fitnessfan365 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Came across a really beautiful nurse that loves movies and fitness a few days ago on OKC. She responded today and ended it with asking if I had any plans this weekend. So I reply with "I will once you give me your number silly. ;)" Gives it to me instantly. We exchange a few texts a piece and I arrange the date for Sun. Then she says "It's so hot that you're direct and confident to make plans with me". So I say "Oh come on, guys ask you out all the time". She then tells me that guys online usually just want to text all the time and either take forever to ask her out, or never make plans at all. So it made me curious ladies. Is this pretty typical behavior with guys online these days? Personally I don't see the point in getting a number unless you use it to make plans. But that's just me. 1
GoldenGirl2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Came across a really beautiful nurse that loves movies and fitness a few days ago on OKC. She responded today and ended it with asking if I had any plans this weekend. So I reply with "I will once you give me your number silly. ;)" Gives it to me instantly. We exchange a few texts a piece and I arrange the date for Sun. Then she says "It's so hot that you're direct and confident to make plans with me". So I say "Oh come on, guys ask you out all the time". She then tells me that guys online usually just want to text all the time and either take forever to ask her out, or never make plans at all. So it made me curious ladies. Is this pretty typical behavior with guys online these days? Personally I don't see the point in getting a number unless you use it to make plans. But that's just me. Not just with guys online, guys women meet in person too, because a lot of guys are really lazy when it comes to dating and taking women out because we make it so easy for them. BTW I LOVED your response to her asking did you have any plans for the weekend. That was Perfect!
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 Not just with guys online, guys women meet in person too, because a lot of guys are really lazy when it comes to dating and taking women out because we make it so easy for them. BTW I LOVED your response to her asking did you have any plans for the weekend. That was Perfect! Thank you my dear. It's funny because when a woman is attracted to a guy she will give pretty obvious clues that she wants to be asked out. But some guys never pick up on it. Her asking me if I had any plans this weekend, wasn't her attempting to make small talk about what my weekend entailed. She wanted to get together. But what can I say? I excel in common sense. 2
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Thank you my dear. It's funny because when a woman is attracted to a guy she will give pretty obvious clues that she wants to be asked out. But some guys never pick up on it. Her asking me if I had any plans this weekend, wasn't her attempting to make small talk about what my weekend entailed. She wanted to get together. But what can I say? I excel in common sense. Obvious to you perhaps, not so obvious to others, It's like trying to read passive aggressiveness between brothers, It may seem easy to you, and for that I'm happy for you, What about the woman who asks the same question, while mentioning a boyfriend too?
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 Obvious to you perhaps, not so obvious to others, It's like trying to read passive aggressiveness between brothers, It may seem easy to you, and for that I'm happy for you, What about the woman who asks the same question, while mentioning a boyfriend too? That's when you joke around and respond with "Sorry. I'm only interested in threesomes with two women". But in all seriousness, a woman asking what my weekend plans are like doesn't seem passive aggressive at all to me. In fact, it's pretty direct. I mean it would be one thing if it was a woman that I was just friendly with. Then of course she's making small talk. But a woman I don't know on a dating site? The only reason she'd be asking about "weekend plans" was to communicate she wants to get together.
