Revan32 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I've been living in Los Angeles for about 3 years now and have slept around a decent amount. In fairness to myself, LA has a very strong hookup culture. I've actually been looking for a girlfriend the entire time but have had zero luck. My question is, I am now moving to Austin which I am hoping is a little more traditional than LA. So should I be honest to girls who ask about my sexual past? Mainly that i've never had a girlfriend, just numerous VERY short term relationships. Should I refuse to answer the question at all, or just plain lie about it? I'm going to ask a second question while I'm at it to not make multiple threads. I've noticed my my mind has shifted to thinking that I should always try and sleep with a girl on the first date. Kinda as a way to find out if she's easy or not. So if she sleeps with me then I usually don't count her as gf material. The problem is the one's who are gf material often get scared away. I realize this in my head but I still have problems not doing it because I have to know whether or not she's easy. Now I know this thinking is kinda messed up. But I'm not really sure just how messed up it is. Can someone on here tell me whats wrong about this because from my own experience, I just can't come up with a reason to not do it even though I know its probably wrong.
neowulf Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Should I refuse to answer the question at all, or just plain lie about it? Refusing to answer = red flag. Lie about it and get caught out later? = BIG red flag Why deceive people? Are you ashamed of how you've behaved? Why not just own it and let others decide how they feel about it? Editing your history to get with someone isn't a great way to start a relationship. I'm going to ask a second question while I'm at it to not make multiple threads. I've noticed my my mind has shifted to thinking that I should always try and sleep with a girl on the first date. Kinda as a way to find out if she's easy or not. So if she sleeps with me then I usually don't count her as gf material. The problem is the one's who are gf material often get scared away. I realize this in my head but I still have problems not doing it because I have to know whether or not she's easy. Like attracts like. You're pushing for sex on the first date, so they immediately assume you're a player and run a mile. Or they sleep with you, thus disqualifying them from being "GF" material. You've created a double standard in your own mind. Instead of trying to play games with people to figure them out, how about you just behave the way you expect others too. Don't push for sex on the first date and just let things develop. If they push for sex on the first date, decline. Your current thinking patterns are setting you up for some serious frustration. I'd reconsider them. 5
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Relationships should be based on honesty. If she wants to know your number & freaks out about it, you're better off without her. Same thing in reverse. I don't understand the whole having sex on the first date mentality, so I can't give any advice on that. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 1) I've had a ton of dates, short R/S and a few longer R/S since being divorced in my 40's. I can not recall even one girl asking me about my sexual past. The only thing they wanted to know is if I had been checked for STD's recently. If I was asked, I'd tell them that I have my share of relationships and partners but wasn't a male whore either and leave it at that. I've never asked anyone I've been in a R/S either. You can generally get a general idea after knowing her history. 2) Yea, I think you having to or trying to sleep w/someone on the first date is odd. I don't think it makes a girl a slut if she sleeps with someone on the first date. Sometimes the connection and chemistry is so good that people just go for it. I dated one girl over a year after we sleep together on the first date. In my experiences over several years of dating, about 25% of women would sleep w/me on the first date, even if I wasn't suggesting it or pushing for it. Some times a woman is simply horny. Throw in some booze and sexual chemistry and it just happens. Sometimes afterwards, I felt like saying to them "just put the $ on the dresser and leave"...lol
TheBathWater Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Why would you be disclosing your sexual history to a woman in the first place? Anytime a woman asks me how many women I've been with, I just say "not as many as you'd think", but I say this to counteract the "he's a player and not relationship material" checkbox. I've been with LOTS of women, but I don't give a **** about those girls when a new one is in front of me. My eyes are on her, not them. If a woman EVER grills you about your sexual history, keep redirecting her and saying things like "but those girls are history and you're here in front of me...tell me about THIS girl". You should be fine Your second question is interesting. I think many women who sleep with you on the first date can be girlfriend material, IMO. Sometimes the most passionate relationships begin passionately. At the same time, I hear you. I find it more intriguing when women resist my advances until down the road. Hmm... you know, what I'm about to say doesn't apply to ALL women, but I think most women want a man to try and sleep with them as quickly as possible (no matter how much they say they're not like that) because they feel desirable for it. Women are constantly comparing themselves to other women, and if you're not trying to bed her, she thinks she's not as attractive as the other girl. Sad but true of our culture. If she says no, respect that. But she will still feel beautiful for it. I can't say for sure, but maybe the women who are rejecting you (the ones you see as GF material) are doing so because you're not TRYING to sleep with them. What a mind****, huh? Do what works for you, but my advice is try to sleep with all of them and consider them girlfriend material regardless.
