Superman2024 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Came across a really beautiful nurse that loves movies and fitness a few days ago on OKC. She responded today and ended it with asking if I had any plans this weekend. So I reply with "I will once you give me your number silly. ;)" Gives it to me instantly. We exchange a few texts a piece and I arrange the date for Sun. Then she says "It's so hot that you're direct and confident to make plans with me". So I say "Oh come on, guys ask you out all the time". She then tells me that guys online usually just want to text all the time and either take forever to ask her out, or never make plans at all. So it made me curious ladies. Is this pretty typical behavior with guys online these days? Personally I don't see the point in getting a number unless you use it to make plans. But that's just me. I'm online because I want to meet girls IRL, so I have that intent with anyone I message. Most of the time they don't have that intention though! Just curious, did you talk to her on the phone first or arrange the date via text? I've done it both ways so I'm not sure it matters much, though it does make for a better connection to talk on the phone first.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) I'm all for sexting as an appetiser. Not as the main course. :laugh::laugh: This was an awesome line. I don't mind exchanging an occasional dirty text. But to be honest, I find sexting to be overrated. I'd much rather be hearing a woman talk dirty while I'm f**king her brains out. I actually think it's a lot more fun to banter and flirt with some innuendo that makes you read between the lines. Double entendre is hot! Yes, I always find it so annoying when the guy goes from messaging me a few times online to then wanting to chat via text. Like, what is the purpose of switching to two different mediums when the extent of communication is essentially the same? I find it refreshing where plans are made right off the bat and less time is wasted, between getting my phone number and the meeting/date being set. If a guy wants to keep chatting via text, I generally stop responding because I don't have time to be anyone's text buddy, particularly when we haven't yet met. This is the way that I see it too. Texting is essentially emailing with the potential for more real time interaction. But still isn't really getting you anywhere. I try to use the phone mostly for setting dates/appointments/logistics. I'm online because I want to meet girls IRL, so I have that intent with anyone I message. Most of the time they don't have that intention though! Just curious, did you talk to her on the phone first or arrange the date via text? I've done it both ways so I'm not sure it matters much, though it does make for a better connection to talk on the phone first. I will admit, these days I've become more accustomed to planning by text. Why? It's really hard to get women on the phone these days. Even when you arrange a call time, you still wind up leaving a voice mail the majority of the time. Then instead of calling back, she sends a "sorry I missed you call" text. So now I just exchange a few texts after I get a number and cut to the chase making plans. If the first date goes really well and I want to keep seeing her, then I'll try to talk to her more on the phone after that. My mindset used to be that you eliminate potential bad dates by finding out crappy personality on the phone before hand. However, as more time has gone on, I've thought about it more. Since less and less people actually talk on the phone these days, someone being a bad phone conversationalist, might not be an accurate portrayal of them in person. In the end what really matters is the date itself. So now if the date is terrible, I try to cut it short in under an hour. Edited June 12, 2015 by fitnessfan365
ASG Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 :laugh::laugh: This was an awesome line. I don't mind exchanging an occasional dirty text. But to be honest, I find sexting to be overrated. I'd much rather be hearing a woman talk dirty while I'm f**king her brains out. I actually think it's a lot more fun to banter and flirt with some innuendo that makes you read between the lines. Double entendre is hot! Well, of course! But like I said... this guy is only interested in sexting, not in actual sex. I have no time for that. Last night he wanted to skype. there's literally only ONE reason for that. He wanted to see boobs. Er... no. Not until you actually go out with me.
Keenly Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 There is such a large variation as to how online dating works for different geographical areas and then another level again based on age demographics. I really wish it was as easy as a direct asking them out type of deal. Girls my age get completely weirded out when you get to the point too quickly. You become creepy and desperate. By the way ladies of the thread, some guys aren't lazy, just shy.
