When men act inappropriately on a date is it on purpose or they don't know better?

June 14, 2015

Update: But not for the sensitive hearts.

I was highly attracted to prospect 2 from beginning. I agree with all of you he was trying his luck when he suggested I invite him to dinner. The reason I did not shut him down is cause I like him, a lot. I didn't feel that kind of attraction toward prospect 1 so shutting him down wasn't hard.

So I had 2 choices with prospect 2. I play hard to get or .....

I put my sexiest dress on, the kind that fits like a glove and pushes the boobs right up your face. I called him and said 'would you pick me up'

He came in and 5 minutes later we were in bed. It was an awesome afternoon! After sex he said: You knew exactly what you were doing when you put that dress on. I said yes :-)

So now it's out of the way. If his interest was more than just sex we shall see.

Prospect 3: The man was super cligny, he told me during our date it was love at first sight for him and wanted to know if it were the same for me. I said no, it doesn't work that way for me. I think he's very nice and if he wants to go on dates I will gladly go. Then he asked if we meet a second time will it be enough for me to know my feelings for him. He made everything difficult, I felt pressured, I felt his cligniness, I just wanted to leave.

Prospect 4: Now he sounds pretty interesting! Nice job, educated, with a voice you can't get tired of. I told him I was heading to my daughter for dinner who lives not too far from him and I'll let him know. After I dropped my daughter I called him. We were making plans to meet right there and then when my phone DIED!!! I had no choice but to head home.

June 14, 2015

point made! Gaeta just proved everything i said correct!

she goes for jerks too

June 14, 2015

point made! Gaeta just proved everything i said correct!

she goes for jerks too

It's not because I have sex with a man that I am going after him. Actually by sleeping with him I am letting go of him. It's out of my hands now. Having sex this early is a make it or break it moment. From here it's in HIS hands, he will disappear or he will pursue. How is this me going after him?

June 14, 2015

I agree with you .... and to suggest she would have gone with them had she been attracted is an insult to women!

These guys are just asshats, period. And THAT is why she wants nothing to do with them, or shouldn't anyway.

I'm not going to argue with your 2nd sentence but totally disagree with your first sentence. Guys here would have seen that disproved many times over the years, even by women G's age age who say they wont put up with that nonsense anymore - the key word being 'anymore' (but used to). So G's most recent post proves even though she knows better, many women will let disrespectful behavior slide and let the red flags fly over the head when it comes to a guy that gives them the tingles. (not that I thought guy #2 was a red flag case but other women here did)

Edited June 14, 2015 by ascendotum

June 14, 2015

Having sex this early is a make it or break it moment. From here it's in HIS hands, he will disappear or he will pursue.

I like your strategy. Wish a lot more women over 30 embraced it as well.

June 14, 2015

I know my ideas won't get the best reactions but I do believe this is women's fault. When there are so many women who accept to do anything with a an on the first date (sometimes not even a date is necessary) like they are gonna die from "horniness" or no sex it's natural that men will demand or expect stuff. A hundred years ago or so men respected women cause they knew no woman would make out with them or have sex with them unless they were engaged or married. Today most women act like free spirits who are open to anything but then complain when men don't respect them. I'm sorry but people will show you the respect you demand and think you deserve. I'm not talking specifically to the OP, I'm putting some ideas out there more general. What I know from myself is, I've never let a man believe that he can be open with me and suggest sex on the first dates. The first dates for me are to get to know each other's personality, soul and character.

June 14, 2015

I like your strategy. Wish a lot more women over 30 embraced it as well.

To give him the satisfaction to dump me and add me to the list of women he f$%$^ed from the first date = whore? No thank you. I prefer to have it in MY hands and keep my integrity intact.

June 14, 2015

I like your strategy. Wish a lot more women over 30 embraced it as well.

Maybe we can get this added to the list of 'rules' women are advised to follow in dating in general? Lol.