TunaCat Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 The only reason any future girlfriends would need to know your sexual history is if you have an STD. If you are healthy, then they don't need to know anything about your sexual history. If any guy pushed me to have sex on the first date, I'd be furious and immediately write that guy off. If anyone told me that they need to have sex with me on the first date in order to see if I was easy or not, I'd lose all respect for them. 2
TheBathWater Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 The only reason any future girlfriends would need to know your sexual history is if you have an STD. If you are healthy, then they don't need to know anything about your sexual history. If any guy pushed me to have sex on the first date, I'd be furious and immediately write that guy off. If anyone told me that they need to have sex with me on the first date in order to see if I was easy or not, I'd lose all respect for them. But what if the guy respectfully obliged with your stance? Would you still think 'less' of him for simply wanting to have sex with you? I believe it's totally appropriate for people to have urges, but totally inappropriate for people to force themselves on you against consent.
Author Revan32 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 The only reason any future girlfriends would need to know your sexual history is if you have an STD. If you are healthy, then they don't need to know anything about your sexual history. Why would you be disclosing your sexual history to a woman in the first place? 1) I've had a ton of dates, short R/S and a few longer R/S since being divorced in my 40's. I can not recall even one girl asking me about my sexual past. The only thing they wanted to know is if I had been checked for STD's recently. I generally get asked it by every girl I sleep with. Believe me, I never bring it up on my own. Nearly all of them start asking me how many women i've been with. I try and joke about it most of the time by saying something like "i've been with hundreds, welcome to my harem" or something stupid like that to make them laugh and not ask again. I have answered truthfully numerous times though and can tell they are not happy about it. Sometimes the most passionate relationships begin passionately. I do agree on that. I've only ever really felt passionate about one girl, and we did sleep together on the first date. This was soon after I moved to LA though so I wasn't jaded. And I didn't hold it against her, we just had a great connection and moved quickly. Its the girls who I barely felt any connection with, who I don't consider GF material afterward. Even if I did think they had some real potential to build into something if we saw each other longer. Like attracts like. You're pushing for sex on the first date, so they immediately assume you're a player and run a mile. Or they sleep with you, thus disqualifying them from being "GF" material. You've created a double standard in your own mind. Instead of trying to play games with people to figure them out, how about you just behave the way you expect others too. Don't push for sex on the first date and just let things develop. If they push for sex on the first date, decline. Your current thinking patterns are setting you up for some serious frustration. I'd reconsider them. I understand what you're saying, but I'll just be in my head later on thinking "Gee I wonder how much of a party girl this chick is? Did she get down with the entire football team after home coming game?" Its silly but thats how I think now for some reason. I've had a few girls who've laid down the law when it comes to sex. I put my best moves on them but they still refused until we got to whatever minimum date requirement they had in their heads. They are the one's I took seriously.
PogoStick Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 YOu can tell as much or as little as you desire. And you don't have to disclose your entire life on a first date. People should get to know you over time. 1
Qboro90 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 All these people who say "be honest and tell her how many partners you've had" are nuts. No girl wants to hear that their bf or potential bf has slept with 100 other women. That's only gonna make her feel like anotjer notch on your belt and scare her away. I've been with a very high number of women and anytime that questions been asked I'll turn around and ask the girl "you know you have to answer that question if I do right?" . Then the girl usually replies with "that's find, my number isn't high at all, or I've only been with 5 people". That will give you a hint as to what she is looking for. A safe bet that I would say is "it's not more than 10, I'm really not that kind of guy despite what you may think". Guaranteed youpl be golden with that. The only reason a girl would ask you your number is because she's worried you've been with a ton of women. If you really want to be with this girl then tell her what she wants to hear (a low or decently low number ) then after you've been dating a while or are in love you can have that talk again if u want. I don't see the point to it as its not relevant to my relationship now and will only upset me to hear about her with other guys. She doesn't wanna hear about girls you liked or slept with before so no need to share that info to the fullest truth.