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I've rarely come across guys on OLD that didn't want to meet up with me; most of the time, they want to meet up with me too soon, before we even get more than two messages between us! When they do that, I know that they're only putting minimum effort into our online interaction because they just want to 'get laid fast', as Ninjapajamas has so eloquently stated. So, I'd 'next' those guys instantly and would move on to a guy who was sincere in wanting to meet me with the intention of getting to know me via exchanging some online messages and having a few phone convos instead of wanting to meet up with me in a hurry so he can have sex. Yuk. I think there are a lot of guys who are scared of rejection, who are socially awkward with women or who just want an endless 'pen pal' and this is why they don't offer to meet up with a woman in a reasonable amount of time when they're messaging them on an OLD site. So yeah, if I drop hints to a guy that I'm interested in meeting up with him or if I directly tell him that I'm interested in getting together for coffee, I expect him to pick up on my hint or to respond to my direct suggestion of us meeting up IF he likes me and IF he's interested in meeting me. If he keeps on putting off us meeting up or if he doesn't pick up on my obvious hint(s) that I'm interested in meeting him, then that tells me that he's NOT interested in meeting me and all he's interested in is messaging back and forth endlessly. BTW, your response to the woman's interest of meeting up with you sounded laid back and natural. Hope the meet up goes well for ya! You seem like a good guy and you deserve to finally date (and hopefully end up in a relationship with) a woman who stimulates you intellectually as well as sexually to the point that you can climax while being intimate with her. .
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 When I was OLD, I heard all the time how refreshing I was in actually asking for a number and then asking them out quickly if we got to the phone call stage and they passed. I wasn't OLD for pin pals. I wanted to meet girls I was interested in. It wasn't un-common for me to have a date set w/in 24 hours of first contact. Many girls I met said, so many guys were wussies and only wanted to text or email for weeks and never asked them out. The veteran OLD gals wouldn't put up with that and would vanish after a couple of days if the guy didn't suggest meeting up. OLD is the easiest medium for meeting potential dates. You have everything to gain and only risk very minor rejection. You see so many guys post they have no luck on OLD because they only have the courage to reach out to 1-2 girls a week with an entry hello. I throw out a wide net and send emails to 10 women I was interested in. I might get 4-5 replies and then work them. I always wanted multiple women in my bull pin to date until I found one that I really liked and focused on her.
Popsicle Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I just get the ones that say "Hi, do you want to meet?" and nothing else, which is also not good.
Jame22 Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) I've rarely come across guys on OLD that didn't want to meet up with me; most of the time, they want to meet up with me too soon, before we even get more than two messages between us! When they do that, I know that they're only putting minimum effort into our online interaction because they just want to 'get laid fast', as Ninjapajamas has so eloquently stated. . It's not like that at all, for me at least. I usually ask woman out within 3 or 4 messages. Woman have a very short attention span and a lot of options so attempting to have any kind of online conversation is a waste of time. I'll even have woman who will initiate contact with me, i'll write something back and i'll never hear from them again. It usually goes something like; Girl: "Hey there!" Me; "Hey! How's it going?" crickets... It's not necessarily that I'm looking to get laid fast. I just have very low tolerance for BS and flaky behavior. If a girl is not interested in meeting up with me after a few messages it's her loss. I'll find someone else who is. Edited June 13, 2015 by Jame22 1
Keenly Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 When I was OLD, I heard all the time how refreshing I was in actually asking for a number and then asking them out quickly if we got to the phone call stage and they passed. I wasn't OLD for pin pals. I wanted to meet girls I was interested in. It wasn't un-common for me to have a date set w/in 24 hours of first contact. Many girls I met said, so many guys were wussies and only wanted to text or email for weeks and never asked them out. The veteran OLD gals wouldn't put up with that and would vanish after a couple of days if the guy didn't suggest meeting up. OLD is the easiest medium for meeting potential dates. You have everything to gain and only risk very minor rejection. You see so many guys post they have no luck on OLD because they only have the courage to reach out to 1-2 girls a week with an entry hello. I throw out a wide net and send emails to 10 women I was interested in. I might get 4-5 replies and then work them. I always wanted multiple women in my bull pin to date until I found one that I really liked and focused on her. Congratulations on getting lucky. Your experience is definitely not my experience. One huuuuuge waste of time and taught me more about the true nature of what happens when one person gets too much attention.
