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When men act inappropriately on a date is it on purpose or they don't know better?

Gaeta

By Gaeta
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GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

Posted
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hhmm so Adonis just texted me: So if I don't say hello to you you just don't talk to me?

 

Oh good grief!

 

There's only a few other things I can suggest really.

 

#1

Just trust your initial instinct and act upon it. EG. if a guy suggests you invite him over just stop texting and block his number.

 

#2

I think it was Katie who mentioned something about you hide/remove our profile every few weeks?

If you are on dates with someone when you do that they could think they 'have you' already or that you have taken your profile down because you're crazy about them.

I would keep the profile up and log in every day or so.

 

#3

When you take a profile down and add a new one (or unhide your profile) it does attract those looking for 'fresh meat' initially. I have heard this countless times from men on dating sites (as in friends of mine). They will seek out newbies not based on anything except they are new and assumed to be naïve.

Another reason to keep the profile up.

You get a lot more messages when a profile is new but after a few weeks the number of mails lessen and there's more quality men mailing. This is what I have always found.

I pretty much ignore the first few weeks of being inundated with loads of mails. When I have on occasion responded it's gone to 'what are you wearing' or much worse on about mail #3. Lol! Block and delete!

 

#4

It's possible that some of these guys might be talking or friends with each other.

I've had mail from women on date sites and I also know men get mails from men too. The women warn of players and marrieds etc, the men warn of time wasters, gold diggers and I also know that they will talk about who is up for sex early.

I've heard guys at work and even walking along the street talking about 'XYZ' username from pof or wherever - one went on a date with her last week, one is going on a date with her this week...

It's not just young ones who do this either, men in their 50's discuss it too.

It could be something to bear in mind.

 

One thing you don't seem to do though much is just block or ignore very often? Maybe I'm wrong here? IDK.

I could have gone on a heck of a lot more dates had I not blocked and or deleted or called a guy out early on when he was being a twit or was just trying his luck.

Peachland Established Member

Peachland

Posted
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^^^ I totally agree with Smackie's post.

 

Gaeta you have given me personally some good advice on cutting loose flakes and not tolerating men that are not serious. I encourage you to follow your own advice and only focus on men that worthy of you.

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lgspot Established Member

lgspot

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::eyeroll::

 

Block, delete.

 

THAT is my last piece of advice! Lol :bunny::bunny::bunny:

 

Greta

I fully understand your statement on "dating beneath". It translates very well in the dating world. It's not about a man's income, job station. It falls under character of the man.

In dating and our search for relationships we tend to fall into patterns.

If all you look for is getting laid, then Adonis and jewelry guy are fine. It falls under the hump and dump category.

In Relationship material and self respect/esteem, katiegirl is right on---block, delete. Guys like these are beneath any self respecting girl looking for companionship.

Change the pattern and the pattern changes.

You a wonderful, caring woman. Don't settle for these guys that are truly beneath you.....

  • Like 2
Lansing Established Member

Lansing

Posted
Posted
hhmm so Adonis just texted me: So if I don't say hello to you you just don't talk to me?

 

Guess he feels like he is putting in more effort than you. Maybe like the other guy posted on here that he always has to initiate texts/dates and the girl never sends a text first.... People on that thread said "well, she isn't interested in you, dump her"...

 

 

I don't think this Adonis guy will go away so quickly. If he slept with you once, sure he will do it again.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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You guys are so good at breaking me down then giving me a tap on the shoulder ;-)

lgspot Established Member

lgspot

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You guys are so good at breaking me down then giving me a tap on the shoulder ;-)

Many of us have been there Gaeta.

Some of us guys been played just as you girls have.

We might have even "played" a bit ourselves.

It rankles to see a good woman looking for lasting companionship miss out.

We all want to believe the best in people, but sadly there is an overabundance of Bull**** in the dating market. OLD often stinks up the net with it.

Sometimes it is just easier to see from the outside looking in.....

Other times its a case of "it takes a Bull***ter to know a Bull***ter!"

By reading your posts its obvious you have a lot to offer.... Don't settle for the dung.

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Before I met my husband I had a run of crappy dates, or good dates with the wrong guys, and two very short relationships.....I was so fed up I quite guys for almost a year and a half. It was worth the break.

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S_A Established Member

S_A

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Who sends random love songs to someone they just met?