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 After you're living in Austin, if you have a date w/a gal who asks, tell them with a straight face- "Oh, I don't know... I worked in the porn industry when I lived in LA for awhile and frankly lost count".. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 You answer honestly but without specifics. Say I lived in LA for a long time which is more of a hook up culture. While I would have liked a nice girl to have a relationship with the women were more into playing the field. Then disclose specifics about safety -- I have never been with anybody with AIDs or HIV positive or an IV drug user. Offer to go get tested with this new woman. You are not obligated to discuss names, numbers etc. Anybody who pushes would turn me off immediately My standard answer was always "I've been with enough men to know what I'm doing, what I like & don't like but not so many that I question my own morals. I've also gotten way pickier post college." 1
kendahke Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I've been living in Los Angeles for about 3 years now and have slept around a decent amount. In fairness to myself, LA has a very strong hookup culture. I've actually been looking for a girlfriend the entire time but have had zero luck. My question is, I am now moving to Austin which I am hoping is a little more traditional than LA. So should I be honest to girls who ask about my sexual past? Mainly that i've never had a girlfriend, just numerous VERY short term relationships. Should I refuse to answer the question at all, or just plain lie about it? Who you slept with in the past is none of their business. What they are entitled to know is if you are STD free. I've noticed my my mind has shifted to thinking that I should always try and sleep with a girl on the first date. Kinda as a way to find out if she's easy or not. So if she sleeps with me then I usually don't count her as gf material. The problem is the one's who are gf material often get scared away. I realize this in my head but I still have problems not doing it because I have to know whether or not she's easy. Now I know this thinking is kinda messed up. But I'm not really sure just how messed up it is. Can someone on here tell me whats wrong about this because from my own experience, I just can't come up with a reason to not do it even though I know its probably wrong. Well, you've slept your way through LA for the past 3 years, so it's pretty safe to say that you are not boyfriend material. You're pretty easy and indiscriminate it would seem. There's a word for that kind of a person and it's the one you're trying to paint these girls with. If you're putting out on a first date, it makes you no better than any girl you're too busy judging for doing the same. 1
MonorailCat Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I've been living in Los Angeles for about 3 years now and have slept around a decent amount. In fairness to myself, LA has a very strong hookup culture. I've actually been looking for a girlfriend the entire time but have had zero luck. Sounds like an excuse. If you were boyfriend material the women would have stayed with you. There must be some character flaw that scares them away. I have to know whether or not she's easy. Ahh, there it is. The usual double standard of douchy guys. It's ok for you to have sex on the first date, but the woman is 'easy' and not GF Material. 4
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Sounds like an excuse. If you were boyfriend material the women would have stayed with you. There must be some character flaw that scares them away. I doubt it was a flaw in those women, more than the fact that he's not looking to commit to any of them. Most guys aren't looking for commitments, they give a lot of excuses and watered downed reasons as to why they are not interested in her. Ahh, there it is. The usual double standard of douchy guys. It's ok for you to have sex on the first date, but the woman is 'easy' and not GF Material. Because for a woman to have sex with men, she could essentially go to a bar any day of the week and practically any other place on the planet and have sex with a man as often as she'd like, so of course she's going to get judged because it takes no skill, effort, talent, ability nor any other positive quality to do that, as most men are always open to having sex. It says nothing about a woman other than the fact that she is willing to open her legs to all these different type of men, men that we ourselves do not respect. For men, they've got to have a multitude of talents and skills to seduce a wide variety of women whom all claim to be particular or picky in some way...unless they are just exceptionally good looking, which most men aren't. So for men to accomplish the same task as a woman it takes a lot more work and effort..even manipulation (although this won't be admitted) he has to be entirely capable as a man to reach those high numbers..however he can pull in about half of those numbers with less attractive/overweight women assuming he is