BF (possibly) read my texts.. ?

[Keenly]

First of all, it sounds like you have some things to hide in your text message archive.

 

A couple of solutions...

 

1) Delete the texts you don't want your boyfriend to read, when he's spying on you.

 

2) Set a passcode on your phone, and don't tell your boyfriend what is is.

 

3) Stop having text conversations you don't want your boyfriend to read.

 

4) Find a new boyfriend, who's not so insecure.

 

 

Right, he is insecure because his girlfriend is sending inappropriate messages to exes...

 

Some people only read what they want to read.

[Versacehottie]

I do actually have a passcode on my phone.. I guess from my putting it in my phone instead of using the fingerprint touch unlock, he knew it to type it in.. Guess it might be time to change it.. That in itself might make it seem like I have something to hide..

 

Ugh, can't win sometimes..

 

yeah, ugh, that means it was a calculated thing. He had to have seen you put in the code previously, memorized it. Whole thing is premeditated snooping!!! Ugh, very unfortunate. The guy is obviously going through some "situational" jealousy issues, probably caused by your behavior with that guy OR he is a jealous and insecure person generally. You need to determine which he is. If it's situational and you are part of the problem with your behavior, you need to work together to fix that. If he was like that before your transgression and you see this trait continue in spite of your attempts to rebuild trust, I would consider letting him go. Jealous and insecure people who are characteristically that way are a bottomless pit and usually can't let something go once they have caught you doing something, which he has. Sorry and good luck

[kendahke]

Then he must be harboring a little goblin in his house who turned over your phone, got into it and read through your text folder. That phone didn't do that all by itself. Dobby got into it, huh?

 

He lied. You gave him something to mistrust you on and he followed through on that mistrust--and I'm not condoning it. Look at it this way: how would you feel if it was him doing exactly what you did with the exact same intent with an ex girlfriend that he's still friends with? I don't think you'd like it.

 

Ex's are ex's for a reason. Dealing with them while in a relationship with someone else, especially saying something to them that you probably would not want your boyfriend saying to an ex of his, is not good policy unless a whole lot of time has elapsed since that relationship ended.

 

If you want this relationship with your boyfriend, then you need to excise anyone in your life that presents a direct threat to the integrity to your relationship.

[kendahke]

I have mentioned to my boyfriend in the past about going out more..I don't mind staying on sometimes but I was ways the type who was out and about doing things.. not really was one to just want to stay home all the time..

 

As far as my current BF, we have known each other since middle schools but never really were close friends.. we've got back in touch earlier this year in January.. We talking for a couple months and started hanging out in March.. We have been together/dating ever since then..

 

I see incompatibility here.

 

It sounds like you're trying to force a fit.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I have mentioned to my boyfriend in the past about going out more..I don't mind staying on sometimes but I was ways the type who was out and about doing things.. not really was one to just want to stay home all the time..

 

The guy who I dated was never officially a boyfriend, but we were "hanging out" for a good 4-5 months.. I really liked him a lot before my current boyfriend came into the picture.. I honestly did still have some feelings for him while I started dating my boyfriend now.. But they have diminished quite a bit.. Because we are friends occasionally I do think of him from time to time but it's not in the lovey way anymore..

 

As far as the text that I sent to him.. I mad a comment that I wanted to kiss him and how he was the one that got away.. My boyfriend saw that and I understand completely why he would be upset.. I know I would be to.. I felt really bad that whole situation happens and apologized many times for it.. Ever since I sent that text it kind of made me realize how much I do love my boyfriend now and how stupid it was or me to say something like that..

 

My boyfriend made a comment that maybe I feel like things would've been more exciting if I ended up with the other guy as far as going out and all, and sometimes he feels like he's not being a good boyfriend.. He tells me he loves me so much and is just afraid of losing me..

 

As far as my current BF, we have known each other since middle schools but never really were close friends.. we've got back in touch earlier this year in January.. We talking for a couple months and started hanging out in March.. We have been together/dating ever since then..

 

 

This is why it's not good (and NEVER a good idea) to keep in contact (texts/e-mails/phone conversations/social media) with an ex while in a NEW relationship; no matter what type of 'relationship' it was with the ex.

 

You're a human being. You've made a mistake. It happens. But now, you'll have to earn your BF's trust back if you care about him and can empathize with how he must be feeling about what he saw. You should want to be transparent with your cell phone from now on - and, you should NOT text anything to ANYONE that would hurt your BF's feelings if he were to see it. When you're texting someone - anyone - pretend that you're BF is sitting right next to you and is reading what you're texting; this method should aid you in being transparent with him and, therefore, having NOTHING to hide in any of your texts that you send to other people.

