Why do I still think about the "one that got away" months later?

[Redemption04]

I guess there's actually more like two "ones that got away" that I think about all this time later, but I don't understand why?

 

Guy #1: We've known each other since childhood, I was really into him, we had a moment last fall that he took advantage of with an all night makeout, then a week later, he told me quote, "I did that because I could, and I'm sorry. I'm not interested in you. I haven't been. I just took that chance because I knew I could." Despite that, we ended up becoming good friends--maybe the greatest friendships grow out of the strangest situations. We have a ton of common interests and the same tastes in almost everything--ranging from food to music to movies to sports. It's why I think dating would have worked. Our "moment" was over 6 months ago, and I haven't hung out with him since February, yet I still think about him daily.

 

Guy #2: Started dating in February. The connection was instant--as evidenced by the 3 hour first date where we managed to close the coffee shop down. Personality, physical attraction and like guy #1, the same interests and similar opinions. Things were great for about a month before an ex resurfaced and he gave her the second chance she wanted. Haven't heard from him since. Yet I still think of him every day.

 

What puzzles me..Both these guys left my life months ago. So why do I still think about them? I've never thought about a failed relationship/a guy that rejected me this much before, and obviously it's happened in the past. So why? I think about these two more than all my relationships of the past or any guy I've dated combined. Any thoughts? Or advice how to get it to stop?

[aloneinaz]

Why are you still thinking about them? Cause you don't have some great stud in your life keeping your mind occupied. So many folks on this site post that they can't get over their ex who $hit on them, treated them terribly, blah, blah, blah..

 

 

What they and (you) need to do is keep plugging away at finding your next great love and relationship. As soon as everyone has some hot new thang in their lives, they spend zero time and energy on thinking about anyone from their past.

[JewelD]

I guess there's actually more like two "ones that got away" that I think about all this time later, but I don't understand why?

 

Guy #1: We've known each other since childhood, I was really into him, we had a moment last fall that he took advantage of with an all night makeout, then a week later, he told me quote, "I did that because I could, and I'm sorry. I'm not interested in you. I haven't been. I just took that chance because I knew I could." Despite that, we ended up becoming good friends--maybe the greatest friendships grow out of the strangest situations. We have a ton of common interests and the same tastes in almost everything--ranging from food to music to movies to sports. It's why I think dating would have worked. Our "moment" was over 6 months ago, and I haven't hung out with him since February, yet I still think about him daily.

 

Guy #2: Started dating in February. The connection was instant--as evidenced by the 3 hour first date where we managed to close the coffee shop down. Personality, physical attraction and like guy #1, the same interests and similar opinions. Things were great for about a month before an ex resurfaced and he gave her the second chance she wanted. Haven't heard from him since. Yet I still think of him every day.

 

What puzzles me..Both these guys left my life months ago. So why do I still think about them? I've never thought about a failed relationship/a guy that rejected me this much before, and obviously it's happened in the past. So why? I think about these two more than all my relationships of the past or any guy I've dated combined. Any thoughts? Or advice how to get it to stop?

 

I wouldn't consider either of them "the one that got away". The one that got away is usually a really amazing person that you screwed it up with by being dumb. These guys both treated you pretty dirty. A man taking advantage of you and another one choosing an ex over you? They didn't 'get away'. That's something you don't want.

 

You think about it because it's recent. I don't necessarily think dating someone new is going to immediately change that either. I broke up with my ex, started dating someone who was AMAZING, but even though we had a lot of fun together, I couldn't stop thinking about my ex. I suggest writing your honest feelings in a journal. and focus on the reasons why those two were NOT right for you. If you only focus on the good, it's easy to keep going back up and down memory lane.

[ravfour4]

These sound like 2 random mediocre dudes that you kind of liked, not like the one that got away. I guarantee you'll meet someone better given the description you just gave of these two. There's plenty of people out there that you can hang out with for 3 hours and that have the same interests.

 

You're probably still thinking about them because you haven't met anyone else or are afraid you won't ever, but focus on yourself, be confident, have fun, and you will.

[AJH1982]

Maybe something changed in your life and you are more fragile then before, thats why you are thinking about them! The first guy is a idiot (I did that because I could), what a ass! Try not to think about them, you will overcome this situation and find someone who apreciates and cares for you.

[mightycpa]

You loved these guys, right, wrong or indifferent. Why would you expect that you could just not think about them anymore?

 

That's what you do when you split with people you don't really care about.

[learnbyliving]

I have the same problem as you.

 

Guy #1 did me so dirty, I never consciously want him back and never miss him, but he turns up in my dreams often.

 

Guy #2 I had a great half year relationship with but ultimately I had feelings for him he could not reciprocate. I'm struggling dealing with the end of such good times, times that ended because he could see it any further.

 

I've ended LTR more serious than these before, where I worked fully through my feelings. But rejection is a different beast to deal with. We don't get a rational explanation and closure from them; we have to get closure for ourselves by moving forward.

 

But I find even long after I've accepted it and moved on, the ones that reject us haunt our thoughts and dreams. I suppose the important point is getting to a point where it doesn't make me feel anything when it happens.