good-looking himself which he most likely will be...a woman can be hideous and still accomplish a very high number of sex partners with even much better looking men than herself on top of it. So you have two different dynamics going on here, if the world worked in a way that men and women were equally as difficult to sleep with, and it actually took effort and ability for a woman to sleep with a man, then maybe then it would be "respected" in the world of men. But when you compare throwing a baseball into a very large buck from 5 feet away (women), to having to shoot a cork off a glass bottle from 50 feet away, without breaking the bottle (bad analogy but the best i got right now) which is the situation for men, you cannot compare those two situations. Men who are successful and able to sleep with a lot of women, will have a way better way with words, charms, wit, confidence and all those little details women are attracted to in some shape or form, and he will be able to weed out the ones who get around and the ones who do not. Women will just simply have slept with a lot of men, likely changing her life at some point trying to bury it in the past out of shame and guilt because she likely had some screwed up issue that went hand in hand with giving the sex out like candy and take away no particular skill whatsoever from sleeping with all those men...she may be as naive or unaware/clueless about men as she was when she started in terms of understanding them. So in reality, you are comparing night and day...and there's a reason men are respected more than women when it comes to sex, for one sex it takes no effort and nearly every man is out there to get some, in the other nearly every other woman is looking for a relationship/commitment or having sex with a guy who rocks her world in all these 100 different ways...guess which men can deliver anything close to that package, the men who are skilled...which is their personal choice to sleep with a lot of women or not, it depends on his own standard more than anything else. 1
Gary S Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I think you should tell them about your promiscuous past.... that way they can avoid you. 4
Jame22 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I am now moving to Austin A little off topic but Austin is awesome! I have to leave in a few weeks for work and I'm not happy about it. The only thing that really sucks is the traffic.
Perrier Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Op you sound cheap, never BF material. And yet you judge a woman for sleeping with you on the first date when you drop your pants for anybody. Edited June 13, 2015 by Perrier 3
Redhead14 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I've been living in Los Angeles for about 3 years now and have slept around a decent amount. In fairness to myself, LA has a very strong hookup culture. I've actually been looking for a girlfriend the entire time but have had zero luck. My question is, I am now moving to Austin which I am hoping is a little more traditional than LA. So should I be honest to girls who ask about my sexual past? Mainly that i've never had a girlfriend, just numerous VERY short term relationships. Should I refuse to answer the question at all, or just plain lie about it? I'm going to ask a second question while I'm at it to not make multiple threads. I've noticed my my mind has shifted to thinking that I should always try and sleep with a girl on the first date. Kinda as a way to find out if she's easy or not. So if she sleeps with me then I usually don't count her as gf material. The problem is the one's who are gf material often get scared away. I realize this in my head but I still have problems not doing it because I have to know whether or not she's easy. Now I know this thinking is kinda messed up. But I'm not really sure just how messed up it is. Can someone on here tell me whats wrong about this because from my own experience, I just can't come up with a reason to not do it even though I know its probably wrong. I've noticed my my mind has shifted to thinking that I should always try and sleep with a girl on the first date. Kinda as a way to find out if she's easy or not. -- What does it say about a guy who sleeps with a woman on the first date? If a man wants to sleep with me on a first date, he's not boyfriend material? How would you like it if you really enjoyed a date, had good intentions, slept with her and then had her turn around say, "you must only want sex with women and can't be trusted, do this with every woman, and are a man-whore". You're gonna be like "hey, you don't KNOW me, you've only spent a few hours on a date with me." There's nothing to lose by waiting for a bit and maybe a lot to lose by being intimate and then being presumptuous, judgemental and sexist. 2
Redhead14 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I think you should tell them about your promiscuous past.... that way they can avoid you. It's likely that there are other reasons they will avoid him . . .
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