limited Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I recently got divorced officially from my ex-husband in April. I announced the divorce in January and moved out in February. The divorce was one of the smoothest things that had ever occurred in my life, so I felt like it was truly meant to be. Usually, things would always go wrong when I really want it, but this time, nothing stood in my way. It's funny looking back now because it took me so long to divorce him because I was so scared for many years. Anyway, the ex and I are on amicable terms. I would even say we're still friends and get along better than we did when we were together. He's better to our son as well. Things are great. Because we are currently not dating anyone, we still rely on each other a lot such as him picking me up when I drop off my car for repairs. We email each other everyday like we used to, but we just don't talk about "us." For his 40th birthday, I took him out for breakfast (his favorite meal) along with our son and his brother. After this event, we started to hang out more again as a family (about once every 2 weeks). I notice that this makes my son more sad and even confused because he will tell me or his dad that he misses us all together and how he wishes I was still living at his dad's house. Or course I get torn when my little boy says these things, but I remember how it was when the ex and I were still together. I have pages of writing that I keep to myself about how he was and I never want to go back to that. I am happier now and feel free. I feel that the ex also thinks that there might be a reconciliation in the future. I have no more romantic feelings for him. I never missed him when I left and the thought of him touching me doesn't even feel right. It's like being friends with the guy friend who likes you, but you know your feelings will never change and it's totally platonic for you. I'm sure that as soon as one of us meets someone else, this will die down, but who knows how long that will take. For now, we are still relying on each other.
No Limit Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Problem is as soon as he finds a GF your ego will be bruised. Also, it's already confusing to your son. Being on amicable terms is one thing, but having regular-daily-contact a whole other. 3
yxalitis Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Doesn't he have a mandated right to see his son every week or so? Did he not fight for custody or formal Dad Son time? This can happen without you being involved, simply drop him off and go do your own thing for the weekend. There is also the very real possibility that he will think your approachability and frequent contact is telling him you might want to reconcile. You state that you don't, so make sure you are 100% clear on this.
loveiswar101 Posted June 15, 2015 Posted June 15, 2015 Hey, been down this path myself, not pretty. Being amicable is fine, but in long term not good as hate to say it but hanging out, emailing etc with him is sending him mixed messages. You really need to be honest to you and him here. If you have no feelings for him and do not want to try again then pull away and let him move on. Trust me, it will be best for you, him and your boy. Best wishes. 1
m.snow Posted June 16, 2015 Posted June 16, 2015 best also to express your desire to no longer be romantic with him. so he does not get the wrong idea and be lead on. lastly go get counseling for you, your kid and your ex.
Akashsingh Posted June 17, 2015 Posted June 17, 2015 Love is a learned behavior. If you fell in love with him because you had great chemistry with him and wanted to be with him.... and now you don't.... I can understand. Sex has died in the relationship. But let me ask you this. How many 65+ people jump into bed each night with their spouses? What your post suggests to me is that you have "feelings" for your spouse. And those feelings are of affection. You care for him and you also want to be with him. You do love him. You just don't feel like having sex with him or being intimate with him. He was really smart in not fighting the divorce, because, he didn't want the emotional trauma for him, you and his kid. He didn't want to lose you permanently or have the situation get worse. Because had he opposed you, you would fight him hard to prove a point and then get what you want spoiling the relationship even more. That doesnt make it any less hard on him. Ask yourself this, do you want to be with him even if there is no sex? Is sex the only issue? If so, speak your heart out to him, go seek sex therapy and get back together. All the best!
Author limited Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) Love is a learned behavior. If you fell in love with him because you had great chemistry with him and wanted to be with him.... and now you don't.... I can understand. Sex has died in the relationship. But let me ask you this. How many 65+ people jump into bed each night with their spouses? What your post suggests to me is that you have "feelings" for your spouse. And those feelings are of affection. You care for him and you also want to be with him. You do love him. You just don't feel like having sex with him or being intimate with him. He was really smart in not fighting the divorce, because, he didn't want the emotional trauma for him, you and his kid. He didn't want to lose you permanently or have the situation get worse. Because had he opposed you, you would fight him hard to prove a point and then get what you want spoiling the relationship even more. That doesnt make it any less hard on him. Ask yourself this, do you want to be with him even if there is no sex? Is sex the only issue? If so, speak your heart out to him, go seek sex therapy and get back together. All the best! No, it's just not sex. I just don't have any romantic feelings for him period due to long history of words that have hurt me and other actions. I only care about him because he's the father of our child and we were together for such a long time. Otherwise, I do not want to be with him. I long for someone else very much. Actually, the thoughts of finding someone else who would treat me better and love me is what kept me alive and had the courage to leave him. And the only reason why the divorce went so well is because I made it easy for us; I did not ask for anything. No child or spousal support except for state requirements such as medical and daycare/school reimbursement. Custody is 50/50. I made sure we were both financially ok once we parted our ways. I handled all our finances and other aspects in our household when we were married. Edited June 18, 2015 by limited
Author limited Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Problem is as soon as he finds a GF your ego will be bruised. Also, it's already confusing to your son. Being on amicable terms is one thing, but having regular-daily-contact a whole other. I think so too, and I'm sure it'll hurt him too once he knows I found someone else.
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