Cra Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Hey guys, I'm in need of some advice. My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago telling me she wanted to be more independent. But she started seeing another guy a week and a half after she dumped me. For what I've seen and heard, he's a perfect dude...he looks good, does interesting things, and just looks like her match. I don't see a reason for them to ever break up. My ex and I started dating junior year of high school. We did everything together and were closer than most couples our age. Went to both proms and had a lot of awesome dates, etc. Our families were really close to each other. We would even visit her grandparents house every now and then, who lived a couple of hours away. But I digress...I think what ultimately ended our relationship was the long distance near the end. And I had a jealousy problem that I never really fixed. After high school, we did a year of long distance because we went to separate universities about 2 hours away (FSU and UF). And not to sound cocky, but I thought we killed the long distance part. We would visit every 3-4 weeks and communicate daily. But my question is, should I give up hope of having a future with her after college? I know her new boyfriend is perfect...but i don't see how she'd possibly go through most of high school and all of college in a relationship. And I don't see her as the type of girl to marry straight out of college, either. I'm seriously conflicted...just forget about her and move on? Or be friends with her later down the road in hopes of getting back together? She definitely taught me a lot from our relationship and I'm willing to change for the better.
Fleur de cactus Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 SOrry you are here. Your ex left you and it is not you who left. When a person says that she wants to be independent, she means that she does not want to be with you. Your relationship is not worth, she wants to do and try something different. Now she is with another man, why do you want to wait until she comes back? What make you think that she will come back to you? I encouraged you to move on and date other girls. You are young one day you will find someone who cannot live without you. 3
Arieswoman Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Cra, I'm sorry you're going through this. First heartbreak, left me for some one better ^^^^ No she didn't leave you for someone better, she left you for someone different. There is nothing wrong with you, remember that. Now you need to heal and move on. You'll find lots of good advice in these pages from people who have been where you are now. Please don't put your life on hold, in the hope you'll get back with her. Good luck x 2
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 She was you HS sweet heart that is in your past now. She wanted to get out and experience other people and date around. You should be wanting/doing the same. HS relationships rarely last afterward, especially when both move on to college. You should go out and sow your oats while you're young. This ex will fade into good memories as time passes and she start dating and seeing other girls. Go have fun 1
Satu Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 He isn't 'better' than you. He's just somebody else. He isn't 'perfect.' He's just somebody else. Your ex wants to have new experiences and thats why she walked away from you. Don't wait for her. If she doesn't want to be with now, the chances of her wanting of her wanting to be with you in the future are infinitesimal. Take good care of yourself.
Jimmyjackson Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I was left for someone else, it was also my first relationship too. Take comfort in the fact that you aren't going to end up with the first girl you get involved with for the rest of your life. You're young im guessing, it's natural for people to want to explore other things. 1
Author Cra Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 Thanks everyone for the responses. It's just really hard to let her go, she was an amazing first girlfriend and she really set the bar high for me when it comes to future relationships. It sucks because, in all the cards and letters she would give to me, she would always mention me being the the perfect guy for her, the guy she never wanted to give up. She would even drop hints of marriage. But I guess people change a lot during college and that she was blinded by love, I guess you could say. I made the mistake of picturing my entire future with her, so now I'm having a much harder time letting go. And then seeing her with some one else just kills me. Should I try to remain friends with her in a couple of months? Or should I not even bother? I feel like there's always going to be a part of me that wants to be more than friends, but I hope I can get over that during NC.
Author Cra Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 And yeah we just finished our first year of college.
Jimmyjackson Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Thanks everyone for the responses. It's just really hard to let her go, she was an amazing first girlfriend and she really set the bar high for me when it comes to future relationships. It sucks because, in all the cards and letters she would give to me, she would always mention me being the the perfect guy for her, the guy she never wanted to give up. She would even drop hints of marriage. But I guess people change a lot during college and that she was blinded by love, I guess you could say. I made the mistake of picturing my entire future with her, so now I'm having a much harder time letting go. And then seeing her with some one else just kills me. Should I try to remain friends with her in a couple of months? Or should I not even bother? I feel like there's always going to be a part of me that wants to be more than friends, but I hope I can get over that during NC. All of those things you mention, everyone has that. Your situation isn't unique and you'll be the same with another girl in the future. Don't bother, stay friends with her while she's ****ing some other dude? Why would you want to be friends with a girl who left you for someone else...she's basically saying she can do better and you want to be her friend after it all?