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Congratulations on getting lucky. Your experience is definitely not my experience. One huuuuuge waste of time and taught me more about the true nature of what happens when one person gets too much attention. What did you mean about this? Are you suggesting that girls got too much attention on the sites?
Keenly Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 What did you mean about this? Are you suggesting that girls got too much attention on the sites? I'm not sure what your age bracket was, but if you take a 19-24 and give her messages in her inbox every day from different guys, it will go to her head. She will start thinking she is the coolest thing on earth, and I've experienced it probably 4 or 5 time. Maybe 7% of my total old interactions. But maaaan is it a shock to see some one, anyone, man or woman, with a superiority complex. The rest I didn't interact with, but you can tell via the tone of the profile. If they have a long list of " do not message me if " I can safely assume that woman it's nuts. 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 When I was OLD, I heard all the time how refreshing I was in actually asking for a number and then asking them out quickly if we got to the phone call stage and they passed. I wasn't OLD for pin pals. I wanted to meet girls I was interested in. It wasn't un-common for me to have a date set w/in 24 hours of first contact. Many girls I met said, so many guys were wussies and only wanted to text or email for weeks and never asked them out. The veteran OLD gals wouldn't put up with that and would vanish after a couple of days if the guy didn't suggest meeting up. OLD is the easiest medium for meeting potential dates. You have everything to gain and only risk very minor rejection. You see so many guys post they have no luck on OLD because they only have the courage to reach out to 1-2 girls a week with an entry hello. I throw out a wide net and send emails to 10 women I was interested in. I might get 4-5 replies and then work them. I always wanted multiple women in my bull pin to date until I found one that I really liked and focused on her. This is exactly how it's been for me as well. Reach out to a wide variety of women. Then I work with the replies I get back. When I get a number, I try to set plans that day. Usually for 2-4 days out if possible. Then I focus on multiple women until one really makes an impression and I decide to be with her exclusively.
Popsicle Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I'm not sure what your age bracket was, but if you take a 19-24 and give her messages in her inbox every day from different guys, it will go to her head. She will start thinking she is the coolest thing on earth, and I've experienced it probably 4 or 5 time. Maybe 7% of my total old interactions. But maaaan is it a shock to see some one, anyone, man or woman, with a superiority complex. The rest I didn't interact with, but you can tell via the tone of the profile. If they have a long list of " do not message me if " I can safely assume that woman it's nuts. Good point. I see this with men too, full of themselves, or they might just seem jaded. I'm scared to engage with them then. It might not be pleasant.
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) When I was OLD, I heard all the time how refreshing I was in actually asking for a number and then asking them out quickly if we got to the phone call stage and they passed. I wasn't OLD for pin pals. I wanted to meet girls I was interested in. It wasn't un-common for me to have a date set w/in 24 hours of first contact. Many girls I met said, so many guys were wussies and only wanted to text or email for weeks and never asked them out. The veteran OLD gals wouldn't put up with that and would vanish after a couple of days if the guy didn't suggest meeting up. OLD is the easiest medium for meeting potential dates. You have everything to gain and only risk very minor rejection. You see so many guys post they have no luck on OLD because they only have the courage to reach out to 1-2 girls a week with an entry hello. I throw out a wide net and send emails to 10 women I was interested in. I might get 4-5 replies and then work them. ***I always wanted multiple women in my bull pin to date until I found one that I really liked and focused on her.*** aloneinaz that is interesting (quote in asterisk)..... So I guess the $50,000 question is...how long does it take for you to realize you really like a woman? Or as ff said, for her to make an impression? I am a single dater, and as such, for me, if I don't feel that immediate *click* with a man (which HE is feeling too because genuine chemistry is usually, if not always, mutual) I won't even go out with him again. But I am understanding now that perhaps it takes longer for some people to feel that click, or to realize you really like someone, or for them to make an impression on you? So how long do you date a woman (or several simultaneously) before you realize you really like her? Is there a time limit you give yourself with each woman? To ff, I know that Ms. Executive made an *immediate* impression on you....so did you stop dating others to focus solely on her from the get go? If not, why not.... since you said once a woman makes an impression, you will focus solely on her. I am genuinely curious about this...I'd really like to understand the mentality of multi-dating...because the concept is so foreign to me. Thanks.. Edited June 13, 2015 by katiegrl
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 To ff, I know that Ms. Executive made an *immediate* impression on you....so did you stop dating others to focus solely on her from the get go? If not, why not.... since you said once a woman makes an impression, you will focus solely on her. Yes. When a woman makes a really strong immediate impression on me, I only focus on her. Usually though, I'll meet women who I like enough to keep getting to know better, but am not fully blown away by. Hence the multi-dating.
