Zzyxx Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 So I've been "dating" this girl who is in an open relationship with her long term partner for about three months. She's really physically attractive (people come up to her in bars and hit on her in group situations all the time) has a cool job, was an athlete ect so obviously she has no problems filling her romantic life, and I always knew that. It's become obvious lately that she's losing interest, but instead of having a nice open adult conversation about it and saying, "Yeah, this isn't going anywhere, so long!" she's made it clear she's going to do it in the "backhanded" break up way, by generally just acting disinterested until I'm the one that has to stop seeing her or whatever. We're supposed to hang out today and talk, so my question is, how do I handle this while hanging onto my dignity? Do I just start mirroring her actions and acting equally disinterested and ignoring her to the same level she's ignoring me? I don't want to pull the trigger just yet but also don't want to feel like an idiot.
Emilia Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 So you are expecting an adult conversation from someone who is screwing more than one person simultaneously? I wouldn't. Lesson learnt I hope. Why you would give someone like that a time of the day especially for 3 months is beyond me. You are a toy, basically. 2
PegNosePete Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 She has a long term partner. You are her bit on the side, her FWB. You already knew it wasn't going anywhere right from the get-go. It's not a break up because you never had a relationship. What were you expecting to happen here? 3
Author Zzyxx Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 She has a long term partner. You are her bit on the side, her FWB. You already knew it wasn't going anywhere right from the get-go. It's not a break up because you never had a relationship. What were you expecting to happen here? This is what I was expecting, and ok word choice aside, I'm not lamenting the fact it's happening, just trying to prepare the classiest reaction to have.
Author Zzyxx Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 So you are expecting an adult conversation from someone who is screwing more than one person simultaneously? I wouldn't. Lesson learnt I hope. Why you would give someone like that a time of the day especially for 3 months is beyond me. You are a toy, basically. She's not cheating on her partner, they are both in an open relationship, and it was a new experience and I was attracted to her, so I decided to try it and see where it went. Would I do it again? Hello no, but hey, it was fun while it lasted. The post is more just trying to gain insight on how to react with the most dignity now that things have come full circle. 1
Toodaloo Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 The best thing you can do is to phone her up and just say that something has come up and sorry you can't make it tonight. Then do not contact her again and leave her alone. If she asks what has come up tell her your dignity and hang up. 5
carhill Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 How to handle her losing interest like a champ? Don't expect flowery speeches or long-winded explanations. In fact, don't expect anything. Simply date other women. You aren't married and she's involved in an open relationship with someone else. You and she happened to match up for awhile. Maybe it'll happen again sometime or maybe you'll each become one of the billions on the planet who never interact at all. 4
Satu Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 She found you entertaining for a while, but now she doesn't. Neither of you owe the other anything. Just walk away without looking back.
jen1447 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 So I've been "dating" this girl who is in an open relationship with her long term partner for about three months. She's really physically attractive (people come up to her in bars and hit on her in group situations all the time) has a cool job, was an athlete ect so obviously she has no problems filling her romantic life, and I always knew that. It's become obvious lately that she's losing interest, but instead of having a nice open adult conversation about it and saying, "Yeah, this isn't going anywhere, so long!" she's made it clear she's going to do it in the "backhanded" break up way, by generally just acting disinterested until I'm the one that has to stop seeing her or whatever. We're supposed to hang out today and talk, so my question is, how do I handle this while hanging onto my dignity? Do I just start mirroring her actions and acting equally disinterested and ignoring her to the same level she's ignoring me? I don't want to pull the trigger just yet but also don't want to feel like an idiot. I the talking supposed to be about you (the item)? And if so, are you expecting her to do the talking or you? If it's you I'd tell her frankly that you feel her slipping away and don't want to prolong that sensation for either of you, so you're walking away. If it's her, hear her out and if she says she's not feeling it, acknowledge it graciously and say thanks for the time she gave you, all the best, etc., and walk away. If she just blows you off again, go back to the speech in the first example and walk away. Note the universal walking away part. 2
Emilia Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 She's not cheating on her partner, they are both in an open relationship, and it was a new experience and I was attracted to her, so I decided to try it and see where it went. Would I do it again? Hello no, but hey, it was fun while it lasted. The post is more just trying to gain insight on how to react with the most dignity now that things have come full circle. I didn't say she cheated, only that she viewed men as sex objects without feelings. You can't expect to be treated well by someone like that so if you care about this sort of thing, look after your dignity by not getting involved in the first place. Pull the plug now.
deadelvis Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Become more distant. Let her be the one to reach out. Being clingy, needy or smothering is the last thing you should do. Wait for hours to respond to her texts. Never text her first. Only reply to about half of her texts. Give the impression of being uninterested. Don't talk about "feelings". If she calls, don't answer.
Gary S Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) You walked right into rejection, and you are still letting it happen. For one thing, open relationships are bad news.... she can't truly love more than one person, so you will never own her heart. If she's not fully invested in you, your chance of rejection at some point in the future is high. The second thing.... now she says she "wants to talk"... that's code for, "I'm gonna drop you, sucker!" Instead of meeting her, if you were smart, you'd disappear and stand her up. Instead, you are going to go there and let her slaughter you, reject you face-to-face. Part of smart dating and handling relationships well is reducing rejection. he who gets out first gets to exercise their own free will and feels better about the whole thing. When the love plain is going down, there is only one parachute. Edited June 11, 2015 by Gary S
jen1447 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 For one thing, open relationships are bad news.... she can't truly love more than one person, so you will never own her heart. If she's not fully invested in you, your chance of rejection at some point in the future is high. LOL ....why do people keep saying that?
oberkeat Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 I'm in kind of a similar situation, except for the sex. Recently I met a married woman with similar qualities OP describes: physically attractive, cool job, highly intelligent, very positive. We struck up a friendship, and hung out a few times. Met for drinks, went to a movie, went to her place to watch a movie, and she came over to my place to cuddle and watch movie once. Again, no sex involved. For a while she was texting me all the time, but lately it's become less and less frequent, and she seems a lot less available. Maybe the friendship is fizzling out. Maybe she's lost interest. Maybe she's busy with work. Maybe she's spending more time with her husband. I'm real bothered by it because I love her a lot. But the fact is, no matter how much I want her around SHE'S MARRIED. She was only ever going to be so available to me anyway because she's someone else's wife. I need to focus on finding my own girlfriend to spend time with, not someone else's, and OP should too. 1
Gary S Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 But the fact is, no matter how much I want her around SHE'S MARRIED. She was only ever going to be so available to me anyway because she's someone else's wife. I need to focus on finding my own girlfriend to spend time with, not someone else's, and OP should too. - Exactly.
Author Zzyxx Posted June 12, 2015 Author Posted June 12, 2015 Thanks for all the advice everyone! Yeah, I knew it was never going to last, I guess I just thought it might last for longer than it did, but it's probably better that it's gonna end sooner rather than later. I'm just going to focus on doing my own thing and backing way off on her. If she comes around again then great, if not, such is life. Really cool to hear everyone's take on it though
Recommended Posts