 

Couples in middle school will do that!

spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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This is what dating is like. You start out OK and then they do something really stupid and unattractive. After that, you just don't want to bother. I think some guys just need teaching but personally I've never wanted to be a teacher to someone who should already be a grown up. It does reduce the pool of guys available rather dramatically!

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jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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No reason to get rid of a girl completely when you know she is DTF. When single, it is better to maintain a few women who will have sex when you are in the mood. Invite one woman over on Tuesday, another on Thursday, and hit the town on the weekend to find new ones.

 

By the way, his text to her could just as easily be seen as subtle manipulation. He isn't exactly putting much effort into her with the occasional text, but that last message puts her on the defensive. That way, she will text him looking to get laid. That's even better than him having to bother texting or calling her for it.

 

 

 

Why you cock blockin me, dude? lol

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

Posted
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No reason to get rid of a girl completely when you know she is DTF. When single, it is better to maintain a few women who will have sex when you are in the mood. Invite one woman over on Tuesday, another on Thursday, and hit the town on the weekend to find new ones.

 

By the way, his text to her could just as easily be seen as subtle manipulation. He isn't exactly putting much effort into her with the occasional text, but that last message puts her on the defensive. That way, she will text him looking to get laid. That's even better than him having to bother texting or calling her for it.

 

I know he is just keeping me in the loop. If you think I will be chasing after him for sex than you haven't read enough of my threads.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)

 

**Guess he feels like he is putting in more effort than you***

 

. Maybe like the other guy posted on here that he always has to initiate texts/dates and the girl never sends a text first.... People on that thread said "well, she isn't interested in you, dump her"...

 

.

 

Putting in more effort than her? LOL you've got to be kidding me.

 

Okay he sent her kisses (after their afternoon of hot sex the day before on their second meet)...but Gaeta responded back ASKING HIM OUT yesterday afternoon...which went ignored.

 

Then he comes back today with his "if I don't say hi, you don't talk to me?" manupulative crap.

 

Come on, he's messing with her...just like he has always been messing with her...

 

Putting in more effort my ass...

 

Gaeta, please tell us you did not respond back and blocked deleted. Please??

Edited by katiegrl
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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Gaeta, please tell us you did not respond back and blocked deleted. Please??

 

Well.....

 

That kind of got to me so I did reply to him. I said something very passive agresive like you didn't answer my text yesterday so I didn't see the point of texting you.

 

He said he didn't reply because he was not free at the time I suggested lolYou ever heard something like that !!

jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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Putting in more effort than her? LOL you've got to be kidding me.

 

Okay he sent her kisses (after their afternoon of hot sex the day before on their second meet)...but Gaeta responded back ASKING HIM OUT yesterday afternoon...which went ignored.

 

Then he comes back today with his "if I don't say hi, you don't talk to me?" manupulative crap.

 

Come on, he's messing with her...just like he has always been messing with her...

 

Putting in more effort my ass...

 

Gaeta, please tell us you did not respond back and blocked deleted. Please??

 

You be goin' off lol

  • Like 1
katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

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Well.....

 

That kind of got to me so I did reply to him. I said something very passive agresive like you didn't answer my text yesterday so I didn't see the point of texting you.

 

He said he didn't reply because he was not free at the time I suggested lol

 

**You ever heard something like that !!**

 

 

Frankly no I haven't because I dump guys like him before they ever have an opportunity to BS me with such a lame excuse.

 

NOW are you gonna block and delete????

  • Like 2
BlackOpsZombieGirl Established Member

BlackOpsZombieGirl

Posted
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Well.....

 

That kind of got to me so I did reply to him. I said something very passive agresive like you didn't answer my text yesterday so I didn't see the point of texting you.

 

He said he didn't reply because he was not free at the time I suggested lolYou ever heard something like that !!

 

 

Gaeta, I was just wondering....with most of the guys you go out on dates with, have you ever just tried getting to know what kind of man they are without having sex with them so soon? I saw a post from Katie that said you had sex with the Adonis guy on the SECOND date?! :confused:

 

Okay he sent her kisses (after their afternoon of hot sex the day before on their second meet)...but Gaeta responded back ASKING HIM OUT yesterday afternoon...which went ignored.

