mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t61234/ <---that's my story Anyway, my ex who was my first love and I his first love (each other's first everything) broke up with me out of no where. He swore up and down he still loved me and was telling our friends how in love he was up until the very last day. We tried to patch things up but he said he couldn't do it. 3 weeks later, I find he has a new girlfriend. And even though its been like 2 months, I still can't get used to the idea...and they are still together. And for whatever reason...it really, REALLY bothers me. Can you really get over someone and move on to a new healthy relationship LIKE THAT? He told me he was depressed even after he and the new girl go together, has been leaving indications that he is severely depressed, has gained 20-30lbs and even came to my house on Friday. But according to him, he's moved on. I don't get it. Can someone help? I hate this feeling of being so insignificant to someone.
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I don't see how people can move on that fast, but I know a lot do. I think that maybe if the feelings were gone before the break up actually happened then it's possible to move on to another relationship pretty quickly. One of my friends actually broke up with his ex-fiance then started dating another girl like 2 weeks after and they are still together. I don't know...maybe some people just don't feel as attached to people as others do. It sucks. My ex (as far as I know) still doesn't have a new girlfriend after 6 months but I still feel insignificant. He doesn't even bother to email me back or call me. (as in EVER). Just makes me feel like the whole relationship was nothing to him.
Author mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 ugh, I don't know though. He said he felt like the relationship wasn't working out and it just hit him that it wasn't and he was all depressed about it. But its just weird...I don't know. And up until the VERY END, I felt like this kid was WAY more in love with me than I was with him. I think it'd be impossible for him not to have been attatched to me. And this new girl he's with is a girl he's known for 3 years and never had any romantic feelings for before...so WHY NOW? How in the hell do you get over your first love and someone you were SOOOO in love with so ****ing easily? Oh yeah...his new gf keeps a diary online which someone showed me. Oddly enough, she NEVER mentions him, except once to say that she felt like she cared more about him than he did of her.
Angeleyez2583 Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Ok well this may sound a little weird. But maybe after you guys broke up they started getting close. You know the whole, he's talking to her about how hurt he is about breaking up with you or u breaking up with him (i'm not sure), and she plays into that. Then suddenly, wham, he realizes he has feelings for her because they connected in some kind of weird freaky way. I felt the same way u did about ur ex. I thought he loved me more than I loved him. I guess that back fired when I lost him. What i'm trying to say is that their relationship probably developed over his loss of you. 2 months is a very short time to start a new relationship with some one, and I think she got to him when he was very vulnerable. I mean maybe he's not that into her. But w/e it really SUCKS. I'm so sorry to hear about that.
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I also thought my ex was way more into me than I was into him. He used to say that all the time..but well I guess that backfired on me also. After the breakup he acted like he couldn't care less about me. It's weird how people change overnight. Mustangsally~ I'm also sorry to hear about this. Why did he feel that he needed to break up with you anyway? I know this sounds bad, but if he really was that attached to you I think he would have tried a little bit harder to get you back. I struggled with this too with my ex. I thought he has to still love me and be attached to me, but if he really felt that way then he would have been more willing to work things out with me and not give up so quickly. Sounds like maybe your ex has problems with being alone and this girl was the first to really show him that kind of attention after your breakup. I know that the friend I mentioned above has a hard time being alone. He feels like he always has to have somebody. Also, maybe this other girl was a distraction for him to get over you. I don't know..it just all sounds pretty weird. Do you know this girl too? Angeleyez2583~ is your birthday 2-5-83 because if so that is pretty weird, b/c that is my bday too! But anyway, I don't know what to tell you mustangsally. Have you talked with him about this at all?
Author mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 well we broke up because our relationship was getting a little too serious. I think he just flipped out and ran. We got back together for a little bit because he said he liked the idea of trying to chill out instead of losing me, but then he realized he couldn't. It was a combination of a lot of things. We were in a long distance relationship and it was REALLY hard on both of us...lots of tears when we were apart and his mother didn't let him visit a lot (I was away at college 400 miles away...he was at home.). I would have to be the one to come home and visit. Things also started to escalate into extreme seriousness....talking about getting married, one of us transferring schools to be with the other, him coming to study abroad with me while I did an internship in Europe. I think the whole idea that he may have found someone at our age that he could envision himself with his whole life scared the crap out of him. After we broke up, he kept calling me until I told him to stop. I was in tears when he said he had a new gf. I requested that we not talk at all. Then I find on Friday, he came to my house to give me something rather insignificant that I left at his house four months ago. I want to thank him and talk to him, but I don't want to open up the door to getting hurt by him again. I'm trying to move on and see other guys, but its hard, but I'm doing it....