toscaroscura Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Yes, this is absolutely a thing! And I agree, it's mostly laziness. I can tell the difference between shy guys and lazy ones. Because I have a history with lukewarm men who never initiate/show affection, on my last stint on Tinder I asked out no one! I waited for them to ask me. I was flirtatious and talkative. I hinted towards meeting. A few even got my phone number and STILL just continued interminably texting me until the end of time! In addition to the laziness, there's the flakiness. They might talk of getting a drink sometime, but will not just throw out a date/time and commit to it. Even after they ask me my schedule and I tell them! Or WORSE, they'll be all "well what do you wanna do and when?" and then complain when I pick a location/date/time. Alrighty then, next! Your confidence is very refreshing, FF, and it's what I look for now. I'm done trying to pull teeth outta these guys! 4
toscaroscura Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Obvious to you perhaps, not so obvious to others, It's like trying to read passive aggressiveness between brothers, It may seem easy to you, and for that I'm happy for you, What about the woman who asks the same question, while mentioning a boyfriend too? I'm talking about OLD, where (presumably) both people are free and looking for dates. If I'm talking to you, I like you! ESPECIALLY on Tinder. There's no real "hints" to decipher. 1
DrReplyInRhymes Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 That's when you joke around and respond with "Sorry. I'm only interested in threesomes with two women". But in all seriousness, a woman asking what my weekend plans are like doesn't seem passive aggressive at all to me. In fact, it's pretty direct. I mean it would be one thing if it was a woman that I was just friendly with. Then of course she's making small talk. But a woman I don't know on a dating site? The only reason she'd be asking about "weekend plans" was to communicate she wants to get together. Hah, well, you took what I said very literally, I was just referring to reading women's intentions isn't as simple as it seems, I've had those small talks, and some of them ended in dates, But some of them were also truly just smalltalk, not an invitation to play.
GemmaUK Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I agree, good response! Yes, this is a very common thing on and offline. Admittedly though, I get bored of text chats so more than a couple of days of it and I really don't see the point. The point of getting a number used to be about calling to ask someone out in the initial stages (or to firm up plans for a date you've discussed face to face). Not anymore though it seems. Online they'll ask for a number and continue chatting as if they were still on the dating site. 3
Gary S Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 A lot of guys are married and not really serious, others don't know what to do. 4
misspond Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Yes, this is absolutely a thing! And I agree, it's mostly laziness. I can tell the difference between shy guys and lazy ones. Because I have a history with lukewarm men who never initiate/show affection, on my last stint on Tinder I asked out no one! I waited for them to ask me. I was flirtatious and talkative. I hinted towards meeting. A few even got my phone number and STILL just continued interminably texting me until the end of time! In addition to the laziness, there's the flakiness. They might talk of getting a drink sometime, but will not just throw out a date/time and commit to it. Even after they ask me my schedule and I tell them! Or WORSE, they'll be all "well what do you wanna do and when?" and then complain when I pick a location/date/time. Alrighty then, next! Your confidence is very refreshing, FF, and it's what I look for now. I'm done trying to pull teeth outta these guys! I'm nearly 50 and am still encountering this nonsense. I even broke my rule of not messaging anyone the other night (on OKC, not Tinder) and had a chat with someone where (after quite a long, funny and ever so slightly flirty chat) I indicated I'd be interested in a coffee and he ran away. So yes, the experience that the nurse mentioned is not unusual, sadly. 1
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 Yes, this is absolutely a thing! And I agree, it's mostly laziness. I can tell the difference between shy guys and lazy ones. Because I have a history with lukewarm men who never initiate/show affection, on my last stint on Tinder I asked out no one! I waited for them to ask me. I was flirtatious and talkative. I hinted towards meeting. A few even got my phone number and STILL just continued interminably texting me until the end of time! In addition to the laziness, there's the flakiness. They might talk of getting a drink sometime, but will not just throw out a date/time and commit to it. Even after they ask me my schedule and I tell them! Or WORSE, they'll be all "well what do you wanna do and when?" and then complain when I pick a location/date/time. Alrighty then, next! Your confidence is very refreshing, FF, and it's what I look for now. I'm done trying to pull teeth outta these guys! Damn that must be seriously frustrating. Especially when they ask what your availability is, and then expect you to finalize the plans with the location/activity? Talk about weak! I'm just hoping that it isn't another case of photo trickery. I mean based on the variety of full body pics and the fact that she's an RN who cares about health/fitness, I wouldn't think she'd be massively obese. But as I said in my photo trickery thread, I've experienced this regularly with mis-representation.
