Long term on/off girl me massively. .

[0range33]

Good evening.

 

In here really not for advice on what to do but why it has happened to me.

 

I have known a girl for 12 years. When we met she was 17 and I was 23 at work.

 

We went out for lunch once just before her 18th birthday which was a week or so later and me being the gent that I was came in early on her birthday and filled her desk up with balloons and a big bouquet of flowers which she said thankyou but we never ended up going out. 3 weeks later rung me up drunk and spent the night with me after I picked her up from her house after a club. I never slept with her due to her being young and drunk and we spent the next day together and that was the end of that. She ended up dating someone else a few weeks later.

 

I didn't speak to her for about 5 more years when she split up with her boyfriend but I was with someone so about 2 years into my LTR. She used to check in and try and date me every 2 years and when I was eventually splitting up with my long term girlfriend 2 1/2 years ago she was hovering around a few months prior telling me to leave her if I wasn't happy and that she felt she was wasting her time waiting for me. When i did break up we started dating 3 weeks later. I treated her amazing, respectful, took her nice places but never slept with me. Always kept me at arms length telling me she loved me within 6 weeks and how no one as ever treated her so well. Low and behold she dumped me for her sons father and got back with him. And she moved him back in within a month. In these 3 months of dating I rarely went round her house and she would only see me once a week.

 

We didn't talk for 18 months after I went no contact, and I know she got with someone in jan 2014 as she rung me to see how I was. He moved in with her within month and she was besotted by him, yet he treated her like **** and it ended (I think she was the reason he left now I'm finding out what she is like) She broke up with him 6 months later heart broken and got in touch with me the day she broke up, I helped her pick up the pieces emotionally, sent her flowers to work, and got her some furniture that that ex removed to help her out. (Only about £150 worth not a lot). I've always loved this girl and will do anything for her, I can't help it, it's just the way I am. In august she rung me out of the blue saying she wanted to visit me that night which was a first! We spent the night out getting wasted and having fun, we ended up back at mine and she was up for sex but we was both so drunk I decided against it, and we crashed. She couldn't even remember if we had sex so glad I didn't. But it was a fantastic night.

 

Low and behold never heard from her again until November. When she asked if we could talk, she never asks me out do this was a second time.

 

Things got more serious quicker this time but do you ever get that feeling your always at arms length?! We was dating for 6 weeks before Xmas I gave her so much attention and afffection, gave her an amazing bday and Xmas but I didn't see her from the 24th to the 31st where she spent time with everyone but me! She also had her ex staying over with her Xmas eve which I let fly as this was already organised and was calling me while he was in the same

Room so I wasn't too worried on this occasion. After new year eve we saw each other maximum once a week and i always felt at arms length even though I was constantly treating her amazing. We finally slept together in first week of jan and that was the last time until we went on holiday. There was never an opportunity for me to stay at hers, or she was working, or something came up. However being loving and affectionate all this time.

 

First week in feb I took her on holiday and this is where she changed, she was very ill the night before we flew out however she was unaffectionate, moody, boring and angry with me no matter what I did the whole 5 nights, we slept with each other only on the 3rd night when we was drunk.

 

All the time while we was together I helped her with rent, bills, treated her to flowers, gifts, holiday, hair extensions twice at £400 a go. You name it I helped her out. I was a true gent and helped her becAuse I loved her. She never went without and she never asked I just did. I believe in being the man and supportin the woman in your life. You know she didn't even take me out once or cook me dinner once??

 

I didn't see her for 11 weeks after the day we landed where she was hot and cold all that time. We went out twice last month when things was gettin better an then she went to Dubai for a week 2 weeks ago telling me she misses me and can't wait to see me. I gave her spending money because she was broke and paid for her son to swim with the dolphins. As soon as she landed she turned I've cold again. I immediately went no contact and told her what a fool she was for throwing a good man down the drown who loved her unconditionally.

 

I cant help the person that I am. I treat her amazing, and I don't know any other way to treat a woman. I'm not ugly, I'm in good shape, I'm caring and mostly funny. I earn fantastic money and only work 2-3 hours a day. She just won't ever fall for me! Why? I've tried being unavailable, tough on her, submissive, aggressive. Nothing works but all her exes that treat her like ****.

 

She will be back again like every other time. She knows I'm a good man and her mum was the one that told her to get back with me and her sister told her to leave me alone as I'm too good for her.

 

She knows I would give her an amazing life but she just runs everytime I get close to her.

 

Why won't she let her guard down and let me into her life but will quite happily let the arseholes ruin her and I end up picking up the pieces.

 

I would be an idiot for taking her back and hopefully I've met someone 10 times better. Even after all this I still love her. She has good qualities but so many bad ones.

 

Why do girls that say they love you leave so suddenly and then come back after someone arsehole has ruined her heart again.

[toscaroscura]

 

Why do girls that say they love you leave so suddenly and then come back after someone arsehole has ruined her heart again.

 

 

I dunno. Why have YOU been chasing this arsehole for 12 years?

 

I'm willing to bet she's doing exactly what you're doing: chasing that dream.

[mrs rubble]

Good evening.

 

In here really not for advice on what to do but why it has happened to me.

 

I have known a girl for 12 years. When we met she was 17 and I was 23 at work.

