sandymcdc Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 yesterday we argued and He said I mean nothing to him... I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me I mean nothing to him but he didnt do it. So we had a fight and left I felt so heartbroken but since yesterday he hasn't stop texting me or calling me but I didnt answer him yet. if i dont mean anything to him why is calling me and texting me things like why u left why ur not answering and sad smileys!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO ??
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 yesterday we argued and He said I mean nothing to him... I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me I mean nothing to him but he didnt do it. So we had a fight and left I felt so heartbroken but since yesterday he hasn't stop texting me or calling me but I didnt answer him yet. if i dont mean anything to him why is calling me and texting me things like why u left why ur not answering and sad smileys!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO ?? Sandy, this guy is emotionally abusive. Being emotionally abusive is when someone says hurtful things on purpose because they know it will hurt you ei: You mean nothing to me. He knew it would crush you inside so he said it even if he didn't think it. It's the same thing as saying you're fat, you're dumb, stupid, etc. What you should do? You dump someone like that. You block them out of your life and surround yourself with good people that deserve your time and attention. There are many fun, sweet, considerate guys out there, pick one of those. 8
Redhead14 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 yesterday we argued and He said I mean nothing to him... I asked him to look me in the eyes and tell me I mean nothing to him but he didnt do it. So we had a fight and left I felt so heartbroken but since yesterday he hasn't stop texting me or calling me but I didnt answer him yet. if i dont mean anything to him why is calling me and texting me things like why u left why ur not answering and sad smileys!!! WHAT SHOULD I DO ?? How long have you been together? I'm not saying it's ok to talk to you like that, but people do say stupid things in the heat of anger that they deeply regret later. And, what was the argument about?
Author sandymcdc Posted June 11, 2015 Author Posted June 11, 2015 How long have you been together? I'm not saying it's ok to talk to you like that, but people do say stupid things in the heat of anger that they deeply regret later. And, what was the argument about? We have been 6 months together. The argument was about his jealousy but he never admit he's jealous... since he was hurted from his ex girlfriend he's trying to show less emotions and he always try to hide his feelings from me. Like he acts so jealous and its obvious but he later says I learned not to be jealous anymore... I guess he's so confused with his deep down feelings like when someone truly hurt you and you say I don't want to be in love anymore but then comes another person and show you how different it can be. And your feelings gets confused and uncertain... I understand him but still he must admit and be honest about how he actually truly feels so he can have a better decisions for the future. Do you agree? 1
Gaeta Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 We have been 6 months together. The argument was about his jealousy but he never admit he's jealous... since he was hurted from his ex girlfriend he's trying to show less emotions and he always try to hide his feelings from me. Like he acts so jealous and its obvious but he later says I learned not to be jealous anymore... I guess he's so confused with his deep down feelings like when someone truly hurt you and you say I don't want to be in love anymore but then comes another person and show you how different it can be. And your feelings gets confused and uncertain... I understand him but still he must admit and be honest about how he actually truly feels so he can have a better decisions for the future. Do you agree? And he is not doing a great job at not being jealous is he? Last time he blew up at you for looking in a direction of a man. His problems are his, not yours to fix. He is not fit to be in a relationship. It doesn't matter how he truly feels. He can love you THIS BIG it still does not make his behavior acceptable. You don't judge a boyfriend on how much he loves you, you judge him on how he respects you. This one here doesn't respect you much. 2
katiegrl Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 We have been 6 months together. The argument was about his jealousy but he never admit he's jealous... since he was hurted from his ex girlfriend he's trying to show less emotions and he always try to hide his feelings from me. Like he acts so jealous and its obvious but he later says I learned not to be jealous anymore... I guess he's so confused with his deep down feelings like when someone truly hurt you and you say I don't want to be in love anymore but then comes another person and show you how different it can be. And your feelings gets confused and uncertain... I understand him but still he must admit and be honest about how he actually truly feels so he can have a better decisions for the future. Do you agree? Yes I agree! So in response to his question why you left..YOU be honest with him...and tell him you left because HE really hurt you when he said you mean nothing to him... Explain to him just how HURTFUL that comment was, and if that is how he feels, then you need to break up. However, I suspect he really did not mean it, he said it out of anger...but you still need to tell him it was hurtful and unacceptable for him to have said it. And if he continues to say these types of things to you, even out of anger, you will break up with him because comments like that are just hurtful and WILL damage your self esteem and the relationship. You have to teach people how to treat you...(boyfriends)... otherwise they will never learn what is acceptable, not acceptable...or how to treat you with respect. Good luck!! 1
Satu Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 He cut you deeply with his verbal sword. Violence done by speech. He sounds really really messed up. 5
kendahke Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 How much time passed between his break up with this ex and him entering into a relationship with you?
