Mondmellonw Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Today I feel a pull to text/talk to the ex. I haven't done it just because I feel like if I do, I will literrally walk all over my dignity. I was thinking about many things. He said we weren't compatible, but broke up with me a day that I declined having sex with him. (I am still a virgin, he wanted us to sleep together and as I said no, he got angry and then dumped me. He said it was because he thought we weren't compatible, and that he was thinking about this long before dumping me. He said he still felt he loved me but that it just wasn't working). Then, I just asked him to not make drama and to not talk about me with mutual friends, I told him I was going to do the same. I asked him not to search for me ever again. And he did both. He talked about me with mutual friends. He did wanted to get my new phone number. What the hell? I'm so mad and sad at the same time. I just wanted it to work... Now he's seeing someone else and I started feeling like I should have let him get my number. I know I may be feeling like this because I feel like if he dates someone else it is basically and really over. But, no, I mean... He dumped me... If he had regrets then it's on him. I did all I could... What do you all think? You think he was playing with me all the time? You think he only wanted sex? What should I do to get rid of my feelings for him?
Haydn Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Hi Mond, He just wanted sex. When you refused he dropped you. If you had had sex with him there is a good chance he would have done the same thing and dropped you. I think you avoided a potential mess here. Of course you feel low but actually in truth you rejected him and his ego could not take it. Instead of respecting your feelings he walked and put the onus on you to feel dumped. He missed out not you. Push on Mond, that bloke you seek will not be far away. Take care. 2
JewelD Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I'm feeling that same pull today as well. DONT DO IT! Be strong, trust me, it will be worth it in the end. I've never dated a guy who didn't try to contact me again after breaking it off. The worst guy I ever dated used me for sex and was just all around horrible to me. He broke up with me, I was devastated, I called a million and one times, didn't work. About a year later, when I had a new boyfriend and no longer wanted his grimy behind, he was calling me talking about "You were the only one who was in my corner, I want to take you on a date, let's be together" etc etc. And I never thought he would contact me again because he was the most evil rude mf I've ever met in my life. Obviously I didn't get back with him bc he was probably still bs'ing, but the satisfaction was immense. He probably was using you for sex, but at least you know now. He'll come around again, don't give him another chance. 2
AJH1982 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Do not think about this guy for a second, he just wanted to sleep with you! Forget about him you will find someone who love`s and cares for you. About the feelings you have for him only time will heal your wounds. Take care! ( It`s not easy but i survived my breakup and you will yours). Edited June 13, 2015 by AJH1982 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 Hi Mond, He just wanted sex. When you refused he dropped you. If you had had sex with him there is a good chance he would have done the same thing and dropped you. I think you avoided a potential mess here. Of course you feel low but actually in truth you rejected him and his ego could not take it. Instead of respecting your feelings he walked and put the onus on you to feel dumped. He missed out not you. Push on Mond, that bloke you seek will not be far away. Take care. Do you really think it was just for that, Haydn? I guess I still have trouble to identify real people's intentions when it comes to this. He had asked me to have sex before this time, and I declined too, but he said he was OK with waiting and claimed to respect my choice. Is the fact that he wanted to be alone and kiss a way to try to convince me? I guess you're right... Thank you.
Author Mondmellonw Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 I'm feeling that same pull today as well. DONT DO IT! Be strong, trust me, it will be worth it in the end. I've never dated a guy who didn't try to contact me again after breaking it off. The worst guy I ever dated used me for sex and was just all around horrible to me. He broke up with me, I was devastated, I called a million and one times, didn't work. About a year later, when I had a new boyfriend and no longer wanted his grimy behind, he was calling me talking about "You were the only one who was in my corner, I want to take you on a date, let's be together" etc etc. And I never thought he would contact me again because he was the most evil rude mf I've ever met in my life. Obviously I didn't get back with him bc he was probably still bs'ing, but the satisfaction was immense. He probably was using you for sex, but at least you know now. He'll come around again, don't give him another chance. I don't know if he was usuing me for it since we didn't even had it. lol But, I guess he was expecting me to give it to him. And no, I wouldn't take him back even when it's true that I'm vulnerable/sad today. I already made that mistake of taking back someone who wasn't worth it (in my past) and I don't think it would be intelligent to do it now. I have also experienced that this type of guys usually come back. But, whatever. Thanks for your support.
