Physical intimacy and dating status?

[unikme]

I am 36 female, Here are some summary of six dates I've been going on to with this man (44) I met few months ago:

 

When we first meet up, it was at a bar/lounge, we flirt, had a lot of physical touch, dancing with the music, held hands, not too much talking.

 

Second time, we talked a little more, some more physical touch, he walked me to my car, and we hugged before going home.

 

Next time, we met up, no more physical touch, a lot of talking. We walked a bit after. During the walk he said I don't know, this could be a date, whatever you call it, we'll figure it out. Then he leaned over and we kissed.

 

Then we get together again, we talked a little more. Walked around the block, made fun of each other. Again, before we separated, he asked if I'm still willing to see him. I said yes. And he said, thanks, we'll figure it out. We didn't kiss, but had a hug.

 

Our 5th date was a dinner. We sat across from each other, talked. He asked if I could meet up after my short trip (one week) to visit my family in another state. I gave him a kiss on the cheek good bye. Then we had a long hug before taking off.

 

Last night we met up again after I came back. We had dinner, then we went for dessert. There's a bench outside the dessert place, we sat side by side on the bench. Felt like we had a one inch space in between, but close enough. We didn't really touch each other--almost like an old couple on a tea break. We hugged before taking off and he asked to meet again.

 

I don't think he's a shy person from our first two time meeting up, he definitely has the guts to start physical touch with a girl. But the later few times I felt that we had less physical components, but more small talk. I don't want to initiate the physicals... or is he waiting for me to initiate?

 

It's been six times we met up, I enjoy his company, but somewhat frustrated with the undefined dating status. It feels that our physical intimacy is declining, although I can't complain about the talking and learning more about each other.

 

How long does it take for man to "figure out" if you are "dating"? Is it ok for me to ask him straight up "are we dating?" or does that sound desperate?

Edited June 12, 2015 by unikme

[Redhead14]

I am 36 female, Here are some summary of six dates I've been going on to with this man (44) I met few months ago:

 

When we first meet up, it was at a bar/lounge, we flirt, had a lot of physical touch, dancing with the music, held hands, not too much talking.

 

Second time, we talked a little more, some more physical touch, he walked me to my car, and we hugged before going home.

 

Next time, we met up, no more physical touch, a lot of talking. We walked a bit after. During the walk he said I don't know, this could be a date, whatever you call it, we'll figure it out. Then he leaned over and we kissed.

 

Then we get together again, we talked a little more. Walked around the block, made fun of each other. Again, before we separated, he asked if I'm still willing to see him. I said yes. And he said, thanks, we'll figure it out. We didn't kiss, but had a hug.

 

Our 5th date was a dinner. We sat across from each other, talked. He asked if I could meet up after my short trip (one week) to visit my family in another state. I gave him a kiss on the cheek good bye. Then we had a long hug before taking off.

 

Last night we met up again after I came back. We had dinner, then we went for dessert. There's a bench outside the dessert place, we sat side by side on the bench. Felt like we had a one inch distance, but close enough. We didn't really touch each other--almost like an old couple on a tea break. We hugged before taking off and he asked to meet again.

 

I don't think he's a shy person from our first two time meeting up, he definitely has the guts to start physical touch with a girl. But the later few times I felt that we had less physical components, but more small talk. I don't want to initiate the physicals... or is he waiting for me to initiate?

 

It's been six times we met up, I enjoy his company, but somewhat frustrated with the undefined dating status. It feels that our physical intimacy is declining, although I can't complain about the talking and learning more about each other.

 

How long does it take for man to "figure out" if you are "dating"? Is it ok for me to ask him straight up "are we dating?" or does that sound desperate?

 

The first thing that needs to happen between the two of you, is a casual conversation about what each of you is looking for out of your dating journeys in general. Not necessarily with each other at this point, but make sure you both want the same thing -- i.e. a casual relationship, a casual and intimate relationship or a long-term committed relationship. If you're on that page at least, then the conversation can segue into what it is you're doing now.

[lovexocoach]

You should know what he wants - a friend, an activity partner, a lover, or a girlfriend - including whether he wants a relationship or just a friendship.

 

 

Until you know what he wants you don't know if it's worth dating him to find out if he has potential as a boyfriend.

 

 

You haven't given any background on him. Is he recently divorced? Just coming out of a long term relationship? That could be a reason why he is moving slowly.

 

 

If he says he wants a relationship then you could ask him whether he wants to date you since it seems he's a little slow moving forward.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Not to be an ageist, but how can you both be old and date like this?...you have a mouth, I'd recommend using it (and not for that).

[No_Go]

This doesn't look promising to me. You're turning into buddies. I'd personally lose interest if by date 6 and few MONTHS of knowing each other we are not considering intimacy (this could be acceptable for teenagers maybe, but for middle aged people... I'd think it is either lack of attraction, or a communication problem from one/both sides).

