What does one do in a love triangle when both parties are friends?

[brianjeppesen]

I am so confused I don't know where to begin. I am hoping this forum can help lend me some peace of mind.

 

There is a girl who I have been interested in since the moment I met her. The problem is that she is spoken for. I have always felt that the caring I feel for her was returned and recently, this was confirmed. We both really care for each other and have a lot of chemistry.

 

Now, the guy she is with has always been a friend so I have made extra careful not to do anything with her. Last night, she told him her feelings. To make it sweet and simple, he is mentally abusive to her and not a good father to her child. She still likes him as a person though. She's wanted to leave him longer than she's known me.

 

Now, I know I am not completely at fault because he has treated her bad. Plus, I haven't done anything. Unfortunately, he was not the only one upset. I have a friend who had been cheated on in the past and he attributes that to me. He absolutely will not speak to me. Being his room mate, this makes things complicated.

 

Now, I can see the possibility that she may cave in and stay with him. I know it would be bad for her though. When the child cries, he resents having to pick her up. She keeps crying. When I pick her up though, she immediately stops and lays her head on my shoulder.

 

I love her very much. The chemistry between us and the fate that brought us to this point is enough to confirm that much. She is the greatest things ever. I remember walking through Wal-Mart with her and realizing just how much she liked me. I asked her what was wrong and turned to look at her. Through the corner of my eyes, I could tell she was turning her head as well. It was at that moment that our eyes locked into each other. We sat there for several long seconds before she turned her head and laughed a nervous laugh. I did the same and I could see the tears building in the corners of her eyes. I really had to fight the urge to cry in the middle of Wal-Mart. That incident became known to us both as "The Eyes". It was what confirmed what she felt. I am a grown man and like many men, I have always felt that real men should not cry. Since I've known her, I've found myself weeping quite often. I know this is mutual with her.

 

The primary advice I seek is how to ensure that she makes the right decision without being a complete jerk. Receiving the full attention of her heart is my primary concern. Second, is there generally a way to keep either of these friends? Her boyfriend is probably not going to be able to see me again without violent tendencies. About my room mate who has abandoned me, is there any way that might repair this? I have not cheated physically.

 

Also, any consulation that can be given to help me keep faith that she will choose me over this boyfriend would be greatly desired. Thank you to everyone in advance for any suggestions given.

 

Brian

[SweetSerenity]

I can't give you the reassurance you need or desire to say that she will pick you. She is a grown woman and has a lot of tough decisions to make. The only thing you can really do is be there for her. Do not try to crowd her cause you'll push her away. What you can do is talk to her. Don't make demands, don't try to move in too soon. Being there is a large part of the statement that you care.

 

As for the boyfriend, well, you can safely bet he'll have nothing more to do with you without probably physical abuse. I would not try to salvage that to be honest. Be patient. Patience is a virtue.

[brianjeppesen]

Thank you SweetSerenity,

 

That does help some. I hate being on my side looking in, because I want to help so bad but there is nothing I can do besides being an ear for her. I've given her hugs and I could tell that it will definitely go intimate some time. Probably best to delay that some though, to give her time to get past him.

 

You know, it's like being in high school and you had to prepare a speech for the entire school. The intense feeling you get right as they call your name and the whole school and staff turn to look right at you. It is like that but bigger. I have been in relationships in my past, some of them for several years. I can't remember a single hug as comforting as hers. I so hope it works. Wish me luck in this. Thanks again!

 

Brian

[brianjeppesen]

I guess one other question would be:

 

The guy she is breaking up with has started to guilt trip her and do romantic things. He is hoping to keep her but he really isn't good for her. She realizes this but it is tough to officially call it off when he does this to her. Is there any way I can help her; anything I can say? Is it appropriate to do any sort of romantic or affectionate gesture or plan something special for her to show her how much I care? Would that be too pushy? My worry is that she will see what he is doing and cave in and stay with him. She may think that since I haven't made any romantic gestures. What would be best? I don't intend to push her into intimacy, but I do want her to know that I care more than this other guy. What is the acceptable approach to this?

 

Brian

[SweetSerenity]

Brian,

 

If she doesn't know really that you are really into her then you can just about bet that she'll stay with this guy. Women are just like men in that we don't really like change. I guess thats really the human mistake because change can be good. I would suggest you sit her down and have a real good heart to heart with her. Explain to her how you feel and why you feel it and explain to her what your thoughts are. She doesn't know, so you're going to have to make it known.

 

As for the other guy, don't interfere. Don't say anything bad about him because that could come back on you. Chances are that she sees it and if you interfere and something ends up happening and they get back together all of that will come back on you. You don't want to lose this woman. Just hang in there, but definitely have a heart to heart.