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 aloneinaz that is interesting (quote in asterisk)..... So I guess the $50,000 question is...how long does it take for you to realize you really like a woman? Or as ff said, for her to make an impression? you realize you really like her? Is there a time limit you give yourself with each woman? I am genuinely curious about this...I'd really like to understand the mentality of multi-dating...because the concept is so foreign to me. Thanks.. I'll expand. When I last became single, I put profiles up on POF and Match to have maximum exposure. I'd then send an email to 10 diff woman. I'd then work thru the replies of 4-5. My hope was to have at least 3 girls I was actively talking to and dating. Usually you know if you have interest, connection and chemistry on the first date. There were plenty on 1st dates that didn't work for me or her. Anyway, I'd still try to have 3 women I was "actively" dating. I think in my case, I'd know who I liked the most after a few dates with all three. If they felt the same, then I'd focus most of my attention on her until we became exclusive. Now, there were times that I didn't get excited about all three potentials so, I'd reach out to additional woman on the sites looking for someone who rocked my world and then stop dating the ones that I wasn't interested in. I didn't want to only date one at a time. I'd SSOO overthink things, over react to texts, silence, games, etc.. It helped me maintain an even keel and not put all my eggs in one basket. If one of the gals became distant or was doing the fade, I didn't take it so personal because I had the attention of the others. If a gal started playing stupid games, it was easier to flush her and focus on the others on the bench. This strategy worked for me. Reading all the over reacting threads in the dating section only reinforces that it was probably the right way to do it.
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Yes. When a woman makes a really strong immediate impression on me, I only focus on her. Usually though, I'll meet women who I like enough to keep getting to know better, but am not fully blown away by. Hence the multi-dating. Thanks ff! But you did not answer my question...did you focus solely on Ms. Executive after your first date....wherein she made a strong impression on you? And stop looking for others to date? I assume you did....so you admit that when you meet a woman you REALLY click with, even on date one, you will stop wanting to multi-date? To focus on her and see where it will lead? Again, assuming all these answers are yes....which is great and the way it should be IMO. People multi-date until they meet someone truly special, after which they have no desire to multi-date anymore? Yes? No? Again, thanks!