June 14, 2015

....and this is what keeps so many women perpetually single these days. Posts like this just confirm what many of the guys on here keep saying, but many women deny. Regular guy who actually is interested in the woman gets turned down. Good looking guy just looking to get laid gets the best dress and easy sex. This is really sad.

Clearly, that's all just a myth. It's all in our heads.

June 14, 2015

The rules for succesful dating stike again:

1) Be attractive

2) Don't be unattractive

June 14, 2015

Update: But not for the sensitive hearts.

I was highly attracted to prospect 2 from beginning. I agree with all of you he was trying his luck when he suggested I invite him to dinner. The reason I did not shut him down is cause I like him, a lot. I didn't feel that kind of attraction toward prospect 1 so shutting him down wasn't hard.

So I had 2 choices with prospect 2. I play hard to get or .....

I put my sexiest dress on, the kind that fits like a glove and pushes the boobs right up your face. I called him and said 'would you pick me up'

He came in and 5 minutes later we were in bed. It was an awesome afternoon! After sex he said: You knew exactly what you were doing when you put that dress on. I said yes :-)

So now it's out of the way. If his interest was more than just sex we shall see.

Well there goes all your credibility!

But still, I'm glad you posted this Gaeta so that this whole perpetual "men should treat women respectfully" BS gets tossed out the window, it has nothing to do with it.

Jerks - typically get to sleep with the women, and they don't want relationships anyway so it works in their favor that you're so nonchalant about it

Respectful/nice guys - often waste their time, and if they do her into bed after a lot of work...she more than likely will not respect him or value him that much as a man...only if she's looking for a solid guy to settle down with, chances are chemistry will be mild at best and more of a practical choice

Plus, I can't tell you how common it is for women to act one way and say something with the utmost conviction and sternness....only to then do the exact thing they said they wouldn't do or didn't want...these guys nearly lose all respect for you when you do that.

I don't know why people continue to constantly promote this idea that nice guys or mean who treat women well don't get the short end of the stick in the end, women often reject these men or dump these men for a guy who is a much bigger and typical douchebag.

I think women need to date women, and be in a mans shoes...then they'll understand why their advice doesn't work, because the reward often comes from the jerk-like behavior, much more often than it ever does with the "nice guy" behavior...I'm not saying that women won't be like "Aw, he's so nice and sweet....what a great guy!"...but they'll be sleeping with the jerk that they complained about saying "He's such an @sshole...he did X and X, what a douchebag" two days or two weeks later she's in bed with the guy.

So if you were a man, you take your pick.

June 14, 2015

Glad you enjoyed yourself but ultimately you gave in to what he wanted, just at a different time of day.

What he knows now is that he has no need to do much in terms of earning trust and being respectful.

He also may as well step back and wait for you to do the rest of the leading in dating (if it leads to further dates). Not only did it 'just happen' but you planned for it to happen so he'll just be waiting for that to happen again.

It's a bit like the joke where a guy says all he needs is a woman to turn up naked with beer.

It could be shooting yourself in the foot in terms of this going any further in terms of the way in which you want a long term relationship to be. I think sooner or later you will end up disappointed in his behaviour but your actions have shown him that his behaviour isn't terribly relevant to you.

Sorry to sound harsh but thinking of it from his pov (and if I were a man) I wouldn't feel any need to step up. I would just keep in contact and wait for the next treat to come my way which it likely will if I just sit back.

June 14, 2015

I know my ideas won't get the best reactions but I do believe this is women's fault. When there are so many women who accept to do anything with a an on the first date (sometimes not even a date is necessary) like they are gonna die from "horniness" or no sex it's natural that men will demand or expect stuff. A hundred years ago or so men respected women cause they knew no woman would make out with them or have sex with them unless they were engaged or married. Today most women act like free spirits who are open to anything but then complain when men don't respect them. I'm sorry but people will show you the respect you demand and think you deserve. I'm not talking specifically to the OP, I'm putting some ideas out there more general. What I know from myself is, I've never let a man believe that he can be open with me and suggest sex on the first dates. The first dates for me are to get to know each other's personality, soul and character.