 

I am 36 female, Here are some summary of six dates I've been going on to with this man (44) I met few months ago:

 

When we first meet up, it was at a bar/lounge, we flirt, had a lot of physical touch, dancing with the music, held hands, not too much talking.

 

Second time, we talked a little more, some more physical touch, he walked me to my car, and we hugged before going home.

 

Next time, we met up, no more physical touch, a lot of talking. We walked a bit after. During the walk he said I don't know, this could be a date, whatever you call it, we'll figure it out. Then he leaned over and we kissed.

 

Then we get together again, we talked a little more. Walked around the block, made fun of each other. Again, before we separated, he asked if I'm still willing to see him. I said yes. And he said, thanks, we'll figure it out. We didn't kiss, but had a hug.

 

Our 5th date was a dinner. We sat across from each other, talked. He asked if I could meet up after my short trip (one week) to visit my family in another state. I gave him a kiss on the cheek good bye. Then we had a long hug before taking off.

 

Last night we met up again after I came back. We had dinner, then we went for dessert. There's a bench outside the dessert place, we sat side by side on the bench. Felt like we had a one inch space in between, but close enough. We didn't really touch each other--almost like an old couple on a tea break. We hugged before taking off and he asked to meet again.

 

I don't think he's a shy person from our first two time meeting up, he definitely has the guts to start physical touch with a girl. But the later few times I felt that we had less physical components, but more small talk. I don't want to initiate the physicals... or is he waiting for me to initiate?

 

It's been six times we met up, I enjoy his company, but somewhat frustrated with the undefined dating status. It feels that our physical intimacy is declining, although I can't complain about the talking and learning more about each other.

 

How long does it take for man to "figure out" if you are "dating"? Is it ok for me to ask him straight up "are we dating?" or does that sound desperate?

[smackie9]

You are more or less "dating" if they are making you a part of their life, like introducing you to his friends or coworkers, inviting you to hang out to do some errands, shopping, and other casual things like cooking dinner together, spending time with other couples.

[unikme]

He is not married and claimed to be out of previous relationship for a long time. But I have no way of confirming since we have no mutual friend--I work in business development, and we met at a social that one of our clients hosted.

If any, I just came out of a 5 year relationship last year. I'm alright with slow pace, but not ambiguity.

And no, I have not met any of his friends or family. He showed me pictures of his family, but I have not seen them in person.

I've always dated man around my age, never anyone older/younger than 3 years older. And I don't really know anyone over 40 years of age. Is this a normal pace for older folks? When I was younger, felt like our pace is a lot faster, by 4~5 dates, everything's pretty much clear.

Just to see what everyone thinks, do you feel 6-7 ambiguous dates down, is it appropriate for me to ask for a definition to our status?

[smackie9]

Everyone is different when it comes to dating. I guess it might be easier to talk about dating in general and find out a little of his dating history since his last relationship to get an idea of why he is taking his time.

 

I totally agree, there should be more interest in being physical by this point BUT, maybe you are not giving him the right signals of romantic/sexual nature. Heavy flirting and touching gives encouragement.

[Gloria25]

Agreed...

 

He should be locking lips with you at this point.

 

Look, why not bring it up. Let him know that physical intimacy - even in the minimal forms such as kissing/touching - are important to you and for people in a RL and you would like to know his viewpoint on this.

 

Hopefully he'll let you know if he's taking it slow, is old fashioned, believes that the kissing will lead into more stuff ....or, if he simply ain't feeling romantic about you.

[katiegrl]

He is not married and claimed to be out of previous relationship for a long time. But I have no way of confirming since we have no mutual friend--I work in business development, and we met at a social that one of our clients hosted.

If any, I just came out of a 5 year relationship last year. I'm alright with slow pace, but not ambiguity.

And no, I have not met any of his friends or family. He showed me pictures of his family, but I have not seen them in person.

I've always dated man around my age, never anyone older/younger than 3 years older. And I don't really know anyone over 40 years of age. Is this a normal pace for older folks? When I was younger, felt like our pace is a lot faster, by 4~5 dates, everything's pretty much clear.

Just to see what everyone thinks, do you feel 6-7 ambiguous dates down, is it appropriate for me to ask for a definition to our status?

 

 

I take it there is not a whole heck of a lot of chemistry going on between the two you? Honestly he sounds like a friend.

 

 

I wouldn't ask for status... if you enjoy his company, I would just continue being friends; doing things as friends but still date other men.

 

 

If you want more, start being flirty, more touching, tease him a little, banter with him a little in a flirty way....send him signals that you're into him....more than a friend. Gauge his response.

 

 

That's what I would do anyway.