BrotherAaron Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Don't count on him coming back from his new GF. My ex (my first everything) left me and immediately started a relationship with someone new... and it's getting pretty serious, apparently. Some people don't wait. It's nothing you can change.
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 That makes sense. I would feel the same way about not wanting to open that door up again to being hurt. I can only imagine how bad you must feel right now. Does this girl live close to him? Maybe he felt like it was more convenient for him to date her? Do you think that he will end up doing the same thing to her once she wants to get really serious? Ugh..this whole thing sucks. Some men are like that, especially the younger ones. They get freaked out at the idea of getting that serious with someone. But I think that if the guy really loves you enough, it won't scare him at all to make these kinds of plans. Or well..if he's REALLY young maybe he wants to "sow his wild oats" a little bit more before getting with you. But...that kind of contradicts him having another girlfriend already...hmmm... I'm talking in circles right now because I am really confused by his behavior too. I know what you mean about trying to date other guys and it being hard. My ex and I have been broke up 6 months and I still don't feel comfortable seriously dating someone else. It's really hard for me to empathize with people who jump to another relationship almost immediately after the end of another one. No matter how hard I try, I can't get myself to do it. The only thing I can think of is maybe he needed a distraction, or wanted someone closer in distance to him. Although, I do have to say that him bringing something insignificant to you is a sign that maybe there are still feelings there for you. Maybe you should just take the risk and talk to him...I mean could he hurt you anymore than you already are with him having this girlfriend already? I don't think it could hurt you too much more, but it may give you the answers you are looking for.
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 My ex (my first everything) left me and immediately started a relationship with someone new... and it's getting pretty serious, apparently. Some people don't wait. It's nothing you can change. Yeah and I have to say it kinda pisses me off at my friend who did this. I want to look at him and be like "are you a heartless beast?!" How could he have been with this fiance of his for 3 years and then 2 weeks later have another girlfriend and be talking about getting serious with her? I not only sympathize with his ex but I can't help but think it reflects on how heartless he is in a way....
BrotherAaron Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I don't understand it, and I'm done trying to. As a matter of fact, I have a new girlfriend as of about a week ago. We're not serious, but we also don't have to deal with other people being angry at us for seeing each other like my ex and her new douche bag do. We can hang out and not worry about having to explain ourselves to anyone. I have a great time. Could I get serious with her? How the hell do I know?? I hardly know her still. It's a bit different though, because I waited two months... and didn't really look to date anyone, but we just kind of found ourselves drawn together. I probably could have waited longer, just for myself. I was surprised to find myself in a relationship, although not regretful. It clearly has had an effect on my ex, as she sent me an email about how much she misses me. I don't even know what she was trying to accomplish, because she's still dating this other douche. She didn't accomplish anything, though, because I simply ignored the email. I think she started seeing him instead of me because she found herself infatuated with him. It's a strong feeling when you first find yourself falling for somebody. It's intoxicating, and we all act strange during that period. What's important is what happens when the intoxication wears off. When he's no longer new and different, what's going to be left? Will she fall in love with him? I'm kind of curious to find out, honestly. It's weird to me that the thought of her spending the rest of her life with him doesn't evoke emotions in me. Anyway, I don't know how to tell you to get over him and the fact that he's seeing somebody. There's no gaurantee that they won't work out. You will feel replaced. When you don't care if you've been replaced or not - well, that's progress. The right way to move forward is not to care what happens. Don't pretend like everything's going to turn out the way you want, pretend that you want things to turn out the way that they are.
Author mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 yes the girl lives closer to him. however he is moving in the fall....so...no matter what, even if i wasn't in the picture, i wouldn't count on their relationship lasting.