I guess this may make a good topic for discussion - please start a new thread.

June 14, 2015

Regular guy who actually is interested in the woman gets turned down. Good looking guy just looking to get laid gets the best dress and easy sex. This is really sad.

I don't have sex with good looking men, I have sex with men I am attracted to. That includes regular guys if they don't act like creeps: see prospect 3.

June 14, 2015

I don't have sex with good looking men, I have sex with men I am attracted to. That includes regular guys if they don't act like creeps: see prospect 3.

From your opening post about prospect 2..

At midnight he sent me a bunch of love songs. I don't get this guy's deal. I feel so Meh! about him now.

Seems a bit creepy to me to be sending love songs to someone you don't know and at midnight, it might not be to you however.

In reality you were just attracted to the guy and his game.. he played you like a fiddle and you just laid down for him and didn't let him chase you to catch you.

There isn't anything wrong with what you did, however from reading your past posts and the opening post in this thread it goes against what you were looking for.

June 14, 2015

Well there goes all your credibility!

Really? It's not a secret that I have liberal views on sex and I don't advocate playing hard to get, I never did.

because the reward often comes from the jerk-like behavior, much more often than it ever does with the "nice guy" behavior..

Hon, I am 49 years old. When a 39 years old man with the body of an adonis spends the afternoon in bed with me, it's MY reward, not his.

June 14, 2015

I take it this means that the answer to the OP's original question is "on purpose" ??

June 14, 2015

Glad you enjoyed yourself but ultimately you gave in to what he wanted

I got what I wanted too. Why only men enjoying good sex?

I am the one who put the sexy dress on and invited him in. I was the pursuer, I did not gave in, i instigated.

What he knows now is that he has no need to do much in terms of earning trust and being respectful.

Or he now knows I am a highly sexual older woman with no inhibition that goes after what she wants. I don't think a 39 yo expects a 49 yo to play hard to get. These younger men go after us because they want confident and sexually liberated women.

Remember barcode thread? The one about having sex with a woman on his first date and from there he completely fell into her? unfortunately it was just a ONS for her but barcode did not lose respect for her because she had sex with him on first date. You guys have to get that out of your heads.

He also may as well step back and wait for you to do the rest of the leading in dating (if it leads to further dates). Not only did it 'just happen' but you planned for it to happen so he'll just be waiting for that to happen again.

I will be too busy with prospects 4 and 5 and 765.

This was not a strategy to win him over. After he suggested I invite him over for dinner he pretty much confirmed he just wanted sex so he automatically fell off of my list of serious prospect. He is no more an option for me in terms of long term. I had casual sex because I wanted to. What he thinks of it afterward has no value to me.

If I were a man I wonder how people would respond to this thread. Lets say a man goes out with a sexy woman, she behaves like she wants sex, what man will turn her down? What man will say OH my integrity first? What man will go to his buddy and say I had to reject her she just wanted sex?

June 14, 2015

If I were a man I wonder how people would respond to this thread. Lets say a man goes out with a sexy woman, she behaves like she wants sex, what man will turn her down? What man will say OH my integrity first? What man will go to his buddy and say I had to reject her she just wanted sex?

Not really applicable. The opportunity wouldn't be believable unless the man happened to be one of the few in the "adonis" category like your guy. No way would this scenario ever come up for a regular guy who was as naturally respectful as you were expecting your prospects to be at the beginning of your thread.

Edited June 14, 2015 by GoodOnPaper

June 14, 2015

No way would this scenario ever come up for a regular guy who was as naturally respectful as you were expecting your prospects to be at the beginning of your thread.

You mean regular guys don't feel sexual attraction and if things got really hot with a woman they would stop her and say sorry I'm not ready it's too soon? I'm afraid you won't respect me after lol? C'mon.

