carhill Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 PUA = pick up artist = a formula for extracting attention and sex from an intended target. Rush to the hospital to be at the side of someone who's essentially a stranger and whom one doesn't have any substantive rapport with? Heh... classic. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 There is something that hugely turns me off about guys inviting themselves over :sick: I hate pushy people. I hate men that expect sex in under 3 or 5 dates or whatever. I don't want dating to feel like I constantly need to assert my boundaries or negotiate no sex like I am doing a sales deal. Next time a guy does this, I am deleting his number and not even bothering to explain. If a guy wants to test the boundaries, he can organically invite me over to his place after a really good/flirty date. If I decline, end of. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I do think some men are clueless and I do think some are reading PUA tactics and "how to get a woman" stuff and are pretty clumsy about going about it, too. Some are genuinely like a fish out of water, having been in LTRs an marriages and some are just chancers, and some are both. Clueless chancers. Sorting out the wheat from the chaff, seems almost impossible. **Who sends random love songs to someone they just met?*** A man who wants to reel a woman in quickly (for sex) and who thinks the woman is impressionable and gullible enough to fall for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 lol Even though most of the time I don't agree with the conclusion, I think it's funny that people conclude that stuff men do is PUA and write em off. Serves em right cause I hate the idea of PUA. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Prospect 1: We met over coffee Thursday after work, lasted 1 hour. It was an ok meeting for me, he was very motivated and wanted to see me again, I said sure. Yesterday he sends me by text: When you inviting me home? about you come and pick me up tomorrow and we spend the day together? I ended it there. I am not in the business of raising all over again a 47 years old. I told him he knows perfectly how to be a gentleman with a woman he just didn't pick to be one with me. He's been blowing my phone ever since asking for me to be more flexible and if him inviting himself over was not something I wanted I should have offered something else. Well NO! I don't think I should teach a man how to be a gentleman. Thoughts? Prospect 2: We met in a park last weekend. Meeting was nice with lots of attraction I thought I got a good one here till last night I got home from work late, and he starts texting me how he expected to be invited over for dinner tonight!!! I stayed cool and didn't blow him off. At that point I am starting to think it's not them but me that is not in-sink with today's dating. So I replied Saturday I was free we could do something, he replied Saturday was impossible and did not offer Sunday and said I'll let you know when I am free promise. At midnight he sent me a bunch of love songs. I don't get this guy's deal. I feel so Meh! about him now. Prospect 1: No you don't teach them how to be a gentleman. Either they are or they aren't. This guy is bold. Even a guy who really isn't a gentleman and interested in you, will make a proper date with you after the "meet up". This guy just wants sex. Don't respond or accept anymore "dates" with him. If a guy invites himself to your home after only a 1 hour meeting and you don't want that, you don't have to offer an alternative. I would only offer an alternative if he had CALLED me for a proper date and I wasn't available. Not in this scenario. Prospect 2: Blow this one off too. Same scenario, different guy. These guys are coming in too hot. Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Damn Gaeta you're busy! I'm impressed. That's the only positive I see with OLD. When a woman is very attractive like Gaeta, it's fairly easy to have a date every night of the week...but yeah bless her heart for keeping up with it all! Takes a lot of energy....emotional energy too!!! Good luck Gaeta...let us know! Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 But it works for some girls and the guy gets laid. Iv been that guy that was a gentleman to a girl only to realise she ****ed another guy very quickly Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) But it works for some girls and the guy gets laid. Iv been that guy that was a gentleman to a girl only to realise she ****ed another guy very quickly I highly doubt she rejected you because you were a gentleman fred. That is a misconception *nice* guys have. When he gets rejected, he mistakenly assumes it was because he was nice! I doubt it, unless the chick is completely dysfunctional with severely damaged self-esteem. Sometimes a woman just isn't isn't feeling it, regardless of how "nice" he is. Being a jerk does not generate chemistry fred. The chemistry/energy is either there or it's not. Hopefully he is a nice good guy and a woman can move forward to have a relationship with him. Sometimes he turns out to be a total asshat, at which point a woman tolerates it and hopes he changes, or they dump him. Your being a good guy, a gentleman, is a good thing. Someday you will meet a woman with whom there is mutual chemistry, and she will LOVE that you are a gentleman! Edited June 13, 2015 by katiegrl 6 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 They're a pair of jerks. #1 Red flags: Inviting himself over, telling you you should be flexible, blowing up your phone. #2 Inviting himself over late night, back pedalling and making out he isn't a sleaze and hospital visits after one date are OTT. I would have nothing to do with either of them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 That's the only positive I see with OLD. When a woman is very attractive like Gaeta, it's fairly easy to have a date every night of the week...but yeah bless her heart for keeping up with it all! Takes a lot of energy....emotional energy too!!! Good luck Gaeta...let us know! I never got as much attention as Gaeta but when I actively OLD-ed, I probably met 2 new guys per week. After few months of that, I was completely physically and emotionally drained. Good to see that Gaeta is still enjoying it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I tried to edit but it won't let me. If you go on the lunch date you're setting yourself up for more carp from #2. I would back out of that lunch date if I were you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I never got as much attention as Gaeta but when I actively OLD-ed, I probably met 2 new guys per week. After few months of that, I was completely physically and emotionally drained. Good to see that Gaeta is still enjoying it Gaeta works it well though, so no doubt she receives TONS of messages. I did OLD a long time ago (Match.com) and I must have received 500+ messages the first week! No joke. Gaeta said she keeps her profile active for a couple of weeks, receives lots of messages (no doubt!) and then hides it for awhile. Then after a couple of weeks, activates it again. Boom! New messages start pouring in again! When I did it, I had tons of guys wanting to meet. Could not keep up with it all...seriously exhausting! But of course everyone's experience is different, just going by how it was for me, and I suspect Gaeta. Also I live in a big city = more men on the website = more messages. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I highly doubt she rejected you because you were a gentleman fred. That is a misconception *nice* guys have. When he gets rejected, he mistakenly assumes it was because he was nice! I doubt it, unless the chick is completely dysfunctional with severely damaged self-esteem. Sometimes a woman just isn't isn't feeling it, regardless of how "nice" he is. Being a jerk does not generate chemistry fred. The chemistry/energy is either there or it's not. Hopefully he is a nice good guy and a woman can move forward to have a relationship with him. Sometimes he turns out to be a total asshat, at which point a woman tolerates it and hopes he changes, or they dump him. Your being a good guy, a gentleman, is a good thing. Someday you will meet a woman with whom there is mutual chemistry, and she will LOVE that you are a gentleman! what about not being aggressive enough? some guys are more aggressive with girls and get laid a lot quicker Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 what about not being aggressive enough? some guys are more aggressive with girls and get laid a lot quicker Again she did not fall for him "because" he was aggressive. She fell for him, he fell for her (i.e. mutual chemistry). Since he is an aggressive guy, as an aggressive guy, he was able to get laid faster than a guy who was not as aggressive. But being aggressive is NOT why she fell for him. Confident? Yes...that could add to her attraction. But being confident and being aggressive are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 is it not fair to say that if OP was attracted to any of these guys she would have taken up the offer and it would be different. he's only a jerk cos she's not attracted to him? Link to post Share on other sites
MonorailCat Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 what about not being aggressive enough? some guys are more aggressive with girls and get laid a lot quicker 'Aggression' needs calibration. You can't send a poor grammar text after a "meh" 1 hour coffee date and invite yourself over. Thats just lazy and uncalibrated. Met this girl from OLD this week. We met for drinks .. it was a great 4+ hour date that ended in a long makeout session while waiting for the bus. Next day she texted me she had a great time. I agreed, and invited her over to my place to cook together this Sunday. So yeah, there is no "always right" move. Sometimes a home-date is a good idea for the second meeting and sometimes it's not. Calibration. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 what about not being aggressive enough? some guys are more aggressive with girls and get laid a lot quicker The trick is to be assertive but not aggressive. These guys were aggressive and that is generally a turn-off. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 is it not fair to say that if OP was attracted to any of these guys she would have taken up the offer and it would be different. he's only a jerk cos she's not attracted to him? I agree with you .... and to suggest she would have gone with them had she been attracted is an insult to women! These guys are just asshats, period. And THAT is why she wants nothing to do with them, or shouldn't anyway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eggplant Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 The nice thing about this is that you don't have to think too hard. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I agree with you .... and to suggest she would have gone with them had she been attracted is an insult to women! These guys are just asshats, period. And THAT is why she wants nothing to do with them, or shouldn't anyway. What part do you agree with sorry wasnt clear:) Im learning so much how women think! Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 What part do you agree with sorry wasnt clear:) Im learning so much how women think! Your entire post...the one I responded to....that I quoted. Everything you said in that post. :) Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Your entire post...the one I responded to....that I quoted. Ah ok! So i now understand women! Its true that certain women are hypocrits then. That they will have a go at one guy but will allow another guy to do the same thing and its ok Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Ah ok! So i now understand women! Its true that certain women are hypocrits then. That they will have a go at one guy but will allow another guy to do the same thing and its ok Yeah, if a woman rejects one guy for blowing her off (for example)....but forgives a different guy for doing the exact same thing (assuming neither one had a good reason for blowing her off).....then yeah I guess that "would* make her a hypocrite! Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Your entire post...the one I responded to....that I quoted. Everything you said in that post. :) Gotta say I'm stunned that you agreed with the last part of his post, really stunned that's how you think. It's not my view and I don't think it holds for many other women either to be honest. We seem to be going a bit off track with this thread though. Gaeta, did you go for lunch in the end or back out of it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Gotta say I'm stunned that you agreed with the last part of his post, really stunned that's how you think. It's not my view and I don't think it holds for many other women either to be honest. We seem to be going a bit off track with this thread though. Gaeta, did you go for lunch in the end or back out of it? Yeah and I think there is some major miscommunication going on here too! What I agreed with was...they are not jerks because Gaeta is not attracted to them. They are jerks/asshats because of their assinine behavior! Edited June 13, 2015 by katiegrl Link to post Share on other sites
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