Ellejay Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) My boyfriend &I Have been together for 9 months & living together for 6 months. We were living with his family but due to financial issues(we were paying for rent & food & gas & spending going out all the time) it was hard to save & make a future for ourselves as we both are trying to go back to school. I wanted to move back with my family 2 hours away in order to save money &Clear my debt being that I just have to pay $100 for a room & cost of living is significantly cheaper. He suggested to tag along but I warned him that he's going to miss his home (he loves being with his friends/ drinking every weekend) & that he's going to want to come back to his home. He insisted that it was necessary for him being that he's trying to make a living for himself & save to go back to school & didn't want to do long distance. So we moved. 2 months later & we're still trying to find a job but he's fixated on us going back home because he has job opportunities there. Although we have job opportunities back there, we would be living on a couch since the room was taken over & we would be back to where we were before. I think he's being wreck less & is seeking instant gratification (the place where we are in has no distractions, have a lot of time to focus but our old place we were surrounded by friends & most family members) & not thinking for his future. He wants to be a psychologist , he's 25 (I'm 20), but yet I don't see him driven to reach those goals. He doesn't know how to save, plays video games constantly, no ambition in him.. He's a very loving & caring guy, good with kids, we are very compatible but I don't know if I can stand his lack of ambition or direction. My family loves him & wants him to stay here. I feel like he isn't planning for his future & ever since I've lived with him I tired to emphasize on the importance of a future for yourself but I feel like he hasn't grasped the concept whatsoever if he isn't willing to sacrifice & grind it out now. If he is going to go back to where we came from, should I break up with him or work things out? If he went back I'd feel like he just gave up. Edited June 13, 2015 by Ellejay
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Does your family let him just flop all day doing nothing & living rent free? Is he in school taking a full load? How come neither of you can find a part time job? To me the living arrangements are a minor issue compared to his apparent slackingness. At his age, he should be working towards his career goals.
Author Ellejay Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 My family want to help us in going back to school. They're asking him a small rent like $100 just to help out compared to the $500 we were paying before. Exactly, at his age he should be concerned with his career rather than instant gratifications. I've been trying to tell him this & he says he will change but I feel like it hasn't since he's thinking about moving back...
Author Ellejay Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 He doesn't want to settle for a part time job, he wants a 8-5 job. We've been applying & we've had calls & a few interviews. We're just waiting on the process.
loveweary11 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Wow, he should be doing better than that at 25. When my ex was your age, she was living with me in Manhattan's upper east side, on the 22nd floor, in an all glass high rise with floor to ceiling windows. It was a 1 bedroom apartment wiuth doorman. We had all the best clothing, shoes and went out to eat and stuff a lot. And neither of us came from money or had any help at all from family. Just an illustration to show this dude is a little far behind and needs a good kick in the a$$. You may be able to motivate him... 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Give him a well defined ultimatum(s) & if/when he fails, end things. 2
Author Ellejay Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 Loveweary11 are you still single? Haha just kidding, but seriously that's what I want for the both of us. I just don't know if I'll be able to motivate him because you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Clarence yeah, you're right. I think it has succumbed to it. Thank you. Mongo LOL yeah You & I both. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 My boyfriend &I Have been together for 9 months & living together for 6 months. We were living with his family but due to financial issues(we were paying for rent & food & gas & spending going out all the time) it was hard to save & make a future for ourselves as we both are trying to go back to school. I wanted to move back with my family 2 hours away in order to save money &Clear my debt being that I just have to pay $100 for a room & cost of living is significantly cheaper. He suggested to tag along but I warned him that he's going to miss his home (he loves being with his friends/ drinking every weekend) & that he's going to want to come back to his home. He insisted that it was necessary for him being that he's trying to make a living for himself & save to go back to school & didn't want to do long distance. So we moved. 2 months later & we're still trying to find a job but he's fixated on us going back home because he has job opportunities there. Although we have job opportunities back there, we would be living on a couch since the room was taken over & we would be back to where we were before. I think he's being wreck less & is seeking instant gratification (the place where we are in has no distractions, have a lot of time to focus but our old place we were surrounded by friends & most family members) & not thinking for his future. He wants to be a psychologist , he's 25 (I'm 20), but yet I don't see him driven to reach those goals. He doesn't know how to save, plays video games constantly, no ambition in him.. He's a very loving & caring guy, good with kids, we are very compatible but I don't know if I can stand his lack of ambition or direction. My family loves him & wants him to stay here. I feel like he isn't planning for his future & ever since I've lived with him I tired to emphasize on the importance of a future for yourself but I feel like he hasn't grasped the concept whatsoever if he isn't willing to sacrifice & grind it out now. If he is going to go back to where we came from, should I break up with him or work things out? If he went back I'd feel like he just gave up. You moved in together after 3 months of dating him? That's entirely too soon and especially at your age. You did this as a matter of convenience which makes it a relationship of convenience. He is extremely immature and right now isn't a good prospect for a lasting relationship with anyone. Why set yourself up for failure? He wants to be a psychologist -- It would be best if he visited one first. we are very compatible -- There isn't one thing in this post that indicates that you two are compatible for a quality relationship, which includes financial responsibility, parenting skills, good communication skills or a level of interest from him that even indicates he wants a real relationship. That is the biggest issue here -- he isn't doing one single thing that is preparing him for a stable life as an individual let alone as a couple. And, you are only 20 years old. There is so much more ahead of you. You don't need to nail down a long-term relationship with anyone yet, let alone this one. Get out there on your own. Be a strong, secure, independent woman and enjoy your autonomy for a while. Date men who are driven, independent and secure and enjoy those kinds of men for a while. 1
darkmoon Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) you have a moocher for a boyf, giving up nothing better to insult him here than for you to pay all the bills start as you mean to go on, do not move in with him til he has money, seen how bad/lazy they get, expecting treats and arguing if refused, or unstoppably just not paying their way, seen three times "come on, you've got more money than me"... the honeymoon phase ends Edited June 13, 2015 by darkmoon 1
Author Ellejay Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 You moved in together after 3 months of dating him? That's entirely too soon and especially at your age. You did this as a matter of convenience which makes it a relationship of convenience. He is extremely immature and right now isn't a good prospect for a lasting relationship with anyone. Why set yourself up for failure? He wants to be a psychologist -- It would be best if he visited one first. we are very compatible -- There isn't one thing in this post that indicates that you two are compatible for a quality relationship, which includes financial responsibility, parenting skills, good communication skills or a level of interest from him that even indicates he wants a real relationship. That is the biggest issue here -- he isn't doing one single thing that is preparing him for a stable life as an individual let alone as a couple. And, you are only 20 years old. There is so much more ahead of you. You don't need to nail down a long-term relationship with anyone yet, let alone this one. Get out there on your own. Be a strong, secure, independent woman and enjoy your autonomy for a while. Date men who are driven, independent and secure and enjoy those kinds of men for a while. His older brothers & sisters with successful relationships with kids have only dated one person their whole entire life, so I guess I believed he would be just like them. Reality came crashing after a month of living with him. I just felt like he needed an extra push because I see potential in him, maybe he needed someone to bring it out. But you are correct, & I appreciate your honesty.
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