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) I'll expand. When I last became single, I put profiles up on POF and Match to have maximum exposure. I'd then send an email to 10 diff woman. I'd then work thru the replies of 4-5. My hope was to have at least 3 girls I was actively talking to and dating. ***Usually you know if you have interest, connection and chemistry on the first date.*** **Now, there were times that I didn't get excited about all three potentials so, I'd reach out to additional woman on the sites looking for someone who rocked my world and then stop dating the ones that I wasn't interested in.** I didn't want to only date one at a time. I'd SSOO overthink things, over react to texts, silence, games, etc.. It helped me maintain an even keel and not put all my eggs in one basket. If one of the gals became distant or was doing the fade, I didn't take it so personal because I had the attention of the others. If a gal started playing stupid games, it was easier to flush her and focus on the others on the bench. This strategy worked for me. Reading all the over reacting threads in the dating section only reinforces that it was probably the right way to do it. Thanks aloneinaz. Comments in asterisk.... yeah this is really the crux of it I guess. Even though I either feel the chemistry/click from the get go (date one) or I don't (and won't ever with that man). for some people like you and ff it takes longer. But once you DO feel it...you will stop wanting to multi-date. Even if that feeling comes on the first date. I understand now, again thanks! Very helpful. :bunny: Edited June 13, 2015 by katiegrl
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Thanks aloneinaz. Comments in asterisk.... yeah this is really the crux of it I guess. Even though I either feel the chemistry/click from the get go (date one) or I don't (and won't ever with that man). for some people like you and ff it takes longer. But once you DO feel it...you will stop wanting to multi-date. Even if that feeling comes on the first date. I understand now, again thanks! Very helpful. :bunny: ^^ So I guess the message for the ladies is...if a man you are dating still wants to dates others (while dating you)....then he is just not feeling it with you all the way yet. You can either continue dating him and hope that someday he "does" feel it with you, enough to want to focus on you....or you can stop seeing him and look for a guy who IS feeling it with you...a man who feels you *rock his world* like aloneinaz said....enough to want to focus on you. Again, thanks guys! Edited June 13, 2015 by katiegrl 1
clia Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 People multi-date until they meet someone truly special, after which they have no desire to multi-date anymore? Yes? No? I think multi-dating is more about not putting all of your eggs into one basket too quickly. People are so flaky when it comes to OLD that you could have two or three great dates with a guy and then he'd poof without explanation. So why eliminate other guys who also have potential until you establish with guy #1 that he feels the same way and wants to pursue a relationship? I had times where there was one guy who was clearly the frontrunner, but I didn't want to ditch anyone else too quickly who had potential, so I would date them also until I could see how things were going to pan out with the frontrunner. Vanishing and flakiness was so common in OLD that this approach just made sense to me. So I don't buy that the guy necessarily isn't feeling it if he is still dating others. It's about protecting your heart for both parties.
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 I think multi-dating is more about not putting all of your eggs into one basket too quickly. People are so flaky when it comes to OLD that you could have two or three great dates with a guy and then he'd poof without explanation. So why eliminate other guys who also have potential until you establish with guy #1 that he feels the same way and wants to pursue a relationship? I had times where there was one guy who was clearly the frontrunner, but I didn't want to ditch anyone else too quickly who had potential, so I would date them also until I could see how things were going to pan out with the frontrunner. Vanishing and flakiness was so common in OLD that this approach just made sense to me. So I don't buy that the guy necessarily isn't feeling it if he is still dating others. It's about protecting your heart for both parties. Yeah that makes sense too. But read aloneinaz' and fitnessfan's posts on this. They said they multi-date until they meet a woman they really like, who rocks his world (aloneinaz said that)...or until a woman makes enough of an impression that he wants to focus on her (fitnessfan said that)...so I spose people multi-date for different reasons. But good point!! It makes sense.
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 Thanks aloneinaz. Comments in asterisk.... yeah this is really the crux of it I guess. Even though I either feel the chemistry/click from the get go (date one) or I don't (and won't ever with that man). for some people like you and ff it takes longer. But once you DO feel it...you will stop wanting to multi-date. Even if that feeling comes on the first date. I understand now, again thanks! Very helpful. :bunny: I'll give you two examples- When I met my last ex, I had a date w/a different girl the night before that was blah.. There was another girl I was dating that was just ok as well. The next night I met my now ex. When she walked in (I was waiting in the bar) our eyes locked. She walked over to me and it was an absolute connection out of the gate. The chemistry, connection and sexual attraction was 100% for us both. About an hour in and a couple of drinks each, we were absolutely attacking each other, making out hard, groping and simply not getting enough of each other. We left the bar, went to one other place then went to my place where we raped each other for hours.. She then went home. The next day I texted her and she replied back quickly. We saw each other every night for several days in a row and agreed to only date each other within a couple of weeks. It didn't work out after a year due to her issues. My current GF- I was dating two other girls that I was on the fence about. I was sleeping with them both. One of the girls was hot but kind of a odd and also had a bag full of issues. I then went on a date w/my current GF. It was good, lots of attraction, chemistry, etc.. I continued dating all three until the odd one just became too much and she was ejected from the fold. I then spent more time dating my current GF and I really started to like how normal, grounded, cool, relaxed and kind she was. There was certainly strong sexual chemistry as well. A few weeks in, we agreed to only see each other and the other girl was ejected so I could focus on my now GF. So, yes, as a guy, you can meet a girl on date one that rocks your world and makes you stop dating everyone else is you feel it's mutually felt between the two of you. I've found in my many decades that when a R/S off red hot and heavy, they seem to burn out.. While a relationship that starts off good and grows even stronger over the weeks and early months are what last.
