WhereSpiritsRoam Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I thought I would kick the morning off with a little pessimism. This discussion is for men and women equally. Do you agree that most people are just not worth your effort after you meet them? What I mean is, if you start talking to someone, but you don't light a fire inside them in short order, should you just move on? Take, for example, this girl I'm talking to. Sweet girl, fairly shy. Enjoys talking to me but is not a big talker. She calls me, but pretty much expects me to carry the conversation. She's not a big e-mailer at all, though she does enjoy reading mine. Now, my thinking is, this girl may be interested some, but if I haven't lit a fire inside her after 3 or 4 days of talking, it's not likely to develop. That's not to say that wouldn't change if we hung out, but my experience has shown that the first few interactions are generally enough to tell if things are going to go anywhere. It's kind of like a mediocre movie - if the crowds don't show the first weekend, they aren't likely to the following weekend, either. Now I know you can't make a heart love someone, but I'm talking way before that. If the spark isn't there right away, do you feel the person just isn't worth it? I've spent so much time saying, "I'll give it more time...just a little more time" and usually end up disappointed. I'm tempted to adopt a policy of moving on much quicker if I don't sense a spark or at least some enthusiasm from the other person shortly after talking to them. I'm just so tired of wasting time on people that just aren't worth half the effort I put into them. Spirits out.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I think that moving on is the best option, if you are looking for love and not willing to settle for 'just friends'. The way I see it, the work and effort you put into trying to futilely light someone's romantic fire is time you are taking away from opportunities you could have with someone who has no problem in the 'spark' department. The person you agonize over because you want them to be the 'right one' is often just an obstacle keeping you from finding an actual 'right one for you'. One day you may very well look back from the comfort of a mutually satisfying and happy relationship and think "thank goodness it didn't work out with her." I know I think that on nearly a daily basis myself about any number of losers (who at the time I wanted nothing more than for them to love me) who could have potentially kept me from finding what has turned out to be the most deeply satisfying relationship I have known.
ReluctantRomeo Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia who could have potentially kept me from finding what has turned out to be the most deeply satisfying relationship I have known. That's sweet LB I agree. And would add - it's mean to play around with people's feelings. If they're interested, but there isn't the same spark at your end, you owe them honesty and respect. We reap what we sow.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 I had a girl e-mail me yesterday. Apparently she liked my profile and wanted to get to know me better. So I met her online, and after a few minutes of talking, she started playing a video game at the same time. Though she claimed she could multi-task, she was clearly distracted and not focused on our discussion. These are the kind of people I don't have time for. You want to talk to me? That's great, but actually talk. Lol. I'm not saying that people should drop everything to talk to me, but if you say you want to get to know me better, you don't make a very good impression by chasing warlords around with a sword while we chat. I told her that I would be happy to talk to her when she wasn't so busy with other things. I want someone who is serious about dedicating time to getting to know me better. Those girls have to exist somewhere, right?
Marshbear Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam I What I mean is, if you start talking to someone, but you don't light a fire inside them in short order, should you just move on? Generally, yes. You usually know if you are attracted to someone right away and spending time with them might get you a platonic friendship but not romance. If you want romance then you need to find someone who has the spark as well as you. Now I know you can't make a heart love someone, but I'm talking way before that. If the spark isn't there right away, do you feel the person just isn't worth it? Depends upon what your looking for. I would not say the person isn't worth you time or attention because that is rude to just base a relationship on your needs and wants. If you are looking for a specific response from them and you are not getting it then you probably need to look else where. I've spent so much time saying, "I'll give it more time...just a little more time" and usually end up disappointed. I'm tempted to adopt a policy of moving on much quicker if I don't sense a spark or at least some enthusiasm from the other person shortly after talking to them. I'm just so tired of wasting time on people that just aren't worth half the effort I put into them. You are putting to much pressure on yourself and your desires. If you meet someone and they don't feel as you then you need to find someone who does. Time usually doesn't change attraction. If you think that by spending time with them and getting to be their friend will make them like you romantically then you might be disappointed if it doesn't happen. Guys who think that they can force a women to like them is usually mad and upset when they don't follow suit. Don't spend lots of time trying to change someone. If it isn't there it probably never will be. You have to accept that and move on. It doesn't mean that you can't have friends. But if you don't feel an attraction soon after meeting them, don't waste your emotions thinking you can change them. You will just get hurt.
alphamale Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by WhereSpiritsRoam Now, my thinking is, this girl may be interested some, but if I haven't lit a fire inside her after 3 or 4 days of talking, it's not likely to develop. Well, W.S.R., let me give you some "inside" info. Many women decide within the first 10 minutes of knowing you whether they would have a relationship/sex with you or just put you in friends category. Thatts why men need to be confident and make a decent 1st impression.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Well, W.S.R., let me give you some "inside" info. Many women decide within the first 10 minutes of knowing you whether they would have a relationship/sex with you or just put you in friends category. Thatts why men need to be confident and make a decent 1st impression. I have heard this before, but I don't think it's a hard and fast rule. I've met and known many a girl to be unsure of how they feel days, even weeks after they meet someone. That's why I often think I get dragged along for a little bit before they decide to cut the chains.
Author WhereSpiritsRoam Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 I think I understand why so many people just don't want anything serious. It's not that they ultimately wouldn't like that, but there's too much frustration getting to that point. I wish I could just let things happen naturally as opposed to trying to manufacture them.
l2hvn Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 agree. no sparks, no romance. sparks/chemistry is very important. and you don't really have to work for it. it should just happen naturally between two people. the last guy i was dating (before my current bf), i just didn't feel that spark with him. but i dragged it on. i thought i could give it some more time. he's a good guy afterall. and he's got his stuff together... but i just didn't feel it... so i never took him seriously... ultimately, i just couldn't take it anymore and ended it (after 4mos). don't waste your time. and don't settle.. find someone else who will give you butterflies on your stomach. and vice versa... i know i have! she's out there somewhere....
Recommended Posts