Dating a girl with severe PMDD

[Swat4487]

Hi everyone, I am a 30 year old male who is going through a pretty devastating breakup with a girl who suffers from PMDD. I'm not going to really get into it other than saying right before a girl's period, she loses all of her feelings, emotions, and attractions to the man she's dating. She becomes irritated at everything, including jokes and behaviors that she would otherwise enjoy. She gets incredibly irritable and will verbally berate you for really no reason. I started seeing this girl when she started at the same job as me. She aggressively pursued me, and said she wanted to "put a smile on my face". I'm not very outgoing, I don't engage in many social activities, I think I suffer from depression, and am an angry, negative person. All of this due to life/work issues in the present, as well as the past. She thought at the beginning that i was the opposite of all of these. In her relationships, she begins to have commitment issues, or starts getting bored around the 8 month to year mark. She's had this in every relationship, because her PMDD starts playing games with her. We were doing fantastic from last May until about Christmas, when she started raising issues with me. She broke up with me about a month ago, when she said she felt nothing for me anymore. She didn't want to date me, said my touch and our sex was awkward, etc. She says our lifestyles are too different: she's very social, love hanging around people, getting out and about, camping, etc. This isn't really my deal, but I was going to use the summer to learn all of this, and become more comfortable in her world. I've been chasing her for the entire month we've been broken up, texts, calls, relationship talks at work, but she says she's done. The funny thing is that even from the recent attempts to get back together with her being unsuccessful, she keeps romantic notes I've written, and also gets jealous when another girl that was interested in me before us talks to me. What am I supposed to do to win her back? I know she really does still care for me, but her disorder tells her otherwise. I'm not very good at being romantic, but have done some very nice things for her in the recent past.

[lollipopspot]

She becomes irritated at everything, including jokes and behaviors that she would otherwise enjoy. She gets incredibly irritable and will verbally berate you for really no reason.

 

Sounds horrible!

 

I suffer from depression, and am an angry, negative person.

 

Sounds horrible!

 

In her relationships, she begins to have commitment issues, or starts getting bored around the 8 month to year mark. She's had this in every relationship, because her PMDD starts playing games with her.

 

I think the PMDD is an excuse for "commitment issues." But it doesn't matter, because for whatever reason, she has them. I don't think you're a good match though anyway, from what you've written.

 

but she says she's done.

 

I would believe her.

 

What am I supposed to do to win her back? I know she really does still care for me, but her disorder tells her otherwise. I'm not very good at being romantic, but have done some very nice things for her in the recent past.

 

I don't know if you can or should, given her issues combined with yours. I think the best thing you might do right now is work on your anger and depression, so you can find someone more stable than she appears to be. I think you are both blaming some of her issues on hormones. If it's this bad for her, she ought best to speak with a doctor about it.

 

I know breaking up is hard, but focus on yourself now, and becoming the best partner you can be for the next partner you have

[Swat4487]

Thanks for your response! She's also a single mom who lives paycheck to paycheck, though her parents can help her out. It's unusual, because she said that I was the first guy that was able to listen to her, and connected so much with her. It was never ever this stressful, but since an issue with a co-worker 2 or so months ago, she's never been the same. She's been very angry and resentful, and brings up the issue with her a lot. We're basically the same person, hard headed, confrontational, etc. She just said she wasn't happy and that was it. I've never met a girl like this, I thought she was the one. I was in a relationship before this for 6 years, and didn't remotely feel like this, and it hasn't quite been a year even.

[Fleur de cactus]

Does she know she may have PMDD? Because she can take antidepressants that could help to reduce the symptoms. Also, birth control may help. I Dont know how you can stand her or handle her issues if this episode occurs every month. Did you ever discuss this with her?

[writergal]

Hi everyone, I am a 30 year old male who is going through a pretty devastating breakup with a girl who suffers from PMDD.

 

That's unfortunate. PMDD is very serious.

 

I'm not going to really get into it other than saying right before a girl's period, she loses all of her feelings, emotions, and attractions to the man she's dating. She becomes irritated at everything, including jokes and behaviors that she would otherwise enjoy.

 

Most people who aren't familiar with this condition, laugh it off as intense PMS when it's so much more than that. It can be debilitating.

