ohjulian Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Hi, I'm a woman (21) and I've been dating a man (25) for almost a year. It hasn't really been a long time, but we connected very quickly and are very devoted to each other. However, things seem to have changed for me when he finally met my mom, and she had some concerns. She said that he was very odd, and was worried that I would eventually grow out of him. Granted he is an odd person; I was well aware of that. He has some strange mannerisms that throw people off when they first meet him. Once I realized that she thought he was strange, it was like the rose-colored glasses came off all of a sudden. Now some of the things about him I never thought about before started to annoy me. Like the way he dresses and does his hair. I don't think he realizes/cares that he kind of looks like a homeless person sometimes. I feel really guilty that I let these silly things annoy me because he is such a great person. He's incredibly giving, thoughtful, and respectful, and we have very similar interests and can talk about anything. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this just the honeymoon phase ending?
mystikmind2005 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Hi, I'm a woman (21) and I've been dating a man (25) for almost a year. It hasn't really been a long time, but we connected very quickly and are very devoted to each other. However, things seem to have changed for me when he finally met my mom, and she had some concerns. She said that he was very odd, and was worried that I would eventually grow out of him. Granted he is an odd person; I was well aware of that. He has some strange mannerisms that throw people off when they first meet him. Once I realized that she thought he was strange, it was like the rose-colored glasses came off all of a sudden. Now some of the things about him I never thought about before started to annoy me. Like the way he dresses and does his hair. I don't think he realizes/cares that he kind of looks like a homeless person sometimes. I feel really guilty that I let these silly things annoy me because he is such a great person. He's incredibly giving, thoughtful, and respectful, and we have very similar interests and can talk about anything. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this just the honeymoon phase ending? Yea, honymoon phase thing. So now comes the 'communication' phase thing, good luck
Fleur de cactus Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 If you really like him why you do not try to find a way to change his taste of clothing? Some people do not know how to look nice or to choose appropriate cloths because they never learned, and nobody told them. I learned that I have to think of how I look since I was a little girl from my mother. She always reminded me to wear nice clean cloths each time I was going somewhere. Now you can give him a nice shirt for instance. Help him to do laundry. When you go out, say "oh you shirt is not ironed , let me help you." Maybe he will learn from you without being embarrassed or feeling criticized. Depending of how is your relationship, maybe he will appreciate some constructive criticisms. Good luck.
Redhead14 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 Hi, I'm a woman (21) and I've been dating a man (25) for almost a year. It hasn't really been a long time, but we connected very quickly and are very devoted to each other. However, things seem to have changed for me when he finally met my mom, and she had some concerns. She said that he was very odd, and was worried that I would eventually grow out of him. Granted he is an odd person; I was well aware of that. He has some strange mannerisms that throw people off when they first meet him. Once I realized that she thought he was strange, it was like the rose-colored glasses came off all of a sudden. Now some of the things about him I never thought about before started to annoy me. Like the way he dresses and does his hair. I don't think he realizes/cares that he kind of looks like a homeless person sometimes. I feel really guilty that I let these silly things annoy me because he is such a great person. He's incredibly giving, thoughtful, and respectful, and we have very similar interests and can talk about anything. Has anyone else experienced this? Is this just the honeymoon phase ending? The ending of the honeymoon phase is not about realizing physical attributes that turn you off, it's about the gradual appearance of the real person you've been dating. It's about each of you dropping that persona you presented with to attract that person. Over time, you each become comfortable with each other and you start to realize that they are not who you thought you fell in love with. And, this is the point where the real relationship begins to develop. The foundation of the relationship is good. There is trust, security, transparency, honesty, respect, etc. and this is where the "commitment' comes in. It may take a bit of time, effort and commitment to accept that the person you are with is not who you thought you fell in love with. Was he slovenly when you met him? Or did he start out dressing better and now has gone back to his "normal"? If those physical attributes existed when you met him and you still fell in love with him and now they are off putting, is it really about those things or is there something else going on in the relationship? When little things or things that weren't really an issue in the past start to annoy a partner, it's usually not about those things, it's something else. One thing that could contribute to that is that the dynamics of the relationship have changed. In other words, you've made a big step in advancing it by introducing him to the family and you received some negative input from a trusted source and that's important. It puts pressure on you now. All that being said, you may need to get honest with yourself . . . " Granted he is an odd person; I was well aware of that". Did you think you could deal with it for a while and then be able to change him?
d0nnivain Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 It's not so much that the honeymoon phase is ending but that you are being influenced by your mother's negative view of him. You were fine until she told you he was less then perfect. Now you are subjugating your opinion to hers. Stop. Be your own person. Unless you can live your life without worrying about what other people think, you will always be on shaky ground
Redhead14 Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 I want to add something. Above I explained that during the honeymoon phase, the couple is basically on their best behavior so to speak and when the truer version of themselves comes through, they seem to be a different people than they were in the beginning. There are couples who say that their honeymoon period lasted longer or never ended. The reason for this is likely that those people were being themselves from the very beginning . . . 1
S_A Posted June 12, 2015 Posted June 12, 2015 There are couples who say that their honeymoon period lasted longer or never ended. The reason for this is likely that those people were being themselves from the very beginning . . . Omg yes! My honeymoon phase has lasted for 4.5 years so far! I've actually wondered about the length of our honeymoon phase a few times and after reading your post, I am content with it being the explanation as to why.
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