jen1447 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Yes, this is absolutely a thing! And I agree, it's mostly laziness. I can tell the difference between shy guys and lazy ones. Because I have a history with lukewarm men who never initiate/show affection, on my last stint on Tinder I asked out no one! I waited for them to ask me. I was flirtatious and talkative. I hinted towards meeting. A few even got my phone number and STILL just continued interminably texting me until the end of time! In addition to the laziness, there's the flakiness. They might talk of getting a drink sometime, but will not just throw out a date/time and commit to it. Even after they ask me my schedule and I tell them! Or WORSE, they'll be all "well what do you wanna do and when?" and then complain when I pick a location/date/time. Alrighty then, next! Your confidence is very refreshing, FF, and it's what I look for now. I'm done trying to pull teeth outta these guys! You haven't got the right people hitting on you tosca. btw, elephant in the room no one has mentioned - they're scared. 3
MovingOnIsHard Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Let me draw from a recent experience.. I met a guy through OKC and was really interested in meeting him in person. We start chatting on there and i could tell he was interested in me too. He then says along the lines "well im always up for a good conversation" (implying he would be happy to keep chatting with me online) I wasnt interested in having an online penpal so i said something like "it'd be better to have it over coffee" to which he enthusiastically picked up on it and we arranged to meet for coffee. I think it depends on the confidence of the guy.. If they feel they will get rejected they wont directly ask the girl out unless the girl gives obvious hints at wanting to meet.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 btw, elephant in the room no one has mentioned - they're scared. Very true. But I've never understood why people would join a dating site if they're terrified at the concept of actually meeting. 1
jen1447 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Half measures. btw the ladies have to own a bit of the scariness too. Sometimes we make the prospect so ominous that it's no wonder they hide.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 Let me draw from a recent experience.. I met a guy through OKC and was really interested in meeting him in person. We start chatting on there and i could tell he was interested in me too. He then says along the lines "well im always up for a good conversation" (implying he would be happy to keep chatting with me online) I wasnt interested in having an online penpal so i said something like "it'd be better to have it over coffee" to which he enthusiastically picked up on it and we arranged to meet for coffee. I think it depends on the confidence of the guy.. If they feel they will get rejected they wont directly ask the girl out unless the girl gives obvious hints at wanting to meet. Good post. The ironic thing I've found is that the less time I spend interacting with a woman online, the better it goes in actually making plans. Half the time, I'll ask for a number in my opening email as if I cold approached IRL. This has actually lead to me getting even more numbers/dates. But I never go past a few emails a piece. The way I see it is that a woman wouldn't respond if she wasn't potentially interested in meeting. So why beat around the bush? Plus, going for a woman's number sooner actually helps to eliminate chatters. Better to find out sooner rather than later they just want a pen pal. 1
katiegrl Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) Very true. But I've never understood why people would join a dating site if they're terrified at the concept of actually meeting. Or....maybe the reason they don't want to meet, is because they are already in relationships, and these text buddies are all "back up plans." LOL, sorry ff, I just could NOT resist that one... :) Edited June 12, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Maybe I've been around OLD too long, but this is pretty much old news in my book. While a number of guys are either scared, shy, nervous, crafting the perfect message, in relationships/married or just plain inexperienced..the experienced guys whether single or not, whether playing the field or not, the aggressive guys (who aren't terrible looking) as usual, are cleaning up. Guys don't always like to waste time either, but they'll usually go with tinder or something that takes minimal effort, like not even having to use the brain power to write a profile, to try and get laid fast. Women are known to be in a hurry and want to get straight to the point, therefore hopefully this isn't that big a secret to guys doing OLD..it doesn't mean some women won't be apprehensive or cautious, but they'll usually get curious enough if he seems like a decent catch. Women in general are more socially bold and have less to lose, it's the man that's got to do the planning, paying or what not most of the time...it's not like women really have a reason to not want to get out there and get on a date, well other than worried about being kidnapped or something like that.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 But I've never understood why people would join a dating site if they're terrified at the concept of actually meeting. I deleted my one dating profile recently because it became clear to me that most of the men on the site were not anything close to serious, and had no intention of initiating anything that went deeper than surface level. Many guys came on very strong through messaging, then once they got my number they'd try to start a meaningless, boring texting "relationship". Seems like it's another time-wasting computer game to a lot of these guys. I'd say maybe 1% of the halfway decent guys were serious.
