aab45 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Hello everyone, I could really use some advice on what I am dealing with right now. I am still trying to process what happened and my emotions are all over the map. Last fall, I decided I needed to go out and meet new people and make new friends. I found this newly formed group that met weekly at a local hangout for bar trivia. We are all in our late 20's or early 30's, and everyone hit if off. A couple months ago, one of the girls asked the group if anyone wanted to go to the batting cages so she could prep for softball season. I told her I would go and we met up a few days later. This was the first time we had spent time together outside of the group and we clicked. We began spending more time together one evening she asked "so what are we doing here?". I told her I was looking for a relationship and she told me we were on the same page. We continued the normal group activities as well as doing typical bf/gf activities. We had a lot in common as well as chemistry/passion/intimacy so I began to develop feelings for her. A few days ago, she casually asks if I wanted to go for a walk after work since the weather was nice. I agreed and we met up. We were walking along this trail and holding hands as she talked to me about her day. Towards the end of the walk, her tone changed and she said basically said: "There is something else I wanted to talk to you about. I am not sure I have the feelings you are supposed to have in a relationship." I was completely stunned and let go of her hand. I felt like someone had just pushed me off a mountain. I asked "Are you saying you don't want to be in a relationship anymore?" and she said yes. I tried but couldn't get a better explanation out of her. I was really happy in this relationship and did not see signs of anything wrong. We weren't fighting, she wasn't being distant, and she was still affectionate. I just don't understand what happened. I'm still trying to make sense out of all of it. How could someone be so reckless with a person's feelings? Relationships are about trust and communication. I didn't deserve to be treated like that. I felt that I was a great boyfriend. - A
jen1447 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Relationships are actually about people finding the best deal for themselves, as sh*tty as that sounds. Sorry this happened to you.
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Sadly, this is very common. People try someone on and realize they are not what they are looking for. I have to get her props for having the courtesy to do it in person along with not being mean or nasty. I don't think most dumpers are trying to be "reckless" with other peoples feelings and emotions. Read many posts on this site and how folks get dumped in terrible ways and you'll realize she was kind. I know rejection hurts but understand that people have the right to end relationships when they are not happy or simply don't feel it. It sounds like the relationship wasn't that long, so you both were still trying each other on. Your best bet now is to leave her alone and go find your next gal.
Methodical Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 She was affectionate toward you bc she cares about you, but caring about someone - loving them - is not the same as being in love. Rather than tread water and string both of you along any longer, she was honest and let you know she doesn't share a romantic interest. The way she went about telling you makes me think she has felt conflicted for some time now and maybe even tried or hoped her feelings would develop. The bottom line is chemistry can't be created, it either exists or it doesn't. She didn't want to hurt you, but living a lie would be worse than setting you free to pursue someone who can love you the way she can't.
JewelD Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Understanding a breakup isn't nearly as important as accepting it. A lot of times, there really is no explanation even your ex could give. and even if there was, it would never make sense to you, especially if you feel like everything was going great. I dated a girl who I thought was the most perfect person in the world. We had a lot in common, we had fun together, there was passion, I knew I could trust her, she never did anything wrong. I ended up dumping her to get back with my ex, and once he dumped me, she wanted to get back together. And I kept thinking, wow, this person is amazing, they forgive me for my mistakes, they want to be there for me, they work hard, they're sweet, etc. But I don't want to be with her. The passion isn't there and I realized there are traits of her personality that aren't bad, but that I don't really want in a partner. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to be with her either. But she did nothing wrong, there was nothing wrong with her personality, she just wasn't the right fit for me anymore. I think that's what's happening to you. You did nothing wrong, she's just probably looking for something else. It's definitely a good idea to let it go though. If there's an issue with compatibility this early on, it's probably not going to change.
kasop Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 You probably were a great b/f. That may be the issue. Did you two move too fast? Its happened to me. At least she did it the right way. Best thing to do is be a man and respect her decision. Start healing. If it hurts to much to be around her then id suggest complete nc. Dont go out with that group anymore. The last thing you want is for her to see you as an emotional mess and her loss respect for you.
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