see how things naturally develop? On our very first date (in the morning after we had just spent the night together.. ) my boyfriend asked me "so are you into multi-dating, or one-at-a time"? I told him one at a time, he responded so was he....and our relationship pretty much took off from there! I also gained a lot of respect for him for asking me that. He knew what he wanted (a relationship with me)....and he did not want to waste time pursuing me unless I felt the same.
J21 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Sooner is better than later. But I think it's important to first establish you guys have mutual interest or chemistry before you discuss all that stuff. I met a girl from OLD, and on our 1st date, she was talking about wanting to get married within a year or so. Nothing wrong with that. I think it's great she knows what she wants and be upfront about it. I told her I am looking for a serious relationship too. But the problem was, the attraction wasn't quite there for me. So was the conversation fruitful? I guess it depends how you look at it: 1) It made it more clear cut for me because the attraction wasn't there and I knew what she was looking for. 2) There was no point because the attraction wasn't there. Edited June 13, 2015 by J21
TheBathWater Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Is there a good way to find out someone's dating intent? When I'm doing OLD it's usually in the girl's profile somewhere but not always. I only want to date if it can lead to something serious and eventually marriage, so I'm not looking for someone who wants to date casually or just for fun. Is it best to try and find out in the beginning or just go out with them and see how things naturally develop? If there is zero mention or indication in the profile of what they are looking for, my initial impression is always that they're open to 'whatever' (and those people are harder to get into a relationship than someone who is intentionally looking to cultivate one). Of course, the only real way to know is to ask. People should not be put off by this and interpret it as needy, and if they do, they're probably not looking for love.
Author Superman2024 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 This one girl I'm communicating with I found on Tinder, which normally isn't used for serious dating so that's why I'd like to see what she's looking for. She doesn't specify in her profile and has been flaky with me before. My instinct is to be direct about this so I don't waste both our time and energy, but I've held back because I didn't want to come across as being too serious too soon or needy. After reading the feedback here though it seems best to bring it up. That's a good point about someone being put off over it. If they are they wouldn't be the right one to pursue anyway.
mongo Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 you want a serious relationship to come from online dating? LOL
Redhead14 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) Is there a good way to find out someone's dating intent? When I'm doing OLD it's usually in the girl's profile somewhere but not always. I only want to date if it can lead to something serious and eventually marriage, so I'm not looking for someone who wants to date casually or just for fun. Is it best to try and find out in the beginning or just go out with them and see how things naturally develop? Is it best to try and find out in the beginning or just go out with them and see how things naturally develop? Actually, it's both. You make a statement about what it is you are looking for right up front. Then you let them talk. If it "appears" that you both are on the same page and you are interested enough, you date them, observe how they date you and treat you for a while until it gets clearer at least. If they are dating for a relationship, they will date you that way. If they say they want a relationship with someone but only treat it casually, then their actions and words don't match. As a woman, it's better if you ask them what they are looking for and let them answer first. If you tell them first, they may tell you want to hear just for the opportunity to have sex at some point. Either way, you date them for while before being intimate at least. Edited June 14, 2015 by Redhead14
Author Superman2024 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I've been texting with this girl (she won't talk on the phone) who has a history of being flaky with me, so I asked her what she was looking for as far as dating and that if I find a good match I'd like something serious and long-term. She said she was looking for that too here and there but that it sometimes feels good to be single. That's not quite the answer I was looking for! I also told her I don't multi date and like to focus on one at a time. I'm still going to see if she wants to go out but I bet she flakes out again.
Gary S Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 If they are flaky, they are not serious and probably never will be. A woman who is sane and falling for you is consistent.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 I've been texting with this girl (she won't talk on the phone) who has a history of being flaky with me, so I asked her what she was looking for as far as dating and that if I find a good match I'd like something serious and long-term. She said she was looking for that too here and there but that it sometimes feels good to be single. That's not quite the answer I was looking for! I also told her I don't multi date and like to focus on one at a time. I'm still going to see if she wants to go out but I bet she flakes out again. I don't think you're going the right way with this, brother. Didn't you say you didn't ever have a girlfriend? Best to take it slow and get your first one and have it be fun and light instead of looking to marry the first one you fall head over heels for. That could be very dangerous. How old are you? Just meet people and see where it goes.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) My advice? Plan dates, take it week by week, and keep your expectations low. Don't discuss dating intent, until you're actually dating a woman consistently. Women take time to warm up to you. So when you ask if she only dates one at a time before you even spend time with her, it basically implies you want an immediate commitment. In the other thread with the woman you had three dates with, you came on really strong really fast with her as well. You talked to her every day she was on vacation, planned over the top dates, and basically treated her like your immediate girlfriend. This is why women probably keep flaking on you. Slow your roll a bit. I've been texting with this girl (she won't talk on the phone) who has a history of being flaky with me, so I asked her what she was looking for as far as dating and that if I find a good match I'd like something serious and long-term. She said she was looking for that too here and there but that it sometimes feels good to be single. That's not quite the answer I was looking for! I also told her I don't multi date and like to focus on one at a time. I'm still going to see if she wants to go out but I bet she flakes out again. In general, this is the type of woman you should be avoiding. If a woman acts flaky - not returning texts/calls, or making plans with you, it's because she isn't into you, and nothing you say will change her mind. So that's why you need to stop pursuing her immediately. Only focus on women who show with their actions that they're equally as interested in you. Anything less is a waste of your time. Edited June 15, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
MissBee Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Is there a good way to find out someone's dating intent? When I'm doing OLD it's usually in the girl's profile somewhere but not always. I only want to date if it can lead to something serious and eventually marriage, so I'm not looking for someone who wants to date casually or just for fun. Is it best to try and find out in the beginning or just go out with them and see how things naturally develop? Always ask. Especially if you know what you want. It's fine to let it develop "naturally" if both people aren't specifically sure they're looking for something serious. But if you are looking for something serious you'll do yourself a disservice if you don't find out if the other person is on the same page. I try to find this out early on when I'm looking for something serious. In my own experience, when people are serious it tends to become a conversation early on, and one or both people bring it up. However, it has never worked for me when I "let it happen naturally" generally it just turns into FWB when that happens. I find that men interested in more will bring that up themselves or when I do we agree on it, whereas those not interested won't bring it up if I don't or even if I do they give some vague "We'll see..." or "let's go with the flow" kind of answer or sometimes they're honest and say they aren't looking for a relationship and I can walk away befor egetting too invested. So ask early. 1
Author Superman2024 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 I don't think you're going the right way with this, brother. Didn't you say you didn't ever have a girlfriend? Best to take it slow and get your first one and have it be fun and light instead of looking to marry the first one you fall head over heels for. That could be very dangerous. How old are you? Just meet people and see where it goes. I'm actually 30 and hardly have any dating experience because I spent my 20's focusing on financial goals and personal development. I've certainly had girls interested in me over the years but I regret not putting more focus on that part of life even though I've achieved a lot in other areas. I'm a date to marry type so I feel like my time is better served dating someone who is also looking for something serious. This particular girl disappeared on me a month ago when I asked her out and now she seems to be doing the same again. My last text was asking her if she liked ice cream (which was going to lead to asking her out) but she hasn't responded. She is very flaky and never wants to talk on the phone. I guess that's what I get for trying to date 23 year olds, haha. I think it was a good idea in this case to ask about her intention given her history. It seems to help weed out the ones playing around. 1
Emmie83 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 you want a serious relationship to come from online dating? LOL I certainly got a serious relationship from online dating and couldn't be happier.
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