 

I think maybe if you held out a bit longer before giving of yourself sexually with a guy you barely know, that waiting period can show you what kind of man he truly is...by the way he treats you. If he treats you with respect, consideration and is genuinely interested in getting to know YOU as a person during this waiting period, he'll appreciate you more and will respect you even more when the time comes that you both want to become sexually intimate with each other. Then you'll be having sex with a man who RESPECTS you and truly LIKES you for the woman that you are.

 

However, if during the waiting period a guy does NOT treat you with respect and isn't genuinely interested in really getting to know you as much as he's interested in having sex with you, you'll see what kind of man he truly is and then you can dump him without having wasted your time (and some of your emotions) being sexually intimate with a guy who only regarded you as a vagina and not as a human being.

 

The length of time of each person's waiting period varies; for me personally, I wait anywhere from 3 weeks to a month before I share myself sexually with a guy I've started dating because I want to suss him out to make sure he's interested in me as a person and to also make sure he's a nice, decent and respectful guy in general.

 

I realize that you might not mind (or that you may actually desire) having sex with a stranger right away because it feels good for you to be sexual with a man; so if this is the case, then you can basically just ignore this post. I just wanted to suggest a waiting period to you so that it might help you to better your chances of meeting and getting to know a decent and respectful guy that won't flake out on you, disrespect you or just use you for sex. FWIW, if I were you, I would 'next' Mr. Adonis and move on. I didn't like the texts that he sent you - it's as if he's manipulating you in a passive aggressive manner.

 

 

 

.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Zombiegirl: yes i did that plenty of times. See my post #124.

 

This guy here is not important. I got myself some fun and l don't expect anything out of it. I knew he was just intetested in sex and all l did is ecpedite it si now it's case closed for him.

GemmaUK Established Member

GemmaUK

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You just got done saying you texted him back.

 

...which shows you'll still communicate with him even if he is childish.

 

What would it take for you to block him?

 

This is a guy who you liked, wanted to have a relationship with, he made it clear enough to you that he was only after sex, you instigated that and you have written him off as a potential, he then whines when you didn't reply when he has done the same to you.

Any response is a response, it's like a toddler. Toddlers generally would rather be told off than get no attention at all.

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

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Eh, it's fun and even liberating to have sex with men you're really feeling the chemistry with.

 

After a while though I have found that waiting a few weeks pays because it gets tiresome and emotionally draining sharing yourself sexually with men who aren't that into you.

 

I don't believe it's bad what Gaeta is doing. She's like me, we cannot find men who find us good enough to date so we prefer occasional sex with men we have the hots for as opposed to waiting years until we strike good with the right man.

 

It will realistically take a few more years to find a man who's just as crazy about you as YOU are about them. So..... Some second date fun until Mr right comes along is just what the doctor ordered..... The orgasm doctor that is!

 

I really hope Gatea finds someone decent.

  • Like 1
ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

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Eh, it's fun and even liberating to have sex with men you're really feeling the chemistry with.

 

After a while though I have found that waiting a few weeks pays because it gets tiresome and emotionally draining sharing yourself sexually with men who aren't that into you.

 

I don't believe it's bad what Gaeta is doing. She's like me, we cannot find men who find us good enough to date so we prefer occasional sex with men we have the hots for as opposed to waiting years until we strike good with the right man.

 

It will realistically take a few more years to find a man who's just as crazy about you as YOU are about them. So..... Some second date fun until Mr right comes along is just what the doctor ordered..... The orgasm doctor that is!

 

I really hope Gatea finds someone decent.

 

Ive seen your pics Leigh (you did a modeling stint once) and G is supposed to be hot a 40something woman. If you have troubles finding guys who want to stick around then how do the plain faces/fatties/shorties/skinnies or whatever supposed to ever find people to find passionate lovers. You both seem to find prospects fairly quickly after one falls through. I'm surprised you cannot find guys from all your prospects that find you good enough to date and not just good enough to bang. Its got to be more about the guys you pick. To me looking at women I know its mostly the single moms that seem to have this issue as some still want to date the same guys with lots of options that they dated/slept with in their pre baby days, but even then they still get guys that stick around for numerous months for FWB or STRs.

katiegrl Established Member

katiegrl

Posted
Posted (edited)
...

 

**which shows you'll still communicate with him even if he is childish.**

 

What would it take for you to block him?

 

This is a guy who you liked, wanted to have a relationship with, he made it clear enough to you that he was only after sex, you instigated that and you have written him off as a potential, he then whines when you didn't reply when he has done the same to you.