Author Mondmellonw Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 Do not think about this guy for a second, he just wanted to sleep with you! Forget about him you will find someone who love`s and cares for you. About the feelings you have for him only time will heal your wounds. Take care! ( It`s not easy but i survived my breakup and you will yours). Thank you for the encouragement
Haydn Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Do you really think it was just for that, Haydn? I guess I still have trouble to identify real people's intentions when it comes to this. He had asked me to have sex before this time, and I declined too, but he said he was OK with waiting and claimed to respect my choice. Is the fact that he wanted to be alone and kiss a way to try to convince me? I guess you're right... Thank you. Just going on what you said Mond. Of course there are no certainties. But he dropped you for a reason you will probably never know. I don`t think you need to know. He may have not wanted to wait.... Some people are like that. It could be something else. I think we learn that we can never really know. Rejection is always cruel. We think we want to know why and strive for closure but if we had closure, we would ask another question..... I hope you see yourself in a good way soon Mond. You are going to succeed. In your corner. 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 Just going on what you said Mond. Of course there are no certainties. But he dropped you for a reason you will probably never know. I don`t think you need to know. He may have not wanted to wait.... Some people are like that. It could be something else. I think we learn that we can never really know. Rejection is always cruel. We think we want to know why and strive for closure but if we had closure, we would ask another question..... I hope you see yourself in a good way soon Mond. You are going to succeed. In your corner. I know I won't find the exact reason. And I also didn't wanted to write everything about the relationship, but I'm interested in knowing if sex had a major part on this, because it seems that not having sex has affected my last two relationships. Still, I won't change my views on it. I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't shows me the love, care and respect me in a proper way. But I would want to know. Family members have told me that he was indeed after that. But, maybe when he talked about compatibility he really did meant more than just that "issue". Thank you for your kind responses.
dyna85 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I will literally walk all over my dignity. This is true. Do not contact him. I know you're probably experiencing intense emotions right now and they seem unbearable, but just push through them. Do not call him. He's not worth it. If he were worth it, he'd respect your boundaries and be patient with you. I know it feels horrible if you grew attached to him, but honestly, give it time and keep living life. Even if it hurts like no other, keep living and push through the pain. You will get through it. I promise. What should I do to get rid of my feelings for him? Keep living life. Don't give up, and don't let the pain make you stop living, and definitely don't let the pain of missing him or that stupid pull make you do something stupid like contact him. Live with the pain and eventually the pain will stop. If you focus on your pain too much, it will create resistance and make it worse. You can do this! Don't backtrack and go back to that sorry son of a gun. His ego will explode, and that is way more than he deserves. Way more. Above all, save your dignity and definitely do not call him. I admire you for standing firm with your boundaries. Keep respecting yourself. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing. 2
Author Mondmellonw Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 This is true. Do not contact him. I know you're probably experiencing intense emotions right now and they seem unbearable, but just push through them. Do not call him. He's not worth it. If he were worth it, he'd respect your boundaries and be patient with you. I know it feels horrible if you grew attached to him, but honestly, give it time and keep living life. Even if it hurts like no other, keep living and push through the pain. You will get through it. I promise. Keep living life. Don't give up, and don't let the pain make you stop living, and definitely don't let the pain of missing him or that stupid pull make you do something stupid like contact him. Live with the pain and eventually the pain will stop. If you focus on your pain too much, it will create resistance and make it worse. You can do this! Don't backtrack and go back to that sorry son of a gun. His ego will explode, and that is way more than he deserves. Way more. Above all, save your dignity and definitely do not call him. I admire you for standing firm with your boundaries. Keep respecting yourself. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the best thing. Thank you, dyna. He's been trying to re-stablish contact via my brother. He (my brother) already told him I'm not interested. It kinda sucks, but in time I guess I'll be just fine if I follow the advice everyone has given me in here.
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