Simmy27 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Hi there I am new to this forum and some of the posts i have been reading have really been helping but i think my problem is so specific i really dont know what to do anymore and was hoping someone could give me some advice. My boyfriend and i have been together for about a year and a half and we're both 20 this year. Recently his brother and his brothers fiance bought a new house to themselves. Altho his brother is two years older than us his fiance is my age. Everytime that i am with his family, they always manage to bring up my boyfriends past hook ups and relationships. It gets so bad because they are an extremely open family that they know everything and so are always talking about specific details. Its become a nightmare for me to be around his family because i always end up in tears and really hurt that his family can't just let it go and respect my boyfriends new relationship. not even new since its been over a year. I respect my boyfriends past and i know as much as I want to know, and i wouldnt change it because its made him the amazing man he is today, but that doesnt mean i want to be constantly reminded of it every odd week that we go and see his brother. We have approached his brother about it but it always ends in a fight becuase they dont want to have to watch what they say around me and they think i should just get over it and learn to deal with them talking about it. Also since his brother and his fiance have been dating for like 6 years they dont really know what its like to be in our situation because they were each others first everything. His fiance is extremely selfish and does not care what anyone else thinks altho i have explained to her that it hurts me to have to hear about it constantly. I dont know what to do anymore because i dont want to spend the rest of my relationship dreading to be around his family. I love him so much and i really dont want to lose him. And i know that his brothers fiance is so controlling, if her and i do not get along then the boys wont get to see each other. Someone help me :(
DexterLS Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 What did your boyfriend have to say in all of this? HE has to tell his family to stop, not you. Talk to him if it's bothering you this much. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 When they start, stick your fingers in your ears and say in a loud voice: "Oh here we go again, Blah blah, blah, la la la la, Can't hear you!" When they stop speaking, take your fingers out of your ears, and ask, "Finished? Good, can we talk about something else now? So *brother's fiancée*, why are you so controlling, exactly?"
Arieswoman Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 Simmy27, It gets so bad because they are an extremely open family that they know everything and so are always talking about specific details. Its become a nightmare for me to be around his family because i always end up in tears and really hurt that his family can't just let it go and respect my boyfriends new relationship. not even new since its been over a year. I'm afraid your b/f's family don't seem to have any boundaries and they're not likely to change. It should really be your b/f who should be telling them to give it a rest. It's unfair to ask him the choose between you and your family, so I would tell him how you feel and ask him to do something about this. If he can't/won't then you may need to evaluate your relationship. Good luck x
d0nnivain Posted June 11, 2015 Posted June 11, 2015 If you haven't told your BF how upset this makes you, then it's time to have that conversation. He then needs to tell his family to change the subject when it comes up. If he won't intervene with his family for you, then you will need to re-evaluate your decision to continue dating him or find a way to be OK with their behavior.
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