 

And, if you have something that's bothering you about your BF or is troubling you about your relationship with him, TALK to your BF about it! Communication is KEY in maintaining a healthy, respectful and satisfying relationship. If you do these things, you'll NEVER have to worry about having ANYTHING to hide. Thing is though...now that your BF read that incriminating drunk text to your ex and about you wanting to 'go out more', he's going to be curious about reading your texts in the future.

 

So, the way to reassure him that you're being 100% faithful to him and that you'll discuss private relationship issues with HIM first, is to only send texts to other people that are completely unrelated to him or to your relationship with him, as if he was sitting right next to you while you're texting them. Always leave your phone out where he can have access to it, facing UP. If he ever becomes curious again and looks through your phone to read your texts, in time he'll begin to trust you again and he'll believe that you're being 100% faithful to him and that you do NOT have feelings for your ex and that you're NOT discussing private relationship issues with others when you should be discussing it with HIM.

 

 

 

.

[Redemption04]

I had an ex boyfriend who would go through my phone WHILE I SLEPT. I woke up to him doing it, several times.

For the love of god, put a passcode on your phone. Whether you have something to hide or not--your phone is yours, and unless you give him the passcode, that is your privacy.

 

The biggest problem I have with this is not that he got in your phone, and read your texts, but that he LIED to you about it when asked.

 

I agree, the old text you sent to the ex would hurt any guy or girl VERY deeply. Frankly, if I read/heard/somehow came in the knowledge that you said that to an ex, I'd dump you on site . Life is too short to be in a relationship with someone who WANTS to be with someone else! Do you realize how much you hurt him?

 

I understand why his trust is broken, but him snooping will not fix it. Actually, how did he find out in the first place about the first text? Was he in your phone then, too?

 

Just as a side note: Have you been in his texts? Generally, when people accuse others of cheating, it's often because they themselves are the ones cheating. That was my ex--he was always SO SURE I was cheating on him--coworkers, male friends I'd known my whole life, customers at work, etc. To the point of I was even banned from hanging out with a male friend. In the end..Turns out my ex had been cheating the entire relationship. I was the trusting dumbass who had never been in his emails!

[joseb]

I agree I would have dumped op if I had read that text. However I never would have cause I don't snoop.

 

And yes, often if people accuse their partner of cheating a lot it's cause their doing it. In this case though the guy has a reason to suspect so not sure it applies

 

Regarding him lying, well I don't like lying but he probably didn't want to make the situation worse. So I can see why he would

[vc87]

 

I understand why his trust is broken, but him snooping will not fix it. Actually, how did he find out in the first place about the first text? Was he in your phone then, too?

 

after I sent that original drunken text to my friend, he had texted me something else (completely unrelated and about something else we previously talked about).. I was at my boyfriends house when he sent it, and when I went to text him back, my boyfriend happened to see the drunken one I had written a couple days prior from it being on the screen.. guessing from looking over my shoulder when I was replying..

 

When that originally all happened, he was a acting weird again, and he wouldn't tell me why.. Had no idea at the time how he even saw what I had typed, but he came clean and admitted he saw what I had typed.. After that, we had a tell about this past guy and I was honest with him about previously dating him but still remaining friends..

 

Just as a side note: Have you been in his texts? Generally, when people accuse others of cheating, it's often because they themselves are the ones cheating.

 

I never have read any of his.. He deletes all of the messages he gets off of his phone so there are none to be read anyway.. I honestly would feel wrong about going thru his phone in the first place, even if there were texts to be read.. I don't think he's cheating on me by any means, so I have no reason or doubts why I would want to check up on him..

 

I think the part that bothers me more than him reading them is he lied about checking them in the first place.. Would have rather have had him just admit he did.. He told me he wasn't the type to check up on a girlfriend but he did read thru an ex girlfriends texts the past on a suspicion.. Random guys would text her and she basically acted single and made no mention of him even though they are were dating for years.. I'm sure that stung a bit.. Not a good feeling..

 

I could see why he might have doubts based on past troubles.. He says he trusts me and my word.. But reading my messages kinda just gives the opposite vibe..

[writergal]

I understand why his trust is broken, but him snooping will not fix it. Actually, how did he find out in the first place about the first text? Was he in your phone then, too?

 

after I sent that original drunken text to my friend, he had texted me something else (completely unrelated and about something else we previously talked about).. I was at my boyfriends house when he sent it, and when I went to text him back, my boyfriend happened to see the drunken one I had written a couple days prior from it being on the screen.. guessing from looking over my shoulder when I was replying..

 

When that originally all happened, he was a acting weird again, and he wouldn't tell me why.. Had no idea at the time how he even saw what I had typed, but he came clean and admitted he saw what I had typed.. After that, we had a tell about this past guy and I was honest with him about previously dating him but still remaining friends..

