aviva_dawn Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 My current BF and I met in August 2003 via a mutual friend. He and this mutual friend came to visit a friend of the mutual friend and me. ( I am close to the friend of the mutual friend....)My BF and I hit it off immediately and began a LDR. I went to where he was for a weekend in October 2003 and he came to where I was for a weekend in January 2004. We talked constantly and he dated no one else ( just as I dated no one else.) from the time that we met until I moved back to my hometown ( which is 15 minutes away from where my BF has grown up and still lives.)at the end of December 2004. When I moved near him, we began to go out on dates weekly, went on a trip to Mexico together and go on day trips to various places. This is how things are now. I live with my family and he just bought a house. I'm still in College and will be done next June. He's a High School teacher who will be tenured after the end of the next school year. He's 29 and I'm 21. We talk on the phone almost daily. He's very into his career saying "I'd rather work and save a lot while I'm young so I'll have time to sit back and enjoy my later years." His other goals include getting a Real Estate License for him to do part time. He calls me sometimes, I call him other times. When my father died last month, he was the first person to our family home to sit with me and let me cry on his shoulder. I've never met his parents. (I've asked him why, he says "I don't tell my parents everything about my personal life".He does say "You and my Mom would get along very well." )He has met my Mom and brother. When we were making plans to travel this summer and see my Dad (who is remarried and lives in another state, he went into a coma and then died a few days later). My BF and I do not fight and argue. We disagree occasionally and compromise on everything that we don't agree on. (Example: I want to see an art film. he wants to go to a rap concert. We decide to go to the art film this afternoon and the rap concert that night.) That explains our relationship up until now. This is the one question that I have: My BF sees one flaw in me: he says that I'm "too nice". I try to not lie, fib, gossip, cause grief in anyone's life intentionally and I'm kind to everyone, even if they hate me and I don't care too much for them. I always say "please", "Thank you", "You're welcome", "pardon me", "yes ma'am", "my pleasure" ( used after someone thanks me for doing something for them that's above and beyond the norm.) I volunteer at the art museum, give blood regularly, and visit patients in the hospital on Friday mornings because it makes me happy to do so. ( I don't work or go to school or volunteer then, and my BF is teaching school at that time of day.) When we go out on dates and otherwise spend time together, I automatically pay half and never complain about it. I've been nice for as long as I can remember and I don't wish to change. We've talked about this and I asked what exactly bothered him about my behavior. He said "I just wonder why you're not a b***h like my exes." He says that it's something about me that takes him by surprise, but is something that he can learn to love and cherish. Other than this, our relationship is something awesome. I just need an objective eye on our relationship. I think that it's a great relationship, he thinks that it's a great relationship. From what I describe, what do you think?
Marshbear Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 You should bottle yourself and sell it. I would be first in line to buy.
ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear You should bottle yourself and sell it. I would be first in line to buy. Definitely.
Nicholas Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I think he's complimenting you. (?) It sounds like he tried to compliment you, isn't really good at it, and was sort of too shy to straighten you out and tell you that he wasn't actually complaining. Unless I'm wrong.
lost_in_chgo Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 Dump him. He's obviously perfect for you so you're trying to find a way to second guess yourself. That's called insecurity. What you need to do is find yourself a nasty white trash loser that will give you a couple kids, ignore you, and the kids, cheat on you until you finally divorce him and spend the rest of your life trying to get child support out of him, while you bounce from white trash loser to white trash loser.. Sorry, that's what happened to me. Stop being insecure and accept that maybe you found a good one. Talk to him about this, not us.
Pendawn Posted April 28, 2005 Posted April 28, 2005 I kind of know where you're coming from, I'm not as nice as you but i am often accussed of being too nice, in that i never argue with people, never let anything bother me, I'm a giver by nature and find it very hard to say no when people ask things of me. I think when people say "you're too nice" they are generally saying it out of concern for you, that you will be used and taken for a ride by less honest people and that you don't make enough time to make yourself happy. As long as you don't let those tihngs happen being too nice shouldn't be a problem, i think some people just find it hard to believe you have no alterior motive. especially men who have been treated badly by women in the past, my current bf is a bit like that, he says all the time that I spoil him. But all i'm doing is the things I thing anyone would do for someone they liked (not even a bf/gf), yet he finds it very considerate. Mind you he does say to me, there's no such thing as TOO nice.
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