katiegrl Posted June 13, 2015 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) I'll give you two examples- When I met my last ex, I had a date w/a different girl the night before that was blah.. There was another girl I was dating that was just ok as well. The next night I met my now ex. When she walked in (I was waiting in the bar) our eyes locked. She walked over to me and it was an absolute connection out of the gate. The chemistry, connection and sexual attraction was 100% for us both. About an hour in and a couple of drinks each, we were absolutely attacking each other, making out hard, groping and simply not getting enough of each other. We left the bar, went to one other place then went to my place where we raped each other for hours.. She then went home. The next day I texted her and she replied back quickly. We saw each other every night for several days in a row and agreed to only date each other within a couple of weeks. It didn't work out after a year due to her issues. My current GF- I was dating two other girls that I was on the fence about. I was sleeping with them both. One of the girls was hot but kind of a odd and also had a bag full of issues. I then went on a date w/my current GF. It was good, lots of attraction, chemistry, etc.. I continued dating all three until the odd one just became too much and she was ejected from the fold. I then spent more time dating my current GF and I really started to like how normal, grounded, cool, relaxed and kind she was. There was certainly strong sexual chemistry as well. A few weeks in, we agreed to only see each other and the other girl was ejected so I could focus on my now GF. So, yes, as a guy, you can meet a girl on date one that rocks your world and makes you stop dating everyone else is you feel it's mutually felt between the two of you. I've found in my many decades that when a R/S off red hot and heavy, they seem to burn out.. While a relationship that starts off good and grows even stronger over the weeks and early months are what last. First paragraph....wow, that is **exactly** how it happened with my boyfriend too! And we are still together 5+ years later. So sometimes it DOES work out! Anyhoo, thanks so much for your input aiz! You really helped me understand the multi-dating concept a bit better.... It's not for me, and probably never will be, but I get now why others do and find it beneficial. Edited June 13, 2015 by katiegrl
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Posted June 15, 2015 Date I mentioned in the first post was a BUST..LOL 1) Ironically her body type matched up. But in her pictures, she looked Caucasian. In person, she was a blonde haired Filipino. Unfortunately I've never been attracted to Asian/Filipino women. 2) The conversation was TERRIBLE. I'd ask her questions in an attempt to get to know her and then she'd spin off on these tangents about absolutely nothing. I mean some of the weirdest stuff I've heard in awhile. She never asked me anything about myself once. Not even a "what about you?' as a follow up after questions. We were at an outdoor shopping venue where I like to frequent for first dates. You can walk/chat, listen to live music, window shop/browse, etc.. For the first ten minutes even though I had no attraction to her at all, she was very flirty, and constantly touching me. Then she asks "Where are we going to eat?" I say "We'll just keep walking and getting to know each other". After that her body language changed and she became completely cold. Sorry woman, no free meals from this guy. After 30 minutes she says "Are we seriously just going to keep walking around?" So I say "We'll sit over here and listen to the live music". I was hoping that would drown her out a bit. But she just kept going on and on and on. So after an hour, I took her by the hand and gently stood her up. Then said that I had a family dinner I had to get to and shook her hand saying it was nice to meet. Then I power walked my ass back to the car..LOL 1
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