DragonGirl Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Sorry if this is long but something happened today that made my bf think his mom doesn't like me. I'm unsure but I want some opinions. Here's the situation: He lives with both parents and they have always welcomed me into their home. They let me spend the night there a lot. I live with my dad and I need a part time job or else my dad will have to move and won't take me with him. My dad is busy and won't be able to take me to work all the time. I don't have a license and neither does my bf. So we went to his mom in her room to ask about taking me to the interview at least and that I would pay for gas. She started getting angry really quickly and was giving these weird reasons why they cannot help me at all. It was just no no no until it escalated to my bf and his mom screaming at each other over it. He said the F word and she slammed something really loudly and told us to GET OUT. It scared me so much I was shaking. My bf was the only one yelling at her. I just stood there uncomfortably but still being sweet. Then he said to me "well obviously she doesn't like you or care about you at all.” It hurt so much because I always thought she did like me. I never would have thought she didn't because she would talk to me like a friend and was never mean to me. I always believed they thought of me as family because that was how it felt. :'( I know he was still mad but he didn't have to say it so bluntly.. He and everyone else agreed that taking me to an interview shouldn’t be as hard as she was making it. Here's the other thing. My bfs sisters bf always got rides from his parents to his job and last year let him move in. From the beginning his mom always said I could come over but not live there. I'm still crying over this and wondering what I did wrong. I've always been kind to everyone and I've gone out of my way to do things for them like get food and nice things on Mothers Day... Why would his mom not like me or care about me? Maybe I never knew how they felt because my bf told them a long time ago to never yell at me because I'm sensitive.. Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 look, it is not so sweet to expect one adult to play driver for another, you are not her daughter, so stop this stuff Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 It is sad what happened to you. But do not expect others to do things for your just because you do some errands for them. Also, remember that family is not your family. You are bf/gf. My advise is to get a driver license at least one of you two should be driving. The message form the mother is for you to try to be independent. If she takes you for interview, who will take you to work everyday? Other thing you can do is take a local taxi. I know you are angry or disappointed right now, but what you should ask for now is someone to teach you how to drive so that you can be independent. Or if you are hired, get an apartment at a walking distance from your work so you will not depend on others. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 How old are you & why don't you have a driver's license? Are you sure you didn't just catch the mom at the wrong time? Families yell. Your BF was wrong to tell you that his mom doesn't like you. She may have simply been upset at that moment. If she has you there all the time & let her daughter's BF move in & is driving him around, the poor woman may be overwhelmed. Also if you need a ride to the interview, how are you doing to get to work every day? You said your own father won't be able to drive you. To ask for 1 ride to the interview is one thing. To expect somebody else to take you to work every day is too much. Can you get a job that you can actually travel to on your own, by walking, riding a bike or taking a bus? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 While I can't speak for your bf's mother I can tell you how it was for me when I was in a similar situation. My son was 16 and met a girl. Started bring her around the house and I was happy for him. I liked her too. She was sweet, polite and intelligent. We got along great and sometimes even spent time alone together when my son was working his PT job. I had zero problems with her on a personal level. However I am a private person and I need my space. Our place was small and whenever I would come home from a long day of work, both my son and his gf would be at our place. Watching my tv, eating my food, taking up my space. My son went to school and worked part time and had lots of friends so before he met the girl he was out a lot and I enjoyed having lots of freedom and privacy at home but after he got the girlfriend all he wanted to do was hang out with her...at home. She still lived with her parents too, in a huge house in a nice neighborhood, but I started to feel like I was supporting her because she was always at our place, eating, doing laundry, taking showers, etc The situation started to grate on my nerves over time. I started spending a lot of time in by bedroom and being short with my son. I spoke nicely to my son about how I felt like I the house had been taken over by the 2 of them. My son was understanding and said they would spend less time just hanging out in the living room but nothing changed. I mentioned it nicely one or two more times and I was ignored. Finally I ran out of patience one day. I had come home and for once nobody was there. I changed out my work clothes into comfortable sweats and was just getting ready to enjoy some quiet time alone when along came my son and his gf. At that moment I had had enough. I met them at the door and firmly said "No, there will be no company here tonight so if you two want to be together go to gf's house" They were stunned. My son debated it with me for a few minutes, but he was never disrespectful to me nor did he raise his voice (my sweet boy that he is). Then he and his gf went outside and I could hear her having a melt down. Crying and yelling at him. There were 2 more instances when I had to come right out and tell them to go somewhere else. After that they got the message that I was serious about not wanting to spend every single day with his gf and started spending some time at her house too, although my son hated it over there. She hated me after that but it was never about her personally and I never disliked her. I just wasn't looking for a adopted daughter or a full time boarder who didn't pay bills or do anything around the house except take up space. The point of that whole story was just to say that you may be wearing out your welcome at your bf's house. It sounds like his mom was already pushed to the limit by her daughters bf's expectations and now she's had enough. It probably has nothing to do with you personally, but more to do with what's led up to this point that has his mom feeling like's had enough of people wanting things from her. Your bf's mom doesn't have to take you to your interview and she doesn't have to give a million reasons to not do so. Your bf should have stopped badgering her the first time she said no, instead of arguing with her and yelling at her. Why should you and your job interview be her problem? She probably likes you just fine but is sick and tired of people expecting too much of her. I also wonder how exactly you are going to go to work everyday if you can't get yourself to a job interview. What is wrong with the bus? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DragonGirl Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 We're 22 and 23. Yeah maybe she is just stressed. That's what I'd like to believe because I still really like her and my boyfriend and I want to get married and I don't want to feel like the cause of fights between him and his family. I'm not sure how I'll get a ride though...but I think it's better if I try instead of just not do anything about moving forward Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 It seems pretty straight forward. You expected she would drive you and she said no. Your boyfriend got annoyed and said she must hate you then. What, she hates you because she won't give you a lift.. really? Look at it from her point of view and all the things she has to deal with. She obviously needs a break. By your own account you are there a lot. Frankly, you are both old enough to be supporting yourselves now which means finding full time work and making your own way to interviews through public transport. You will earn her respect more by showing your maturity and responsibility for yourself. You are an adult, it is time to act like one. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Unless there is a medical reason why you will be denied one, at 22 you need to get your act together, get a DL & a real job. You are out of high school. Support yourself. When other people including BF's mom see you being self sufficient they will have more respect for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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