OdysseusCA Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Hey guys, I'm in need of some advice. My girlfriend broke up with me a month ago telling me she wanted to be more independent. But she started seeing another guy a week and a half after she dumped me. For what I've seen and heard, he's a perfect dude...he looks good, does interesting things, and just looks like her match. I don't see a reason for them to ever break up. My ex and I started dating junior year of high school. We did everything together and were closer than most couples our age. Went to both proms and had a lot of awesome dates, etc. Our families were really close to each other. We would even visit her grandparents house every now and then, who lived a couple of hours away. But I digress...I think what ultimately ended our relationship was the long distance near the end. And I had a jealousy problem that I never really fixed. After high school, we did a year of long distance because we went to separate universities about 2 hours away (FSU and UF). And not to sound cocky, but I thought we killed the long distance part. We would visit every 3-4 weeks and communicate daily. But my question is, should I give up hope of having a future with her after college? I know her new boyfriend is perfect...but i don't see how she'd possibly go through most of high school and all of college in a relationship. And I don't see her as the type of girl to marry straight out of college, either. I'm seriously conflicted...just forget about her and move on? Or be friends with her later down the road in hopes of getting back together? She definitely taught me a lot from our relationship and I'm willing to change for the better. I'm several decades older than you--I say that only to say it never gets any easier when you are dumped. Here's the ugly deal--and a lesson I had to re-learn last year--all the pleading and arguing and logic in the world will not get her back. It will push her away, and it will make you appear weak and clingy to her. There is nothing--nothing--that turns off a woman more than a man acting that way. Is this other guy better than you? I doubt it. He is different and he is new. The only thing you can do--and the thing you must do--is be the best person you can be. Get in the best shape you can. Get the best education and career--that is right for you. Travel, or at least read, so you have interests beyond your degree and job. Women, by and large, cannot stomach a man without ambition. But it is better for you, too. Do all that, and you'll attract a woman who really appreciates you and wants you for who you are.
Mrin Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Ya forget about him. He could be a one eyed douchbag troglodyte and you still don't have a future with this girl. It has nothing to do with you. Or her. It is just that you met at that phase of your life and went to different universities. It isn't going to happen. Chin up though!
Author Cra Posted June 19, 2015 Author Posted June 19, 2015 I'm several decades older than you--I say that only to say it never gets any easier when you are dumped. Here's the ugly deal--and a lesson I had to re-learn last year--all the pleading and arguing and logic in the world will not get her back. It will push her away, and it will make you appear weak and clingy to her. There is nothing--nothing--that turns off a woman more than a man acting that way. Is this other guy better than you? I doubt it. He is different and he is new. The only thing you can do--and the thing you must do--is be the best person you can be. Get in the best shape you can. Get the best education and career--that is right for you. Travel, or at least read, so you have interests beyond your degree and job. Women, by and large, cannot stomach a man without ambition. But it is better for you, too. Do all that, and you'll attract a woman who really appreciates you and wants you for who you are. Thank you for this. I made the mistake of begging weeks after the breakup, I had no idea about the concept of NC since it was my first breakup. But I quickly learned about it on this website and have been doing it for 3 weeks. It definitely helps to let go of the fantasy of ever getting back together. I also learned a couple of days ago from our mutual friend that they're official. So knowing that helps me totally dispose of a possible future together. Most of my friends, family, and even her best friends agree what she's doing is messed up, so that helps me feel a little a better too. I can't really tell if she's just afraid to be alone, or she really thought this guy was worth it and took a huge risk for him. I think two of her close friends are going to have intervention with her, basically telling her that there's nothing wrong with being independent..focusing on school, your career, etc. She already devotes a ton of time into school. They're not going to tell her to break up with the guy, only to voice their opinion. Going from one serious relationship to another and then straight into marriage sounds like you'll never get a chance as a young adult to be truly independent. But whatever, she's not my concern anymore, she can do whatever she wants. But yeah, we're young and what I'm going through is really not that bad compared to what others have to deal with. I'm focusing on myself, what I want to do during college, and on my career aspirations after college. I'm also constantly reminding myself that everything will fall into place.
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