 

Just as a side note: Have you been in his texts? Generally, when people accuse others of cheating, it's often because they themselves are the ones cheating.

 

I never have read any of his.. He deletes all of the messages he gets off of his phone so there are none to be read anyway.. I honestly would feel wrong about going thru his phone in the first place, even if there were texts to be read.. I don't think he's cheating on me by any means, so I have no reason or doubts why I would want to check up on him..

 

I think the part that bothers me more than him reading them is he lied about checking them in the first place.. Would have rather have had him just admit he did.. He told me he wasn't the type to check up on a girlfriend but he did read thru an ex girlfriends texts the past on a suspicion.. Random guys would text her and she basically acted single and made no mention of him even though they are were dating for years.. I'm sure that stung a bit.. Not a good feeling..

 

I could see why he might have doubts based on past troubles.. He says he trusts me and my word.. But reading my messages kinda just gives the opposite vibe..

 

To the OP: can you really see why you caused your current to have doubts? It was *your* actions that cause this whole mess in the first place, dear. You shouldn't have texted your ex-bf at all; especially that you still want to kiss him. Had you not done that, I'm quite sure that your boyfriend wouldn't have snooped.

 

So, your current boyfriend is justified in snooping on your phone if he thinks you still have unresolved feelings for your ex-bf. It's common sense.

[LoveRefreshed]

tl;dr the responses.

 

 

It seems he snooped.

For me, that is grounds for breaking up. No trust = no relationship.

 

 

You have a guy friend whom you said something inappropriate to, while you were with your current boyfriend?

The fact that he is with you still should blow your mind, maybe it causes you to disrespect him now since he is a push over, I don't know.

I would have left you in seconds.

 

 

I guess it is a mystery of what was said, however, Drunken comments.. are well true. In vino veritas, baby. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_vino_veritas

 

Anyway, you've provoked his lack of trust. It seems you don't trust him if you think he is lying about snooping them.

 

Just let it go.

Or if you don't want too, you might have to let your old boyfriend go.

 

EDIT: Jesus, a comment like that and he's still with you? GOOD EFFING GOD. I'd have told you to go be with the one that got away. He doesn't owe you anything, and if you want this to get better, you need to be transparent and haul it all out on the table now.

Edited June 13, 2015 by LoveRefreshed

[nadine5]

If you have nothing to hide what is the big deal if he did read your texts?

 

You're kidding, right?!!? I would dump someone immediately if they read my texts... I'm not a cheater but there are conversations that I have with my friends and sister that I would NEVER want ANYONE to see out of embarrassment or just personal information. That's ridiculous.

 

Also, in the past, I've given my number out to different guys and I occasionally get the "hey what's up" text that I usually do not reply to. This makes me look bad and I have no way to stop it.

[phineas]

tl;dr the responses.

 

 

It seems he snooped.

For me, that is grounds for breaking up. No trust = no relationship.

 

 

You have a guy friend whom you said something inappropriate to, while you were with your current boyfriend?

The fact that he is with you still should blow your mind, maybe it causes you to disrespect him now since he is a push over, I don't know.

I would have left you in seconds.

.

 

I agree with all this %100.

[Dybbuk]

Another tl;dr the comments.

 

Basically he did snoop. That means he does not trust you. However... he has good reason not to trust you given what you told your ex (wanted to kiss him/the one that got away) early in your relationship. To me that sounds like someone who has one foot out the door, and another waiting in case stuff doesn't pan out. It seems you have regretted that action and have tried to move forward, but you must understand trust is sacred. You do not toy with it, and once it's fractured it's very difficult to repair, this why your BF has resorted to snooping.

 

I'm not saying snooping is ok. It's never ok to invade someone else's privacy. There are things partners naturally want to keep to themselves and in a loving healthy relationship a partner can respect that and give them privacy in those situations.

 

HOWEVER...

 

Should you give your partner a legitimate reason to suspect any wrong doing, then you have to take part of blame for this fallout. Your BF should have been man enough to communicate his insecurities and confronted you face to face so you would have had the opportunity to be transparent. BUT your previous behavior demonstrated to him you cannot be trusted. If I were him I would have left you after finding the initial text because it was obvious at that time you are still hung up on your ex.

 

Basically you are both at fault here.

 

Him, for snooping and not just confronting this directly and clearing the air so you both could move forward from this.

 

You, for giving him a reason not to trust you and still dancing on that fine line by communicating with an ex that he knows you have communicated with in an inappropriate manner while dating.

 

Final thought, IF at this moment (without deleting anything) you gave your BF your phone to pick through and look at at his leisure... would he find anything that would reasonably upset him or make him feel uncomfortable? If the answer is yes, you are doing something wrong. If not, then you need to sit him down and talk to him and get this sorted out. Best of luck.