Gloria25 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 This question is mostly for the guys.... And question is, Have you ever been attracted to someone and made up your mind that you will never date her, so you resided to just sorta "admire" her from a distance? If "yes" did you derive any satisfaction from this type of thing? BTW, she may be a co-worker, classmate, relative, etc... I guess I'm just trying to understand why if a guy isn't interested in actually dating you, what's the point on him keeping you on his radar?
Davey L Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 When I was young I would sometimes lack confidence in moving things forward with a woman. But I guess from your previous posts that this is not a teenager, right? If he has a gf or is married then he may not feel right about taking things further. Maybe there is also another woman he is interested in as well as you and is indecisive about which of you to pursue. Maybe the situation is such that he's not sure if dating you would be a good idea because of fallout of it doesn't work out, for example if you work together. Or maybe he also values your friendship and is afraid to damage that?
star gaze Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 It’s probably: - because he has friendzoned her - because she is a good friend, first and foremost - because she’s fun to be around -or keeping the options open, just in case….. For example, There’s a very good looking girl that I daily talk with….but from platonically talking and observing her for past 2 years (she was attached and so was I), I came to the conclusion that our personalities and outlooks don’t mesh, so we don’t date even though we are single. I’m attracted to her, but at the moment I’m looking for stable LTR and and so is she, but she isn’t a gf material for me. She, also probably came to the same conclusion. We do hang around and talk about dating woes, but that’s it. I’m also interested to see what others say.
Otter2569 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 She was my friends GF in college: Hot, smart, funny and a killer body. I thought maybe they would break up and i would some day have a chance since we always got a long great. 20 years later they are still married: shes a tank, had her boobs reduced, is always bitching about him and seems impossible to make happy. Funny how some things work out.
Pompom Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Is a guy interested in dating every porn chick he likes "looking" at? Nah, it's enjoyable though as long as there is no painful longing.
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 It depends on the situation and what his real thoughts and interest actually is. Women like to assume the best case scenario or some up with some theory as to why a man is behaving a certain way, but it really depends on factors that you cannot see or understand unfortunately. Sometimes there is a woman that a man is attracted to, but he doesn't want to complicate thing, he doesn't want to rock the boat...there's a certain stability, fantasy and pleasure in just being able to keep that woman as "perfect" as you perceive her or wish her to be...guys like to fantasize about women, but often they don't live up to the fantasy of course, because it's a fantasy...once you find out who's she's slept with in the office, or the some personal detail or what not..the "reality" can completely change and destroy the imagine or fantasy you had of her..you find out she's "low quality" and it's just kind of whatever from that point on, it looses it's magic. Intimidation is also a big factor for men...women always assume that if a man is pursuing them then he is attracted, well he may attracted to some extent but if you're a bit overweight and not necessarily stunning, the reality is it's a lot less of a stress factor or intimidation to talk to that woman, much much less. That's why you often see average women getting pursued a lot more than much better looking women, because a man has already failed himself in his mind with a very attractive woman. If the woman is skinny, beautiful, great smile and well-dressed...that guy is going to be paralyzed in fear except for the players or the word-smiths, which most guys are not and men who have confidence based on experience...it's going to take the average guy a long time to work up the courage to talk to her, he doesn't know what to say, he might be scared of ruining the moment, he might think a lot of other men are interested in her or already taken, or he's just looking for the perfect moment. And the attraction is relative to the options of a man, if he finds you "out of his league", chances are he won't pursue at all...but if that woman was more overweight or less attractive, he might consider building the foundation of pursuing her. So to escape the potential rejection and to maintain the interest and fantasy, many guys will not pursue. Unfortunately many guys do put women on a pedestal, that they are interested in. It's not easy being a man, and the fear of rejection is high...it's how a woman might feel under the scrutiny of a photo shoot being surrounded by bright lights or walking the run-way with a bunch of Victoria Secret models, as she is now...the thoughts and fears are compounding, and the deeper you go into that thought, the more that feeling of self-doubt and fear grows, then you start second guessing yourself. Men need to learn to react in the moment, but most of them overthink it...women and situations are very much about timing, what men like to do is miss that opportunity then try and go back to recapture it, but it's too late...so they end up lingering and plotting some great plan that never comes through, because the situation might never materialize itself. I've been asked by plenty of men, in the office, work-place, you name it...when a very attractive or attractive woman comes in, and I make a straight line to her quickly with a nonchalant introduction or a polite introduction, and they're "Whoa Ninja, you've got some balls man! how did you do that, what did you say, how can you just walk over there and talk to her like that...and now she comes back and says hi to you or talk to you, wtf...you've got some kind of game"...nothing special was done, but they always think there is some kind of secret tactic or method at play...because just for them to get to that level is impossible, there's like this wall. It doesn't mean I feel like the best looking guy or I know how she's going to respond...doesn't mean I'm not ever intimidated or fear rejection, I hate rejection as much as anyone else does...but it's not like I'm trying to stick my finger down her pants and into her vagina, I'm just talking to the woman. But a lot of guys know, that you have to keep the ball rolling...women expect thinks to happen like bam-bam-bam...in a row, properly coordinated, with good timing, good amount of pursuit and aggression...if you really make that "move" that blatantly says "Hey, I'm interested in you"...women have ADD when it comes to men and when a man comes into their little window of opportunity to make something out of it...they expect a lot to happen after that and a consistent build-up, so the pressure is on a man to do X,Y, then Z...that sucks for men, it's a lot of pressure and all women really have to do is be on the receiving end...not that they won't push and pursue the situation themselves if you're not reacting or doing what they want you to do fast enough, but women are demanding and once they get started they like to get the ball rolling...that's why some men really prefer the women that want to "take it slow"...it gives them time to relax and not feel pressured. Otherwise, with that woman...if you want to take a "chance", you've got to be prepared to play the dating game and start doing all the things she expects you to do or you just lose her interest and she's likely to move onto the next guy...but there's always a few guys or so women hold out for an be patient with, and wait for them to "come around" after they're taking their sweet time...but like I said, men don't want to start making things all complicated and getting that whole pressure situation, as women have expectations believe it or not. So the man might choose to place it on the side for now, so that in time, when he feels like expending all that energy in order to pursue you and keep you entertained, lest he lose you, he'll kind of save it up for a later day. Women can be a lot of work and once the whole dating process gets started they can move really fast and demand a lot of time and attention...and men often need a slower more relaxed pace, which is why women impatiently sit by for them to do their thing. Guys that are players and womanizers or course don't mind this process, they use a woman's magnetic pull of interest to their benefit to get what they want, then they get in and out like a Navy Seal team...mission accomplished, woman satisfied and happy, and she appreciates the aggression and "straight-fowardness" of a skilled man with women...but the more genuine and relationship seeking men are often much more careful about their moves and methods of pursuit, unfortunately that's the opposite of what most women want and are flattered by. Hence, it's clear to see who's winning that battle. 1
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