smackie9 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 You have to give very strong signals when interested. *** Good eye contact. They are not so scared if you give them a hard sultry stare from across the room. Or be very flirty in a innocent but naughty way on line.
Author fitnessfan365 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) I deleted my one dating profile recently because it became clear to me that most of the men on the site were not anything close to serious, and had no intention of initiating anything that went deeper than surface level. Many guys came on very strong through messaging, then once they got my number they'd try to start a meaningless, boring texting "relationship". Seems like it's another time-wasting computer game to a lot of these guys. I'd say maybe 1% of the halfway decent guys were serious. Once again, that has to be REALLY frustrating as a woman to go through that. I guess messaging and texting allows some guys to front and act like they have confidence. But true confidence comes from taking action IMO. Plus, I don't just see it as going after what I want, but also trying to save as much time as possible. If you meet ASAP, you can find out right away if there is actual chemistry. All the endless back and forth does is build higher expectations. This in turn puts pressure on both people if and when they actually meet. So it's way harder just to be in the moment. Women in general are more socially bold and have less to lose, it's the man that's got to do the planning, paying or what not most of the time...it's not like women really have a reason to not want to get out there and get on a date, well other than worried about being kidnapped or something like that. Good post man and very true. I've never met a woman that wasn't afraid to speak her mind and be herself. Why? She has nothing to lose or to prove. That's why as a guy you have to be equally willing to put yourself out there and just be yourself. If you're afraid to speak your mind or pretend to be something you're not, all you do is potentially attract someone not right for you. But one misconception some guys have is that they have to plan expensive and over the top dates to "impress" a woman they just met. When in reality it shows more confidence to rely on your personality. It also lets you see where a woman's intentions are. If she's genuine, she could have fun having a scoop of ice cream people watching. But if she's only it for free meals and entertainment, she'll fade when you're not spending a ton on her. I don't mind treating a woman that has proved herself to special dates. I just don't believe in planning expensive dates for every single woman I meet right off the bat. Edited June 12, 2015 by fitnessfan365
ASG Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 While I haven't really encountered it on OLD, I have one guy I know who is like that... We met a couple of years ago, the chemistry was palpable and we started flirting, mostly by text, as we ended up not working together long and his shedule was always a bit all over the shop. Great. Whatever. We would meet when he was in town. He'd text me endlessly and let me know when he was gonna be in town and we'd talk about getting together, even getting to the point of discussing days. The day would come and he'd be radio silent. This happened a couple of times before I blocked him on FB chat. Still, sometimes he would still message and I'd indulge, though without any flirting. more talk of getting together, which would never happen. Last night he messages me again, after almost 9 months, which was when he was last in town and we were gonna have drinks and he flaked, once again. He wanted to SKYPE!!! And, guess what?! He was in town! I told him he could have called me and that there was no chance in hell I was gonna skype with him, not when he wants to keep all the flirting online. I don't have time for that. I'm all for sexting as an appetiser. Not as the main course.
dyna85 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Yes, I always find it so annoying when the guy goes from messaging me a few times online to then wanting to chat via text. Like, what is the purpose of switching to two different mediums when the extent of communication is essentially the same? I find it refreshing where plans are made right off the bat and less time is wasted, between getting my phone number and the meeting/date being set. If a guy wants to keep chatting via text, I generally stop responding because I don't have time to be anyone's text buddy, particularly when we haven't yet met.
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