Any response is a response, it's like a toddler. Toddlers generally would rather be told off than get no attention at all.

 

Exactly, and not only will you still communicate with him, you actually asked if he was free to get together Sunday, so clearly you would like to see him again as well. Which is fine...but when you say you have written him off, but then turn around and ask him out again, it's extremely confusing.

 

You don't have to be honest with us about what you want if you don't want to...I just hope that at least you are honest with yourself...and the men you're with.

 

Mixed messages are extremely confusing.....for the recipient of the message...and I would imagine for the person delivering the mixed message too.

Edited by katiegrl
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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Exactly, and not only will you still communicate with him, you actually asked if he was free to get together Sunday, so clearly you would like to see him again as well. Which is fine...but when you say you have written him off, but then turn around and ask him out again, it's extremely confusing.

 

You don't have to be honest with us about what you want if you don't want to...I just hope that at least you are honest with yourself...and the men you're with.

 

Mixed messages are extremely confusing.....for the recipient of the message...and I would imagine for the person delivering the mixed message too.

 

 

I think you perceive mixed messages because my thoughts sequences aren't clear.

 

1. Had sex fully knowing it could be the end of it.

 

2. After sex he spoke how I was exactly his type of woman blahblah, talked about doing stuff together, blahblah. --> so far so good

 

3. Following morning of sex he contacts me + kisses --> so far so good

 

4. Later I let him know my free time and he doesn't get back to me till the following day --> rules are changing here.

 

Also, I knew I wanted to have sex with him relationship or not, but I didn't want to have it under HIS terms. That's why I set it up and took on the role of the predator when I invited him to pick me up. I became the seducer.

 

Don't worry, I am far from being innocent and fragile :-)

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Its got to be more about the guys you pick.

 

but even then they still get guys that stick around for numerous months for FWB or STRs.

 

I definitely think I pick the wrong men most of the time, I don't think I pick the wrong men all the time but most of the time I am off track.

 

Could be because I get a lot of attention and I still don't know how to properly manage it. I never ever had attention like this before I hit 45 when I decided I wanna to be a sexy 40ish woman and I changed myself and became one. So there is still I think the aspect of newness for me of being attractive. I complain a lot but I do enjoy having men's attention.

 

Also, I do want to meet a man my age but I put a lot of effort and make lots of sacrifice to maintain my shape why would I settle for a 55 yo man with a huge gut and an over-comb. I want a decent man my age I am attracted to and they're harder to find so I find myself on a lot of dates with men between 38-45 (im 49).

 

I was thinking I'm gonna make a profile and give you all my ID and password and you pick for me lol

Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted
I definitely think I pick the wrong men most of the time, I don't think I pick the wrong men all the time but most of the time I am off track.

 

Could be because I get a lot of attention and I still don't know how to properly manage it. I never ever had attention like this before I hit 45 when I decided I wanna to be a sexy 40ish woman and I changed myself and became one. So there is still I think the aspect of newness for me of being attractive. I complain a lot but I do enjoy having men's attention.

 

Also, I do want to meet a man my age but I put a lot of effort and make lots of sacrifice to maintain my shape why would I settle for a 55 yo man with a huge gut and an over-comb. I want a decent man my age I am attracted to and they're harder to find so I find myself on a lot of dates with men between 38-45 (im 49).

 

I was thinking I'm gonna make a profile and give you all my ID and password and you pick for me lol

 

 

I also grew up with pimples and I was unattractive.

 

I got in shape and am enjoying being a late bloomer too.

 

I have picked nice guys with whom I shared the spark and wild mutual attraction with, only we weren't a good match. It's not always a case of them not being that into you from the outset. Men change their minds. As we do.

  • Like 2
rester Established Member

rester

Posted
Posted
I definitely think I pick the wrong men most of the time, I don't think I pick the wrong men all the time but most of the time I am off track.

 

Could be because I get a lot of attention and I still don't know how to properly manage it. I never ever had attention like this before I hit 45 when I decided I wanna to be a sexy 40ish woman and I changed myself and became one. So there is still I think the aspect of newness for me of being attractive. I complain a lot but I do enjoy having men's attention.

 

Do you think there may be a certain type of man this new "sexy 40ish woman" is attracting? I'm not saying that's the case, but it might be worth thinking about or getting opinions on.

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