June 14, 2015

If I were a man I wonder how people would respond to this thread. Lets say a man goes out with a sexy woman, she behaves like she wants sex, what man will turn her down? What man will say OH my integrity first? What man will go to his buddy and say I had to reject her she just wanted sex?

The difference is most men wouldn't open a thread and whine about women only wanting sex and that they as men want to be courted and treated nice ... and then act the completely opposite way.

Nobody would complain if you just had sex with a hot guy. But no, you open a thread and complain about two lazy and partly sleazy guys (love songs .. really?) .. and then ignore said behavior just because he is hot. There is nothing wrong with that, but don't expect any applause.

Edited June 14, 2015 by MonorailCat

June 14, 2015

This was not a strategy to win him over. After he suggested I invite him over for dinner he pretty much confirmed he just wanted sex so he automatically fell off of my list of serious prospect. He is no more an option for me in terms of long term. I had casual sex because I wanted to. What he thinks of it afterward has no value to me.

I didn't see the post where he confirmed he was only after sex, all I saw was the one where he had said he wasn't a sleaze which I took as not being just after sex. My apologies for missing that bit of info.

However, if that is what you both wanted that's all fine if you were just after one off sex or an FB.

In your other post though you said 'now that's out of the way you'll wait and see if his interest was more than just sex' which makes it sound like it wasn't just for the sex and that you are hoping he'll be back and wanting to date - or that you are going to now wait and see.

It's a bit contradictory and confusing in the written word, maybe that's how it comes over on dates too? IDK? You seem to get a few guys who invite themselves over so perhaps the messages you are sending out on dates are that you're OK with that.

You seem not to want that to happen and then you instigate it.

June 14, 2015

You mean regular guys don't feel sexual attraction and if things got really hot with a woman they would stop her and say sorry I'm not ready it's too soon? I'm afraid you won't respect me after lol? C'mon.

As a general situation, sure, I'll agree with you. Maybe based on the thread I was adding more context than you intended. I assumed a regular guy who's not assertive (my interpretation of "respectful") with a woman at least a little out of his league physically who had casual sex on her mind. I'm afraid that situation will never happen . . .

June 14, 2015

I didn't see the post where he confirmed he was only after sex, all I saw was the one where he had said he wasn't a sleaze which I took as not being just after sex. My apologies for missing that bit of info.

However, if that is what you both wanted that's all fine if you were just after one off sex or an FB.
In your other post though you said 'now that's out of the way you'll wait and see if his interest was more than just sex' which makes it sound like it wasn't just for the sex and that you are hoping he'll be back and wanting to date - or that you are going to now wait and see.

It's a bit contradictory and confusing in the written word, maybe that's how it comes over on dates too? IDK? You seem to get a few guys who invite themselves over so perhaps the messages you are sending out on dates are that you're OK with that.
You seem not to want that to happen and then you instigate it.

He did not tell me he just wanted sex, I concluded to it by observing his behavior. Of course he told me he wants a relationship but like I said many times I don't believe anything a man says before he offers to lock me in an exclusive relationship. And really, who am I kidding, I am never gonna find a serious relationship in those younger men. I may just enjoy the moment they give me while I continue searching for a man my age.

I don't give any impression my home is an open windmill. I am told often though that when I engage a first face to face contact I am very warm, welcoming, open, I give them my full attention, I lean toward them when they speak and it draws them in. I am too nice I guess. It's my personality though, I am like that with everyone.

Edited June 14, 2015 by Gaeta

June 14, 2015

Nobody would complain if you just had sex with a hot guy. But no, you open a thread and complain about two lazy and partly sleazy guys (love songs .. really?) .. and then ignore said behavior just because he is hot. There is nothing wrong with that, but don't expect any applause.

I applaud - specifically that Gaeta owns her sexuality and lives it on her terms.

Edited June 14, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

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