 

We went out for lunch once just before her 18th birthday which was a week or so later and me being the gent that I was came in early on her birthday and filled her desk up with balloons and a big bouquet of flowers which she said thankyou but we never ended up going out. 3 weeks later rung me up drunk and spent the night with me after I picked her up from her house after a club. I never slept with her due to her being young and drunk and we spent the next day together and that was the end of that. She ended up dating someone else a few weeks later.

 

I didn't speak to her for about 5 more years when she split up with her boyfriend but I was with someone so about 2 years into my LTR. She used to check in and try and date me every 2 years and when I was eventually splitting up with my long term girlfriend 2 1/2 years ago she was hovering around a few months prior telling me to leave her if I wasn't happy and that she felt she was wasting her time waiting for me. When i did break up we started dating 3 weeks later. I treated her amazing, respectful, took her nice places but never slept with me. Always kept me at arms length telling me she loved me within 6 weeks and how no one as ever treated her so well. Low and behold she dumped me for her sons father and got back with him. And she moved him back in within a month. In these 3 months of dating I rarely went round her house and she would only see me once a week.

 

We didn't talk for 18 months after I went no contact, and I know she got with someone in jan 2014 as she rung me to see how I was. He moved in with her within month and she was besotted by him, yet he treated her like **** and it ended (I think she was the reason he left now I'm finding out what she is like) She broke up with him 6 months later heart broken and got in touch with me the day she broke up, I helped her pick up the pieces emotionally, sent her flowers to work, and got her some furniture that that ex removed to help her out. (Only about £150 worth not a lot). I've always loved this girl and will do anything for her, I can't help it, it's just the way I am. In august she rung me out of the blue saying she wanted to visit me that night which was a first! We spent the night out getting wasted and having fun, we ended up back at mine and she was up for sex but we was both so drunk I decided against it, and we crashed. She couldn't even remember if we had sex so glad I didn't. But it was a fantastic night.

 

Low and behold never heard from her again until November. When she asked if we could talk, she never asks me out do this was a second time.

 

Things got more serious quicker this time but do you ever get that feeling your always at arms length?! We was dating for 6 weeks before Xmas I gave her so much attention and afffection, gave her an amazing bday and Xmas but I didn't see her from the 24th to the 31st where she spent time with everyone but me! She also had her ex staying over with her Xmas eve which I let fly as this was already organised and was calling me while he was in the same

Room so I wasn't too worried on this occasion. After new year eve we saw each other maximum once a week and i always felt at arms length even though I was constantly treating her amazing. We finally slept together in first week of jan and that was the last time until we went on holiday. There was never an opportunity for me to stay at hers, or she was working, or something came up. However being loving and affectionate all this time.

 

First week in feb I took her on holiday and this is where she changed, she was very ill the night before we flew out however she was unaffectionate, moody, boring and angry with me no matter what I did the whole 5 nights, we slept with each other only on the 3rd night when we was drunk.

 

All the time while we was together I helped her with rent, bills, treated her to flowers, gifts, holiday, hair extensions twice at £400 a go. You name it I helped her out. I was a true gent and helped her becAuse I loved her. She never went without and she never asked I just did. I believe in being the man and supportin the woman in your life. You know she didn't even take me out once or cook me dinner once??

 

I didn't see her for 11 weeks after the day we landed where she was hot and cold all that time. We went out twice last month when things was gettin better an then she went to Dubai for a week 2 weeks ago telling me she misses me and can't wait to see me. I gave her spending money because she was broke and paid for her son to swim with the dolphins. As soon as she landed she turned I've cold again. I immediately went no contact and told her what a fool she was for throwing a good man down the drown who loved her unconditionally.

 

I cant help the person that I am. I treat her amazing, and I don't know any other way to treat a woman. I'm not ugly, I'm in good shape, I'm caring and mostly funny. I earn fantastic money and only work 2-3 hours a day. She just won't ever fall for me! Why? I've tried being unavailable, tough on her, submissive, aggressive. Nothing works but all her exes that treat her like ****.

 

She will be back again like every other time. She knows I'm a good man and her mum was the one that told her to get back with me and her sister told her to leave me alone as I'm too good for her.

 

She knows I would give her an amazing life but she just runs everytime I get close to her.

 

Why won't she let her guard down and let me into her life but will quite happily let the arseholes ruin her and I end up picking up the pieces.

 

I would be an idiot for taking her back and hopefully I've met someone 10 times better. Even after all this I still love her. She has good qualities but so many bad ones.

 

Why do girls that say they love you leave so suddenly and then come back after someone arsehole has ruined her heart again.

Her sister is right. Find yourself a lady who appreciates you and loves you whole heartedly.

[0range33]

I dunno. Why have YOU been chasing this arsehole for 12 years?

 

I'm willing to bet she's doing exactly what you're doing: chasing that dream.

 

No doubt she is and I never chase in our times of silence and no doubt she is dating someone already.

 

What I can't get my head around is why it takes arseholes to make her realise what she has then I run again. If someone I had been dating loved me like that I would try anything to make It work. Me and the mother of my 2 kids fell out of love but we never stopped trying.

Edited June 11, 2015 by 0range33
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