dub4502 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I posted a few days back about breaking up with my girlfriend. I'd say it was somewhat mutual but I initiated the break up, even though it's the last thing I wanted to do. I truly want to be with her and care for her but there were several reason I called it off, alot to do with her not knowing how shes feeling...single mom of 2, separated from her husband a year ago. So as most suggest go no contact and I did...it's hard. Two days after the break up I get a text from her...Hi, I kind of don't like this,and by kind of I mean hate it. But I know I need some space, but want you to know it's not easy for me. I responded even though I probably shouldn't have, telling her it's tough for me to and I wanted to text her something funny today. She claimed she wanted to text me as well, we chatted for a few. Then I let her know, i'm glad you texted me, this is rough, but we'll talk again. Her response, Ok sounds good, talk to you soon, gnite.... I guess my question is how should I be taking this, her just needing me as comfort or could she be second guessing our decision? Like I said I truly want to be with her, and she says she cares about me alot. The breakup wasn't over anything major, just confusion or maybe moving to fast. I just don't want to get my hopes up. Thanks all.
Chi townD Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Look dude, she's a mother of two. She's not single yet. Separated? Sure. But, still married. Therefore, she has a lot going on. She's got to deal with an impending divorce (or even if she gets divorced). She's going to mourn the loss of a failed marriage. The fallout of the divorce and the impact that it's going to have on the kids. Figuring out a routine that is agreeable to her and her Ex and getting the kids adjusted to those changes and have them settle into them. Too much baggage to deal with. So, you're best bet is to leave her alone and let her deal with her own sh*t. And when the dust settles, who knows! You might be able to spark something up again. 2
ZiggyZoo Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 It sounds to me like typical "I miss you, it's hard being single, so I'm texting to feel better" BS. True NC, which you did not do, means blocking the other person, so you don't get confusing nothing messages like this one. You're going to miss her, and she you, but there were good reasons why you broke up. That's why NC is so important, the early few weeks are hard, and it let's you stick with that decision without the wishy-washyness you're doing now. Bottom line, it doesn't really mean anything, and you shouldn't have responded. You really shouldn't have said you'd be in touch in a few days either. As the dumper, your job now is to leave her alone to grieve the loss of the relationship in peace.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 NC is a healing tool. Some people heal better with a gradual departure; I know I do. If talking to her doesn't make you feel worse, it's not a terrible thing to do. Although NC can be very helpful in many situations it's not a one size fits all solution. All of my break ups after serious LTRs were more gradual because I never mastered the ability to go from daily communication to nothing. Don't beat yourself up but if you broke up with her for valid reasons -- & it sounds like you did because she was rebounding into you during the collapse & aftermath of her marriage -- stick by the logical decision but do what's best for you to ease your pain. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I agree somewhere in-between Ziggy and Donnivan. I agree that you need to stop all contact w/her as it's only going to drag out the healing and moving on process. I would say since you're both being civil to each other that you not contact her again. If she reaches out to you again, kindly tell her you're wanting to heal from the break up. As such, you will not being engaging w/her any longer for both of your sakes. As the others have stated, maybe a year down the road when she's thru her separation/divorce drama, you two may try again.
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