 

She gets incredibly irritable and will verbally berate you for really no reason. I started seeing this girl when she started at the same job as me. She aggressively pursued me, and said she wanted to "put a smile on my face". I'm not very outgoing, I don't engage in many social activities, I think I suffer from depression, and am an angry, negative person.

 

Although it's true that opposites do attract. It's another thing for opposites to be really compatible.

 

All of this due to life/work issues in the present, as well as the past. She thought at the beginning that i was the opposite of all of these. In her relationships, she begins to have commitment issues, or starts getting bored around the 8 month to year mark.

 

Those relationship problems have nothing to do with PMDD though. That is her own "stuff" she needs to get a handle on, with the help of a counselor. PMDD just exacerbates or can magnify interpersonal problems for women. It has nothing to do with you. It has to do with her not dealing with why she suddenly stops committing at the 8 month mark in all of her romantic relationships. There's probably a good reason she is commitment-phobic. But until she faces that reason, she will continue that behavior with boyfriends and ruin her relationships as a result.

 

She's had this in every relationship, because her PMDD starts playing games with her. We were doing fantastic from last May until about Christmas, when she started raising issues with me.

 

Ah, but don't fall into the trap of blaming all of her behavior on her PMDD. It's not that insidious and can be conveniently used as a crutch when she doesn't want to take responsibility for her own choices or actions with you or anyone else.

 

Since she has suffered from PMDD for a long time, she should really have put together a chart with the help of her gyno, to track her menstrual cycle so that she can prepare for her PMDD right before it hits her. She needs to learn (if she hasn't already) to separate what is tied to an episode of PMDD, and what isn't. If she can do that, her entire world will change.

 

She broke up with me about a month ago, when she said she felt nothing for me anymore. She didn't want to date me, said my touch and our sex was awkward, etc.

 

Was it at the 8 month mark of the relationship?

 

She says our lifestyles are too different: she's very social, love hanging around people, getting out and about, camping, etc. This isn't really my deal, but I was going to use the summer to learn all of this, and become more comfortable in her world.

 

Like I said, although opposites doattract, doesn't mean they're always compatible. Maybe the truth of your relationship's demise is that the PMDD played a minor role, not a major role because it sounds like you two just weren't on the same page from the beginning as far as your personalities, interests, and socializing.

 

I've been chasing her for the entire month we've been broken up, texts, calls, relationship talks at work, but she says she's done. The funny thing is that even from the recent attempts to get back together with her being unsuccessful, she keeps romantic notes I've written, and also gets jealous when another girl that was interested in me before us talks to me.

 

Does this other woman work with you both at your company? Does she know you two broke up and is now pursuing you?

 

What has your ex-gf done with the texts, calls, and relationship talks at work? Not taken them seriously? Is she done because you won't leave her alone? Maybe give her some space.

 

What am I supposed to do to win her back? I know she really does still care for me, but her disorder tells her otherwise. I'm not very good at being romantic, but have done some very nice things for her in the recent past.

 

Stop pursuing her. Give her some time to deal with being a single parent, adjust to being broken up with you while you two work at the same company, and just let her be.

 

Maybe she will come back to you. But if she doesn't, you need to let her go. Because it doesn't sound like you two were that compatible to begin with, and her PMDD certainly didn't help the relationship progress.

[yxalitis]

When did PMS become a "disorder"

Christ, soon sneezing when you look at the sun will be called "SSD" or some such, and groups will form to talk about the hardships suffered...

[lollipopspot]

When did PMS become a "disorder"

Christ, soon sneezing when you look at the sun will be called "SSD" or some such, and groups will form to talk about the hardships suffered...

 

Well, it's a real disorder, look it up. Some people don't do well with their hormones. Some men likely don't do well with hormone fluctuations either, and go shoot up a post office or something, but it's hard to show the disordered effect of hormones in either women or men. But, people still need to learn to deal with these effects somehow, and not blow up their relationships.

[ZiggyZoo]

PMDD, depression, single mother...all of that aside, one basic fact should stand out. You've been chasing her for a month and she still doesn't want to be with you. Stop chasing.

[Emilia]

OP, the world is full of alcoholics, depessives, gambling addicts, attachment phobes, PMS, BPD, NPD. You name it. You can't fix someone's mental, emotional, hormonal state. That's what it comes down to. Doesn't matter what it is.