BrotherAaron Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 yeah, I told myself the same thing about the ex, because her BF is (a) failing out of school, and (b) living in California for the summer Apparently they've decided not to go home afterall. They're gonna stay and continue to go to school during the summer so that they can be together, and he can recover his grades. They made this plan after just weeks of dating, and she told me about one time that I made the mistake of actually letting her come in. I hope you're right, and they (your ex and his new "girlfriend") break up - and I hope you don't take him back when it happens.
Author mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 oh i'm positive they'll break up. He's going to go away to school in the fall and taking his summer vacation on another continent...so there's no reason for them to stay together. Anyway, as far as him bringing the insignificant item back, I want to thank him....but I just...I don't want to risk getting ignored and putting my heart on the line AGAIN. He already took everything...my innocence and then left me out cold and got with some gross girl....so I don't know. I also think there was someone driving the break up. It sounds crazy...but it is probably the most likely of anything.
BrotherAaron Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Then don't risk it. You don't owe him a thanks, he probably wasn't doing it out of concern for you not having the item.
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 for an excuse to talk to you again, that's what I think. He probably is hoping that you will contact him about it.
Author mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 i'm thinking of thanking him for the book....but then again i don't want to. grrrr. for the past few days, he's had a weird away message up about how thinking is simple but doing it is even harder. Ugh...and I just met a great new guy...but I don't know if that's going to work out. don't want to jinx anything.
Author mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 i guess all i can say is i don't know if i'm up to being risen to the bait and then being IGNORED.
BrotherAaron Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Don't see anyone seriously, not in this frame of mind. Your still fresh feelings for your ex will ruin whatever it is you wanted to feel for this guy
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Ignore your ex. Don't say thanks. Let him stew.
Elmo Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I'm sorry you are hurting from this. My opinion....he was getting over you for awhile before you knew it. Some people are hard to read. I was like this with a few relationships and I'm a girl! So, I don't think it's an evil man game. I just knew, way before the guy knew....that this was not going well, for me. Now, I'm not proud of this...just telling the truth. The guys were shellshocked when I finally ended the relationship. And yes, there was usually someone else I picked up with a.s.a.p. Again, not proud of this. I had just moved on long before and was making nice and going through the motions...didn't know how to get out easily. I think you should start dating/keep very busy right now. He is probably gone for good. I know it hurts. One guy did this to me, and I thought I would colapse, but didn't (lol). All you can do is lick your wounds and start having a different life now. Oh, and remember that old saying "Living well is the best revenge."
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Yep, it's true. I have done this to a few guys myself. My last serious relationship before the most recent, I had it set in my mind that my feelings were no longer there long before I finally was able to successfully end it. And, I had another person in mind as well. I had actually fully transferred my feelings for my boyf on to this other guy before I broke up with the boyfriend. (not proud of this by any means). Like I said, ignore him.
Author mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 well i know it sounds silly, but I did see the break up coming about a day before it happened...but that's it. We weren't together THAT LONG so there's no way in hell his feelings dissipated like that. I could feel them dissipating on the day he broke up with me. Actually, if this supports the case and makes it even more confusing...we actually got back together two days after he broke up with me and then I got dumped again. He said he liked my idea of staying together....but then decided he couldn't do it. Unless this kid has serious problems, there's really NO WAY that can happen....honestly. Like why would you tell someone you loved them or be telling other people how in love you are with this girl like up until the last minute? he even said that it hit him like the night before that we shouldn't be together and he knew he was being rash.
XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Does he have mental problems? No, really I am being serious. That just sounds weird.
Author mustangsally Posted April 28, 2005 Author Posted April 28, 2005 Hahaha.... I know you're being serious and I often wondered this myself. When we were breaking up the first time he all crying and was even like "Oh I'm making a big mistake wah wah wah". And he was crying his little eyes out the second time we broke up. Does he have mental problems? I really, really don't know. Its possible. I know he was a little OCD...but I don't know if that means much. Also after the break up, he talked to several of our mutual friends about how depressed he was over the break up and then even talked to one of my friends and like had an outburst at her because I was already seeing other guys and went on to say how gorgeous I am. Its like WTF?
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