goldway90 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) This guy is an abuser and you need to stop talking to him, go full NC and block him from everywhere. Type of abusers : -The Demand Man - feels highly entitled- Mr. Right - the ultimate authority - The Water Torturer - subtle and calm, possibly passive-aggressive - The Drill Sergeant - extremely controlling - Mr. Sensitive - soft spoken, gentle, supportive - when not abusing. Uses psychological jargon a lot. - The Player - good looking and sexy, roving eye, infidelity - Rambo - aggressive with everyone - The Victim - she abused me, feel sorry for me - The Terrorist - highly controlling and demanding, frequently threatens death without actions - The Mentally ill or Addicted Abuser - combined with any of the above can increase the severity of the abuse and increase his resistance to change. Edited June 11, 2015 by goldway90 typo 2
kendahke Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 It sounds to me as if he has never resolved his hurt feelings from his ex and is dragging that baggage to his new relationship--and you are taxed with unpacking his baggage and sorting it. Like Gaeta said, that's not your job to do that. He was supposed to be whole and resolved when he came to you. Those kinds of words are the things you say to someone when you never want to see them or deal with them ever again in life. He's a bit old to be acting that immaturely or to not even know the difference in when to say those words. People may say those kinds of words in anger, but that doesn't mean they should not face the consequences for doing so or that you are obligated to stick around and give him the "there, there". The next time, that "verbal sword" may cut deeper until your spirit is hacked to pieces. I guess what you should do depends upon whether or not you are up to having those kinds of words flung in your teeth the next time he gets mad.
Wiff180 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 What a dick. I wouldn't even waste your time with him. 3
smackie9 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 He purposely wanted to hurt you, and that is abuse. It's bull s hit and you can't fix it. He'll say he didn't mean it and won't do it again.....but he will. And I don't care if his ex "hurt him" if that is true. It may not be... this something he told you, but it could very well be the other way around. I don't buy the excuse, stop trying to justify his poor behavior towards you. This is the way he is, and always has been. 2
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Oh for heaven's sake. Based on this one unfortunate comment said in anger you can't label the guy an abuser. He was upset. He said something nasty. It was a poor choice of words. It was not fighting fair. It was immature & mean but it doesn't rise to the level of abuse. To claim this isolated incident is abuse trivializes actual abuse. That said he needs to learn to communicate better. It was an awful thing to say & can't be swept under the rug. If you are done with the relationship tell him that. If you have hope that this is fixable & you two can get past it, tell him you need to talk in person about how hurtful his words were. Then sit down & have a heart to heart. Do not try to fix this via text. He needs to understand that it's wrong to punish you for his EX's sins.
Gary S Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 As Geata has suggested, I don't think this guy is the catch of the day. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 We have been 6 months together. The argument was about his jealousy but he never admit he's jealous... since he was hurted from his ex girlfriend he's trying to show less emotions and he always try to hide his feelings from me. Like he acts so jealous and its obvious but he later says I learned not to be jealous anymore... I guess he's so confused with his deep down feelings like when someone truly hurt you and you say I don't want to be in love anymore but then comes another person and show you how different it can be. And your feelings gets confused and uncertain... I understand him but still he must admit and be honest about how he actually truly feels so he can have a better decisions for the future. Do you agree? If he has been otherwise treating you with respect throughout the relationship, I wouldn't focus on these words alone. You need to look at the bigger picture. Not only that, do you know why he feels jealous? Has he at least been telling you what makes him feel that way? You need to look at your behavior as well. Are you doing or saying anything at all that resembles things he's experienced with the ex. It could be something so small, but still triggers the jealousy response in him. If everyone ends a relationship based on a few words said in anger during one argument, the divorce/break up statistics would be even higher than they are now. If he is not abusive in the relationship on a bigger scale, he's not an abuser, he just spoke in anger. He's not communicating effectively. You need to show him how to communicate with you. Open a casual, non-confrontational and supportive conversation with him. Tell him that you love him and enjoy being with him and highlight all the things you like about him and the relationship and that you trust him. Then say something like "we need to work together to resolve the feelings of jealousy you have and I'd like it if we could talk more about those feelings so that I can understand and make an effort to help you get past this. We cannot do this and leave it behind if you don't talk to me. Let's choose a time for us to sit down and talk calmly and be able to focus our attention on this for a little while."
Arieswoman Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Sandiemcdc, yesterday we argued and He said I mean nothing to him.. This guy is verbally abusive and has a lot of problems. I would suggest you move on. Please, grow a back bone and tell him you're done. This is just plain nasty. Please, please get out now before he screws with your head any more.
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 After re-reading your other thread, I amend my answer here. He's a boy. They aren't the most mature people in the world but they do grow up. Don't waste a graduation ticket on him but do speak to him about why he owes you an apology and can't continue to speak to like this if you two are to have a future
Redhead14 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 After re-reading your other thread, I amend my answer here. He's a boy. They aren't the most mature people in the world but they do grow up. Don't waste a graduation ticket on him but do speak to him about why he owes you an apology and can't continue to speak to like this if you two are to have a future Oh geez, I didn't realize this was a spin off from that thread. I'll say it again, OP you are too young to be wasting time and energy fretting over a guy who even makes one mistake. Girls are generally more mature than boys at your age by about 3 years emotionally/intellectually. He just doesn't get it yet in terms of how to treat a girl/woman. There isn't enough here to make this a relationship to try to keep. Send him on his way and wait for the guy who treats you like a princess 1
Recommended Posts