gloomy110 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I’ve been suffering from depression on and off throughout my life – but the past two weeks have been the worst. I have constant mental breakdowns and find myself constantly contemplating death. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, and it’s been a very stressful relationship for the both of us. He was abandoned by his father as a child and needs constant reassurance from me that I love him, and won’t leave him and basically feeds off of me to feel good about himself and his life. He’s stated numerous times that his happiness and success in life solely depends on me – which puts a lot of pressure on me. I have my own history of dealing with abuse, and deal with mood disorders, paranoia, anxiety and depression. As a result of this, I also find myself being very dependent on my boyfriend to feel valued, worth something, wanted etc. We both feed off of each other, have no friends (anymore – we seemed to be more social before we got together), and seem to suffocate one another – calling it love. Anyways, I told him about my depression two weeks ago, and he keeps telling me that I need to be happy so I can take care of him and look towards our future. I’m having a hard time dealing with this because my stage of depression is getting worse by the day and my parents don’t seem to understand my situation either. Breaking things off with my boyfriend means to basically feel responsible for ruining his life or him ALSO becoming suicidal – as if dealing with my own issues weren’t enough. I always thought we were a great match as all our goals, and values match and we enjoyed the same things. However, it is now becoming apparent that we both are very co-dependant and insecure which is why our relationship has been so stressful. I have no one to speak to at the moment, and cannot afford therapy. The only person who is aware of my history and can help me is my ex-bf, and I feel very, very inclined to reach out to him for help. However, my current boyfriend has always hated my ex and we both set the standard to not speak to our exes. I want to make it clear that I do NOT have any feelings for my ex whatsoever, and do not want to get back with him – but right now, I know he’s the only person I can talk to who will understand my situation. If my current boyfriend understood my depression better I would have told him, but I know he will take my depression personally and think that I’m about to leave him or something. Anyway, I know this is very, very risky and I really don’t want to hurt my bf. But should I reach out to my ex?
Novice Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Reaching out to an ex while you're in a relationship is almost never a good idea. If you go to university or school or if you have a full time job you most likely are provided with access to free mental health assistance which is what you need. Your ex can't do anything to alleviate your pain, the only reason you want to speak to him is because he knows your history and what you're dealing with, in other words he's a comfortable pillow. A comfortable pillow is nice when you're in pain, but it doesn't do anything to address the real ailment, namely the relationship you're in. If you speak to your ex you're gonna use him (whether you realize it or not) as a crux, you'll feel good initially then the guilt of going behind your bf will kick in, and further down the line you'll grow fond again of your ex which will spell more trouble leading to a situation commonly known as a clusterf***.
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